


While We Got the Chance to Say

by elexusniall, nubianamy, supergreak



Series: The Donutverse [15]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Glee
Genre: Age Difference, Discipline, Dom/sub, Donutverse, Family Drama, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Multiple Partners, Musicians, Phone Sex, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Romance, Schmoop, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2017-12-10 18:26:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 27
Words: 119,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elexusniall/pseuds/elexusniall, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nubianamy/pseuds/nubianamy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/supergreak/pseuds/supergreak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt, Finn and Puck go to California to meet Lady Gaga, but that turns out not to be the most significant thing to happen to them while they're there.  Adam Lambert/Kurt/Puck, OMC/OMC.  Part of the Donutverse; concurrent with You Come Regular Like Seasons and How Much You Pierce My Spirit.  Polyamory, Dom/sub, discipline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sharpie

**Author's Note:**

> If this story looks familiar, it probably is: it used to be chapters 4-29 of Just Keep Coming Around. Because that was meant to be a compilation of oneshots, I've taken the Adam/Kurt story out to comprise its own standalone chapter of the Donutverse. It should be read along with [You Come Regular Like Seasons](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2827859/) and subsequent works, especially [There's an Awful Lot of Breathing Room](http://archiveofourown.org/works/524843/). 
> 
> This is the original Kadam, folks: shield your eyes from the glitter, and as always, enjoy.
> 
> -amy

It wasn't hard for Kurt to notice the ways in which Noah was different, had changed since his return. He was clearly more calm and confident, more secure in himself. He was more introspective, but not in a brooding way - just like he was being more thoughtful before making decisions. It was remarkable.

But Kurt wasn't quite sure what to do with Noah, the boy he loved, so  _obviously_  in love with someone else. Because it wasn't negatively impacting Kurt in any way - if anything, it had made things  _better_  between them, made their connection stronger and clearer and their sex even hotter, if that was possible - and yet Kurt was a little bemused by the whole thing, as he sat on the bed and watched the unbelievable emotions cross Noah's face as he spoke to Adam on the phone each night.

One time, that first week, he'd heard him laughing, and had come looking for him before he'd thought it through. But the sight of Noah stretched out on Kurt's bed, one well-muscled arm propped behind his head as a teasing smile crossed his lips, made Kurt feel breathless and disappointed that the laughter wasn't for  _him._

After that, if it happened that Noah was talking to Adam while he was at the Hummel house, Kurt had gone out of the room once he'd ascertained who was on the phone.

One night after his call was over, Noah had come out to find him, flushed and faintly smiling. Noah had put his arms around him and sat there next to him, just holding him. Kurt had felt vaguely disquieted by this kind of care, from Noah.

"You don't have to leave, when I talk to him," Noah had said, sounding almost amused.

"I don't think I want to hear it," Kurt had snapped, and Noah had pulled back to look at him, astonished.

"Baby, it's just  _me,"_  he'd said.

Kurt had scowled furiously at him. "That was definitely  _not just you_  talking on the phone."

Noah's eyebrows had gone all the way up his forehead, then dropped down over his eyes. Then he'd pulled out his phone and pressed redial.

"What are you doing?" Kurt had said, and he'd felt panic rise up inside him, but Noah had just put a hand on his chest and made little circles, reducing his panic to mere alarm.

"I can't fix this," he said, "but Adam can." Then, into the phone: "Hey... I've got a problem here, and I need your help."

"Noah..." Kurt had hissed, but Noah had just smiled blithely in response to something Adam said.

"It's Kurt," he'd said. "He's feeling a little... I don't know. Left out?" Noah had raised an eyebrow at Kurt, who'd frowned. "Yeah. Sure, just a second." He'd handed over the phone while Kurt sputtered and fumbled it, saying, "Here. Just  _talk_  to him."

Kurt, with twin uncomfortable awarenesses that, one,  _this was his lover's lover,_  and two,  _this was fucking Adam Lambert,_  had put the phone to his ear. With absolute and utter dread, he'd said, flatly, "Hello?"

The voice on the other end of the line had been light and full of humor. "Did you hear the American economy is so bad that Adam Lambert had to start using Sharpies for eyeliner?"

Kurt had blinked for a moment, entirely floored by this greeting, and then Noah had laughed, and  _Adam_ had laughed - no,  _giggled -_ and Kurt found the corners of his mouth quirking, and a rueful chuckle had escaped, and then it had been all over, until they'd all been left gasping with hilarity.

"Okay, okay," Kurt had said, after the laughter had subsided. He'd kissed Noah thoroughly, and swatted him on the thigh, to mild protestation, and then said into the phone, "Hi, Adam. I'm Kurt."

"Really glad to meet you, Kurt," Adam said, and he'd sounded completely sincere. "Every time you came up in conversation, Noah would comment about how much the two of us together were going to gay up the room. I think his exact words were, 'Way too much fucking glitter.'"

Kurt had choked on another laugh, making Noah grin curiously and say, "What?" but Kurt ignored him, curling around the phone. It had been forty-five minutes before he'd spoken another word to anyone except Adam, and when he'd said good-night, it had been with a smile on his face.

* * *

 <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbfeSImDntw>

_Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up_  
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough  
How come we don't say I love you enough?  
'Til it's to late, it's not too late

_Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come_  
And we could make a feast from these crumbs  
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun  
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done?

_Yeah, we gotta start lookin' at the hands of the time we've been given_  
 _If this is all we got, then we gotta start thinkin'_  
If every second counts on a clock that's tickin'  
Gotta live like we're dying

_We only got 86 400 seconds in a day to_  
Turn it all around or to throw it all away  
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say  
Gotta live like we're dying

_\- Kris Allen, “Live Like We’re Dying”_


	2. Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam points out that part of his Christmannukah present to Noah and Kurt was overlooked.

_Interviewer: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?_  
  
_Adam: Sometimes my lack of filter gets me into trouble. I have a big mouth._

_\- American Idol Q &A, 2009_

* * *

The next night, when Noah picked up the phone to call Adam, he gave Kurt a very pointed glance and said, "You want to say hi when I'm done?"

"Sure," said Kurt, not looking up from his English essay. "And then you're going to do your Spanish homework, right?"

"Uh," said Noah, and sighed. "Yeah."

"All right," he said placidly, but it was only a few minutes later before Noah tapped him on the shoulder and handed him his phone.

"That was quick," Kurt said, but Noah scowled.

"He told me I have to do my fucking homework first, before we talk. Here - I'm supposed to have you check it before he'll let me say anything else." His expression was indignant, and Kurt suppressed a smile, tucking the phone to his ear.

"You're a harsher taskmaster than I am, Adam," he said. "I was going to let him have his call first." He pressed a kiss to Noah's temple as he rose to go in the other room, carrying his water glass.

"Hey, I'm the grownup with 20/20 hindsight," Adam said, sounding amused. "Trust me. I know  _exactly_  how important homework is. I lasted five weeks in college before I gave up and went the starving artist route. I wouldn't recommend it."

"I'll keep that in mind." Kurt left the door open to the bedroom and positioned his desk chair so he could watch keep an eye on the green couch. "Didn't study much in high school, mmm?"

"Oh, I did all right. I definitely had my moments. I just knew I wanted to be a performer, and school wasn't going to help me with that. So - thanks for keeping him on task. I'm glad he's got you there."

Kurt smiled. "It's Spanish tonight, so I won't be much help. Do you speak Spanish?"

"Yo vivo en Los Angeles, cariño. Por supuesto hablo Español."

"Of course," Kurt agreed, puzzling it out. "I suppose you'd have to. Well, Noah could use all the help you're willing to offer him. I'm taking French next year. Spanish is so bourgeois."

Adam clucked his tongue. "Not very PC of you."

"What, you don't speak French too?" Kurt said.

"Nah, I just kiss French." Kurt choked on his water. "Oh, did I just say that?" added Adam blithely.

"That was a  _little_  more information than I needed," said Kurt.

"Really. I always figure more sharing is a good thing - I mean, aren't  _you_  the one in the three-way relationship?"

He set his glass down on the desk. From here he could barely see Noah's head peeking over the edge of the couch as he worked.

"Kurt?" he heard Adam say softly.

"Well." Kurt closed his eyes. "We're... we're working on that."

"I'm sorry." Adam sounded repentant. "I don't always think before I speak. I knew you were having trouble, but I thought... from the way Noah talks about him, there's nothing to keep them apart anymore. Haven't they been friends forever?"

Kurt barely knew him, but he could have sworn he heard a healthy quantity of envy in that comment. "You'd think they would have figured it out by now. But..." He shrugged, even though he knew Adam couldn't see it. "Things are different, now. They still love each other, but there was a huge breach of trust, on both sides. They're only just putting their friendship back together. It'll take time."

"I'm sorry," he said again. It made Kurt feel funny to hear Adam saying that to him. "You, and Finn... you're still together, though, right?"

"Yes..." Kurt tried not to feel the absence of Finn too keenly. "Though I don't see much of him right now. He's spending most of his time in the evening with... someone new, these days."

Adam sighed. "Kurt. I had no idea. Between the two of us, I imagine... well, I can see why you'd be feeling left out."

"I don't feel like that with you," Kurt protested. "You've been very kind."

There was a silence, during which Kurt listened to the agitated sound of his own breathing, and watched Noah working quietly in the family room.

"He loves you," Adam said at last. "That's very clear. But it's equally clear that he  _needs_  Finn." He didn't sound happy about this. "And I think Finn needs him. God help them both."

Kurt let out a bitter laugh. "I don't think God gets much to say about this."

"You'll have to allow me to differ with you on that. How do you put up with it?"

"What, precisely?" asked Kurt.

"Their dancing around each other. Waiting for it to get better. Is it better?"

Kurt thought about the way Finn and Noah avoided each other at school. Finn hung out with Rachel these days more than anyone else. Now that they were out at school, he spent most of his time with Noah, but though he was calm and reasonably focused, he couldn't exactly say Noah was ecstatically happy. "A little," he finally said.

"Well, I'm not much for sitting around waiting for shit like that, Kurt. I'll put some thought into this, but eventually I'm going to have you get in action on my behalf. You got the paddle, right?"

"The... the what?"

"The paddle," he repeated patiently. "The package I sent."

Kurt felt a shock as he realized what Adam was talking about. "That was  _you?"_  he squeaked.

"Oh my." Adam sounded really surprised now. "You had no idea? I wonder what happened to that card. Huh. Yes - Kurt, it's for Noah, from me. I want you to keep it for me, and when he needs it,  _use_  it."

He just sat there in stunned silence until Adam said, "Kurt."

"Um," he said. "I've never... used one before."

"Well, I can talk you through it, if you need it."

Somehow the idea of Adam instructing Kurt on how to paddle Noah's behind was...  _no. Not happening._  "You're saying he needs... that?"

"God, Kurt," Adam said, sounding astonished. "Can't you  _tell?_  He's begging for it. I'd say every day, at least. Morning and night, if you have time."

Kurt recalled, with aching clarity, the sensation of the suede flogger on his back. Had it been four days or five?  _Too long,_  he realized, suddenly able to identify the sensation of tightness and constriction in his own body for what it was.  _He needed it, too._

"I keep forgetting, somehow," he murmured. "It's still... surprising. I don't think about it."

"Mmmm. You're telling me he hasn't had  _any_  spankings since he got back?" Adam took a sip of something and swallowed. Kurt wondered what he liked to drink.  _Beer? Wine? Coffee? Maybe a cocktail?_ He thought, fleetingly, of Noah's cup of tea and had a sudden urge to make him a fresh pot. "Kurt... that's not good. No wonder he's not coping well. All right. That's the first thing. Next: you and Finn and Noah. You need more time together, the three of you."

"Yes," Kurt agreed, and there was a tangible relaxation of his neck muscles at that admission.  _Adam was taking care of it,_  he thought, almost in a daze.

"Why are you doing this?" Kurt demanded.

"Doing what?"

Kurt made a collective grouping gesture - as though Adam could see anything he was doing. He sighed in frustration. "This. Finn and me and Noah. It seems like you'd have a vested interest in keeping us  _apart,_  not in helping us stay  _together."_

Kurt heard another sip and swallow.  _Wine,_ he guessed.  _Not beer. Maybe a cosmopolitan._  "Kurt," he said, very gently. "I think you, of all people, might get... who Noah is to me. How he came into my life, suddenly, without warning, and  _changed me._  Without my permission, which is not something I'm accustomed to. If you know what I mean."

Kurt exhaled, and it came out as a shaky laugh. He looked again at Noah's form, stretched out before the couch, and felt his heart skip a beat. "I do," he said. "I do know."

"Yes. And perhaps you can also understand how he might have awakened certain... needs, certain desires for things I didn't even realize I wanted. Me, someone who was pretty comfortable in who I was: an ordinary - if flamboyantly gay - man. Do you, Kurt?"

"Yes," he whispered, mouth dry.

"Yes," Adam echoed, his voice low and smooth. "Then perhaps you will believe me when I tell you I have  _no desire_  to change Noah, in any way. That I want him - I need him - to be exactly who he is. And that includes you, and Finn. The three of you, together." He chuckled, still low, and Kurt shivered at the sound. "Someone told me recently about the experience of knowing someone - knowing them so well, so completely, it was almost as though you knew them better than they know themselves. I think... if that's available to a person, if that is possible... then not embracing it would be a sin of the greatest magnitude."

Adam had lost him, but he was too caught by the sound of his voice to do anything except say, "All right."

Then he laughed, and Kurt could breathe again. "Well. Now I have something to tell you to use the paddle  _for._  We're going to get to the bottom of this." He snickered, and Kurt put a hand to his mouth to muffle the hysterical laughter that bubbled up.

"You are completely awful," he accused, which just made Adam cackle louder.

"I would never deny it. Would you put Noah on the phone, please?"

He stood and peered through the door at Noah doubtfully. "Maybe I should go upstairs for this."

"Are you kidding? You're the muscle here. I'm just the Voice. And I have no idea if it's going to work over the phone, so let's consider this an experiment."

"I..." Kurt shook his head, and smiled. "I don't think you need to worry about that." He reached over the couch to touch Noah on the shoulder. Noah jumped, startled, and looked up to smile at Kurt.

"Maybe," said Adam. "We'll see, shall we?" His voice grew soft, even intimate, and Kurt felt warmed from within. "This was an important conversation, Kurt. Thank you."

"My pleasure," Kurt replied, and handed the phone to Noah. He gazed at him impassively. "You've got some questions to answer, sweetheart."

Noah went from confused to alarmed to guilty in the space of three seconds. "What did I do?"

"Talk to Adam," was all Kurt would say, crossing his arms.

It became clear, though, that Noah hadn't hidden anything on purpose, and that the mystery gift had truly been a mystery for all of them. "So was that for  _me,_  or for  _Kurt?"_  was Noah's perplexed question, and apparently Adam's answer didn't clear it up. He just shrugged. "I'll make sure he has it, then. … What other thing?" He glanced at Kurt. "Was there something else in that box?"

The Christmas tree was long gone, but all the cardboard boxes were still sitting in the garage, waiting to be broken down for recycling. Kurt watched as Noah snapped on the light and sorted through the stack, recovering the Priority Mail box that the paddle had come in. "I think once we found the paddle, we just put it aside in a hurry," Noah muttered. "So maybe...  _aha -_  found it."

From under the paper stuffing the box, he triumphantly recovered a cream-colored card, marked  _Kurt._  A little more digging revealed a rectangular package wrapped in tissue paper with the word  _Noah_  written in the corner.

"I totally would have thrown them away," Noah said into the phone, looking embarrassed. "Shit. I'm sorry, man."

They carried them back into the house and closed the door. Kurt ripped into the edge of the cream-colored paper with a careful thumb and slid the card out of the envelope - and burst into laughter.

"Yeah, he did," said Noah in bemusement. "Let me see, Kurt."

The card had a picture of Han Solo, holding a menorah, and the caption read:  _Keep the Han in Hanukkah._  Noah snorted, shaking his head.

"You guys are both totally warped," he said, but he was grinning. Kurt opened the card to see the following tidy inscription:

_Dear Kurt,_

_I hope Noah's return home finds you and your family healthy and happy. This present serves two purposes. One, a peace offering to you and Finn, for my unexpected intrusion into your established relationship. And two, a tool by which the two of you might assist in my management of Noah's moods. I hope together we can assure a blissful 2010 for all involved._

_Chag Chanuka Sameach,_

_Adam_

"Well, that makes a lot more sense now," Kurt mused. Noah looked both pleased and uneasy.

"You want  _Kurt_  to use that on me?" he said doubtfully into the phone, but the answer he received seemed to impress him, and he just said, "Okay. I mean - yes, Adam." He turned to the tissue-wrapped package. "This one next?"

He carefully tore away the tissue to reveal a carved wooden box. The bottom half of the box was plain, but the surface was satiny smooth to the touch. It was clear someone had taken pains to sand it until it shone. The top half was a darker wood, almost black, and lustrous in the light. It was ornately carved with a repeating pattern around the edge. At first it appeared to be a Celtic knot design, but upon closer inspection Kurt realized it was multiple figure-eights. In the center of the top of the box was carved an Egyptian eye design. Kurt had seen it before.

"The eye of Horus," Noah said, with a faint smile. He touched the repeating pattern of figure-eights. "And the symbol of infinity."

He carefully took the lid off the box and looked inside, but it seemed to be empty. Noah turned his eyes to Kurt's, and Kurt was startled to see tears hovering there.

"It's the box, Kurt," he said softly. "I'm the box. It's me. And... now it has a Top."

Kurt reached out a hand and placed it on top of Noah's, covering the box underneath. "May I speak to him again?" he asked, and Noah handed him the phone without a word.

"What's the eye of Horus?" he asked.

"It's a magical symbol of protection," came Adam's light voice. "I have it tattooed on my arm, along with the infinity symbol." He sounded pleased. "Does he like it?"

Kurt's lips twitched. "I think you know the answer to that. What's the box made of?"

"Bird's-eye maple. I'll find something to send him to put in the box, but for now, what it has inside is enough."

"It doesn't have anything inside, Adam," Kurt said.

He could hear the smile. "Look again."

Kurt worked the lid off again, putting an arm around Noah, and together they looked into the box. Carved on the bottom, right in the center of the silky smooth surface was one word:  _Mine._

Noah leaned his head on Kurt's and sighed. It wasn't an unhappy sigh, exactly, but Kurt could hear the tension inherent in the expression. He could understand it better, now. "It's beautiful," Kurt said into the phone.

"Yeah?" Kurt thought he sounded a little uncertain. "You don't mind?"

"No," Kurt said. "It's all right. I think... he needs you, too."

Together they closed the box and set it on the coffee table. "I'm going to look over Noah's homework," he said. "Do you want to talk to him now?"

"That'd be nice," Adam said softly. "Thanks."

Kurt passed him the phone and he took it, scooting down so his head was resting in Kurt's lap and his feet were propped up on the edge of the couch. "I'm freaking out that we could have thrown that away, man," he said, first thing.

Kurt knew if Noah could jump right to feelings, he must be doing all right, but even by the end, he suspected he knew what Adam was going to ask him to do. Noah's uncomfortable expression confirmed it, and after his final  _I love you,_  he passed the phone back to Kurt. "He said..." he began, but Kurt stopped him.

"We'll discuss it," he said. "Don't worry about it. You just relax here. You did fine."

Noah turned on one side and closed his eyes with a sigh of contentment, tucking one hand under Kurt's thigh. Kurt stroked his head absently as he put the phone back to his ear.

"Could you hear it?" Adam asked. "In his voice. You can hear what he needs, now?"

"Yes," Kurt agreed. "He's exhausted, though. He looks like he might fall asleep right here."

"Tomorrow, then," said Adam. "If you think he can wait for it."

Kurt looked at his peaceful face. Noah was happier than he'd seen him all week. "I think he can manage," he said. "That gift was enough, for now. He won't forget it any time soon."


	3. Romantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt gets a drunk-dial serenade, and a subsequent apology.

This was inspired by <http://justjared.buzznet.com/2011/11/15/adam-lambert-katy-perry-birthday-party/> (even though it was the wrong year)

* * *

_Sorry about that, we get a little carried away sometimes. I hope you like it. Freedom of expression, people, freedom of expression. (laughing) Speaking of that, do you guys know the words to this song? Yeah? Can you sing along with me? Let's... express ourselves... together. I think that would be fun. You guys better do it loud, or... or I don't know._

_\- Adam Lambert, commentary during "If I Had You" on the Glam Nation tour_

* * *

Half the time anymore, Kurt was the first one on the phone with Adam, usually right after dinner. It was a convenient time for both of them, before Adam's dinner if he were home on the west coast. Occasionally, though, Noah or Kurt would call later, after their homework was done. Sometimes Kurt and Noah would lie in bed together, the two of them, and pass the phone back and forth or put it on speakerphone until it was time to say good night.

They hardly ever did this when Finn was around, because while Finn understood about Puck having his Top, he really  _didn't_ get Adam's sense of humor. "He's kind of offensive," Finn said, which Kurt found ridiculous and completely inaccurate. And considering the stupid dick and fart jokes that Finn and Puck often laughed about, he didn't have much of a leg to stand on, did he?

But the first time Adam called  _him,_  Kurt was already in bed, half-asleep and thinking about the creative writing assignment he'd finished but wasn't quite happy with. Kurt had assigned Adam's secret cell phone number's ringtone to be a clip of Adam singing the song from Brigadoon, that insane note that Adam had held for a full twenty seconds. Kurt had never heard it come out of his phone before, though, and at first he didn't even recognize who was calling. When he realized, he wasn't sure what to do, but eventually he managed to press the answer button and say, "Uh. Adam?"

" _Kurt,"_ Adam said, with such effusive pleasure that Kurt knew immediately that he was drunk. " _God._  It's so good to hear your  _voice._  What kind of night are  _you_  having? I'm sure it's not nearly as good as  _my_  night..."

"I'm sure that's true, too," Kurt said, fighting a smile. "Where are you?"

"Katy Perry's hoedown throwdown birthday party," he gushed. "And  _oh my god,_ does her husband Russell look  _hot._  He should totally dress as a cowboy  _every day._  Did you know there's a mechanical bull here?"

"I'm not surprised at all." Kurt propped himself up on his elbows, holding the phone up to his ear. "Who else is there, since you're name dropping so beautifully?"

"Oh, lots of folks. Matt Dallas from  _Kyle XY._ Will Peltz. Darren Criss."

"Who's he?"

"Some actor. He's pretty hot, but I hear he's straight. So much the shame. I mean, not that I need any more  _guys."_  Adam was giggling now, snorting a little, and Kurt wasn't sure if he should be embarrassed or amused. He decided to go for the latter.

"Noah's out with Finn," he said. "They went to the premiere of  _Daybreakers._  I can't handle horror movies. He'll have to call you later."

"Kurrrrt," Adam drawled. "I called to talk to  _you,_ you goof. Even inebre- ineb- a little drunk, I can tell the difference between one Lima cell phone number and another." The affection in his voice made Kurt feel a little breathless and a little anxious. "Come on. This party needs some karaoke. Sing something with me."

"Sing... with you?" Kurt wrinkled his nose. "Why me?"

"Nobody here can carry a tune in a bucket. Noah is always going on about how you sing like a girl. In a good way, he says. So come  _onnnn_ , sing with me." He did a run that spanned a good octave and a half and went into the stratosphere and back. Kurt felt a shiver travel up his spine. He chuckled uneasily.

"What do you want to sing?"  _Because, let's face it,_  Kurt thought,  _if Adam Lambert says "sing with me," you say how high._

"You pick," Adam said magnanimously. "I'm flexible. As a matter of fact -"

"I don't - think I want to hear about that," Kurt said as quickly as he could. "I'm a showtunes and Lady Gaga kind of person."

"Mmmmm," Adam mused. "So many choices. How about  _Oklahoma?"_

" _Why do they think up stories that link my name with yours?"_ Kurt obliged, with a pleased grin.

" _Why do the neighbors chatter all day, behind their doors?"_  Adam sang right back, sounding not at all drunk now.

Kurt sat up, getting his breath support under control, because if he was going to sing a duet with Adam Lambert, drunk or not, he was going to make it  _good._  He went on, thinking that Adam already sounded way better than Laurence Guittard on the Broadway revival recording.

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fS0NPYH_pGw>

_I know a way to prove what they say is quite untrue._   
_Here is the gist, a practical list of "don'ts" for you._   
_Don't throw bouquets at me_   
_Don't please my folks too much_   
_Don't laugh at my jokes too much_   
_People will say we're in love..._

Kurt didn't realize Adam had fallen silent until after Kurt had belted out the last line:

_Sweetheart, they're suspecting things  
_ _People will say we're in love_

"Kurt," Adam said, in a throaty low purr that made Kurt blink his eyes fast. "Oh, Kurt - you sound - Noah  _told_  me, but I had  _no idea._ I mean,  _honestly."_

"Come on," Kurt protested. "You're just avoiding singing your part." Adam's peal of laughter sent Kurt into a fit of giggles of his own, and he rolled over on the bed, cupping the cell phone to his ear. "Honestly; you owe me, Curley. Come on, deliver."

"Kurt, I heard singing? What's going on?" came Burt's voice from the doorway. Kurt sat up and gestured for his dad to  _shhhh._  "It's awfully late to be on the -"

" _Dad,"_  Kurt hissed, muting his phone, "Adam Lambert is  _singing_  to me."

At his dad's incredulous eyebrow, Kurt sighed and put the phone on speaker, so his dad could hear the miraculous tones of Adam's voice, amid the sounds of Katy Perry's cowboy birthday party:

_Some people claim that you are to blame as much as I_   
_Why do you take the trouble to bake my favorite pie?_   
_Granting your wish, I carved our initials on that tree._   
_Just keep a slice of all the advice you give so free._   
  
_Don't praise my charm too much_   
_Don't look so vain with me_   
_Don't stand in the rain with me_   
_People will say we're in love_

Burt's face grew more and more perplexed as the song went on. It was all Kurt could do not to collapse in spasms of delight, to hear Adam's ridiculously versatile tenor carrying across the ether, directed at  _Kurt,_ of all people.

"Is he  _drunk?"_  Burt accused, but Kurt shushed him again with both hands, not wanting to miss one single note:

_Don't dance all night with me_   
_Till the stars fade from above._   
_They'll see it's all right with me_   
_People will say we're in love_

"Is that the right last stanza?" Adam said, sounding completely normal. "I think I messed up that lyric. Now I'm going to think about it  _all night._ I'm going to get somebody to look it up for me."

"No, that was right," Kurt hastened to assure him, unmuting his phone. He gestured for his dad to  _go away already,_ and, wonder of wonders, his dad did, closing his door behind him. "That was... incredible doesn't begin to cover it."

"Kurt, you have an  _amazing_  soprano!" Adam squealed. "I can't believe you've been sitting on that talent all these weeks and you haven't sung for me. Now I'm going to make you do it  _all_  the time."

"Oh," said Kurt, and laughed, catching his breath. "Um. Okay."

"God, it's  _so_  much more fun to sing with another  _guy,"_  he confided. "Girls can be such  _divas._  I mean, not that we're not, but it's different when there's no dick involved."

Kurt hid his face in his hand, trying not to crack up. "I, um, I'm sure." He had a sudden wild idea. "Adam?"

"Yes, honey?"

At that endearment, Kurt nearly abandoned his thought, but he decided it was just too good an opportunity to pass up. Who knew when Adam might drunk-dial him again from a celebrity party and want to sing? "You remember that song from Brigadoon, the one that you -"

"Oh,  _god,_  you're going to make me do the  _accent?"_  Adam shrieked, and Kurt collapsed into helpless giggles again. "I thought I'd left that behind in 2004."

"You don't  _have_  to," said Kurt, but Adam had already begun:

[ _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJYyqzUr6jU_ ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJYyqzUr6jU)

_Because they told me I can't behold ye till weddin' music starts playin';_   
_To ease my longin' there's nothin' wrong in my standin' out here and sayin':_   
_Come to me, bend to me, kiss me good day!_   
_Darlin', my darlin', 'tis all I can say,_   
_Jus' come to me, bend to me, kiss me good day!_   
_Gie me your lips an' don't take them away._

Kurt put a hand to his mouth to hold back the squeaks of glee. He couldn't entirely suppress them, but the rolling tones of Adam's tenor covered up most of them.

"All right," Kurt groaned, collapsing onto the bed. "I can die happy now. Thank you for fulfilling a fantasy."

"Pretty tame fantasy you got there, Kurt," Adam hummed.

"Pretend I'm vanilla in disguise and you'll get a sense of where I'm coming from," Kurt assured him. "I've never been much for imagination when it came to stuff like that. I wanted  _romance."_

"Oh, dear," said Adam, sounding dismayed. "You really picked the wrong guys for  _that,_  didn't you?"

Kurt winced and pressed his lips together. "You have no idea. I'm trying really hard not to demand the occasional rose or sonnet. I get serenaded regularly, though – granted, it's usually Neil Diamond, but I'm not complaining – and Noah's an  _amazing_  chef."

"I've heard a little about that. I can't wait to try his cuisine." Kurt heard a faint sigh. "You're not the only one who could use a little romance. Drake was never much for that stuff either. But  _seriously,_  Kurt, I will sing with you any time. And I don't have to be drunk to do it, trust me."

"It was my pleasure," Kurt said, smiling. "Good night, Adam."

"Good night, Kurt. Sleep well."

* * *

Kurt told Noah all about the phone call in the morning between creative writing and algebra. He didn't quite get it. "He made you sing?" Noah wondered, wrinkling his nose.

"No, he didn't  _make_  me do anything," Kurt said impatiently. "He gave me a chance, and I took it."

"I think this is a bigger deal than you're treating it. Adam doesn't just sing with anybody. He's a total snob about it." Puck gave him a knowing look. "This has to mean something."

"It doesn't  _mean_  anything beyond Adam was drunk and wanted to get his karaoke on, and I was convenient," Kurt said. But he couldn't help remember Adam's tone when he'd said,  _Noah told me, but I had no idea – honestly._  It meant more to him than he'd let on. Because this was  _Adam_ , after all, not a washed-up has-been of a performer, or a dime-a-dozen big fish from a small pond. He was at the top of his game, and he  _still_  wanted to sing with Kurt.

When Kurt got home from school that day, Carole met him at the door. "You... got something, Kurt," she said, with a faint smile. "Special delivery."

The bouquet of white roses nestled in green tissue paper bore a folded card, but Kurt knew exactly who had sent it before he read the computer-printed message:

_From one hopeless romantic to another. - Adam_

Kurt didn't bother to wait until the evening; he picked up the phone and called, figuring he'd leave a message. But Adam answered right away.

"Bet you thought I would forget that conversation," Adam said in wry embarrassment. "Sadly, I've got plenty of practice hanging on to snippets of inebriated dialogue. Oh, look, I can actually  _say_  the word today."

"Trust me, Adam; even with the drunk-dialing, you're in the running for boyfriend of the year," Kurt assured him, "and you're not even  _my_  boyfriend."

"It was the least I could do to make up for last night. And I paid for it today." Adam sounded far more penitent than Kurt would have expected. "I'm really sorry, Kurt. I can't believe I bothered you -"

"Adam," Kurt interrupted, and Adam  _stopped_  and sighed in exasperation. "I... loved that you wanted to sing with me. Really. I mean, you can call me drunk any time. And the flowers. I don't really know what to say."

"I'm not quite done yet." Adam cleared his throat. "Hope you didn't have your heart set on a sonnet. I'm more of a contemporary American guy."

"What do you -?" Kurt's question caught in his throat as Adam began to recite.

[ _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9Scwhpy9oY_ ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9Scwhpy9oY)

_Somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond_  
 _Any experience, your eyes have their silence:_  
 _In your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,_  
 _Or which I cannot touch because they are too near_  
 _Your slightest look easily will unclose me_  
 _Though I have closed myself as fingers,_  
 _You open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens  
_ _(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose_

_Or if your wish be to close me, I and_   
_My life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,_   
_As when the heart of this flower imagines_   
_The snow carefully everywhere descending;_

_Nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals_  
 _The power of your intense fragility: whose texture_  
 _Compels me with the color of its countries,  
_ _Rendering death and forever with each breathing_

_(I do not know what it is about you that closes_  
 _And opens; only something in me understands_  
 _The voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)  
_ _Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands_

Kurt opened his mouth two times, but he couldn't get any words out, and eventually he just gave up.

"I'm sorry for bothering you," Adam said again. "And... you're a really talented performer, Kurt. I enjoyed singing with you, too. Perhaps sometime when I'm  _not_  blitzed off my ass, we could try that again."

"I'd like that," Kurt managed, and heard a low chuckle before Adam hung up.

* * *

Puck found him sitting at his desk later that afternoon. He sat down on the edge of Kurt's bed with a quizzical look. "Baby," he said, hesitating. "Don't take this the wrong way, but... did you get flowers from... _Adam?"_

"It was a kind of apology," Kurt said, smiling. "I think Tess might have told him to do it. He had to read me poetry, too."

"Huh." Puck peered closely at Kurt's face. "It didn't, uh. Bother you?"

Kurt crossed one leg over the other and thought about the poem. "Not exactly," he said.

"So... what  _did_ it... exactly?"

Kurt sighed and closed his eyes. "It was... nice, okay? I mean, sometimes it's  _nice_  to have somebody pay a little attention to those kind of things. To notice. I like the romance of it. Even if it  _was_  made up."  _Even if he didn't really mean it._

"You wish I did those things more often," Puck said quietly.

"No," Kurt protested. "Sweetheart, I don't want you to be any different from who you are. I love you exactly the way you are, and I don't want you to treat me any other way. Be yourself. That's what I love about you."

Puck was dubious. "Okay." He took Kurt's hand and brought him over to the bed to sit beside him. "But I think Adam wanted to do those things for you. Nobody told him to."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure  _somebody_  made him do that. It was penance of some kind, that's for sure."

"Baby," he said, shaking his head as he rubbed circles through Kurt's sweater. "He  _asked me_  if it was okay." He stared at Kurt pointedly across his nose. "He  _asked. Me."_

Kurt's mouth felt suddenly dry. "I - well, he probably wanted to make sure you wouldn't be... offended. You know. That you wouldn't be hurt, or think the wrong thing about his intentions."

"I'm not hurt," Puck said, smiling. "I think it's kind of the best thing ever. Because it made you happy, and because - because he wanted to. I'm fucking  _thrilled_  about it." He did look kind of excited, his face flushed and his dimples showing. Kurt touched his face. "Isn't that weird?"

"Maybe a little," Kurt admitted. "But - wasn't it in that book we read,  _The Ethical Slut?_  She talked about that. You remember: compersion. The opposite of jealousy. When you're happy for your lovers when they - when they're spending time with your other lovers." He ran a hand down Puck's shoulder with admiration. "That's you all over, sweetheart. You've got the biggest heart of anyone I know."

"I don't know about that." Puck shrugged. "I just know that the thought of Adam... and you... doing stuff together. Being... romantic? Like that?" He blinked and bit his lip. "Kind of awesome.  _Really_  fucking awesome."

"Yeah, I know you," Kurt teased, and brought his mouth to Puck's ear. "You just want to watch."

"Ohhh," Puck groaned. "God. Don't even go there. But -  _no,_  that's not what I mean." He pushed Kurt back to look into his face. "You love that romantic stuff, I know you do. You need somebody else who does, too. I mean, I'm  _happy_  that you guys get that about each other. And you could, you know. Be that, for each other."

Kurt shook his head, feeling unaccountably dizzy. "Noah, Adam doesn't feel that way about me. It was a kind of a joke. I'm just a highschool kid from Lima."

"Yeah, and so am I. Do you think the thing between  _us_  is a joke?" Puck gazed at him, as though he were waiting for Kurt to get something. But Kurt didn't get  _anything._  There was nothing to get.

"You're making this up," he said, and shook his head again, trying to clear it of the  _very idea_  that Adam... that he...

Puck stood, walking to the door. "No, baby," he said. "I'm not. I just wanted to make sure it didn't bother you." He smiled. "I'm glad it doesn't. Because you  _deserve_  to feel loved like that."

Kurt watched the empty doorway for a long time after he was gone, trying to figure out the answer in the outline of Noah's smile. He could hear the sound of Adam's words, reciting e.e. cummings to him over the phone, and the scent of the roses in the vase on his desk, and their voices mingling as they sang to one another.

_People will say we're in love._

"Oh," Kurt said in a small voice, and rested his forehead in his hand. "Oh... shit."


	4. Kradam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following his drunk-dial, Adam gets advice from fellow Idol competitor Kris Allen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to supergreak for convincing me to write some friendshippy Kradam and for writing the Kris for me. -amy

 

Adam felt around the nightstand to find his ringing phone and accepted the call without opening his eyes. "'Lo?"

"Good morning, sunshine! This is your friendly morning wake-up call from Arkansas, because you, my friend, have a meeting with 19E in two hours, and according to my sources should be completely hungover right now. Are my sources right?"

"What do you  _want,_  Kris, I'm sleeping," he whined, and pulled the duvet over his head.

Kris laughed.  _Ouchloudnoise._  "A little bird in the shape of Allison told me you were singing  _Oklahoma_ with some boy soprano over the phone at Katy Perry's party last night. Rumor has it that he was good, and you were talking about romance. This the same teenager you were telling me about last week?"

Adam, reluctantly, yawned and rolled out of bed. And onto his boots from the night before.  _Damn, those spikes hurt._  "Um, no? It's his boyfriend?"

" _Another_  sixteen year old?"

"There's... nothing there. He's very sweet. And delicious. No, I didn't just say that. Shit, Kris." Adam scrubbed his eyes with one irritated fist. "I am  _not_  a chickenhawk. This is not my thing."

"Adam, don't pull that with me. You can't help who you fall for, and you love easily. I can hear it in your voice, even now. You're in  _love,"_  he teased in a lilting tone.

"I'm  _not,"_  Adam insisted."He's completely devoted to Noah. And... their other boyfriend. Finn. He's kind of a prick, but whatever. I don't care -  _ow._ " The sun was far too bright for... ten AM. He pulled the shades closed with one jerk of his hand. "Trust me, Kurt doesn't need this kind of  _complication."_

"So his name is Kurt, then?"

"Don't try to sidetrack me. It's not going to work. He's a great kid,  _really._  And he's got Noah to take care of, which is  _awesome,_  believe me, but that's a lot for a sixteen-year-old, and... and he just wants some  _romance._  Flowers, poetry. The whole deal. So I figured... a little singing couldn't hurt." He bit his lip. "Could it?"

"Darlin', a serenade from you never hurt a soul. The rest of the conversation, however...do you remember what all you said?"

"Every freaking idiotic word of it," sighed Adam. "I'm sure I made far too much sense. No, there was nothing untoward. I didn't come on to him. Well, not directly. I mean - it was just  _singing._  Singing... a love duet. And that song from Brigadoon, the one with the stupid accent. But still. All above board."

"Okay, so no harm no foul, right? So far? Just...be cautious, okay? I don't want to visit you in jail."

"Kris, I  _wouldn't..._  okay, maybe I would. But these are nice kids; I won't put them at risk. Even if they are a little kinky. And..." Adam coughed delicately. "Age of consent is sixteen in Ohio."

"So, then, keep it in your pants or in Ohio!" He said in a horribly chipper tone. There was a muffled sound from the other end of the line, then, "No, just Adam with boy troubles. Love you too, bye, hon." And a kissing noise as Adam heard the door slam on Kris's end.

"You know, the two of you are much cuter now that I'm dating somebody." Adam stretched out full-length on the bed, feeling the muscles of his back unknotting. Kris always made him feel better. "It's like I'm seeing everything through the lens of ridiculously, sickeningly in love. Plus leather."

"Oooh, now you have to tell me everything."

"I'm pretty sure you don't want to know  _everything,_  Kris. The kinkiest you get is fuzzy handcuffs."

"They're Katy's handcuffs, and they're hot pink and sparkly. But I'm also not an idiot. I've seen your closet; that whip collection isn't just for show."

"Not anymore." Adam hesitated. "Noah... he's incredible. I really can't tell you much about that relationship that won't make you plug your ears and go  _la la la,_ but just trust me that things are... new. And amazing. And I'm really happy. But... Kurt? I don't think I've ever met anyone so much like me."

Kris sounded baffled. "Like you now, or like you in high school? Because weren't you all, you know, awkward teenager? Like the rest of the world? Because if you were as confident at sixteen as you are now, I'm sure things would be different."

Adam grinned. "Maybe me like I saw myself, inside? I wish I could have been as confident as he is. Or half as talented. I'm a one trick pony, but he -"

"I'm sure you have at  _least_  three tricks. You can sit, and stand, and fetch..."

"And shoot to kill," Adam added. "You clearly have more confidence in me than I do. I mean,  _who won Idol?_ Not me." He sighed. "Sometimes I can't believe I'm getting away with this, Kris. Who gets to wake up every day and prance around in front of a camera?"

"Beyonce," Kris deadpanned.

Adam flapped his hand dismissively. "Besides her. I'm monologuing here. Stop interrupting me with your witty banter."

"Okay, but you're missing out on some great puns here, I'll have you know. Monologue on."

Adam was silent. He poked at the wrought-iron headboard with one pensive toe. "All right," he sighed at last.  _"I like him._  Stupid, idiotic me. I don't think I've got any right to expect that I could have them both. But Noah doesn't seem to mind. And Kurt... I have no idea what he thinks, or even if there's any chemistry there. You know it's impossible to know until you meet somebody in person. I like talking to him, though. And he's smart, and has a wicked sense of humor. I think he's going places. Maybe... maybe I can help."

Kris was silent for a second. "Oh, are you done with your soliloquy now? As someone in a stable, mature relationship -" Adam snorted. "Stop laughing, jackass. Anyway, listen up. If you want to help him, start by apologizing for the drunk dial. He needs to know he's not only important and special after thirteen neon drinks and not enough sleep, but important to you all the time. Romance him, even if it never goes past, you know, longing looks and fingertip touches. He's like you; he'll appreciate the Disney."

Adam sat up gingerly, running a hand through his hair. "Hey, that's a pretty good idea, actually. I could send him some flowers. There's this one poem I was thinking about, that reminded me of him..." He put a hand over his mouth, realizing  _exactly_  how that had sounded, and groaned to himself.  _Yeah. I'm completely overstepping here._

"Don't do yellow, unless you want to friend-zone him forever. I think red is love..." Adam heard rustling and pages flipping. "Ha! I found it. Katy was reading this article the other day in one of her chick magazines about, you know, flower meanings. I have the cheat sheet, right here in my hands. What would you like to convey today?"

"I'm a  _gay man,_  Kris. I think I know the color code for flowers. White. I'll get him white." His headache was almost bearable now. Two ibuprofen and a bottle of water and he'd be fine for the meeting with 19E. "Thanks, Kris, for the perspective, and the advice. Who needs a Top?"

"A what?"

"Never mind." Adam cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders. "I'll keep you informed. Okay. Shower, spirulina and wheatgrass, and I'm out of here."

"Good luck, darlin'."

"You guys are welcome, you know," Adam reminded him. "Plenty of room for the two of you. God knows I could always use some sane advice."


	5. Brat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt has a bad day, but he doesn't want to tell Adam about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This follows [chapter 4 in You Come Regular Like Seasons](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2827859/chapters/6355619).

Adam called while Kurt was eating dinner with Finn this time, so he let it go to voice mail. Carole gave him a quizzical look while she dished up his spaghetti. "You guys have been talking on the phone a lot lately."

"Noah's supposed to call him every night," Kurt explained. "Sometimes I talk to Adam while Noah's busy finishing his homework or something else. It just went from there. He's nice."

Finn's laugh wasn't very kind, which made Kurt glare at him. "What?" he snapped. "He's not allowed to be  _nice,_  because he's a  _pop singer?"_

"No, I didn't mean that." Finn poked at his dinner. "I'm just not feeling very charitable about him right now. You don't have to defend him."

"Finn," his mom chided. "Kurt's not doing anything wrong."

"I didn't say he was," Finn protested, spearing another meatball with his fork, and gave Kurt a reproachful look. "Apparently Adam's a popular guy - at least around here these days. I mean, he's not  _my_  type, but..."

Kurt put both hands on the table and screwed his eyes shut. "I am  _not_  poaching Adam Lambert from Noah!" he shouted. "Jesus Christ, would you guys leave me alone?"

He pushed his chair out and stormed up the stairs to Finn's room. It wasn't the ideal place to sulk, but it was better than nothing. He knew Finn would give him a little time to be alone.

He considered not calling Adam back, but in the end he decided that would be rude. "Sorry I didn't pick up," he said. "We were in the middle of dinner."

"It's okay," Adam said. Kurt could hear the noise of the train. "I'm just on my way to an interview and I thought I'd call."

"I don't mind." Kurt lay back on Finn's bed and stared at the ceiling. "Interview, huh? Who is it this time?"

"Um..."

"Who? President Obama? The Queen of freaking Spain?"

"Oprah," Adam said in a whisper.

Kurt's eyes fell closed. "And you wonder why I bother to even call you back."

"Don't be like that," Adam sighed. Kurt could hear he was on edge. "This is just as weird for me as it is for you. Seriously, Kurt, two years ago I was just another extra in the swing cast, working my ass off to keep my equity credit. I had nothing going for me but a hell of a voice and a pretty face. I'm not a particularly good dancer and my acting's passable at best. I was just lucky my friends all encouraged me to jump at Idol, and doubly lucky they gave me four yeses in the first round."

"I wouldn't call it lucky, Adam." Kurt wadded up Finn's pillow and made a cushion for his chin, wishing for his own bed and his fleece blanket and his stuffed Ernie. "I don't even know where I'm going after high school. I used to think I knew, but now everything's confusing. And you - "

"I'm not helping," Adam said. "I know."

Kurt didn't respond. He pulled Finn's awful acrylic bedspread off and tossed it on the floor, wrapping the cotton blanket around himself. It made him feel a little less fragmented, when he could make himself a cocoon like this.

"Today kind of sucked," he muttered.

He heard the announcer on the train's loudspeaker mention the stop. "You want to tell me about it?"

Kurt didn't. He already felt like such a  _kid_  around Adam, and he didn't need to make it worse by telling him about all the crap he put up with at school. He knew Adam wouldn't think less of him, but he wasn't sure he wanted Adam to know about it. Not the stuff with Noah, anyway.

"Was it Finn or Noah?"

"Neither, really. It was these other kids. A couple guys who like to give me grief. Things calmed down a little after Noah and I came out, but - it's getting worse again."

"What kind of worse?" Adam sounded grim. Kurt smiled to himself, imagining what would happen if he told Karofsky  _you'd better leave me alone, or I'm going to sic my boyfriend's famous lover on you. And he's even gayer than me._

"There's a slushie machine at school. Kids throw them at people they don't like."

"Gay kids, you mean."

Kurt tried to excise the picture of Noah, getting slushied from four sides - and then, when he tried to get into the locker room to wash it off, the hockey team barricading him out until Kurt went to get help. "Yeah."

Adam's sigh was gentle, but his voice was tense. "Kids are assholes. You shouldn't have to put up with that."

"I know it'll be easier once I leave high school behind, but for now, this is my reality." Kurt dug in a little deeper under the blanket. The cell phone's screen lit up his cocoon from inside. He was a glowworm, making his own light. "Were you out in high school?"

"No."

Kurt waited for more, but that was apparently all he was going to say. He sat up in his cocoon and pulled it tighter around his feet, and sighed.

"Noah sang a song today in Glee."

"Really?" Adam brightened for a moment. "What did he -"

"He sang one of your songs. Whatdya Want From Me." He took a breath in, and let it out, as calmly as he could. "In eyeliner."

Kurt could almost hear the other shoe falling through the air and landing on the floor. "Oh. Oh, Kurt..."

"Yeah." He stared miserably at the wall through the loose threads of the blanket. "And before you ask, he was really good.  _Really_  good."

"I... wasn't going to ask." He wasn't sure what exactly the feelings were behind Adam's voice, but they weren't positive. "What happened?"

The images were clear as day in Kurt's mind, as though he'd been there himself. "They ambushed him outside of the lunch room. I - I wasn't there, and Finn wasn't enough to stop them. He's still not out at school - though I don't know how long that's going to last, after what happened when Noah came home - and I know it's not the  _first_  time Noah's been through this. He was the one  _doing_  it, earlier this year. But this is the first time he's been slushied because he's  _gay._ Bi. I don't know." Kurt huddled deeper into Finn's blanket. He wished Finn were there to wrap him small, make him feel contained - like he wasn't coming out of his skin.

Adam made a comforting noise that brought tears to Kurt's eyes, but he wasn't ready to end his sulk yet. "You don't get to make me feel better about this," he accused. "You're the one who - "

"Now wait a second," Adam said. "You didn't  _make_  Noah put on that eyeliner. Any more than you have a way to stop yourself from being just who you are. But you  _do_ have control over what they do to you."

Kurt shivered. "No," he said. "I don't. Trust me, I've tried."

"Kurt -"

"No, you  _don't_  get to tell me how my life goes," he said suddenly, and it came out far louder and more tear-filled than he'd expected. "You live in a world where people  _love_  you for being different. You're a  _fucking rock star,_  and you live in California and you're gorgeous and you've got guys hanging all over you and Noah's  _here_  in Lima, trying to be something he's never been before and it's  _your fault."_

Adam paused. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the fallout.

"I love him as much as you do." Adam's voice was quiet. "And I'm just as scared for him. And you."

"I've dealt with this for years," Kurt said dully, wiping his eyes on the blanket. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Well, actually, I  _do."_  Adam gave a little cough. "That's what you do when you... when you care about somebody."

The tension that settled over Kurt should have made him feel even more jumpy and restless than he already was, but for some reason, it made him go very still all over - except for this one little place inside where he was having his own very private dance party.

"Trust me, Kurt, it's just as hard for me to be here, knowing what you guys are going through, every day, and not being able to do anything about it. I'm a little pissed at myself for not thinking about it sooner. High school wasn't that long ago for me, and I remember how it was for the kids who were different. I was kind of the weird kid."

"You?" Kurt said, hating the way his voice was shaking.

"Maybe I hadn't embraced the gay like I have now, but - I was a drama geek. I was in choir. I  _know_ how it is, Kurt." He didn't sound like he was placating a little kid. He sounded like he actually cared.  _Adam cares about you,_  the voice inside was saying, shouting, right into his ear.

Kurt heard him laugh. "I think you have a little bit of a warped view of my life, though. You know how many guys have approached me for autographs in the past months? Three. The rest have been girls and women of varying ages. I am not complaining, mind you, and I have nothing against women, but - the rumors of hot guys following me around has been greatly exaggerated."

Adam didn't say one thing about Kurt's angry retort. Kurt wasn't sure if he should bring it up or not, because Adam was being kind and letting him get away with being a- He was being a - He sighed.

"I'm sorry," he said, feeling honest regret. "That wasn't necessary."

"No, Kurt, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm just biting my tongue and working very hard  _not_  to call the school and yell at them from here for their abysmal efforts to curb the homophobic abuse going on in their hallways."

"I'm working on it," Kurt said. He felt the tension fall away, just melt into the bed like it was nothing. He struggled out of the blanket. "I'm not giving up. All those kids who are still closeted, they're going to see a new McKinley someday. We're going to make it safe for them, even if it wasn't for me."

"You're not going to try to convince Noah to... uh -?"

"Stop being the center of attention?" Kurt gave a laugh, a real one. He felt sheepish, and a little embarrassed, but he felt  _better,_  too. "He's never going to stop doing that. He's far too beautiful and rare for that."

"He's not the only one, from what I hear," Adam said, sounding amused.

"Well," Kurt said, feeling himself flush. "You should be the one to talk."

He laughed. "Yes, apparently, I'm gorgeous. Or you think so, anyway."

"Who wouldn't?" he said, and winced.  _God. Are you trying to_ flirt _with Adam Lambert?_

"Plenty of people, trust me. I don't even look at comments online any more. It's just depressing and brings up far too many uncomfortable memories of being the chubby kid in middle school." Kurt heard the train announcer again. "I've got to go. Are you okay, Kurt?"

"I'm - " He paused, sensing his own body. He felt more together, less like he was going to fragment here on the bed. He took an experimental breath. "I'm all right."

"You know what you need," Adam said.

Kurt closed his eyes at the frankly  _pornographic_  rush of heat that drenched him from head to toe. "Oh," he whispered. "Um. Yeah. I guess I do."

"Finn... will take care of you." Adam didn't sound happy about this.

"Yes," he said. "I'm sure he will, if I ask him."

"I wish I - well, never mind. Yes. That's good. Kurt, please go and talk to somebody about Noah. Would you? It would put my mind at rest, and I won't have to go all angry parent on their ass."

"I'll - okay. I will." He swung his legs over the bed. "Adam?"

"Yes, Kurt."

He had no idea what to say.  _I care about you, too? Sing another song with me, right now? I wish you could be the one throwing me onto the bed and using that paddle to -?_  He wrenched himself out of his thoughts with a gasp.

"Are you all right?" Adam asked again, anxiously. "Really?"

"I'm sorry you're not here to see how I am," Kurt said. "But I'm all right. I'm - Finn will take care of me. Like you said."

"Yes," said Adam, in a quiet voice. "He loves you."

"I love him, too,"

"Good night, Kurt."

Adam hung up before Kurt could respond. He sat there with the phone in his hands, his mind racing, galloping in circles and directions he scarcely was allowing himself to travel. Eventually, though, he stood and put the phone back into his pocket. He went into the bathroom and washed his face with cold water.

 _Where is this going?_  he thought, looking at himself in the mirror in bemusement.  _What are you trying to do? What do you want?_

Well, there was no doubt about the last one, judging by his alarming and rather sudden fantasies, but he wasn't getting  _that._  He took a determined breath and let it out.

Then he went downstairs to find Finn.


	6. Ticket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt convinces his dad to let Puck join them on a very important trip, but Adam's in no mood to hear about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter overlaps with [chapter 1 in How Much You Pierce My Spirit](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2834744/chapters/6359747), told from Burt's point of view.

There was no call from Adam the next night. When Puck tried to call him, he only got voice mail. Kurt tried several times to settle down to his homework, but after a few attempts to read the same passage, he gave up.

Puck was going over the grocery list for the week when Kurt poked his head into the kitchen. "Come take a walk with me," Kurt said, trying to make it sound like a question, but they both knew it wasn't. Puck set the list down and silently followed him out to get his coat.

It was as cold and spare as any night had been that winter, and neither of them were particularly dressed for it, but they walked anyway.

"Finn's birthday's coming up in a few weeks," Puck said.

"I know," said Kurt. "I had some ideas about what to do. We should probably talk to Carl and figure out what days he's already busy."

There was no question from either of them about Finn's priorities these days, but Kurt knew Finn still wanted to spend time with them, with his family.  _He still loves me, and Noah,_  he thought, kicking a chunk of ice and sending it skittering down the dark sidewalk.

"Adam calls it NRE," Puck said.

"What?"

"New Relationship Energy. Getting totally obsessed about a new relationship. What Finn's doing. And me, I guess." He glanced at Kurt, who was shivering, and offered him his hand. When Kurt took it, he tucked both their hands into his warm pocket. "And you, I think."

"Me," Kurt said.

"Yeah." He gave his hand a little squeeze. "Don't you think so?"

"I don't know."

Puck nodded once. "He said when things are new, it's easy to get caught up in that. But things are supposed to settle down after a while. I mean, they did with us."

"I don't love you any less," Kurt said. "I think - what you said, when you were gone. I think I love you  _more._ "

"Yeah," Puck said softly. "I feel like that. But it's hard, sometimes, missing him so much. I missed  _you_  when I was gone, too, so don't get me wrong - and Finn, god, like I couldn't even  _breathe_ sometimes." He shook his head. "And now that I'm home - "

"You miss him," Kurt finished. He wrapped his arm around Puck's and pulled him close as they walked. "Sweetheart, I understand."

"I was guessing you would. I didn't think you'd feel bad, knowing how I feel about him, because it's  _Adam._ " He turned appealing eyes to Kurt.

"I do understand," Kurt said again, feeling the words between his lips, tasting them. "I can't say I miss him, or anything, because I've never even  _met_  him. But... "

"You want him," Puck said.

Kurt stumbled a little on the sidewalk, and Puck caught him with his free arm, pulling him to face him. "You do, don't you?" he insisted. "Come on. You can't pretend with me, baby."

"I don't know," Kurt whispered, gazing at Puck. He touched the velvet of Puck's shaved head, right where it met his temple, and shook his head. "Maybe? How can I  _know_  a thing like that?"

"Come here," Puck said, pulling him close, and Kurt pressed into his warmth.

"You're not supposed to be taking care of  _me,"_ he protested weakly.

"Fuck that. This is a group effort. We're all taking care of each other. Adam included. He cares about you, Kurt. He said. And it's okay, whatever it is, you don't have to -"

"What if I say yes," Kurt interrupted, rolling his head against Puck's neck in despair, "and I'm  _wrong?_ What if I'm not really - what if I don't - "

"He's amazing," Puck murmured, kissing his forehead. "You might think you know, but you have  _no idea._  And if you want him, baby, I want you to have him."

Kurt laughed in irritation. "He's not something you can just give away, Noah. I don't think he'd be okay with  _that."_

Puck snorted. "I'm not giving him to  _anyone._ I'm fucking  _his,_  okay? As much as I'm yours and Finn's." His eyes went to the ground. "And I miss him. A hell of a lot."

"I can tell," Kurt said. He slipped his cold hand under Puck's shirt and onto his skin, making him sigh. "I'm sure he's just busy tonight. You can call again before bed."

"I don't want to  _talk_  to him," he groaned. "I'm sick of all this  _talking."_

Kurt had to agree, but he couldn't think of anything to do to make it any better. So he just held him close, and hoped that would be enough.

* * *

They didn't hear from Adam later, either, and Puck got more and more anxious as the evening went on. By the time ten o'clock rolled around, he was stalking back and forth along the back of the green couch, chewing on his pinky finger. "I should just go home," he said, but made no move to go upstairs to get his coat.

"I could ask my dad if you could stay tonight," Kurt offered, but Puck shook his head.

"I don't want to push my luck. It'll be okay." But he didn't really look okay. He looked like he was going to have a full-scale, entirely unlike Puck freak-out. Kurt pushed him down onto the couch and kissed him.

"I'll be right back," he promised, and made his way up the stairs to his dad's office.

Burt was working on the books for the garage when he appeared in his doorway. "Dad," he said. "I need your help."

Kurt didn't really blame him for looking wary, with all the stuff they'd been going through lately, but to his credit, Burt just pushed his chair out and looked at Kurt expectantly. "What is it, son?"

"It's Noah. He's... well, he's really missing Adam. A lot. Tonight more than usual, and he hasn't gotten through to talk to him for some reason. It's the first night since they've met that they haven't talked." He leaned heavily on the door frame. "He really needs to see him. This is too early in their relationship for them to be apart."

Burt laughed a little and shook his head. "Still blows my mind to hear you guys talking like this about... each other's guys. What can I do?"

"I'm going to LA next week, to visit with Lady Gaga." He could still hardly believe that his dad and Carole had come through with tickets after all that arguing, but that was his dad, after all. "Me and Finn, and Brad and Timothy."

"Don't remind me," Burt grumbled. Then he raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Adam...?"

"He's going to be at the Screen Actors' Guild Awards in Hollywood that weekend. I thought, maybe, if we could get Noah a ticket, that he could come with us, and see him."

Burt considered him. "Those tickets weren't cheap, Kurt. I don't even know if we can get another ticket this late."

"I know. It's a lot to ask." He mustered up every bit of the hope he had inside him, and offered it up to his dad. "I'll work extra hours at the garage - whatever I have to do. Noah's had a lot of  _bad_  in his life lately. I just want to give him something good."

Burt nodded silently, tapping away at his computer. "Let me see what I can come up with," he said at last. "I'm - hey, I'm not promising anything! I'll come down in a little while and we'll talk, after I look up plane fare and check our budget for this month."

Kurt let go of the stranglehold on his dad's neck. " _Thank you,_  dad. And - can Noah stay over tonight? Adam hasn't called him back and he's kind of falling apart. He didn't want to ask, but I think he's not going to get any sleep tonight if I -"

"All  _right,_  Kurt. Can you give me a minute, here?" He waved Kurt away, shaking his head. "Go take care of him - whatever you do. I'll make a lot of noise when I come downstairs."

Kurt was almost too excited to be embarrassed by his dad's comment. He pounced on Puck and pulled him into his room. "Come on. My dad says you can stay. And there might be more, but I can't tell you about it yet."

"Uh... okay," Puck said, willing to be persuaded. "I thought I'd call again..."

"Not yet," smiled Kurt, and locked the door behind him. "We have a few minutes with no interruptions. Let me see if I can do something to help, first."

Puck wasn't complaining. A few minutes later, he wasn't saying any words at all.

* * *

When Burt called down the stairs a half hour later, "Are you ready for company?" Kurt was in his pajamas and Puck in a pair of borrowed sweats and a t-shirt. Kurt would have bet that Puck was feeling a lot more relaxed, even though Adam still hadn't called.  _He_ certainly was.

"Any time, dad," called Kurt back, leaving the door open.

Burt peeked his head in, holding a printout. "All right," he said, looking grim. "It's not good news."

"What isn't?" Puck said, alarmed. "I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything -?"

He came over to the desk where Puck was sitting and crouched down beside him, his knees cracking, and gave Kurt a stern glare. "You're going to owe me a hell of a lot of hours."

That was all he got out before Kurt tackled him, almost knocking him over. "For crying out loud, Kurt," Burt protested, laughing.

"What - what is this?" Puck stared at the printout in confusion. "A plane ticket - for what?"

"For you," Kurt crowed jubilantly. "You can come with us to Bel-Air, to California!"

Puck's expression melted into wild hope. "I - I can?  _Really?"_

"You're under the same restrictions as Finn and Kurt," Burt warned him, accepting his tight hug. "No drinking, under any circumstances. No driving with anyone who's been drinking. And -"

"Whatever, I don't care, just -  _holy shit,_ Burt!" Puck burst out of his chair in excitement.

Burt smiled, which Kurt figured meant he was going to overlook the cursing. "You're going to need to check with Adam before I buy the ticket. I wouldn't want to book this and find out he's really going to be in some other city all weekend."

"I'll try him again right now.  _Thank you."_  Puck dug out his phone and redialed Adam's number, but it still went to voice mail. "Kurt, come  _on,_  you try him."

"Not too much later tonight, guys. I'll be upstairs, but you should get to sleep. We can deal with this tomorrow if we have to." Burt kissed Kurt - and, awkwardly, Puck - before closing the door behind him.

Kurt let it ring, and when he got Adam's voice mail, too, he hung up and called back right away. That was usually enough of a signal that something was important. Maybe Adam would pick up on it.

It worked. "Kurt," he heard.

"Adam - we have a question for you."

"This isn't a good time, Kurt." He felt a curl of anxiety in his stomach. Adam didn't sound very pleased to be talking to him. He couldn't hear any other noise in the background, but it was hard to be sure over the cell phone.

"Um, sorry... but this is kind of important. And it's good news. I mean, I think you'll like it."

"It's always about you, isn't it?"

"What?"

Adam sighed loudly. "It's not enough that you've got him right there with you. That you get to see him every day - that you get to wake up with him -  _god,_  we had  _one fucking night._ One."

Kurt tried to interrupt. "I know, Adam, that's what - "

"Just stop. Please. I can't handle it right now." Kurt heard a sound, a frustrated, angry sound, and he realized Adam was  _crying._

"Sweetheart?" he said to Puck. "Would you - get me a glass of water? Please?"

Puck looked sharply at Kurt, but he just said, "All right," and rose from the bed without another word.

"He's a good boy," Adam whispered, with a hitch in his voice, and Kurt felt his own tears rise to the surface. They weren't for Noah. They were for  _Adam._

"Yes, he is." Suddenly Kurt wished, with all his heart, that he could hold Adam's hand. That he could just be there with him, and hold on, and let him know it was okay. It hurt more than he'd ever expected to hear him sad like this.

"Adam," he said. "Tell me how you feel. I want to hear it. Please. Even... even if you think it's going to hurt me. Because you need to talk about this."

"Kurt..." He heard Adam's bitter, unhappy laugh. "There's nothing good that's going to come from this conversation. I'm just going to get more pissed and you're going to get hurt. And I don't want either of those things."

"Trust me," Kurt said. "I can handle whatever it is you want to say. I just can't handle any more  _pretending."_  He tried to hold on to his calm, but he could feel himself starting to fragment, and it was  _not_  the time. "Please, Adam - don't hide this from me. It's not going to help, and you - "

Adam's voice came, short and sharp, like the cuts of Puck's wickedly sharp chef's knife. "All right, you wanted to hear it?  _Fuck you,_ Kurt. You're exactly who he needs. You. You're sensitive and strong and sweet and you've got that  _voice,_  god, I would have  _killed_  for that in high school. And from what I saw in that one photo he's got, you're gorgeous, too, and - it's  _not fair."_

Adam's whine sounded entirely, startlingly familiar to Kurt. It was exactly how he sounded, himself. He sucked in a breath.  _No,_  he thought wildly.

"You're his Top, Kurt. Not me. I was something - I helped him when he was stuck, but now he's home, and I didn't realize - I knew about Finn, knew he was there, but I didn't know how it was with  _you._  If I'd known you were there for him, I would have just sent him home, trust me." He was crying openly now, heartrending tears that were going to lay Kurt bare in an instant if he couldn't help.

"No, Adam," he cried. "It's not - it's not like that. You have no idea how different he is, since he met you. You changed him. He's so much better, so much more - more  _himself._  He needed you... still needs you. He misses you so much." He caught his breath. "And so do I."

"Oh," Adam said, startled, and broke into a shaky laugh. "Kurt."

Kurt held onto the thread of positive feelings, and tried to follow it deeper. He couldn't lose Adam into that pit of sadness again. "I'm not even sure how that's possible. I've never met you."

"That's not exactly true." Adam wasn't angry anymore. "This... whatever it is. Talking to you. Every day. I look forward to it so much. It's good, it really is. It's... more real than I ever expected."

"Yes. Exactly." Kurt gripped the edge of the duvet, feeling Adam's hand in his.  _Holding on._  "I'm here. It's okay."

"Kurt," Adam protested. "You're not supposed to say that to  _me."_

Kurt laughed, feeling the absurdity of it overwhelm him. "That's pretty much what I said to Noah, when he held me when I was crying. And he said... um, let me think: "Fuck that, this is a group effort. We take care of each other, Adam included.""

"Yes," Adam whispered. "That's what I want. I want to be part of it."

"You  _are,"_  Kurt insisted. "I'm here. We're here, all of us, together. Even if you can't be with us physically, I think - I can feel you. It's like I'm holding your hand, right now."

"God, Kurt." He sounded awed. "How do you know  _exactly_  what to say? And how can you be so  _nice_  to me after what I just said to you?"

"Because I -" Kurt closed his mouth, trapping the words inside. He closed his eyes, feeling them fluttering, like butterflies, delicate and beautiful. He took a deep breath. "I have something for you. Something - very good. Are you ready to hear it now?"

"I think so. Hang on." Kurt heard him blow his nose. "All right. I think I'm over my hissy fit. And - I'm sorry."

He shook his head vehemently. "Don't be. You needed to say it, and I needed to hear it. I just want the honesty. Whatever you're feeling, that's what I need."

"Baby?"

Kurt looked up to see Puck standing in the doorway, watching him with a glass of water in his hand. "Come here," he said, beckoning Puck over. Puck handed him the water, and he took a drink, then pushed the speakerphone button.

"Adam?" he said. "Can you hear me?"

"I hear you." Kurt watched, fascinated, at the way the sound of Adam's voice, just those few words, changed him. His shoulders relaxed, his back straightened, and his eyes went soft.  _His Top._  Kurt knew it was true.

"I'm here, Adam," Puck said, his voice just a low murmur.

"Honey," Kurt heard him say, and the tenderness was almost enough to make him cry all over again. He pressed a hand to his mouth.

"We're both here," he said, when he'd regained control. "Both of us. And - next weekend, we're going to come out to California to visit you."

"You - what?" Adam's voice had gone flat with shock.

"Finn and Kurt's trip to see Lady Gaga," Puck explained. "Burt got me a ticket, so I can come too."

"But I - but this is - you're going to - ?" Adam got less and less coherent with each sentence. Puck looked at Kurt and grinned.

"If that's okay," Kurt said softly.

"Okay," Adam said, choking. "Yes. It's  _okay._  You'll - will you come stay with me? I want to show you my city. Take you to dinner... breakfast. Everything." He was tripping over his words in his haste, and Kurt smiled in relief. He gripped Noah's hand.  _Holding on._

"We'd like that."


	7. Q&A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With seven days to go, Adam and Kurt get to know one another better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the facts about Adam are gleaned from interviews.

  
"Seven days, Kurt."

He'd known who it was on the phone before he'd picked up, of course, but his brisk, cheerful voice still made Kurt smile. "I know."

"You've got seven days to find out everything you can about me, and for me to learn everything about you. Then, it'll be too late for my cutting sense of humor or my enormous ego to get me in trouble, because you'll know the truth. So - no holds barred, seven days of asking any question you want and getting all the answers, and vice versa. Are you game?"

_This could be interesting... if dangerous. But that apparently never stopped Adam before._ He took a deep breath. "I'm in. What's the first question?"

"Mmm. Favorite ice cream flavor?"

"Anything that combines coffee and caramel. You?"

"It's a toss up between mint chocolate chip and french silk, but I'd go for the coffee, too. Okay, your turn."

Kurt thought, stretching his toes under the duvet. "Um. I'm kind of on the spot here. Okay - if you could drive any kind of car, what would it be?"

He laughed. "Honey? They gave it to me. For making top two on Idol. The black Mustang convertible?"

_Of course. Because every young man has $38,000 cars handed to him._ Kurt buried his face in his pillow for two seconds, then surfaced and pushed forward. "I completely forgot about that. Well - do you like it?"  _Stupid. It's a Mustang. Of course he likes it._

"I do," he agreed. "The back seat's tiny, though. I'm afraid one of you will have to squish yourself in behind the passenger seat."

"Noah's still taller than me," Kurt sighed. "I suppose it'll be me."

"Kurt," Adam said, with an audible smile. "I highly doubt that. Think about it. So - what about you?"

"A 1964 and a half Mustang convertible," he replied, without pause. "Leather interior."

"I see. 1964 and a  _half?"_

"Yes, it came out halfway through the year. It's not an official model year, it was just released late. Pale yellow, preferably, but I'd take Twilight Turquoise if that's what was available."

"You could paint it anything you wanted."

"Excuse  _me,"_  Kurt sputtered, "I could  _not._  It's a  _restoration,_  not a  _custom."_

"Mmmm," Adam hummed. "You're kind of hot when you've got your mechanic mojo working, honey."

Kurt was shocked into silence. Eventually, he heard Adam's anxious chuckle.

"Ah. Well. Maybe that was... a little too forward?"

"No," Kurt said, but there was no volume in the word. He cleared his throat and tried again. "No. It was... fine."

Adam was calm, as though nothing had happened. "All right. Okay... next question. What are you bad at?"

_Besides flirting with my boyfriend's lover?_  "I'm terrible at creative writing. I'm pretty sure that's going to be my first B in high school."

"It was math, for me. I was pretty good in English."

He burrowed down further under the covers. "Do you want to talk to Noah now?"

"Kurt, I called to talk to  _you._  Am I being too pushy? We can be done, if you'd rather."

"Maybe a little." Kurt closed his eyes. "But I like it."

"Yeah?"

He couldn't imagine why Adam might sound like  _that._ Like... he wasn't sure. "Yes... it's okay."

"More than okay, I hope. But I can say goodnight. Think about some questions for me."

"All right. Goodnight."

Kurt threw himself back onto his pillow with a huge exhalation, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't move again until Puck was in his doorway, asking, "Are you guys finally done talking?"

"For tonight."

He approached the bed tentatively. "Uh - you okay, Kurt?"

"I - think so." Kurt held out his phone vaguely into the air, and Puck took it and set it on the nightstand. He leaned in and kissed Kurt's cheek.

"He does that to me, too," he said in a low, intimate voice. Kurt shivered, then reached out and gripped his hand tightly, eyes pleading.

"You've got to keep reminding me that this is - okay." Kurt hung onto his hand until Puck nodded, bemused. "Really? You're... you're sure?"

"Baby," Puck said, laughing. "I'm fucking  _thrilled._  Do you get that? You can have anybody you want, I don't care, as long as it makes you happy - but you, and Adam? Other than you and Finn, it's kind of the best thing ever."

"Okay," Kurt said, meekly. "Because I think - I think things are - happening." His voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. "And I'm freaking out a little."

Puck put a hand on Kurt's chest, stroking him gently. "You should talk to him."

"Not without suitable application of alcohol," snapped Kurt.

Puck's expression changed in an instant from loving to conniving. "You got it."

"I was kidding," Kurt called after him, but Puck was already out the door.

* * *

"Six days."

"I'm prepared this time," said Kurt, grinning, opening his notebook. "I believe it was my turn?"

"Fire away. But I beg your apology in advance, I have a little bit of a headache. I think there was MSG in the Chinese food I had for lunch."

"Do you want to talk later? It's fine -"

"No," Adam said quickly. "No. I've been looking forward to this all day. Don't worry. I'm a big boy."

_Not responding. Not going to say anything._ "Okay. Um... your favorite designer?"

"Oh, McQueen, definitely. He's visionary. But I'm also fond of Galliano. It's my goth wannabe thing coming out, you know." Kurt heard him take a sip of something. "And you?"

"McQueen is right at the top of my list," Kurt agreed faintly. "Marc Jacobs, too."

"Totally. But what the fuck was up with those hats this fall? I swear, he was smoking something."

"Well, I guess I won't be wearing mine when I come visit, then. Your turn."

"Mmm. What do you do when you're unhappy?"

Kurt paused. "I... I wrap myself up in my duvet and hide for a little while. Or I go to Finn."

"Yes. Your Top. He takes care of you?"

He was arrested, for a breathless moment, at the picture of himself wrapped tightly in Adam's arms. "Yes - he does."

"Things are better between Noah and Finn?"

"Much," Kurt agreed, "though it's not back to the way it was. Finn's looking forward to the trip, too, you know. It's going to be amazing to be on vacation, the three of us. I can't wait to see you."

He paused, realizing what he'd said, and stopped talking for several moments while he gathered his bearings. Adam went right on as though he hadn't stopped.

"God, I know - it's going to be amazing. I hope you don't mind, but I have all kinds of things planned. How long are you staying?"

"We're flying home on Monday night," Kurt said. It was a little heady to think of Adam Lambert showing them around L.A., and he found himself dwelling a little too long on how that might be.

"What about you?" he managed, eventually.

"What about what?"

"What do you do when you're unhappy," Kurt clarified.

Adam paused a little too long before he answered. "I eat." His sigh was barely a whisper in Kurt's ear. "And then I beat myself up about it."

"Oh. Um - I'm sorry."

"No, honey, it's okay. It's just one of those patterns I regret. Maybe someday I'll deal with it more effectively, but for now - it's okay."

Kurt struggled with twin opposing impulses. One was to put his arms around Adam and hold him; the other was to listen to Adam repeat the word  _honey,_  right in his ear. Both were vaguely disturbing, and far too appealing for his comfort.

In the end, he just said, "All right."

"One more question, and I think then I should go."

The pause went on, until Kurt said, "Okay?"

"Would you - ?" Adam cleared his throat. "Should I plan on a separate bedroom for you, when you visit? Or will you be staying with me and Noah?"

Kurt had no idea how to answer that. He let the silence drag on, trying a few times to open his mouth and say the words  _With you, please, God,_  but eventually it became pretty clear that was not going to happen.

"What do  _you_  want?" he asked, his mouth dry.

"I'm guessing it's not really my call," Adam said. "But if I could choose, you'd be welcome."

Kurt chewed on his lip. "But - you're the Top, aren't you?"

"So are you, Kurt," he said gently. "Think about it, okay?"

He nodded for several seconds before he realized there was no way Adam would be able to see it, afterwards he said, "I will."

"Thank you. I'll talk to you tomorrow. honey."


	8. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kurt has a bad day at school, Kurt and Adam negotiate an important decision, with Finn's help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter falls in the middle of [chapter 3 of How Much You Pierce My Spirit](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2834744/chapters/6389876).

"Five days."

Kurt adjusted his earbuds with the back of one soapy hand. "I don't really know if I'm up for this today, Adam."

"Bad day? We can just talk. You don't have to think of any questions, all right? And I won't ask anything too strenuous." Adam's voice was soothing, and Kurt actually found himself relaxing a fraction. He gave Finn a small smile as Finn handed him more dirty dishes. "How was dinner?"

"Delicious," Kurt said. "You really must have Noah cook for you while we're there."

"We did talk about that. I promised to teach him how to make masaman chicken curry, and he's going to make me beef stroganoff. Do you eat meat?"

"Trust me, Adam, I wouldn't live long in small town Ohio if I didn't." He circled the scrubber over each plate and set them in the sink to rinse. "Masaman - is that Indian?"

"Thai. The spicier the better. I thought we'd stay in for dinner on Friday, but I'll take you to St. Felix for dinner on Sunday; it'll be less crowded. Uh - if that's okay." Adam sounded suddenly uncertain. "You're not really coming out to see me. I don't want to monopolize your time if you have other plans."

"No," Kurt assured him, "we only have the invitation to Lady Gaga's on Saturday evening. The rest of our time is open. Monopolize away."

"All right. Saturday is the SAG awards, so I'll be busy anyway, but I'm trying to clear my schedule for the rest of the weekend." His voice went soft. "I don't know if I've adequately thanked you for arranging this for Noah. It's really a testament to your character, that you would want him to have this time with me."

Kurt stifled his sigh and tried to sound cheerful. "He misses you so much, and I can tell you do, too. I want him to be happy."

"What about you, Kurt? Are you happy?"

He closed his eyes and leaned on the sink. He would  _not_  cry in front of Adam. "Most of the time," he said. "I have just about everything I could want. Noah, and Finn. It's... so much."

"Mmm. You didn't answer me."

Kurt gave a light laugh. He turned to see Finn watching him in the doorway, a concerned expression on his face. He waved him away, but Finn ignored that and came over, holding him from behind, just the way he needed. Kurt tried to relax into Finn's embrace.

"You're not going to tell him?" he murmured.

Kurt shook his head. Finn squeezed him tighter. "He'd listen," he added.

"Kurt?" Adam said in his ear, his voice patient and kind. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head, seeking a place to hide, but Finn held him fast.

Finn bent down and kissed his cheek. "Go on, baby."

"Fine," he said through gritted teeth. "Jesus."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing. I'm getting Topped into being honest." He took a deep breath, feeling Finn's steady warmth. "Today - at school. I told you about the guys who have been... bothering me, right? Slushies in the face, that sort of thing? Um. We're working on these Madonna numbers, and they... took offense to me participating."

"Honey," Adam breathed unhappily. Kurt sniffed, and Finn dried the soap suds off his hand with a towel before turning him around to let him bury his face in his shirt.

"There's more," Kurt whispered. "They caught me in the locker room - I shouldn't have gone in there alone, I should know better by now, but I thought, it was late enough in the - anyway. They took my clothes and all the towels and left me with - um. A cheerleading uniform. So it was that or nothing." He laughed without mirth. "I considered nothing, but it is January. It was a long, embarrassing walk back to my car."

"Kurt," Adam said, and he heard real anger in his voice. "That's completely unacceptable. You can't stand for this."

"Well, if you have any suggestions, believe me, I'd be more than willing to hear them," he snapped. Finn squeezed a little tighter, and he sighed. "I'm sorry - I'm not mad at you."

"I should hope you're damn well  _pissed_  at someone," Adam said. "I sure am. Are there teachers you can trust? Your principal?"

"There's Mr. Schue... our Glee director. He's our friend, and he knows about the three of us, but he's not really in charge. Neither is the principal, for that matter." Kurt followed Finn as he guided him to one of the bar stools at the island. He took a sip of the water Finn put in his hand.

"Who's in charge, then?"

Kurt wiped his eyes with his handkerchief. "The cheerleading coach, Sue Sylvester. But she's as much of a bully as the kids are."

"Sounds like you need to get her on your side." Adam's voice turned crafty. "They want you to be a cheerleader, huh? Why don't you give them what they want?"

Kurt wrinkled his brow. "What?"

"I'm serious. There are boy cheerleaders. I know you've got the moves; Noah told me all about your choreography for Glee. Talk to this coach - you could sell it to her. Just imagine their faces when you showed up on the field in the pyramid."

"Join the Cheerios?" Kurt watched Finn's face devolve from concerned to perplexed. "I never thought about that. Don't you think that'd just be me opening myself up to more abuse?"

"Oh, I don't know, Kurt. Sometimes you've got to do something unexpected. Is there anything you could offer the coach in return? Something that'd be meaningful to her?"

"Um." Kurt thought about the conversation he'd overheard in the hallway that afternoon between Coach Sylvester and Mr. Schue. He had a sudden flash of her outfitted in white satin, her hair in the signature Madonna platinum curl. He blinked. "I - I don't know. Maybe. It's a crazy idea, all right."

Finn was gazing at him with a silly smile. "You'd kick ass on the Cheerios," he said. Kurt smiled, flushing. "No, really. Santana and Britt would help, I'm sure."

"All right, all right! I'll think about it." He rolled his eyes at Finn's expression.

Adam's voice had a hard edge. It was enough to make Kurt glad it wasn't directed at something he'd done. "Kurt, I know I'm not there, and I don't presume to know how it is for you, but... thinking of you going through that every day at school... not to make it all about me, or anything, but it's just awful. You deserve a hell of a lot better than that."

He smiled. "Thank you, Adam. I can usually take care of myself - no, really, I'm okay. Just knowing you guys care about me is enough to kick me out of self-pity and get me moving."

"I know you're strong and resourceful. You can do anything."

Kurt actually felt like Adam believed that. It made him sit a little straighter in his chair. He felt Finn's hand on him, strong and warm. "Thank you," he said again. "It shouldn't be so hard to talk about this stuff, but sometimes it's easy to forget it's not about me. That there's nothing wrong with me."

"God, no," he heard Adam say. "I won't embarrass you with details, but... you're perfect, honey."

Kurt hid his face in his arms. "Um. You're embarrassing me plenty right now."

"Oh, trust me, I haven't even gotten started." He laughed. "Not tonight, though. Tonight you get a break. I'll let you go, so you can finish whatever you've got planned."

"Dishes and homework," Kurt assured him. "Big plans."

"Kurt... thank you for telling me the truth. It's not easy, but you did it. You're... thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, dry-mouthed. "Good night, Adam."

"Good night, honey. Sleep well."

Finn was silent for a moment, his hands resting on Kurt's shoulders. Then he kissed him on the cheek. "That's my good boy," Finn whispered into his ear, and Kurt closed his eyes.

* * *

"Four days, and you're not getting away with any excuses tonight."

"It's... this isn't Kurt, Adam." He didn't have any reason to be pretending to be Kurt, so he didn't bother coming up with one. "Kurt's in the shower. He'll be out in a minute. Well, maybe twenty. But I thought we should talk."

"Finn?" Adam didn't sound nervous, but maybe a little wary, and no wonder. Finn sat down on the edge of Kurt's bed.

"It's nothing bad," he added quickly. "It's just that... well, you and me, we're going to be meeting in a few days. Four. And there are some things that might come up. Because we have some things in common."

"Yes." He heard Adam take a measured breath. "More than we did a few weeks ago."

"So it seems. Kurt... he kind of protects his feelings. He's been spending a lot of time...  _not talking_ about you, if you know what I mean. Anyway, no matter what he tells me, I know there's something there. And it sounds like you think so, too?"

"Finn, it's hard to know anything until we meet. But it does seem to be that way."

He picked at his sleeve. "And that's what you want?"

"Again, I don't think I can really -"

"What I mean is," said Finn, "it's not because you feel guilty or anything? You actually want this with him?"

There was a surprised pause, and then Adam laughed. It sounded genuine, but Finn really had no idea what to believe. "No," he said. "God... no. I don't think he could, anyway. He's been so... sweet. I don't think he could talk me into doing anything I don't want to do."

"You might be surprised," Finn muttered. "He can be pretty pushy when he wants something. But I got it. I mean, I think he's incredible, so I can understand where you're coming from."

"Yeah," Adam said, exhaling. "I  _am_ surprised... you don't know how he's feeling?"

"Kurt's not talking to me much about you. Pretty much all I get is Puck's point of view, and he's can't get past how  _happy_  he is about the whole thing." Finn couldn't hide the bafflement he felt. "But that's Puck, and I can't expect him to be any different. Kurt, he's still kind of new to me."

"Well... I don't have many answers, Finn, but... I can tell you, in the three weeks since we've begun talking, I've been very pleased to get to know Kurt. He's already incredibly special to me, and not just because he's taking care of Noah."

"I got that," Finn nodded. "And... you know I'm not doing that with him, anymore, with Puck. But I want to make sure you get that I'm still taking care of Kurt. Right?"

"He hasn't said it in so many words, but I thought something like that might be going on." He paused, then added, "I'm new to this, Finn, and I don't know all the rules. I tend to not worry too much about breaking them. I follow my heart, and trust my instincts. I get the feeling you might be the same way?"

"Yeah, that's about right." He leaned back on the bed, against Kurt's mountain of pillows, moving Ernie out of the way first.

"So I don't get the impression that Kurt wants me Topping him. I think he wants something else from me, something a little more vanilla. A little romance. Is that going to interfere with what the two of you are doing? Do you think I should I be asking you for permission to... court him?"

Finn couldn't help but laugh. "Adam, it's kind of weird for you to be asking  _me_  this stuff. I got the impression you knew what you were doing. I'm still figuring it out, myself."

"Finn... my role models in the scene are people who play. But when I met Noah, it seemed pretty clear it wasn't entertainment he was after - it went a lot deeper than that. What we shared, it opened things up for me, things I barely knew I wanted. So you and I, we're both learning."

"Okay," Finn said slowly. "I can accept that. And - to answer your question... Kurt's his own person. He'll follow my lead, but I would never presume to tell him he couldn't do something. It's not like that with us - and even if it were, I'm a little gunshy about telling  _anybody_  they can't do  _anything_ right now. You know what I mean?"

"All right. So that takes me back to my original question. Is what I - what I want, with Kurt, is that going to be a problem for you? He told me your agreement is full disclosure."

"No lies, no hiding," Finn agreed. "No... it's not a problem for me, Adam. But you need to know this is Kurt's first time doing this with anybody else."

Adam was silent. "Really," he said at last. "I didn't know that."

Finn shook his head, smiling. "Dude, he never even had a date before me. And that was  _October._  He might have been dreaming about romance for a long time, but actually doing something about it is all new for him."

"Holy shit," he heard him murmur. Then, a little louder, "Thank you, Finn. It's easy to forget how young you all are."

"Yeah... there's that, too." He cleared his throat. "I know you and Puck, you're, uh... having sex."

"Yes." In that one word, Finn could hear all the fierce possession he'd once had for Puck, and it hit him unexpectedly like a punch to the gut. Adam could just as well have said  _He's mine._

Finn let the silence go on too long while he struggled to recover his equilibrium, and he heard Adam sigh. "The age difference bothers you?"

He let out a strangled laugh. "Uh... I don't think I can say that. Considering who I'm in a relationship with?"

"No, I imagine not. Are you worried about the legal ramifications? The age of consent in California?"

"No... no, I don't care about that, either. I know he's doing it because he wants to. I mean, I don't feel comfortable breaking a law, but there's a lot of stupid laws out there, and I don't think I could ask Puck not to break this one, considering he's been breaking it since he was thirteen."

"Good point. So... what is it?"

He didn't know what to say. Finally Adam went on. "Finn, I can't pretend to feel comfortable with the way things are right now between the two of you, but I do know Noah needs you. The way you love him, however it manifests - you're part of him, an important part. But he's growing and figuring out his needs, just as you are. Just as I am. We're feeling this out, all of us together, and I suspect neither one of us is going anywhere. It would be foolish for you and I not to at least try to be friends."

Finn took a breath, concentrating on being as calm and rational as he could manage. "I'm trying to stay out of his way," he said. "I know I kind of gave up my claim on him when I... when he took off. But I can't pretend it's easy for  _me,_  either, to see the two of you... to know you're in charge of him the way I used to be."

"You miss that."

He struggled to be clear. "It's not even so much that I miss it." But of course, he  _did._ He did miss it. There was no way he deserved it anymore, or felt safe doing it, but that didn't keep him from wanting it. He just wasn't going to get into that with Adam. "I want him to get what he needs. If I can't give it to him, it... helps, to know you and Kurt are giving it to him. Because - because I'm getting it, too, and I know exactly how much  _I_  need it. I know how much I was falling apart when I needed someone to... to take care of me, and I wasn't getting it."

"Okay." Adam sounded a little perplexed, but Finn pushed on.

"I'm really here to talk about Kurt. He really likes you. And - no matter what you think might be going on here, the way things happened with us was all of a sudden. One day, it was just two guys, figuring things out, and the next, it was me, in charge of Kurt. That's what he wanted. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Sorry, no."

Finn sighed. "I'm saying if you guys are going to be in a room together with Puck, and there's going to be sex, and it's the kind of sex I'm pretty sure you're having, then... Kurt might realize he wants that, too. With you. And it's okay."

"Finn." Adam's voice was soft. "That's... generous of you. But - forgive me, but it doesn't actually sound like it  _is_  okay with you."

"Well, it's going to have to be, isn't it?" he snapped. "He likes you, Adam. A whole fricking lot. And if there's one thing Kurt's been for me, it's  _generous._  I don't deserve him, but  _he_  sure deserves to be happy, and if you can  _make_  him happy, I'm not going to stand in his way."

They sat in the uncomfortable silence for a moment. Finn heard the shower turn off.

"One more thing," he said. "Carl... he wants to talk with you about the agreement we have between the three of us. Right now, our agreement states that if we have sex with other people, we use protection. With each other, we don't."

"Noah told me. It's a reasonable thing to expect. I use condoms with all my lovers - it's just easier - and I get tested four times a year. I'd be happy to talk with Carl about it. Just to be clear, what's your agreement in regards to oral sex?"

Finn tried not to dwell on the visuals that came to mind with Adam's question. "Uh. When Kurt and I started doing things together, we'd never really done much with anybody else, so there wasn't a whole lot of risk there... and when we started with Puck, he got tested and everything was cool, so we figured that was a reasonable risk. But adding more people, it seems... more risky. You know?"

"It is." Kurt stepped out of the bathroom, gently towelling off his hair, and stopped short as he saw Finn holding his phone. Finn just gazed back at him as he listened to Adam. "It is risky, with more people. You'd have to trust not only everybody you're having sex with, but also everybody  _they're_ having sex with, to continue to be safe and get tested. And then there are things you can't be sure about, in regards to testing. It's not an easy decision. But I've always come to the conclusion that, if I know someone's been tested and they're clean, oral sex is a low enough risk that it wouldn't stop me from wanting to do it."

"I think... if you've been tested, that I wouldn't have a problem with it," said Finn, and he watched Kurt's face go scarlet. Kurt reached forward, grabbing for the phone, and Finn rose up on his toes to keep it out of his reach. "I also think our time is up here."

" _Finn Hudson,"_  Kurt hissed, flailing his arm as he clambered up on the bed to get more height. "That is  _enough."_

"Please give Carl my number," Adam said. "I'll talk to him. Finn - thank you. I can't even tell you how impressed I am by your willingness to communicate with me. I'm looking forward to meeting you."

"Me, too, Adam," he said. "See you in four days. Here's Kurt."

Kurt, scrambling for the phone, looked a little stunned to suddenly get what he wanted. He stared at it for a moment, then put it to his ear. "Hello?"

Finn watched his face go from outraged to hesitant, and finally to a little breathless. "Okay," he said, glancing at Finn, who nodded. He wasn't exactly sure what he was nodding to, but whatever it was, if Kurt wanted it, it was pretty much all right with him. Kurt sank down on the edge of the bed, eyes fluttering closed. "I think... I need to think about it. Yes. All right. Thanks."

"You didn't even say goodnight," Finn pointed out as Kurt's hand holding the cell phone fell to his lap. He turned his dazed expression on Finn.

"Finn," Kurt said, his voice flat. "Did you...  _really_... give Adam permission to... "

"No, baby," Finn assured him. "You don't need my permission. That's up to you guys."

He raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you telling me you  _didn't_ say it was okay for Noah and Adam to have oral sex without a condom?"

Oh. "Uh, yeah, I guess I did. But I know it's not really my call - we can talk about it if you..." He trailed off, watching Kurt's expression turn hungry and desperate just before he buried his face in his pillow.

" _God,_ " came his muffled moan. "I am  _never, ever_ going to get that image out of my head."

Finn stretched out on the bed beside him, rubbing his back gently. "Kind of hot," he suggested.

" _Yes._  And this is  _not_  a conversation I should be having with  _you."_

He chuckled. "I seem to recall having a remarkably similar conversation about Puck on several occasions before we figured out he was into me. Us."

Kurt peeked one eye out from where he was hiding, red-faced and wincing. "This is different," he protested.

"Baby," he murmured, brushing Kurt's wet hair out of his face, "I'm pretty sure the question about oral sex didn't just come up because of  _Puck."_

Kurt's eyes widened, and the low sound that came out of his mouth made Finn's cock twitch. He ran a hand down between Kurt's robed thighs and wasn't at all surprised to find him entirely hard.

"You like that idea," Finn said, completely needlessly, into his ear, just to get him to make that noise again. Kurt clenched his eyes shut. "You want him to - do that to you? Or maybe you want to do that to him?"

"Finn," he whimpered, as he trailed fingers down the length of him.

"Shhh. Close your eyes." He parted the robe, stroking his hands down Kurt's slender legs and back up onto his stomach. "Go on. Tell me what you want him to do."

"Finn, this is a little -"

"Let me do this, baby. For you." He watched Kurt's eyes glaze over and his head drop back onto the bed, and he knew he'd made the right decision. "What's he doing right now?"

"He... he's..." Kurt's breathing came a little faster.

"I bet he's touching your skin," he suggested, running both hands between his thighs. "He's kneeling between your legs, close enough to do  _this..."_  Finn placed a careful kiss on his hip, and Kurt moaned again, bucking his hips. "And  _this..."_  A second kiss, lower this time, just under his navel. He quivered. "And  _this..."_

"Oh -  _god,"_  he cried, as Finn's tongue ran down the slit, around the head of his cock, and took the whole thing in his mouth. He reached up and captured Kurt's hands, which were balled into fists in his robe, and drew them down to rest on his head. "Finn..."

"Not Finn," he said, taking a breath. "Who is this, loving your cock, baby?"

"... Adam," Kurt whispered.

He hummed in approval. "Let him hear you."

"Adam," he said again, louder, with more intensity. Finn shivered.

"That's right. He wants to hear that gorgeous voice of yours. He wants to feel your hands in his hair, wants to spread you wide open..." He dipped one wet finger below his cock, along the pucker of his ass, inspiring another whimper. "Tell me you want that, honey."

"Oh,  _yes,_  yes, oh please -" he begged. Finn cast around with his eyes for lube, but it wasn't anywhere to be found, and Kurt was far enough along that he wouldn't have wanted to pause to use it, anyway. His suspected his tongue would do just fine. It only took a few forceful thrusts before Kurt was clenching around him, his own hand on his cock, stroking himself to orgasm.

"You look so incredible, baby," Finn said, as Kurt's gasps subsided. "There's no way he could resist you."

Kurt sprawled, limbs trembling, flat on his back. "That was -  _not fair,"_  he croaked.

Finn crawled up the bed to lie beside him, wrapping him up in his limbs, and shook his head. "Hey... the only difference between this and the fantasies that you had me playing out about Puck is that  _we know_  you're going to get to do these things with him. In  _four days._  If you want to."

"If I want to," Kurt whispered. "Holy shit, Finn. What do you think?"

He smiled. "I think we're going to have a hard time prying you guys out of the bedroom?"


	9. Tequila

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt calls Adam under the influence of Noah's amazing drinks, and tells him more than he'd intended.

“Three days,” he chirped.

Adam rolled over and stared at the clock.  “Uh.  Kurt?”

“Okay, technically three and a half.  But I think it’s late enough that it qualifies as tomorrow, at least here.”

“Kurt, it’s two-thirty in the morning in Ohio.”

“I  _know!”_   Adam heard him giggle, and he sat up slowly in bed, pushing the covers back.  He switched on the light.  “I’m never up this late.  My dad would  _kill_  me if he knew I was still awake.”

“Mmmm.  He wouldn’t keep you from coming to California, would he?”

Kurt sounded abashed.  “Oh -- I don’t think so.  He’s asleep, anyway, so he’ll never know.” 

Adam sat up and wrapped his hands around his bare knees.  “You are completely insane.”

“Nope,” Kurt boasted.  “I’m  _drunk.”_

“I can hear that.  Can you tell me  _why_  you’re drunk at two-thirty in the morning on a school night?”

Kurt’s voice dropped to a loud whisper.  “Your fault.  And Noah’s.  Those  _questions._ ”

“What about them?  And what  _exactly_  did Noah do?” 

He must have heard something in Adam’s tone, because he jumped right in with a protesting murmur. “Oh, no -- you can’t spank him for this.”

“Kurt, I don’t think you get to tell me what I can or cannot spank Noah for.  And I was just thinking I might have to spank  _you_  as well if you don’t explain what’s going on.”

There was a shocked silence. 

“Kurt?”

“You can’t -- you wouldn’t -- do that?”  He didn’t sound at all sure.  “Would you?”

“I most certainly would, if Finn gave me permission.  And I suspect he would.  So are you going to talk now?”

_“Adam...”_   Kurt took a shuddering breath.  “You can’t just  _say_  something like that and then expect me to --”

“Kurt.”

He wasn’t at all sure that tone of voice would work, but when Kurt fell silent again, he added, “What is your middle name, anyway?”

Kurt whimpered.  “I -- you can’t...”

“Fine.  I’ll get it from Finn.  You tell me what’s going on,  _now,_  or I’m hanging up.”

“I... Adam, I’m sorry.”  He did sound embarrassed, even in the midst of his inebriation.  Adam sighed.  He knew exactly how that felt. 

“It’s okay, Kurt.  I’m here.  Won’t you tell me why you’re calling me so late, and... under such unusual circumstances?”

“I wanted... to talk to you.  To tell you.  Things.  About me, and to ask you questions about you, and I didn’t think I  _could._ So I told Noah, “Not without suitable application of alcohol.”  And he said, “Here, baby, try this.”  And  _I_  said, “What’s in it?”  And he said, “You’ll love it.”  And I -- “

“And you had three of them,” Adam guessed.

“Uh... four.  I think.  They were  _really_  good.  Noah makes amazing... everything.”

“I’ve heard that.”  He was rocked by the sudden memory of Noah, on his knees on the floor of the hotel room in Santa Fe, reaching back to hand him a condom.   _Yes, Adam._   He closed his eyes, swallowing.  “He’s pretty amazing, himself.”

“Adam...”  Kurt’s voice was thick with intense emotion.  “I love that you love him.  The way I do.  I really, really love that.”

Adam found himself blinking back tears.  “Oh... Kurt.  That’s so sweet.”

“There are so many things... I want to share with you.  So many.  You have no idea.”

“I might,” he said, with a tiny laugh.  “I just might.  Well... okay.  Let’s start simple.  Something you like, that’s bad for you.”

“Besides four of Noah’s drinks?”

Now Adam laughed out loud.  “Yeah.  Besides that.”

“Mmm.  Cheesecake.  A whole one.”

“I can relate to that.  Ice cream, for sure.  And Nutella, god, I could eat it with a spoon.  Hot chocolate. Tequila.”

Kurt giggled.  “I’m pretty sure there’s some of that in what I drank tonight.  Noah knows he can get me to play video games with him if he gives me enough of it. So... what’s something you like that  _is_  good for you?”

Adam wasn’t quite sure how to answer that.  “Singing?” he tried.  “And I like to dance.  That’s good for me, right?”

“It depends on how much alcohol you’re consuming when you do it,” decided Kurt.  “But I could go along with it being good.  I mean, there’s  _dancing,_ ballet and jazz and all that, and there’s club dancing…”

“Both,” said Adam.  “Choreographed dancing is really fun.  And then sometimes I just like to  _move._ ”

Kurt gave a low, amused chuckle.  It was not a sound Adam had ever expected to hear come from his mouth, and it was a little startling.  “I’ve seen you dance.”

“You – ?  Oh, online.”  Adam sighed, resting his head in his hand.  “Of course.  Sometimes I hate Youtube.”

“Adam,  _no._ You’re  _amazing._   I just want to – to crawl through the screen, to creep into the audience of all those old shows, and applaud as loud as I can.”

“Except you were about ten years old when I did most of those shows.”

“I’d still have been your biggest fan.  I’d have been that kid at the stage door, waiting for your autograph.”

Adam smiled into his hand, even though there was nobody there to see him grinning like an idiot.  “Oh, yeah, I remember you.  You were adorable.”

“I totally would have been that kid, if I’d ever been outside of Ohio in my life.” 

He blinked.  “So -- you’re not telling me you’ve never seen a musical?”

“Not unless you count high school productions.  And most evenings on my television.  You should see my DVD collection.  It’s pretty extensive.”

Adam pictured himself on the couch with Kurt on one side and Noah on the other, watching  _Oklahoma,_  and smiled.  “I’d really love that.  Um... favorite television show?”

“Currently, True Blood.  Something about the sexy vampires just really does it for me.”

“Oh, yeah, Lafayette all the way,” Adam agreed.  “And Dexter.  God, the way Michael C. Hall puts on that t-shirt at the beginning?   _Hot._   I’d love to work with him someday. _”_  

“Is it a little weird that you actually have a chance of meeting people like him?” Kurt said, with more than a touch of envy.

“Yes.  Definitely weird.  I wake up every morning and do a lot of  _is this really my life?_   And then I get up and make breakfast and go on with my day.”  He swung his legs out of bed and stood, stretching.  “Your turn.”

“Your favorite article of clothing.”

“Ah -- the Versace jacket they gave me for the Idol tour.  The leather is like butter.  Seriously.”  He flexed his toes.  “You?”

He heard Kurt’s smile.  “My McQueen scarf.  It’s blue.  Finn says it goes with my eyes.  I figure if my fashion-impaired boyfriend can tell it looks good on me, I should wear it as often as I can.”

Adam walked to the window and peered out, though checking the weather in LA was almost pointless.  Weather forecasters could hit a pretty fair average of being right just by engraving a stone with the words  _dry and 72, of course_  and leaving it on their desk.  “Hmmm... let me think... a question that won’t take advantage of your inebriated state...”

“Oh, don’t worry about  _that._ That was the whole  _point_ of having those drinks.”

He grinned.  “Yeah, and if I could be sure you wouldn’t look at this conversation tomorrow and cringe, then I might be a little more forward.  But... oh, I know -- do you have any piercings?”

“ _No!”_   He sounded so outraged that Adam had to lean against the wall to keep from collapsing with laughter.  “Just...  _no._   No holes in this body.”

_“Yet,”_  Adam stressed, and heard him groan.  He waited, grinning to himself. 

“Um.”  Kurt hesitated, then in a rush: “And you?”

“Are you sure you want to hear the answer?”

“No.  Yes?  Um... God, Adam, can you just tell me?”

“Never fear, Kurt Hummel.  I only have my ears pierced.  Granted, they’re gauge zeros, but I’m not planning to go any bigger.”

He heard a long sigh.  “Oh thank Gaga.  Noah’s nipple piercing is bad enough.”

Adam was caught by the memory, and he must have paused for a little too long, because Kurt said softly, “You really miss him, don’t you.”

“Every day,” Adam agreed.  “Why do you think I’m counting down each day until your visit?  This is the best late Christmas present you could have given me.”

“Speaking of Christmas presents...”  Kurt cleared his throat, and then whispered, “The paddle.”

Adam held his breath.  “Yes?”

“It -- it’s... a hit?”

They both cracked up at the same time.  “Kurt, you’re fucking hilarious when you’re drunk,” Adam snorted, grabbing the wall for support. “And god, that’s a hell of an image to give a guy right before bed.”

Kurt managed to control his laughter.  “You are  _not_  allowed to talk to me about  _inappropriate images,_  Adam, after what Finn did to me earlier.”

Adam paused.  “Do I want to know?”

“Maybe -- but I’m not telling you.”

“Can I weasel it out of you, or is it too embarrassing?”

“Definitely too embarrassing.”  Kurt sighed.  “Okay.  How about... favorite song?”

Adam turned on the light in the kitchen and opened the door to the fridge, rummaging for the jar of pickles.  “Way too broad, Kurt.  I can’t pick just one.  I mean, can you?”

“ _Defying Gravity,_ ” he said without pause.  “Although ever since you sang to me, that song from Brigadoon is now a close second.  You really don’t want to know the playcount on that track.”

“ _Defying Gravity,_ ” Adam echoed, smiling.  “Sure, I can see that.  I know I would have told you once, if I’d never heard it again, it would have been too soon... but it’s been long enough now that I can say I honestly do love that musical.”  He set the pickle jar on the table and nudged the fridge closed with his hip.

“Do you miss singing with an ensemble cast?”

“No way.  I mean, I got to do some of that on Idol.  But I love being in the spotlight.  I’ve never done a very good job at being part of a crowd.  I had enough of blending in in high school.”  He propped his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he wrestled with the lid of the jar. 

“By the way... I never gave you an answer to one of your questions, earlier.”

Adam slowly set down the pickle jar.   _Why, Kurt, would that be the question about me having oral sex without a condom with your very sweet and very sexy boyfriend, with whom you are already sharing fluids?_   “All right.”

“I gave it a lot of thought, and... well.  I’d really like to... to share a bed.  With Noah and you.”  He sounded so hopeful and nervous, even under the influence of three-maybe-four drinks.  “It doesn’t have to be anything more than that, Adam, I just want you to know.  I’m really not throwing myself at you.”

“It’s okay, Kurt.”  Adam traced the edge of the jar with a finger.  He was a little bit jumpy himself.  “Although I’m sure you’ve thought about this... if we’re in a bed together, then things are bound to happen.”

“I’m okay with that,” Kurt assured him.  “You two, you need that time.  And of course you’ll want time alone together.  I can go off with Finn and Brad and Timmy.”

Adam leaned his chin in his hand.  “No, Kurt -- that’s not what I meant.  Not the two of us.  I meant you and Noah, and me. The three of us.”

“Oh,” Kurt said, and it was a little long and drawn out and breathy.  Adam felt himself twitch.  “I... I’m okay with that, too.”

Adam couldn’t help but smile.  “It’s okay if you change your mind, honey,” he assured him.  “Nobody’s going to do anything you don’t want to do.”

There came that surprising low chuckle again.  It sent all kinds of unexpected shivers down his spine.  “Adam, believe me, I’ve given it... a lot of thought.   There’s really nothing that could scare me away.  I might turn fifty shades of red, but Noah... he would absolutely love to wake up with both of us.  I definitely want to give that to him.”

“ _Fuck,”_  Adam whispered.  “Uh.  Yeah.  That would be new for me.”  He managed to get the pickle jar open without dropping the phone.  “But is it something  _you_  want?  Not just what Noah wants?”

“I think so,” Kurt said.  “I can imagine it would be... very nice.”

“Anything else you’ve been imagining, honey?”

He almost wished he could take the question back when he heard the silence on the other end of the phone.  Then he heard Kurt take a shaky breath.  “So many things, Adam.”

“Tell me one.  It can just be... anything.”

“Um.  Okay.”  Another pause.  “I can’t wait to... to touch you.  To hold your hand.  It’s like, I’m not even sure you’re  _real_  yet.”  He laughed nervously.  “When I meet you for the first time, I don’t think I’m going to be able to let go.”

Adam smiled to himself.   _Holding my hand._   “You won’t have to, let me assure you.  I have two hands -- one for Noah, and one for you.”  The idea, simple as it was, made him feel a little giddy.

“Thank you.”  The whisper made Adam shift in his chair.  “What about you?”

“What about me what?”

“What have you been... imagining?  I mean, assuming you’ve been imagining anything.  And it’s fine, if you weren’t, I just --”

“Kurt,” he said, as gently as he could.  “You’re not going to tell me you think you’re the only one, wanting things, here.”

“I... no.  I suppose not.  I just don’t want to assume anything.  I mean, I’m a  _high school student_  and you’re --”

“Don’t say it,” he interrupted testily.  “I’m  _not_.  I’m just -- I’m just me, okay?  And this, what we’re doing, it’s not anything about that.  It’s just me and you.  And I already feel like a total perv for being almost twice your age.”

Kurt practically fell all over himself explaining.   _“No,_  Adam, it’s not... I mean, it doesn’t feel... you aren’t like that at all.” 

Adam leaned back in his chair, stretching out his legs, and rand his hands down his bare thighs. He sighed. “Kurt... I kind of am.  I do like younger men.  Granted, not usually as young as you or Noah.  And I like all kinds of things you’ve probably been told to stay away from.  I’m not a  _nice_  boy.  Guys don’t bring me home to their parents.”

The laughter took him by surprise.  “Adam?  First thing my dad said, after he talked to you on the phone?  ‘He’s a nice young man.’  And he  _knows_ everything we do.  Well -- not the details, but he understands.”

Adam sat, blinking, in shocked silence for several long moments.

“Adam?”

“That was really kind of your father,” he murmured.

“Well, I trust him.  I think he knows what’s going on with us, too.”

Adam leaned against the wall, rubbing a hand over his stomach.  “Kurt... what is going on with us?”

“Things.  They’re... happening.”  Kurt whispered the words, like they were a great mystery.  “I’m having... god, I don’t know, Adam, I’m trying to figure it out, and all I can do is wonder what in hell you might want with  _me.”_

_What I want with you.  Where should I start?_ “I want... “  Adam paused, and tried again, feeling the prickle of tears at the back of his throat.  “I want to hold you.  Wrap you up in my arms, and make you feel -- special.  Because you are, Kurt.”

“Oh.... god.”  Kurt’s voice was hoarse. 

Adam closed his eyes.  “Too much?”

“Are you serious?” he whispered. “You’re not teasing me? I’m not reading you wrong?  You really want... me?”

Adam felt simultaneous rushes of compassion for this boy who’d experienced so much rejection, and fury at those who had harmed him in the past.  He had to take a deep breath to regain control before going on. “I’m definitely not teasing you, but... Kurt, how can I be certain?  Attraction is so much about physical compatibility, and we’ve never...  But I really think -- yes.  I want you.”  He listened to Kurt’s labored breathing.  “I hope that doesn’t scare you too much.”

“Not right now,” Kurt said.  “Right now it’s just about the least scary thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Well.”  He gave a quiet laugh.  “That’s good.  I guess we’ll just have to see how you feel in the morning.”

“Adam -- it’s not like I’m not thinking about this... okay,  _all_  the time.”  Adam could practically hear the eye roll.  “I think I can safely say I’m  _interested._   Whatever else happens.  Can you trust me, about that?”

Adam smiled to himself.  Here was this young man, in the midst of his high school experience, asking  _Adam_ to trust him.  “I know you’re not an ordinary boy, Kurt,” he said.  “I just don’t want you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”

Kurt snorted extensively, and Adam couldn’t help but laugh.  “Adam.   _Seriously._   I’m in a relationship with  _Noah_ _._   How much  _advantage_  do you think you can realistically take?”

“Um.”  Adam sat back, a little taken aback.  He thought about what Finn had said:  _This is the first time he’s ever done anything like this._   The Kurt who was presenting himself to Adam now was nothing like that.  He was confident, cocky even.  Sexy.  And, yeah, drunk.  “I don’t think I can honestly answer that until we’re having this conversation without the aid of alcohol.”

“Well, you’ll definitely get that in three days.  My dad’s made us both promise we wouldn’t drink any at all.  And believe me, he’d know.”

“Exactly.  And I wouldn’t let you, anyway.”  He fished in the pickle jar for a spear.  “So -- what exactly do you mean, how much advantage?”

“I mean -- I’ve done plenty, Adam.  I’ve done  _a lot._   And it was all fine.  So whatever comes up between us, it’ll be fine too.  Believe me, no matter what kind of an innocent I used to be, my fantasies since then have far exceeded those of a schoolboy.”

“Really.”  Adam took his pickle and sat back in his chair, grinning with amusement.  “Tell me about some of them.”

There was a pause.   _Gauntlet thrown.  Let’s see what he --_

“I’d love to be blindfolded and gagged.”

The pickle stopped, halfway to his mouth, entirely forgotten.  He closed his mouth, which had fallen open, and licked his lips.  “O-okay.”

“I’ve never done anything like that before, and I’ve never talked to Finn about it, but I think about it all the time.  We have these leather cuffs, and I think it would be --”

“Kurt,” Adam said hurriedly, squirming a little on his kitchen chair.  “I’ve never... well, okay, I’ve done stuff like that, but it was completely for fun, not -- with somebody who mattered.  Who really... um.”  He blinked, siting forward.  His voice became hushed.  “You want that?”

“Yes,” Kurt said, completely matter of fact, in his soused condition.  “I think it would be totally hot.  Does that bother you?”

“Um.”  Adam considered this.  “Bothered is not the word I would use.   _Hot_ and bothered, maybe.”

“Mmm.”  Kurt sounded like he’d had a sip of something that tasted good to him.  Adam felt a quiver travel down his spine.  “That turns you on?”

“Yeah.”  He heard the word come out, hoarse and tinged with lust, and he felt a flush of -- something.  “I have seen exactly one picture of you, Kurt, and it’s the picture of you sleeping with Finn, looking entirely blissed out.  That’s how I see you when I imagine you in handcuffs and a blindfold.  And a gag.   _Fuck.”_

“Okay, then.”  Now Kurt sounded entirely too satisfied with himself.  “Put that at the top of your list of things to do with me.  You ready for more?”

“Sure,” Adam said faintly.  “Fire away.”  He shifted again on the chair and adjusted his naked behind on the hard kitchen chair, trying not to think too hard about his semi-erection. 

“Well... I don’t know if you’ve ever been with two boys -- er, men -- but there are some things you can do that are particularly incredible.  I’d be lying if I said I’d never thought about trying them with you.”

Adam swallowed.  “All right.”  He set the pickle spear down on the table, staring at it.  “Do you... want to tell me about any of them?”

“Maybe,” Kurt said coyly.  “But you have to tell me something in return.”

“What?” Adam asked, unable to avoid sounding suspicious.  Kurt giggled, and  _god,_  it was really way too adorable for words.  Adam shook his head, smiling ruefully at himself.   _You’re totally fucked._

“Anything you want, Adam.  I trust you to come up with something good.”

“All right.”  He refused to feel guilty for taking his own cock in his hand and giving it a firm squeeze.  “I’m listening.”

“Okay.”  He could picture Kurt sitting forward excitedly, about to share a secret, and he found himself hunching forward in imitation.  “So the first time the three of us had -- intercourse -- Finn was in charge.  He described it in detail to us beforehand, so we were both prepared, and knew exactly what he wanted.  It was me, on the bottom, and Noah, inside me.”

“Oh god,” Adam whimpered.  He took a shaky breath, feeling his head swimming.  “That’s -- I can’t even tell you.”

“It really was,” Kurt agreed.  “Finn talked us through the whole thing, and it was amazing.  And then, after we were done, Finn took Noah, right on top of me.”  Adam heard his voice drop and throb with intensity, and he closed his eyes briefly, shaken by the images.  “I imagine you know how much Noah likes to be fucked.”

“Yes,” he whispered.  “I do.”  The word  _fucked,_  spoken in Kurt’s light, sweet voice just about undid him right there at the table.  “Kurt, I --”

“Holding him, feeling him falling apart... hearing Finn Top him, while I held him against me, naked and trembling.”  Kurt sighed in contentment.  “That’s what I want with you, Adam.”

“You want -- me to fuck your boyfriend in your arms?”

Kurt’s answering groan went straight to his cock, and Adam leaned all the way back in the chair, struggling for breath.  “Yes,” he heard him say with determination.  “Yes,  _please.”_

“That -- yeah.  I can do that.”  He put both hands on the table, gritting his teeth.  “Kurt.  Full disclosure.”

“Um -- yes?”  

“I’m really, really turned on right now.”  Adam let out a tense laugh.  “And I’m naked.”

“Oh... wow.”  Kurt sounded --  _pleased._   And a little  _hungry._   “Just a minute.”  He heard Kurt set down the phone, and then silence for about twenty seconds.  It felt like a long time to Adam, sitting there, his thighs rubbing together, sending shivers of stimulation right to his core. “All right.”

“What was that?”

“Now we’re even.”

“Uh -- naked and turned on?”

“Bingo.”  He was  _grinning_  at him.  Kurt. Adam let out a frustrated huff.

“You’re not supposed -- how can you be so goddamn calm about this?”

“I’m drunk, Adam.  Give me a break.  Can’t you enjoy it?”  He heard his wheedling tone through a haze of frustration. 

“I don’t want to -- I can’t.  You’re -- “

“Adam...” Kurt said, and Adam closed his eyes.  He gave up.

“What do you want?”

There went that sneaky Kurt chuckle again.  Adam knew he would hear it in his dreams.  “Tell me what  _you_  want now.”

Adam didn’t have to reach too far to find a suitable fantasy.  “Okay.  I’m -- you’re on my bed.  You’re on your back and I -- god, Kurt, are you sure --?”

“ _Adam.”_

“Okay,” he said.  “Jesus.  Um.  I’m kneeling over you and you -- I’m inside you.”  He closed his eyes, picturing him, his imagination filling in the blanks of Kurt’s slender body on the pretty face from the picture Noah had shown him.  “It’s really slow, almost too slow for you, but I’m keeping the pace, rocking into you, and you’re  _loving it.”_

“Oh god,” Kurt said.  It was just the rise in tension he’d been hoping for, and Adam clenched his fists on the table, eyes still closed.  “Adam, are you...?”

“I’m not.”  He flicked the pickle spear across the table with two fingers.  “I’m just... sitting here.  Are... are you?”

“... Not... yet.”  The two words were spoken with promise, and Adam’s breath quickened at the sound.  “But I can.  If you want me to.”

“Kurt, I -- “  He shuddered.  “Yeah, I want you to.” 

Adam heard Kurt take his own breath, and he let his hands slip down under the table, into his lap. 

“Go on,” said Kurt.  “Tell me more about what you... want.”

“You like it so far, honey?” he murmured, scooting his bottom forward to perch on the edge of the chair.  He held his hard cock loosely in two fingers, stroking lightly, and tried not to let the flood of arousal interfere with his words. 

“So much,” Kurt purred.  “You’re giving me just what I want.”

Adam could feel his preconceptions about Kurt falling apart like the proverbial house of cards.  He shook his head in disbelief.  “Kurt... can I just tell you how much you’re blowing my mind right now?”

“Trust me,  _mon ange,_  that’s not what I’m going to be blowing in three days.”

That was just unexpected enough to spur Adam into a startled moan, and Kurt echoed it, laughing.  “Holy shit, Kurt.”

“Tell me.”

He felt the smile lingering on his lips, even as he stroked himself more firmly.  “Noah’s holding down your hands, kneeling over top of you.  He... you can’t move, and right above you, he leans in to kiss me.”

“Yes,” Kurt begged, which was just about all Adam needed.  He tried to hold off, but he just didn’t have much resistance at twelve-thirty at night, not when he could hear Kurt’s rough, jagged breath in his ear, Kurt’s description of hot threesomes with Noah resonating in his imagination.  “I can feel you, Adam -- feel you inside me.”

“I’m right here, honey,” he groaned, leaning heavily against the table.  “I’m going to make you come so hard.”

“Oh, yes, you are,  _mon ange_  -- god --” Adam heard his gasp, and  _that_  was enough, that was  _plenty,_ and Adam’s ears rang with the sound of Kurt’s orgasm as he shot his load all over his kitchen floor. 

“Kurt,” he said, panting.  “Kurt -- say something.  Please?”

“I’m here,” he heard.  Kurt didn’t sound upset, but he had to be sure.

“Was that -- are you okay?”

There was a deep, soft sigh.  “Oh...  _yes,_ Adam.”  Kurt chuckled, rich and satisfied.  “I’m  _fine.”_

_Thank god._ Adam leaned forward and rested his head on the table.  “What -- what the  _hell_  was that?”

“If you have to ask, I must be --”

“ -- doing it wrong,” Adam finished with him, and they both cracked up.  He flopped one arm on the table and wiped the sweat from his forehead. 

“God, Kurt,” he said weakly.  “We haven’t even met yet, and we’ve already had sex.”

He sounded entirely too chipper.  And for God’s sake, it was  _three in the morning_  there.  “Well, that’s one thing that’ll make it easier for us when we do meet, won’t it?” 

He groaned.  “You’re totally going to hate me tomorrow.”

“Adam...  _no._   I promise.  I won’t.  It doesn’t matter how many drinks I had.  I -- this was exactly what I wanted; please, you have to believe me.”

“I guess I’m going to have to.”  Adam pulled himself to a shaky standing position, and stumbled across the kitchen to grab some paper towels.  “You called me something.   _Mon ange?_ ”  It felt soft on his tongue.  “What’s that?”

“French.  For... my angel.”

He felt his heart stutter a little and pick up again, the sound of the phrase ringing in his ear. “Oh... Kurt.  That’s lovely.”

“You don’t mind?”   _Now_  he sounded bashful?  Adam grinned to himself as he tossed the paper towel in the trash can under the sink. 

“Not at all... honey.”

“Point taken.  Well.”  He heard Kurt yawn.  “I think I’m about to turn into a pumpkin right here, and I’d better... get cleaned up before bed.  Adam, this was -- god, this was so much more than I could have hoped for.  Thank you.”

“You’re so, so welcome,” he said, smiling.  “Kurt.”

“Adam.  Good night.”

“Can you -- call me that again?”

“ _Mon ange.”_   It was just a whisper.  He quivered.

“Honey,” he whispered back to the silence.

 

* * *

 

It was after ten when he dragged his sorry, sticky ass out of bed, but the first thing he did was to call Noah.  He assumed he’d get his voice mail, since it was one in the afternoon in Lima, but Noah picked up, sounding surprised.  “Hi, Adam -- is everything okay?”

“I think so,” he said, starting the shower.  “Have you spoken with Kurt today?”

“Yeah,” he said, and Adam could hear the grin.  “You guys had... some kind of night, huh?”

“Oh my god, Noah.”  He leaned against the cool tile.  “Did he give you details?”

“Just the bare bones, but I got the idea.  Man, I’m a little surprised.”  He sounded thoughtful.  “Kurt’s not one to open himself up like that.  He must really trust you.”

“I suspect the alcohol had something to do with it,” he said, frowning at himself in the mirror.   _Face it, Adam.  You took advantage of an inebriated sixteen-year-old kid._  

“Well... that’s the funny thing, Adam.”  Noah chuckled.  “I didn’t give Kurt any alcohol.”

Adam stiffened.  “You -- what?  But he said you --”

“I made him some drinks.  Grenadine, club soda, bitters and a twist of lemon.  That was it.”

He straightened up slowly.  “You mean... that was...”

“One hundred percent sober.  Sure, he might have convinced himself he was drunk, but -- it was all Kurt.  Whatever you guys did, he wanted it.”  He was clearly curious.  “Are you going to tell me what happened, or do I have to weasel it out of Kurt tonight?”

“You’d better talk to him first,” he said in a flat voice.  “I think I should, too.  Tell him -- just tell him I have no regrets, okay?  And I’ll call him tonight.”

“Yes, Adam,” Noah murmured.  “I’m really happy for you guys.  I love you... both of you.”

“I love you, too, honey.”  Adam stared at the phone in his hand, feeling like he’d just been hit by a sixteen-ton truck.   _Both of you._


	10. Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt deals with his embarrassment following his own "drunk-dial."

"Three days, Kurt." He was definitely smiling, and Kurt felt his face heating just at the sound of his voice. "For real, now. Are you avoiding me? I wish you'd give me a call. We should talk about what happened. I'm not at all upset. Just... when you get a chance, call me, all right?"

Kurt switched off his voice mail and pressed his phone to his chest. It was nerve-wracking enough to consider what he and Adam had  _done_  on this very phone, just last night - or, to be more specific, what they had talked about, together. Not to mention what he  _himself_  had done, to the sound of Adam's melodious voice, listening to Adam telling him exactly what he wanted to do to him. He cringed.

But now Adam wanted to talk about it. And knowing he hadn't had any alcohol at all in his system, realizing that  _all those words_  had come out of  _his mouth_ , and he'd been completely, utterly sober... Kurt was well past mortified.

First Noah, then Finn slid into seats across from Kurt at the lunch table. They exchanged what they probably thought were covert glances. Finn cleared his throat.

"Don't... say  _anything,"_  Kurt snapped.

Finn pressed his lips together, looking down at his lunch, then back up to Kurt. "Uh... I don't think you -"

" _Nothing,_ " he hissed.

There was silence for a good twenty seconds, which was longer than Kurt had expected Noah to be able to manage to keep quiet. Frankly, he was a little disappointed; he could have used a good session with the paddle and Noah over his knee. And he was  _not_  thinking about where that paddle had come from. Or who else might -  _no._

"You really can't just ignore him, Kurt," said Finn at last.

Kurt gritted his teeth. "Watch me."

Noah nudged Finn. "Tell him," he said. Kurt shot him a suspicious glance.

Finn sighed. "Kurt... you've got to realize that Adam talked to both of us, about you. Days ago. Like, long before you even started... well, mooning over him. He knew something was up. He wanted to make sure it was okay with us, if he... took you out."

"I think his exact words were, 'I'd like permission to court your boyfriend,'" Noah smirked.

Kurt moved his milk container around with a bent straw, feeling his face flush and his eyes glaze, barely seeing what was in front of him. "Well... I think I went a little further than  _that_  last night. Morning. Whatever." He cast the carton aside and buried his face in his arms, groaning. "You wouldn't _believe_  some of the stuff I  _said._ That wasn't me, Finn. I couldn't - I've never -"

"Yeah, you could," Finn said. "And you did. I totally get it. I... I did that once. In the men's john - you remember, Puck?" He glanced over at Noah, who was suddenly very interested in something on the other side of the room. He smiled slightly. "All I'm saying is, you don't have to be embarrassed about anything you guys did together, because  _he_  wants it, too."

Noah touched Kurt's hand across the table. "You don't have to be drunk to want to do stuff with  _Adam,_ Kurt. We never even had one drink together, the whole time I was there. Well, unless you count the beer I had down in the - never mind."

Kurt peeked out of the shelter of his arms and reordered his hair with the fingers of one hand. "You're the one who led me into false temptation,  _Noah._  I'm not sure I should really be listening to your advice."

His eyes gleamed. "Dude. That was all in your head. But this thing with Adam -  _it_ isn't. We're going to see him in three days. Are you guys really going to piss away your time with him?"

It was a good question. Kurt considered running upstairs and climbing under the blanket on the bed of their attic room, and not coming out until after the weekend had passed. But he'd never forgive himself for missing Los Angeles and meeting Lady Gaga, not to mention wasting the tickets his dad and Carole had paid for. He sighed. "No."

"All right, then," Finn said softly, smiling at Kurt. "You've got, what, ten minutes before class? Give him a call."

Kurt glared at Finn. "This is payback for making you call Carl, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah," he agreed, standing and pushing back his chair. "It totally is. See you guys in Glee."

Noah leaned over and put a kiss on his cheek. "It's going to be awesome, baby," he whispered.

Kurt wasn't so sure, but he did place the phone call, and even managed to hold the phone to his ear for the length of time between the beginning of the dial tone and the end before hanging up again. He stared fiercely at the phone, hearing Adam's voice say  _You're going to hate me tomorrow._  Maybe Adam thought he did. The idea was enough to make him call again, and this time he tucked his hand under his own arm while it rang.

"Kurt," came Adam's soft voice.

"I'm not avoiding you," he said, hearing his own voice come out tense. "I - I'm not. I'm avoiding myself. I can't believe I said -  _god."_  Kurt stopped, one hand over his mouth.

"No, Kurt," Adam said. He was smiling again. "You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing to worry about. Everything we... shared. It's just what I wanted, too."

He closed his eyes. "You're sure?" he whispered. "Because  _that_  was way, way more than I'd expected to be saying to - anybody, over the phone. Or at all."

"Yes. I'm sure. Here... let's just back up a little. We can just talk. Remember, how we've been doing? That's good, right?"

"Yes - yes. It's good. I'm... yes." Kurt poked the chair across from him with his toe.

"Ask me something. Something easy. I'm just Adam, remember?"

Kurt gave a shaky laugh, closing his eyes on the hubbub of the McKinley cafeteria. He pictured the image of Adam he'd seen on the cover of  _Rolling Stone,_  stretched out, long and lithe and completely glamorous. "Yeah. Just Adam." He wiggled his feet. "What kind of shoes do you wear?"

"Boots, currently snakeskin. No shoes. Or barefoot. I'd like to go barefoot on stage." Now Kurt pictured Adam in his Idol jacket and no shoes on, and smiled, relaxing a fraction. "And I bet  _you_  have a whole array of shoes to choose from."

"Well, you know, I've got to have something in my closet," Kurt sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Since Noah and I vacated it, anyway." He smiled vaguely at Mercedes as she walked by. She made eye contact with him, but he waved her on. "Most of them are put away until the winter's over. Salt plays havoc with Prada."

"Mmmm, that's right. Snow. We don't get too much of that." Adam sounded genuinely wistful. "I love snow."

Kurt laughed, surprised. "Hey, you can have it. It's only January and I'm completely ready for spring."

"Well, it was down in the low sixties here, yesterday, but I'll see if I can petition the weather gods for some warmer days."

"You have some obscure rituals, offer them sacrifices, that kind of thing?" Kurt grabbed the chair across from him with the toe of his shoe and pulled it close enough to use as a footrest. Tina had been on her way over and had looked as though she was going to sit down, but she veered away when she saw his feet there and the phone to his ear.

"I think you're supposed to leave them half-full styrofoam cups of coffee on the curb."

He snorted, muffling the sound under his hand. "Don't you mean half-empty cups?"

"Oh, no, Kurt," said Adam softly. "I'd say the cups were definitely half-full." There was a pause. "Don't you think?"

"Yeah," Kurt replied, equally softly. He felt his smile relax. "Okay, yeah. Half-full."

"We're okay, then?"

"We're okay." He stood, holding the phone close. "I have to go. But - I'll call you tonight."

"I'd like that. Have a good day, Kurt."

He waited until Adam had definitely hung up to murmur, "My angel."

* * *

Kurt didn't call right away that evening. He waited until after dinner, after the dishes were washed and dried - because with so many people in the house, it was just easier to dry the dishes than to try to fit them into the dish drainer, and his dad promised that someday, someday they'd buy a dishwasher, but it hadn't happened yet - and his homework  _and_  Noah's homework was done, and... and then he was sitting on the couch, trying to think of any excuse  _not_  to call Adam, and he couldn't think of one.

Kurt felt the phone in his pocket. He took it out and turned it over and over in his hands.

Finn, working his way through the American history reading Kurt had done yesterday, paused and watched him for a moment without comment. When Kurt sighed, he stopped and put his hand on Kurt's leg. "Hey. Baby. Just go on and call him, okay?"

Kurt shook his head, no words coming out, sitting silently. Finn set his book on the coffee table and reached for Kurt's hand, handling the phone.

"Why are you so worried?" he said.

"Because I - " Kurt stopped, his throat constricting, and he paused until he could swallow and go on. "Because he... I don't really know for sure what's going on here, Finn. I mean, this is so new, and we've never even met, but -"

"Kurt."

"I think this could be really important," he whispered. "I don't even know how to tell him that. I don't even know him."

"Yes, you do," Finn said patiently. "It's been weeks, and you've talked to him every day. You know him just about as well as I know Carl. He doesn't have to be here, in person, for him to matter."

"But what if he - " He shook his head, feeling the tears beginning. "Finn, what if  _he_  doesn't really - ?"

"Then he'll tell you the truth, or you'll tell him. You'll figure it out." Finn gave him a pointed look. "You're going to have to trust him at some point."

"It's not that I don't..." Kurt stopped. He looked hard at Finn's neck where it extended into his shoulder. His voice dropped. "What if I can't? Trust him?"

"You will, baby." Finn put a kiss on his head. "He's Puck's Top, too, right? Just like you are?"

Kurt was silent again, trying to fight his way through the confusion that had fallen over him. Finn pulled back, staring at him with astonishment.

"You're totally freaked out about that," he said. After a minute, Kurt nodded, and he clutched Finn's hand tight, pulling it to his chest. Finn moved in close, letting the side of Kurt's head rest against him.

"I'm not  _like_  Adam, Finn, or like the way you were with Noah," Kurt said, pressing into Finn, seeking the protection of his shoulder, and sighed. "It's okay. I don't need to be. But - Adam... he gives Noah something. Something he really needs. He doesn't really need..." He took a deep breath, face in his shirt. Somehow it was safer to say it if he couldn't see anybody looking. "He doesn't really need me."

"Baby," Finn said. He stroked Kurt's cheek, brushing an errant hair back behind his ear. Kurt could feel the touch of Finn's hand like it was his own mother's, captured in his memory. "You know that's not true. Puck does need you. I mean, god, if I didn't know he had you... I don't know what I'd do."

"You don't ever have to worry about that, Finn," he sighed.

Finn pulled him closer into the crook of his arm. "So how can you think he doesn't need you? I think he needs you more than  _ever_. California's a long way away. What, do you think Adam's going to deal with him over the phone, the way you do? No way."

Kurt had to laugh at that. "Okay. No. Noah wouldn't listen, if someone weren't actually there, making him do it."

"Yeah. You got that right." Finn's eyes shone with amusement. "Nobody loves Noah like you do, Kurt. I know it, and he does, too."

"No," Kurt whispered. "I mean, I do. Of course I love Noah."

"Okay." Finn kissed his temple. "You're together in this, then. You and Adam, you guys are taking care of him, together. He needs you both. So what's the problem?"

Kurt felt the pressure of Finn's firm chest, his arm around his back, and he felt the imperative of that presence, the command inherent in Finn's body, holding him that way. He folded into Finn, shuddering. "It's not about Noah. It's about me. It's about me... and Adam."

He felt Finn's nod. "Tell me, baby?"

Kurt held the words in his head, felt them on his lips. "I... I want..."

"No." Finn's hand stroked through the back of his hair, where it was the shortest and the most sensitive. "I know what you  _want._  Tell me how you feel."

"I love him," he murmured, against Finn's neck. Finn's chest rose and fell with his sigh, and Kurt closed his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"No, no," Finn said gently. "It's okay. It doesn't bother me. Really. I just know it was hard for you to say that."

Kurt rubbed his forehead against the crook of Finn's arm, feeling the tension resonating through him. "It's the scariest thing I've ever done," he admitted.

"Oh, baby." The arms tightened, and Kurt's body relaxed that much more. "He's completely into you. You know that, right?"

"No." That one word was enough to send him over the edge into tears. "I don't."

Finn gathered him up into his arms, and held him loosely as Kurt fell into pieces. "You're going to be all right," he murmured. "You're the best, Kurt. There's nobody like you. Adam knows that, too."

Kurt had no idea if he was or not; he really didn't, but somehow Finn telling him that made it okay enough that he could resume normal function again after a few minutes. He sniffed and blew his nose into his handkerchief. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"I love you," Finn said simply. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. So don't worry about it, okay? It's really not a problem." He picked up the phone and handed it back to Kurt. "You've been way too good to  _me_ , these last couple weeks. Let me take care of you now, okay?"

"Okay," Kurt said, meekly, accepting the phone. He stared at it for a moment, then took a deep breath, and dialed.

"Kurt," he heard, in Adam's breathtaking voice, and his heart leapt at that one word, but there were more of them coming. "I didn't think you were going to call, after all."

"I - I'm sorry," he said. Finn raised an eyebrow, nodding. "I'm... um. I wanted to tell you something."

"... All right. What is it?"

Kurt realized, with a shock, that Adam's tight, anticipatory tone sounded nervous. More than nervous: scared. "No," he said quickly. Kurt felt Finn, warm and strong beside him, and he clutched at his hand for support. "No, Adam, it's not bad. I just... I just wanted you to know..."

"Kurt." Now Adam's tone had shifted; he was pleading. "You don't have to - I mean, you  _shouldn't._ Not... not yet. Just - wait, okay?"

Kurt paused, closing his lips on the words. "Okay," he said eventually.

He heard Adam take a deep breath. "Good. You... you're doing okay now, then?"

"Yeah. Yes. I am." Kurt blinked, surfacing from under the wash of emotions that had come to drown him. He heard Adam's voice, steady, supporting, and he smiled through residual tears. "I'm glad I called."

Finn's hand brushed his neck. "That's my baby," he murmured. Then he stood, kissed him, zipped his backpack closed, and headed out the door to the garage.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he heard Finn call softly.

"Good night," Kurt replied. He couldn't stop smiling.

"Not yet," Adam protested, and Kurt laughed. Everything felt suddenly easy.

"Not you, silly. That was for Finn. He was heading home." Kurt leaned back into the cradle of the center of the green couch. "I can't stay up too late, though."

"Okay," said Adam, sounding relieved. "At least this weekend, we won't have to pay attention to the clock."

"Yes." The prospect of unlimited hours with Adam was suddenly, incredibly, eclipsing the visit with Lady Gaga, and he shook his head quickly to clear it. "That will be... amazing."

"You're telling me. I've been cleaning, getting everything ready, and..." He coughed. "I made up the bed on the fold-out couch. Just in case you... well, I thought maybe you had... changed your mind about staying with us."

Kurt bit his lip. "No," he said. "Not changing my mind."

"It's all right, if you do. Even in the moment. I'm never going to want to make you do something you don't want to do, Kurt."

The concept of Adam,  _making_  him do something, was suddenly extremely, seductively appealing, but he just breathed and said, "Thank you. I appreciate that - I do."

He heard Adam sigh. "Kurt... god, I knew that was going to be a problem. That... conversation we had. I should never have let you -"

"Adam. Stop. It was completely me." Kurt sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees. "You have nothing to worry about. I... apparently, the  _idea_  of drinking alcohol was enough for me to push past my inhibitions. As mortified as I am to admit it, I think it's pretty clear that I wanted... everything we did."

"Is that so bad, then?"

Kurt closed his eyes, running his fingers up and down the buttons on his pajama top. "Not bad at all. I just have a hard time believing you want... all that. I recall I said some pretty unusual things."

"Not outside the range of what I've thought before, Kurt. Let's say you didn't put any  _new_  ideas into my head. But we don't have to talk about that if it bothers you."

He laughed, hearing the sound come out strained. "You don't get it, Adam. It doesn't bother me. On the contrary."

"That's good, then." Adam sounded pleased. "Would you do something for me?"

It was easy to say, "Yes," even without knowing what it was, and Kurt shifted, crossing his legs.

"Take your hand and put it on on your chest, like you were going to say the pledge of allegiance."

Kurt blinked, but he did, feeling a little strange. "Okay."

"That's my hand, Kurt," Adam said, so gently. "I'm right there, with you, feeling your heart beat. And I'm not going to hurt you. I'll take care of it."

"Take care of it?" he echoed, in a whisper.

"Your heart."

Kurt's bottom lip contorted as he felt the beat accelerate under his hand, but Adam was going on. "I know how it is to want flowers and poetry in a world where guys don't want those things. I'm telling you, it's okay. You're safe with me."

_I doubt that._  He pressed his hand to his chest, feeling it pounding, as thought it might escape. "That's very kind, Adam, but... you might recall it wasn't flowers and poetry I was asking for on the phone yesterday."

"Doesn't mean you don't still want those things, too. I do understand. I want them, and everything we talked about. It's all okay. I just don't want you to be scared."

"Not scared," he murmured. "A little intimidated, maybe. A little... excited."

"How does my hand feel, then?"

Kurt adjusted his fingers. "Warm. A little moist."

Adam chuckled. "That's me being nervous, then. I'm a little excited, too."

Kurt ran his hand along his thigh. "You should probably know you're drying your hand on my pajama pants."

"Well, that's not so bad then." His voice dropped. "And what... is my hand up to now?"

"Oh," Kurt whispered, feeling his body's interest go from mildly curious to riveted. He edged his hand along the seam of his pants. "It's... touching my leg. And thinking maybe I should get ready for bed."

"How about you do that. And if you want to call me back, I'd love to hear more about what my hand is doing."

"All right," he heard himself say. "I think your hand's going to brush my teeth and turn off the downstairs lights, right now. And then... we'll see."

Kurt set his phone by his bed, and left his hand on his heart for several long moments, breathing deeply, trying to stay calm. He stood, his legs a little shaky, and tried not to be distracted by the awareness of his hand, Adam's hand, dangling by his side as he went around, snapping lights off.

"Good night, dad," he called up the stairs, in case his dad hadn't gone to bed yet, but he didn't hear a response.

His teeth were extra-clean when he was done, and he wiped off his skin cream gently before applying the overnight mask, wondering what it would feel like for Adam to do that for him. He touched his reflection in the mirror with the fingers of that hand, then dropped it again, turning off the light in the bathroom, and his bedroom too. Finally it was dark and he was stretched out under the duvet, lying on his back. His hand returned to his chest, resting there.

Finally, he reached for the phone with his left hand, and redialed.

"Honey," Adam said. He didn't sound particularly nervous to Kurt.

"It's... a little chilly here," he said. "I think maybe your hand should... stay warm, under the covers."

"That's what it'll do, then. My hand, do you think it will find some skin, or a shirt of some kind?"

"Pajama top," Kurt croaked. "Cotton, but good quality. The... the buttons are covered with cloth."

"My hand would be warmer," Adam suggested, "if you take that off. Don't you think? Set the phone down and use both hands for it, Kurt. Maybe try speakerphone, if you wouldn't mind."

"Not minding," he promised and lay the phone on his pillow, pressing the button for speaker. He put his hand to his throat, feeling his pulse, a little dizzy.  _You've done this before,_  he reminded himself.  _Not so different._  But somehow it felt different, to have Adam... in charge. He quickly unbuttoned his shirt and, hesitating, asked, "What about the pants?"

"Oh, yes, take those off as well," said Adam, and Kurt shed them onto the floor, for once not feeling an urge to fold them or put them away. He was very aware of the sensation of his own skin under his fingers. "Will you touch your hair, Kurt, and tell me how it feels? I've been wanting to do that, so much."

Kurt ran his fingers through his hair and shivered. "Yes - I want you to. It's... it's soft, and smooth, and a little too long."

"I can take you to my stylist, while you're here. But right now... I like the way that feels, Kurt. You tell me where my hand is now. I'm listening."

"It's... on my neck. Behind my head. Touching the bones in my neck."

"I'm touching gently, honey. No pressure. Just my fingertips, brushing over your skin. Now I'm stroking your shoulder. How does it feel?"

"Good," he whispered. Adam's hypnotic voice, coming from the phone on the pillow by his ear, and Adam's hand on his body, were making goosebumps appear across his skin in the wake of his touch. "Very good. I'm a little lightheaded."

"That's fine. You just get comfortable under your blankets, and stay warm. And when you're ready, I'm going to touch your chest, still very lightly, all right?"

"Yes..." he sighed, arching up a little into Adam's fingers as they brushed over his nipples. "God... that feels so good."

"Slowly," Adam cautioned quietly. "We're not in any hurry here. No rush. Let me feel you. I'm moving my hand to your stomach, and then down to your right hip. Your skin is like silk, Kurt."

He thought it might almost be possible that Adam could be touching him this way, from a distance, inspiring intense sensations with the brush of his hand. "Please - Adam..."

"What do you want, honey? Where's my hand going to go now?"

"I want you to kiss me," he groaned. "Pretty sure you can't do that, though."

"No. Not yet. But I will, Kurt - I'm going to kiss you. It'll be our first kiss, long after we've done all these other things. After you've touched me with your hand, on my skin, and my hand on yours. Just two more days now, honey, and I'll kiss you, before I say one word to you, you'll feel my lips on yours, I promise."

"God," Kurt whimpered, and Adam's hand moved to his thigh, hovering, waiting. "Touch me, please."

Adam's voice was low and breathy. "You want to tell me where?"

"You know where, Adam - now, please!"

"Impatient," Adam said, chiding. "Maybe I should make you wait. Three days isn't so long."

Kurt's groan made Adam chuckle. "You're torturing me."

"Oh, trust me, honey, if I were torturing you, you'd be screaming, not moaning. All right, Kurt... my hand's on your cock now, honey, and it's touching you  _just_ the way you like it."

He leaned gratefully into Adam's cupped fingers, stroking around his hard length, and all Kurt could think was, inexplicably,  _how could this feel so much better than my own hand?_  He heard Adam's own breathing accelerate and become ragged. "Can you feel me?" Kurt asked. "I'm so hard for you."

"Yes - I can; I can feel you." Adam's voice was growing urgent. "You're incredible."

Kurt smiled. "Ah, I can feel you, too... and you're slowing down,  _mon ange,_  drawing it out _._ Can you feel  _that?"_

"I - Kurt," Adam protested.

"Now who's impatient?" Kurt made himself slow his strokes, which only served to intensify the sounds coming from the phone, and he smiled again, this time in satisfaction. "You're the one doing the touching, but I'm telling you what to do. And I'm telling you, I want it... to last."

"What kind of a sixteen-year-old are you?" Adam's complaint had a distinct grumbling tone, and Kurt would have laughed out loud if he hadn't been quite so close to coming.

"Just an ordinary one,  _mon ange,_ " Kurt assured him. He stretched his legs, turning over onto his stomach and thrusting into Adam's fist. "Just imagine, if my mouth were close enough for you to kiss, what other things it could be doing for you as well."

He delighted in Adam's gasp, and thought maybe he'd hit his mark, but a few seconds later, Kurt heard him, his voice still fraught with tension and desire. "You want to do that for me?"

"So much," Kurt said, with complete conviction. "But even more, I want you to let me watch Noah do it for you."

The image, coupled with Kurt's words, prompted a series of strangled cries from Adam, and that, more than anything, was what drove Kurt to completion. He bucked into his fist - his own, of course - and was suddenly filled with a desperate longing to  _really_  feel his skin against Adam's, to hear his voice in his ear, to be held by his arms.

"Oh," he panted. "That was - Adam... "

"I'm here, honey," he heard him say, so tenderly that he just gave in, letting the tears come, crying into his pillow for several indulgent minutes, knowing he probably sounded ridiculous to Adam, but too emotionally worked up to care.

Finally he turned his head slowly to one side, sniffing, and rested his fingertips on his phone. "I miss you," he whispered. It was impossible, but it was also true.

"Three days, honey," said Adam. "Like you said, it's not so long. Noah's going to call soon, but I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

"Thank you." Kurt wiped his eyes on his pillowcase. "You're really too good to me."

"Who says? You deserve it, Kurt. It's my pleasure. All you have to do is let me." Adam's smile was clear in his voice. "And somehow it seemed like you were giving as good as you were getting."

"You make it easy," Kurt murmured. "I want you so much..."

"You have me. Sleep now, and we'll talk tomorrow, and then it will only be two days."

"Thank you." Kurt's eyes fell closed, and he didn't open them again until morning.


	11. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Puck helps Kurt deal with fears about being in love with Adam.

_Two days._  Kurt let his pen write the words in big, looping script, with an oversized Y.

"Two days, huh? Until what?"

Kurt jerked his head up, staring, into the calculating eyes of Santana. She grinned down at him. "I know what."

"You - I didn't - " Kurt found himself struggling to come up with something to say, the panic rising in his chest like mercury.

"Oh, come on, Kurtsie. I wouldn't forget about Lady Gaga so quickly." Her grin broadened. "I was there when you sang about the hair, too. Though I'm surprised she wanted to invite you out to her  _house_. Pretty hot stuff."

He made himself smile back, feeling like it would come out looking absurd and nothing like an actual smile, but Santana didn't seem to notice - or, if she did, she was too caught up in her teasing to say anything. "I've never been to California before," he said. It was a ridiculous statement, considering he'd never been anywhere outside of Ohio. And the most amazing thing about their trip was not at all that it was in California, or even that they had been invited by Lady Gaga herself _,_  but rather that Puck and Kurt would be spending a good deal of their free time with the second runner-up to American Idol 8, some of which would likely be in his bed.

"Rumor true? I hear Puck's going with you?" She eyed him carefully. "He's practically living at your house these days."

"He has his own apartment," he said automatically, turning the page in his notebook to a blank sheet.

"So you two are still an item? Because the other rumor says he's got a new guy out there in Cali. Somebody older."

_Somebody who made me come so hard last night, I thought I was going to pass out._  He closed his eyes briefly.  _Somebody I saw on Oprah last week._  "You'll have to talk to Noah about that."

"Oh, because Hummel doesn't kiss and tell," she said, sneering over her crossed arms. "Well, all he would say was he couldn't wait for the trip. But I know Puck, and I know that look in his eyes. He's got  _somebody_  in mind, and somehow I don't think it's you."

He peered at Santana in perplexity. "Santana... are you  _worried_  about me?"

"Who says I'm worried?" she snapped. "I just... Puck, you know, he doesn't have the best track record. Sometimes he does things, things that are a little... I mean, tell me that eyeliner incident wasn't just the most fucked up thing ever?"

Kurt pushed his chair out suddenly. "I happen to think he looked incredibly  _hot_  in that eyeliner," he said tightly. "And I wouldn't care if he wanted to wear it every day. And, incidentally? You're wrong about Noah. He loves me just fine. You have nothing to worry about."

He felt Santana's eyes on him as he stuffed his notebook into his messenger bag and stalked toward the door, trying to appear as icy calm as he thought the comments deserved. But he wasn't feeling anything of the kind, inside.

_Noah is head over heels for Adam. No wonder, really._

Puck was sitting on the wall along the hallway, talking with Finn and laughing at something ridiculous when he saw Kurt walk by. His grin fell away as he stood and followed after, surrounded by snickers and "oooohs."

"What'd you do wrong now, huh, Puckerman?" Kurt heard. "Or is your boyfriend on her period?"

"Seriously, is that the best you've got?" Puck snorted as they disappeared into the men's bathroom.

Being out at school apparently meant you had the magical power to clear a men's room without any effort at all, but this one happened to be empty already. "What's the matter, Kurt?" Noah said, in a completely different tone.

"Nothing... Santana," he said, in the same breath. "She said you told her you were looking forward to the California trip."

Puck stared at him, as if waiting for the punch line. "I  _am_  looking forward to it," he said.

"Yeah. I mean, I know." He put his arms around himself, and Puck was right there, his arms around the top of Kurt's, supporting him, holding him up, even in the face of his own confusion. Kurt loved him for that, but he wasn't ready to fall apart, not there in the men's room. Puck didn't seem to care too much either way.

"And you're looking forward to it, too, baby," he murmured, letting his lips brush Kurt's ear. Kurt sighed.

"Yeah," he said again. "I really am, so much."

Eventually Puck slowed his kisses and put some deliberate space between the two of them, looking at Kurt with keen interest. "You really need to give me more words than that. I'm fucking lost here. Tell me what the problem is, because all I'm hearing is a serious amount of win."

He didn't even know how to say it without sounding like a complete and utter failure as a boyfriend, so in the end, he just said nothing. Kurt leaned his head against Puck's broad, firm chest and let his face contort into an ugly grimace.

"Oh, baby," Puck said unhappily. "I wish you would just tell me what's going on."

"You love him," he said.

"Who - Adam? I mean, yeah,  _yeah_ , I do love him. And... you knew this, right? Pretty sure there was full disclosure there, from day one? Is this..." He stiffened, and added nervously, "Is this going to be a problem for us?"

Kurt shook his head. "No. Not a problem, no. I know you love him."

Puck let the silence go for another ten seconds before he ventured again, "And this is a problem because...?"

"Not a problem!" Kurt insisted. "Jesus. You're - it's wonderful, sweetheart, that you love him, so much." He bit his lip. "So much."

"It's that I love him so much?"

"How much  _do_  you love him?" Kurt said, touching the side of his neck. "It seems like you really... love him a lot."

Puck hesitated, but eventually nodded. "Yeah, I really do."

"More than you love me?" he forced out.

"Oh - fuck, Kurt," Puck protested, pulling away and holding him at clear arm's length. He even gave him a little shake, which might have been a good idea, because Kurt was feeling somewhat muddled. "Since when are you that guy who wants a rating scale for who's first and who's second in a relationship like this?" He took a deep, exasperated breath. "I fucking love  _you,_  and  _Finn,_  and  _Adam._  And other people, too, and someday they'll be even more of them, I'm sure. I can't put a measurement on any of that."

"I know," Kurt said miserably, hanging his head. "I know that already. And I don't... I don't want you to. I hope you know that."

"Well, I  _thought_  I did." Puck scratched his head in clear confusion. "What's this -?"

" _I_  love him," Kurt whispered. "A - a lot. And I'm - I'm scared."

Puck's face cleared, and he smiled at Kurt, gathering him close. "Oh, baby," he breathed. "I know. But you don't have to be scared. It's  _good,_  it's so good. And Adam's going to take care of everything, I know it."

"You don't understand," Kurt said, feeling the panic welling up again. "I love him so much. I've never - this is the first time I -" He stopped, shaking his head.

Puck watched Kurt's face carefully, right there next to him. "You've never been in love with another guy, the way you love me and Finn," he said. Kurt nodded, hesitantly. "So yeah, it's your first time doing that. But you can - "

"It's not that. I mean, yes, I'm scared, but it's... it just feels so  _right,_  and I don't think I've ever..." He closed his mouth and swallowed the fearful, hurtful words, but this was  _Noah,_  and he deserved the truth. "I've never loved anybody like this before," he said finally.

Puck nodded, again, still listening, struggling to understand. "Are you... are you saying you love him more than you love me?"

"I don't know," Kurt cried, but of course, that  _was_  it, that was exactly it, his greatest fear, now come to light. And now it was out, and they would know what a terrible, ungrateful person he was, and - and Puck would leave him. And that would be the end of his heart. He buried his face in Puck's shoulder, unwilling to look at him.

Until Puck dug him out with kisses along his jawline, and right in his ear, said, "I don't care about that, baby."

"You - what?" Kurt struggled back, staring into Puck's face with wide-eyed shock. "How can you  _not_  care about that?"

"Because every new relationship starts with a bang," Puck explained patiently. "You can't expect this one to be any different. You want him so fucking much, you can taste it. I know, because I'm still there, too. It's that NRE stuff. He's, like, your whole world. But... Kurt, you really won't know how things are between the two of you until it all settles down. I mean, maybe, yeah, you'll love him like this for a long time. Maybe a short time. Who the fuck knows? You still love me, right?"

"I - of course," said Kurt, feeling a little faint. "I love you - so much, Noah, you know that."

"Well, okay, then," he said, and shrugged. "That's all I need. I love you, too, Kurt. Loving Adam, the way I do, with every fucking bit of me - that doesn't mean I can't love you, too. And you, loving him, the way you do right now..." He kissed Kurt tenderly, on his lips, slow and intentional, like it was a promise. "That's  _okay,_  baby. We're okay. And I'm so  _happy_  for you."

Kurt felt the kiss, felt his arms around him, like a tether to the ground. He was floating away, but Puck was holding on to him, giving him a way to stay here on Earth instead of drifting off into the stratosphere. He had no idea what was going on, but he clung to Puck with grateful tenacity. "I - are you sure?" he said. "Really? I'm not hurting us, by doing this?"

"No!" Puck actually laughed. It sounded easy and comfortable. He really was sure. Kurt relaxed a tiny bit more. "No, baby, you're not hurting anybody. You can love him as much as you fucking want. It's good. I kind of expected it - I know how it was with us. I can't think of anything I'd rather you feel than  _happy,_  the way Adam makes me happy."

Kurt felt the buoyancy inside him, lifting the corners of his mouth, and he closed his eyes against the tears that were falling now - but they were good, they were  _happy_  tears, and he was so, incredibly, joyfully happy. He laughed with relief, with the bliss of the moment. "God, Noah," he said in a wobbly voice. "Where did I find you?"

"Pretty sure I found  _you,_  Hummel," he murmured, and kissed him right through his smile. Kurt let his own arms slip around Puck's body and held him tight, as tight as he could manage. "So... what does Adam think about all of this? How you feel?"

"I haven't told him yet," Kurt admitted. "I tried, but he - he stopped me. I'm pretty sure he didn't want me to say it yet. Maybe not over the phone, I don't know."

"Sure, yeah, I could see that." Puck nodded thoughtfully. "I guess your reaction makes sense, Kurt. You're not like me. You don't fall in love with everybody, not like this."

"You don't either, sweetheart," he objected. "But yes, this is... important." He ran a hand over Puck's scalp, feeling the tickle of the short hairs in his palm, and Puck sighed with contentment. "I know you say I'm not going to hurt us, that this is  _good,_  but... I know I need to be careful. There's a lot of feelings happening here, with me, and you, and Adam... not to mention Finn. I don't want to hurt him, either."

"Even Carl," Puck added, nodding again. "Yeah. Everybody's involved, in a way. But it's going to be fine, baby,  _really._  You don't have to worry about it so much. Just be yourself. We all love you, like that. Adam, too."

Kurt caught his breath at the thought. "You... you think so? You think he might...?"

"Dude." Puck's astonished amusement cut through Kurt's unease and made him smile sheepishly. "Are you kidding? He's completely nuts about you. I knew he would be."

"Maybe," Kurt said to himself, holding the possibility in his mind: Adam's face, only seen in pictures and videos, smiling at him with the same profound emotions he felt himself. "I think... maybe."

"In two days, you'll know for sure." He kissed him once more, then took his hand. "Come on. Let me get my boyfriend a sandwich. You look like you could use something to eat."

* * *

Kurt snuck his phone out of his pocket during fifth hour when it vibrated, and when he read what it said, he smiled.

_1 text - Adam  
_ _12:47pm: Two days._

And then Mr. Wright swooped down and took the phone from his hand. He glanced at the screen. "Adam, hmm?" he said, and Kurt felt himself go white. "You know you shouldn't have this in class, Kurt."

"No," he whispered. "No, I'll - I won't have it again."

"You can pick it up after school," was all Mr. Wright would say. Kurt could only nod mutely, and avoid the eyes of Noah and Finn, gazing at him in sympathetic horror.

The rest of American history passed infinitely slowly. Five minutes before the end of class, Kurt heard a tiny, beautiful sustained note wafting from Mr. Wright's pocket. It was Adam, calling him on his phone, and he thought to himself,  _God, how stupid was I to choose that for his ringtone?_ But, luckily, it seemed that no one had any idea who or what it was. Mr. Wright muted the phone, and the sound cut off.

After class, Puck met him at the door with a sorrowful expression. "That was awkward," he murmured. "But it'll be fine. Do you want to call him back on my phone?"

"No, I'll... I'll just wait until after Glee," Kurt assured him. But he was numb through most of the rehearsal, and even the work of figuring out the new Madonna pieces wasn't enough to keep him focused.

He felt Brittany's soft hand on his shoulder. "Who's Adam?" she whispered, and he almost lost it.

"Not now, Britt," Finn said, his voice low, and Puck reached over to hold Kurt's hand. In that moment, Kurt felt unaccountably, overwhelmingly  _blessed_  to have both of them, and he couldn't hold back the tears.

Britt looked more confused than ever. "Is he  _happy_  or  _sad?"_  she pressed.

_It wasn't either,_ he wanted to explain. It was just that all his feelings were so close to the surface, like his skin had become translucent, raw and blistered, like a bad sunburn. He closed his eyes.

"Kurt?" Mr. Schue paused in directing and looked first at Kurt, then Finn, then Puck, clearly concerned, but holding back on asking more.  _Maybe he_ can _tell what's going on,_  Kurt thought with a shiver.  _I bet he remembers what it felt like to hide feelings like this from everyone else._

"I think I'm going to head home a little early," he mumbled, and picked up his bag and was out the door before anybody stopped him.

Kurt hovered outside Mr. Wright's room as the last few minutes of class ticked away. The second the bell rang, he shot through the door. Mr. Wright looked up from his paperwork and handed his phone back with a stern look.

"I'll keep it in my pocket from now on," Kurt promised, running for the door.

"Mmm," he said. "And tell whoever this Adam is to stop calling you during school hours. He called two more times since you left for sixth hour."

Kurt had the phone to his ear even before he made it out the front door. The phone only got through half a ring before Adam picked up. "Kurt?" He sounded a little frantic. "Tell me everything is okay."

"Yes - yes, it was just my teacher," he said hastily. "Really. I shouldn't be using my phone in class and he took it away until the end of the day. I just couldn't call you back."

"God. Of course. I'm such a - shit. I'm sorry." Kurt would have done anything to eliminate the anxiety in Adam's voice. He unlocked the door to the Navigator and climbed into the driver's seat, closing himself inside, turned on the ignition, and curled up small in the leather seat.

"I didn't mean to make you worry," he said. "I'm fine, really. We're fine."

He heard Adam's shaky laugh. "Now I feel completely ridiculous. I just thought that maybe... after last night, that you might be... never mind."

"I could have been. Really, I could have. But I wasn't. I'm not running away this time." He reached out and touched the steering wheel, as though he might be able to find Adam's hand there, waiting for him.

"I had a dream last night." Adam sounded rueful. "That you guys decided not to show up. I was at the airport waiting - which, I mean, I won't even be able to do anyway, but in my dream... you didn't get off the plane. I just waited and waited and you never showed."

Kurt ran a finger over the rounded edge of the steering wheel. "I... um, I guess I thought about that. Yesterday, before we talked again. But I'm not going to do that. I really don't think I could pass up this chance."

"Yeah, trust me, meeting Lady Gaga is not an experience to be missed. I think you're going to love her."

Kurt bit his lip. "That's... I mean, yes. I'm sure you're right. But that's not what I'm talking about."

He listened to the silence on the other end of the phone, and was just about to apologize when he heard Adam cough. "Is it terrible to be so pleased that you're rating me higher than Lady Gaga?"

Kurt smiled, feeling the tightness in his cheeks, the familiar tension in his gut. "I don't think there's really a comparison, Adam."

"Not unless you're planning to have phone sex with  _her._  And then I'd have to start to worry."

Kurt broke into surprised giggles. "Not an possibility I really had ever contemplated. I'm pretty much a Kinsey 6."

"I'm somewhere up there," Adam agreed. There was another silence, less fraught this time. "Kurt... we're really okay? Because this is stressing me out way more than is good for me, and I'm sure you feel the same way."

"Yes... yes. It's fine." He held his own hand to his cheek. It wasn't Adam's hand, no matter what he'd wanted. But in two days, it would be. "I just miss you."

"Two days." Adam's voice was hushed. "It'll be very soon now, honey. Would it be better if I stopped calling?"

"No," he said immediately. "Please. I want you... here."

"Where's here?"

Kurt looked around himself, and laughed a little. "In my car. A Lincoln Navigator."

Adam whistled. "Wow, some fancy ride. And a lot more room to stretch out than in the Mustang."

What flashed on the screen of Kurt's memory was dragging Noah onto the floor of the back seat, into the space between his thighs, after taking him shopping for their date. "Oh..." He swallowed the accompanying groan. "Yeah... plenty."

Adam hesitated. "I should let you get home. I really have no intention to get you into  _more_  trouble at school. But... maybe you can call back, later."

"Yes, please," said Kurt. He listened to Adam chuckling softly, and it made him smile. "What is it?"

"You," he said. "You make me feel like _I'm_ sixteen fucking years old again. It's not only my libido, either, though god knows... it's how I can't think about anything except... well, you. And Noah. And you and Noah... and I'm really going to say goodbye now."

"Goodbye... Adam."

Kurt sat in the light of the afternoon, watching the snow fall and melt upon the windshield of his car. He reached one hand to touch the cold glass, the intricate patterns made by the ice and snow. On impulse, he rolled down the window and let the snowflakes drift onto his hand. It wasn't Adam's hand, but maybe, somehow, he would be able to feel it anyway.


	12. Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah gives Adam a call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to flinchflower for support and assistance with finding the right poem. I'm writing the LA portion of the trip now and it's just as ridiculous and romantic as I'd expected. In the meantime, enjoy some Sarah.
> 
> -amy

Sarah decided this love business was pretty much a crock of shit.  _Yeah,_ she thought irritably.  _Just look at what it's done to Kurt._  He'd turned into a completely useless human being over the past week, moaning to Noah and Finn about Adam and barely speaking to anyone else. Noah wasn't much better, the way he was always smiling about nothing. Finn was dealing with his own stupid love, but he was at least still talking to her.

"Don't bother him, Sarah," he'd said to her this morning, when she tried to pry Kurt out of his weird trance state. "He's dealing with enough stress. You'll understand in a few more years."

Sarah wasn't at all sure she wanted to understand, if it was going to reduce her IQ to single digits and cause her to ignore her family, but she listened to Finn. But she also resolved to deal with this... in her own way.

After dinner that night, Sarah snuck off to her bedroom, leaving Burt and Finn to deal with the dishes. She closed her door, then dialed the number she'd stolen from Noah's phone, letting it ring. She'd already guessed he wouldn't pick up, not a call from an unfamiliar number, even if it was from Lima. It was okay. She didn't mind leaving a message. It wouldn't be a long one.

"Hi, Adam. This is Sarah? I'm Noah's sister. And, like, Kurt's sister too. I really love the bracelet thingie you sent me for Christmanukkah. And I think since you seem to be dating both my brothers, we'd better have a talk. Don't worry, I'm not going to go all cray-cray on you or something, I just had some questions. So... call me. Bye."

She had no idea how long he might take to call back, assuming he was going to call at all. But it was less than thirty seconds later that her phone rang, and she had to check it to make sure it wasn't Frances or somebody else. It wasn't. The number said  _Unlisted CA Caller_ , and she blinked at it once before answering. "Adam?"

"Hi, Sarah," she heard, in the very voice she'd just heard on his PSA for Haiti a few days ago. He sounded friendly enough, though maybe a little wary. "Forgive me for not answering. Nobody is supposed to have this number."

"Except Noah," she said. "And Kurt."

"Yeah. And now you, apparently. And I think Finn has it. So really, it's your family's personal direct line to Adam Lambert. Just what you always wanted."

She had to giggle, which made him giggle, too, and after that, it kind of felt like they'd always been friends. "Okay," she said, flopping back on her bed. "I guess I can see what they see in you. You're cool."

"Really?" Adam was far too excited by this idea. "You've got to understand, I was  _never_  the cool kid. I was the weird kid who followed the cool kids around and pretended to be original, but inside I just wanted to be like everybody else."

"I'm definitely not the cool kid," Sarah said, "but I don't think I'd know what to do with cool if someone handed it to me. I'm just me."

"I suspect you really are original." She heard a faint strain in his voice. "So how can I help you, o sister of Noah and Kurt?"

"What are you doing?" she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. "Maybe I shouldn't ask. It sounds vaguely dirty."

"Excuse me?" His laugh sounded incredulous. "And how old are you? Twelve?"

"Eleven. But I'm Noah's sister, so that might tell you something about how much that matters. Tatenui says I'm eleven going on twenty-five. So  _is_  it dirty?"

"I'm doing pilates. And I would say it's only as dirty as you can make yoga pants and a t-shirt in the middle of my living room."

She smiled. "Not very, I guess."

"No." He was smiling, too. "I'm sorry to steal all four of your brothers away at once."

"Hey, it's not you, it's Mother Monster's fault. As much as you're cool, Adam, I'm much more annoyed to be too young to go to her house - at least according to Tatenui."

"Duly noted. And no offense taken. I personally think Lady Gaga is far cooler than I am."

Sarah sat up at the knock on her door. Burt stuck his head in. "You getting ready for - oh." He paused when he saw the phone in her hand. "Is that Frances?"

"No, it's Adam." She giggled again at the look on his face. "What?"

"For crying out loud, kiddo, not you, too? Does everybody in my family have a thing for this Adam character? Even  _Carole_... okay." He waved his hand. "Whatever. Just don't stay up too late."

"Good night, Tatenui." She waved her hand back at him, and he smiled halfheartedly before he closed the door to her room. She heard Adam's low laugh.

"Sounds like Mr. Hummel's not part of the Adam Lambert fan club."

"Well... you've got to understand how things are between Tatenui and Kurt. Kurt is... kind of like this perfect thing, to him. Even Finn has a little perspective on reality, but, I don't know... one of Kurt's teachers, the mean cheerleading coach, she calls him a name that's kind of a slam and kind of a kudos - ?"

"Really." Adam's tone was wry and only somewhat amused. "I don't know if I really want to know."

"Porcelain. She calls him Porcelain - and honestly, I think Kurt kind of likes it - but that's who he is, to Tatenui. Something rare and perfect and priceless and completely fragile. Which Kurt most definitely is  _not._ "

"He's not."

"No fucking way. He's, like, tough as nails and a hundred times smoother. I really don't know how Tatenui can't see it." Sarah shrugged and sighed. "Anyway."

"As fascinating as this is, I don't think you called me to tell me insights about Kurt and his father. Or maybe you did?" Adam sounded curious. "What  _did_  you call for, anyway?"

"I called because you've completely broken him. Kurt's become this useless  _thing_ and I don't think I know how to get him back." Sarah glared, completely ineffectually, at the phone. "You've got to do something about this. Kurt was just fine before he started talking to you, and now I don't think he can put together three words into a sentence and he's alternately snapping at people and bursting into tears. Is this what love is? Because if it is, how can it be something  _nice?_ " She heard herself pleading a little, but she was getting desperate.

Adam was quiet for a moment, and the only reason she knew he hadn't hung on up her was that she could hear him rustling around. Whatever pilates was, it must involve crumpled newspaper or tulle or something.

"Sometimes love doesn't start out nice. It changes you. Do you think Kurt's happier, right now, because of how he's feeling?"

"Happier? I have no idea. He's not telling me anything. I think he's in another fucking universe or something." She gritted her teeth. "I don't  _get it._ "

"You miss him. I can hear that. I can't promise he'll come back unchanged, but... he's going to come home, Sarah. I get him for one weekend. You'll get him for the rest of it, afterwards." He sighed softly. "I already miss him and he hasn't even arrived yet. How absurd is that?"

She poked her toe at the wall in frustration. "I miss him too. You think he's really going to come back in one piece? Cause I kind of liked him the way he was before."

"All right. Let's try this." Adam paused again, and she heard more rustling. "I think we're a little beyond rational thought, which means either music or poetry. Can you stand a little ee cummings?"

"Who?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, I figured. Just hang on." He cleared his throat, and recited:

"Pausing, I lift my eyes as best I can  
Where twain frail candles close their single arc  
Upon a water-color by Cezanne.  
But you, love thirsty, breathe across the gleam;  
For total terror of the actual dark  
Changing the shy equivalents of dream."

She lay very still, letting the stanzas settle over her like dusk. Eventually she sat up.

"What's that about?"

"Well, that's the thing about poetry. It's kind of like art. You have to look at it and figure out what it means for you. It's different for everybody. What do you think it's about?"

"Can I hear it again?"

Adam read it for her a second time. She realized what the rustling sound was, now: the pages of the book he must be holding.

"Well, uh..." She wrinkled her nose, wondering if this was a test of some kind. Teachers always seemed to know what they wanted kids to say when they asked questions like that. But Adam wasn't a teacher, was he? He was just... well, he was a famous pop star, but besides that... "Love thirsty. That's, like, kind of impressive. I think the poet wishes he could do that. He's watching the guy he loves and he's, like, kind of wistful? Because even though he's scared, the guy he loves, he's going for it."

"Yeah." Adam's voice was soft and a little crackly. "He is. He's going for it. And sometimes, along the way, you have to go through... a dark place. A confusing place. And you have to do it alone, and come out the other side. That's where Kurt is right now."

"Like the woods in Red Riding Hood?"

Adam laughed, surprised. "Yeah, like that. When he comes out, he'll be... at my house. Safe."

"Except you're not the wolf, are you?" She held the phone tight in her hand, feeling the tears just behind her words, the anger and the fear warring inside her. "You're not... just pretending? You're not waiting to... to devour him?"

"Oh... Sarah." Adam sighed. "No. I'm not. I'm just me. No hidden agendas here. I really love him." He cleared his throat. "You're the first person I've told."

"Well, I'm apparently the go-to person when people want to tell secrets like that." Sarah felt her breath come a little easier. "That ee cummings guy knows what he's talking about, huh?"

"I think so. He shows up in some of my songs, when I least expect it."

She stood up and walked to the dresser, picking up the leather cuff. "All right. I guess I trust you with my brothers. You're going to send them back in one piece?"

"More or less. I'll be sure to tuck something into Kurt's suitcase for you when they come home."

"Dude, you don't have to bribe me. Just make them happy. That's all I'm saying." She glared at the smooth surface of her dresser. "And if you break either one of their hearts, I'm flying out there myself and kicking your ass."

"I'll keep that in mind." He didn't sound scared, but he wasn't laughing at her, either. That was something. "You know I love Noah, right?"

"Duh. And he's completely freaking bonkers about you. And Kurt. It's a whole bunch of love and it's awesome. So don't mess it up."

"Sarah... my goal here is to make sure Kurt leaves LA knowing exactly how amazing he is, and for Noah to get everything he needs. If I can achieve those two things, I'll be one hundred percent satisfied."

"That sounds good," she conceded grudgingly. "Thanks."

"Thank you," he replied. "For loving them both. They definitely need that. And for caring enough to call."

"I like that ee cummings guy."

"I will hug you solemnly into me," he said. "Good night, Sarah."

She smiled, a real smile, and wondered how long it would be before Adam became one of her brothers, too. She had the feeling it might not be all that long a time. "Bye."


	13. Arrival (Kurt, part one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob meets Kurt, Puck, Timothy, Finn and Brad at the airport.

Puck looked at the black plastic wristbands Kurt had handed him. "What the hell are these?"

"Acupressure bands. They put pressure on the point between your wrist and palm and help reduce nausea from motion sickness." He handed a pair of brown ones to Finn before buckling on his own in blue.

"Hey, that's nice of you to think of me, Kurt, but I'm not taking off the bracelet Sarah made for anything." Puck tried to give them back to Kurt, but he shook his head and refused to take them, so Puck stuck them in the pocket in the seat in front of them.

"I know most people tolerate air travel pretty well," Kurt said primly, zipping his bag closed, "but I'm not taking any chances."

"Yeah, I'm sure Adam would be really impressed if you puked on him." Finn gave Puck a  _look_ , but he just rolled his eyes. "What, I can't even make a joke? Come on. Relax." Puck reached out and took Kurt's hand on the armrest between them. "You know I know  _exactly_  how you're feeling, baby. Everything's gonna be fine."

"Of course it is," Finn murmured, taking his other hand. Kurt closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried not to listen to the scratchy, indistinct voice of the flight attendant over the loudspeaker. The whole experience so far had been overwhelming: hurrying through the airport, standing in long lines to check their bags, going through security, then watching Puck get his suitcase searched (and thank Gaga they didn't find the paddle, because he  _really_  didn't want to answer those questions in front of Brad and Timmy), and finally making their way to the gate to board the flight. Waiting here on the tarmac was only making him jumpier.

"You're sure both guitars got checked?" he asked, keeping his eyes closed.

"They're stowed in the front.  _Don't worry."_

"Not possible," Kurt muttered.

The actual takeoff was pretty exciting, he had to admit, and felt a little bit like a cross between a roller coaster and stage diving. He leaned over Puck as the plane accelerated into takeoff, watching the ground disappear beneath them with fascination. "The physics of it all baffles me, but we do seem to be in the air."

"Nothing to do now but wait." Finn shifted his long legs to take advantage of the space beside him on the aisle.

Kurt was usually pretty good at waiting, but he'd done fucking enough of it this week. He crossed his arms over his chest and got all set to glare at the back of the seat in front of him for the entire four hour flight.

Until Finn leaned over and whispered into his ear, casual as anything, "So Puck and I were thinking, maybe we should try to join the mile high club. I can't decide if he's crazy or a genius."

Kurt choked on a laugh, and turned his gaze on Finn, his Finn, sitting right there next to him, loving him just perfectly in the midst of everything, and he grabbed his shirt front and hauled him into a bruising kiss. Finn gave a surprised  _mmmph!_  but then he kissed back, until Brad cleared his throat across the aisle.

"Sorry," Kurt called to Brad, when they pulled apart, not really sorry at all.

Finn looked at him, eyes bright with amusement and lust. "Wow. Maybe we should go first, huh? You think we'd fit in that tiny bathroom?"

"Finn..." He leaned forward and rested his head on Finn's chest, in that perfect spot that seemed to have been made for him. "Have I told you recently how much I love you?"

"Not so recently that I couldn't hear it again." He patted Kurt's shoulder. "You ready to enjoy this trip now? I don't think your dad would want to know that his Christmas present went to waste."

"Yes, sir," he murmured.

He felt Finn's lips touch his head. "That's my good baby."

* * *

Somehow Puck and Finn had both managed to pack everything they needed for an entire weekend into their carry-on bags, while Kurt's two suitcases barely made it under the weight limit. They found them waiting on the conveyor belt when they arrived in Los Angeles, and Finn and Puck were gallant enough to haul them upright.

"Hey, I have my guitars," Puck pointed out, wheeling Kurt's second bag onto the escalator to the parking level. "No way I can fold those into a suitcase. You're not the only one with travel needs. Don't feel bad about it."

"We're going to need to get a taxi with an extra-large trunk." Kurt paused as they got off the escalator, nearly causing a collision with the people behind them, but Brad managed to nudge them all out of the way.

"What's going on?" Timmy protested, and Kurt pointed. A young man was standing by the front door, holding a sign that read  _Puckerman/Hummel._  "Oh. That's not Lady Gaga's driver."

Puck glanced back at all of them, then strode forward, saying, "I'm Puck."

The young man looked at him and smiled. "Yep, that's you. Adam said you'd be hard to miss. Not too many kids walking around in mohawks in Ohio, I'm betting."

"Not too many," Puck said, smiling back. "Uh - that was nice of him, to send someone to meet us?"

"He figured five guys traveling together warranted the Lincoln. You wouldn't fit into a regular taxi. I'm Jacob." He held out his hand, and Puck shook it. "Which one of you is Kurt? Oh, wait, let me guess." His eyes went unerringly to Kurt's red face. "Yeah. He was right about you, too."

"What  _exactly_  do you mean by that?" Finn said, a little threateningly, and Jacob laughed easily.

"Nothing - just that Adam said Kurt would be the pretty one." His gaze was nothing but friendly. "And he'd be blushing."

Finn scowled as Jacob guided them to the door, but Puck said, "Yeah, Adam's got it right. What's it to you? You his publicist or something?"

"She's much prettier than I am. No, I'm security. I asked for this assignment." He opened the trunk of a black stretch limo, windows dark, and loaded their suitcases and Puck's instruments inside. "Adam and I... well..." He coughed, with a glance at Brad, who was silently watching with one arched eyebrow. "Let's say we see eye to eye on a few personal matters."

"You mean the gay ones?" Kurt drawled, and Jacob laughed out loud.

"No - actually. The ones involving, er, leather." He opened the door and ushered Puck inside first. He paused as Finn leaned over to look curiously through the opening. "You're either Timothy or Finn, and I'm guessing the latter, to judge from your reaction to my comment about Kurt. You're his Top?"

Finn looked startled. "Uh - we don't really - I mean, Kurt and me, we -"

Kurt stepped forward and took Finn's arm. "Yes," he said firmly. "He is."

"Mmmmm." Jacob's mouth twitched, and he looked from Finn to Kurt, but he didn't question further. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Finn. Come on in. There's soft drinks in the wet bar. Adam made me take out all the alcohol."

Finn climbed in next, and Kurt paused on the pretext of removing his coat while Jacob introduced himself to Timothy and Brad. Finally he had them all inside except Kurt. Jacob gave him an appraising look.

"No offense back there," he said softly. "He's really, really excited to meet you. I can't even tell you how amusing he's been."

"Really?" Kurt let his inner teenage girl out for just a moment, and Jacob's eyes gleamed.

"Really. You want to ride in the front and I'll tell you all about it?"

Kurt smiled. "I'd love to."

* * *

Los Angeles didn't have much in the way of natural scenery, but urban landscape it had in spades. Kurt could barely tear his attention away from the strange vegetation and rolling miles of buildings to answer Jacob's questions. But one in particular caught his ear.

"So you guys are in high school, huh?"

He jerked his eyes to Jacob in the driver's seat, and then to the privacy window leading to the back. It was currently closed, and he could only see, not hear, Puck telling a dirty joke and Brad trying hard not to crack up. "Um -"

"It's okay," Jacob said. "Adam said I should know everything, if I'm going to keep you safe. I'm not telling anybody. Trust me, I've got enough secrets of my own, and I wouldn't want to have to try to find another job where I can be this honest."

"Yes, I suppose that's true." He sighed and glanced at his hands. "We're sophomores."

"Jeez. Sorry." Jacob shot Kurt an apologetic grimace as he accelerated smoothly between two cars onto the overpass. "That's... pretty young. Fifteen?"

"Sixteen; Finn's almost seventeen, but he started school a year late. Not that a year matters all that much, I guess. But - you said you should know everything, right?" Jacob nodded, and Kurt took a deep breath. "Okay. We're... the three of us. Me, and Puck - Noah - and Finn. A triad."

Jacob was silent for a moment. Finally he asked, "How does that... work, if Finn's your Top? Because forgive me, but I only just met the three of you, but I can tell he's definitely not topping - Puck? Noah? what's his name?"

"Puck, I suppose. I'm the only one who calls him Noah. And... and Adam, too." He swallowed on the word. "It's a little more complicated than usual right now, because Finn - he used to be Puck's Top. But they had a falling out, and I don't think... Puck doesn't want that from him right now."

Jacob nodded. "So Puck, he's here to get what he needs from Adam?"

"Y-es. But I'm his Top, too."

"Yeah, I kind of got that vibe." He snorted lightly. "You're kind of in charge of all of them, aren't you?"

Kurt bit his lip, thinking of Noah on top of him, saying  _I'm going to fuck you now_ , of Finn cradled in his arms with Noah calling him  _baby_ , of himself laid bare while Finn wielded the suede flogger, of Noah over his own knee for discipline. "I suppose we're all taking care of each other."

"One big happy family, huh? A bunch of switches. Pretty amazing." Jacob sounded a little jealous. "So how does Adam fit in here? He's got Puck, I know... and then there's you. You and Adam are just meeting for the first time?"

"We've been... talking, on the phone."

Kurt did not look up when Jacob laughed quietly, and felt his cheeks burning. "Yeah, I understand that kind of long distance relationship. Okay, nothing wrong with that. But what about the other part? Who's Topping whom, here?"

Kurt shook his head, still avoiding Jacob's eyes. It was all a little embarrassing to talk about with a stranger, but he understood why it might be important for Adam's security guard to understand. And, maybe, it felt good, to discuss it with somebody who knew what he was talking about. "Nobody. I mean - Adam, he's taking care of Noah. But he and I, we're just getting to know each other. He's not Topping me."

"Hmm. No, I was kind of thinking you would be Topping him."

"I - what?"

Jacob met Kurt's shocked eyes with frank curiosity. "Sure. I mean, you're clearly a switch, why not? God knows he needs it."

Kurt found himself completely without words. They rode in silence for a few minutes.

"What do you mean?" he said, at last.

Jacob hesitated. "Well... you're just a kid, but you seem to know what you're about. And if you're Topping Puck, well, maybe you know what to look for. You tell me, after this weekend, if you don't think that Adam needs a good thrashing? Not that I would be the one to give it to him. Hell, I wouldn't even know who to ask."

"I'll keep it in mind," Kurt murmured, feeling dazed. "I think I just need to get to know him a little. We're really - this is all very new. For Adam and Noah, too. I mean, I'm still not even sure I'm not making it all up."

Jacob shook his head. "Trust me, I'm just about one of the only people Adam talks to about this, and you're not making it up. Not his part, anyway. He's completely, one hundred percent crazy about both of you. I wasn't even sure that was possible, for somebody to be in lo- uh, nuts about two people at the same time. But I think I believe it, after this week." He eyed Kurt. "I guess you understand something about that, huh?"

"Yes," said Kurt. His eyes scanned the skyline as it passed by their window, drawing closer to their destination. "I wasn't prepared to fall in love with two boys at once, much less... any more. But it does seem to be possible. And... the three of us, Finn and Noah and I - it's incredible, to have that, with all of us loving together." He had scarcely allowed himself to hope for anything similar with Adam, but if he was going to be honest, the wish was there in the back of his mind.  _If I could wish anything for Adam, it would be that he could experience that kind of love._

Jacob pulled the Lincoln into the circle drive outside the Omni Hotel, glittering with lights and contemporary style. Kurt was still stuck in his thoughts when Finn tugged him out of the front seat.

"Puck's never going to forget this limo ride," he said, smiling. "This was really awesome. You guys have a nice talk?"

"Yes... sure." He must have hesitated a little too long, because Finn gave him a look that made it clear he knew exactly what had been said.  _Whoever thinks Finn is dumb really isn't paying attention,_  thought Kurt with resignation. "Come on, I want to see our room."

"Not yet, Kurt." Jacob turned to Brad and Timmy and handed them the handle to Kurt's suitcase. "I'm taking these guys with me. You two can handle checking in? There are two rooms in your name."

"I got it," said Brad. "Mr. Hummel's given me some kind of responsibility, here, though. Kurt, if you're not going to be at the hotel, I'd feel better if you called him and let him know where you were going to be."

"I'll do that," Kurt agreed, glancing at Finn. "But where are we going?"

Jacob couldn't hide his grin. He looked about eighteen when he did that. "First, to pick up your ride for the weekend. This one we have to rent by the hour, but Adam's arranged for a sweet car for you. Then, let's see - oh, yes, dinner reservations for you and Finn at La Poubelle, which is kind of a weak excuse for a French restaurant in Hollywood, but it has the advantage of being walking distance from the Pantages Theater." Jacob raised a wandering eyebrow. "I think there might be tickets to Camelot waiting at will-call, with your name on them."

"We - oh!" Kurt stared at Finn, then at Jacob, unsure where to direct his excitement. Then he realized who'd been left out. "Noah...?"

"Has a date with Adam tonight," Jacob finished smoothly, guiding them back into the car. This time he showed Kurt to the back seat and took Puck into the front with him.

"Call your dad, Kurt," said Brad, looking a little anxious, but Timmy took his shoulder and tugged him toward the hotel, managing to navigate while pulling all their gear.

"Have a good time, guys," Timmy said. "Call us later and let us know if we should expect you back tonight or not." He added, under his breath, "I'm guessing not."

 


	14. Arrival (Puck)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam has everything ready for Noah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized as I was writing that this is the first time I've written Adam/Noah from Adam's perspective -- and what an interesting perspective it is.

Adam could sit in the chaise in the living room and have a reasonably good view of the street through the low window. His reading speed had dropped to about six words a minute, what with the thoughts traveling through his brain at the pace of an oncoming locomotive. Every few minutes he'd stand and pace through the house, into the dining room, through the tiny kitchen, into the bedroom, and back out again to the living room. He'd check his equipment to make sure he was as prepared as he thought he was.  _I'm sure I'm forgetting something._

He eyed the clock. They would have landed about ten minutes ago. Add another ten for deplaning, getting their coats and bags and finding a place to organize their things, and he might expect a call from one of them in -

Adam's phone rang, to the tune of  _Someone to Watch Over Me._ He couldn't keep from smiling. Noah was quick. He leaned back and brought the phone up to his ear. "Your plane was right on time."

"Actually, we've been sitting on the tarmac for a half hour. Tailwind or something." Adam could hear the tension in his voice, but it didn't sound unpleasant. "I can't believe I'm less than half an hour away from you."

"Look for the sign from my driver. Someone will be there to meet you after you pick up your suitcases at the baggage claim."

Noah chuckled. "You mean Kurt's suitcases? The rest of us are traveling light, aside from the guitars."

"Of course." Adam's stomach jumped at the mention of Kurt's name. "I'll see you in about an hour, honey. You brought everything with you?"

"Everything you told me to bring, Adam," he said softly.

Adam took a slow breath. "That's my good boy. I'll be waiting for you."

It wasn't that the previous six hours, since he'd awoken that morning, had been any easier, but he guessed this last hour was going to be the worst. He wondered if he should put on a movie, but decided it would be too long. A half hour on the treadmill and a couple chapters in his book and he'd be...

He sighed. Who was he fooling? There was nothing he could to make it easier. He'd just have to wait. Adam settled back into the chaise, ready to read another half a page, and kept one eye on the window.

At last he saw the Lincoln pull up along the curb, and Jacob got out of the front seat. He was already smiling, and leaned into the car to say something to the guy in the passenger seat, laughing at his response. Adam's own smile was automatic. And then -  _and then,_  the front passenger door opened, and a young man climbed out, sporting a mohawk, a leather jacket and an anticipatory grin - and Adam's heart leapt in his chest.  _Noah - he's here. He's really here._

He stood by the window and watched Jacob unload Noah's bag and his two guitar cases. It was all he could do not to race out the front door and down the sidewalk. That would  _not_  maintain the kind of discreet presence Adam had been cautioned by his publicist he'd need to have in order to make a visit like this possible again. He put both hands up against the window and waited, biting his lip, as Jacob pointed Noah up the sidewalk. Carrying the guitar cases, he hurried up at a brisk walk, eyes bright and smile wide. Adam fumbled with the door, his heart beating double-time, and held it open, peering around it to greet him.

" _Adam - "_ Noah said joyfully, and ran the last five steps, setting his guitars down just in time before Adam swooped down and grabbed him in a crushing embrace.

"Noah, oh, Noah," he whispered, holding him tight, feeling his strong back, his arms around him, his own pounding heart. "It's  _so good_  to see you."

He felt Noah shaking, and pulled away far enough to be able to see his face, wet with tears, and Noah's own shining hazel eyes, gazing up into his. "Adam, I - I can't believe I'm here."

"You're here, honey, and so am I. We have three days." He heard his voice drop, rough and intense, and saw Noah quiver in response. "Three whole days, and as of now, you're  _all mine."_

"Yours," Noah said, his own voice hoarse. "God, yes,  _please."_

Adam took Noah's face in his hands, held him very still, and kissed him hard - until he heard Jacob's embarrassed cough. He glanced over as Jacob closed the door behind him, setting Noah's carry-on bag down in the hallway.

"Thank you for bringing him home to me," Adam said, not letting Noah move away one step. Thankfully, he didn't seem to want to.

"Everybody else is all set at the Omni," said Jacob, face a little flushed, watching them out of the corner of his eye. "Kurt and Finn picked up the car and are on their way to dinner, and Timothy and Brad got checked in. No snags, all clear."

"Thank you, Jacob." He smiled at him. "We'll be here for the rest of the night. Are you sure you'd rather be in the van instead of here in the family room?"

"Pretty sure there'll be some things happening in here I'm not going to want to see," Jacob said, shaking his head and grinning. "I'll be watching from across the street. You're on your own for a half hour while I return the Lincoln, okay, so don't hesitate to call 911 if you think you -"

"We'll be fine," Adam said firmly. "It's my house, after all. And we won't unlock the door."

"Yeah. I bet. You guys have a - a whatever." Jacob rolled his eyes at Adam's expression, and waved as he headed back out the door. Adam locked the deadbolt behind him.

"He's pretty… uh, aware," Noah said, glancing after Jacob.

"Yeah, well, my publicist's first line of defense against problems with you was to hire a security guard from whom I would have no secrets. That meant we had to dig a little to find someone who was involved in the scene." Adam's hand twined with Noah's and rested on his chest. "You're welcome to talk to him about anything you like."

"I don't know, man." He grinned, shrugging out of his leather jacket, and hung it on the accordion hooks by the door. "He seemed a little embarrassed just now."

Adam led him into the kitchen, slipping one arm around him. "He doesn't have any problem with what we do - he's a Top in his own right, with his own set of kinks - but he's also pretty straight. So he said in his interview, anyway. I have my own suspicions." He kissed Noah again, leaving him starry-eyed. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"I'm good," said Noah, but Adam pressed a glass of water on him anyway. He opened the fridge, and Noah nodded approvingly at the chicken fillets and flank steak, cut across the grain.

"I have... plans for us later. But I'd like to give you time to get cleaned up, and do some cooking. Do you mind sharing a kitchen with me, or would you prefer to be alone?"

Noah smiled shyly. "Well, I guess usually I'd rather not have anybody else around, when I'm making stuff, but... god, Adam, I don't think I want to waste any time with you this weekend, you know?"

"I know," he murmured, kissing his cheek. Before pulling away, he spoke intimately to Noah. "I have something for you to wear, while you're here in my house. Can I show you what it is?"

"Yeah." Noah's eyes were wide, and he followed readily as Adam took him into the bathroom. He stood, smiling at Adam, as he unbuttoned his shirt and helped him out of his jeans and boots. Noah was just as sculpted and toned as he'd been two months ago, and Adam's breath caught, just looking at his gorgeous, tanned body, stretched across his bed.

"Fuck, Noah," he muttered, and took a moment to appreciate some of his exposed flesh before taking him into the bathroom and turning on the shower. Adam took his face in one hand and held it firmly, making Noah look into his eyes.

"While you're here," he said, making his words clear and direct, "in my house, you're my responsibility. I'm going to take care of you. Are you ready for that?"

"Yes, Adam," Noah said, blinking. "I - that's what I want. But... um, Kurt... I mean, he's... "

"Kurt and I will work that out. I don't want there to be any confusion. While you're here, you listen to me. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Adam," he said again, more promptly this time, and Adam smiled at him, kissing him again.

"I want you to shower now. There's a mirror and a razor for you inside. Do you usually shave anything else besides your face?"

"Uh..." Noah looked a little taken aback, but he answered, "not - usually. I mean, my head, every couple days. But the rest... I guess I trim it, and that's about it?"

Adam ran a hand over the light hair on his chest. "I like you just the way you are, honey. No manscaping needed. As much as I'd be happy to shave you some other time, let's go with what you're used to for this weekend. And now, I'm going to get things set in the bedroom. I'll be back when you're done to dry you off and give you your present."

Adam watched him step into the shower with satisfaction at his dazed expression.  _Just the way I want him,_  he thought with a happy sigh. He turned down the bed and set the lights at halfway, then turned on the music. After some thought, he chose cinnamon and vetiver for the incense burner. He touched up his eyeliner in the mirror above his dressing table. He'd showered earlier, and after some thought, decided to keep his clothes on, as he had done the first time he and Noah had dealt with this. His shirt was silk, and the pants a slippery bamboo knit. All his tools were laid out within easy reach of the bed, along with lube and condoms. Everything was ready.

He heard the shower turn off, and he stepped into the warm, steamy bathroom with a towel big enough to be called a blanket. "All set, honey?" he called.

Noah slid the door open and stepped out of the shower, looking for all the world like Adam's number one fantasy come to life.  _Well,_  he amended, with a delicious thought for Kurt.  _It's right up there in the top five._  "That is one fucking awesome shower."

"What can I say," Adam said, laughing as he wrapped him in the towel and began to rub him vigorously. "I love a nice hard spray."

Noah groaned under the gentle sussuration of the towel. "Why does everything sound hot when you say it?"

Adam leaned in and placed his lips flush with Noah's ear. "It's because I'm here to turn you on, honey," he whispered, delighting in Noah shivering, moaning and going weak in his arms. "Come here and sit down." He helped him perch on the edge of the closed toilet, the towel falling around his bare legs. He noted Noah's splendid erection, but did not comment on it, smiling to himself. Instead, he concentrated on watching Noah's eyes, his expression, as he brought out the black leather collar.

"Oh," said Noah in a small voice. "... Adam."

"Let me be clear," he said gently. "This is a tool, not a symbol of commitment. I'm not asking you to agree to anything beyond us, here, this weekend. But while you wear it, you belong to me, completely. Are you prepared for that?"

Noah's eyes were huge, and as Adam watched, they filled with tears. "Yes, Adam."

Adam tenderly buckled the collar around his neck, making sure it was not too tight. There was no padding, no fancy decorations; it was simply a functional tool. He put a finger through the ring in the front and gave it a gentle tug, watching Noah catch his breath, and he smiled. Then he kissed him, gently, and said, "Give me your hands."

Noah put his hands into Adam's, and Adam turned them upside down, wrists facing up. Then he brought out the padded leather cuffs, and buckled them on snugly. "How do they feel?"

"F-fine," Noah said, a little shakily, but he was smiling as he rotated his arms. "They're... fuck, man, this is -"

Adam reached out a hand and placed it on Noah's hip, patting it once, twice, and Noah stopped abruptly. "You will call me Adam," he said.

Noah swallowed, averting his eyes, then nodded silently.

"Noah," he said quietly.

"Yes... Adam." He looked up at that, met Adam's gaze, and let out a shaky breath. "Sorry."

Adam took him in his arms, feeling the heat of his shower-clean skin through the thin fabric of his silk shirt. "You don't need to worry about it. That's why I'm here. Do you need to use the facilities? This will be your last chance for a little while." Noah shook his head, and Adam led him into the bedroom.

"Go on and lie down, honey," he urged, and Noah climbed in between the sheets, sighing in pure sensual pleasure. Adam was delighted to watch him. "You like those sheets?"

"Yeah," Noah enthused, stretching out full length and writhing, looking for all the world like a great cat on the savannah. "God. You going to come join me, or what?"

"Not... yet." Adam gazed down on him, a smile playing over his lips. He leaned over him, kissing him soundly, and reached into the corner of the bed for the length of chain he'd fastened to the wrought iron bed frame. As he came back up, he latched the carabiner on the end of the chain onto the D-ring on Noah's right cuff. Noah turned his head and stared at it in surprise, then back to Adam.

"Um..." he said.

"Ready for the other one, honey?" Adam replied, smiling big. Noah gulped, but he nodded. "That's my good boy."

There was plenty of room for Noah to move, to turn over in any direction, even to stand up beside the bed, but he couldn't go any further than that. Adam watched him test the chains, tugging against them, and how he smiled and relaxed as he discovered they held fast.

"I'd rather not chain your collar, right now," said Adam, helping him sit up. "We're going to go cook in a minute, and I just wanted you to experience this before we do that. Is it comfortable enough?"

"Yeah," Noah said, then quickly amended, "Yes, Adam."

"That's good. Can you get on your knees for me?"

Noah moved, and Adam had to pause and admire him for several moments, his lovely ass in the air. He ran his hand down Noah's spine, along his legs, and briefly rested it on the small of his back. "That's... very nice. Thank you, honey." He gave him a sharp pat, then reached down and unhooked the carabiners from his wrists. "Come on - let's make dinner."

"Uh... like this?" Noah glanced down at himself, naked except for the collar and cuffs.

"Oh, yes," Adam said, smiling. "You don't need any clothes here. Unless you're cold?"

"No, Adam," he said, bemused, and followed him into the kitchen.

It ended up that Noah wore an apron while cooking, because apparently the splatter involved with making beef stroganoff without pants was just a little too edgy for him. It was a good look on him, Adam decided, watching him move efficiently around Adam's tiny kitchen with his bare ass poking out from beneath his apron ties.

Adam stayed on the other side of the island from him, giving him plenty of room to work. Noah was a very focused chef, with attention to detail, and cleaned up after himself as he worked. He paid attention to Adam's process as he made the masaman curry and cut up the chicken, potatoes and pineapple. Adam did the same to Noah as he prepared the beef and stirred the sauce. It was a surprisingly easy recipe, and it was perfect for them to share as they talked and relaxed together.

At one point, Adam walked around to the other side of the island and took Noah's chef knife from him, setting it down on the cutting board - and wrapped him into a passionate embrace, shoving him up against the wall beside the stove. He didn't stop until Noah was gasping and rubbing against his leg, breathless with wanting.

"What - was that for?" he protested. "The sauce -"

"It'll wait," said Adam, unbuttoning his pants. "Get down on your knees. Right now."

He loved how quickly Noah moved, and the noises that came from between his lips, unbidden, as he knelt in front of Adam on the gray kitchen tile. Adam placed his hands on Noah's head, pulling him close, and silently thanked both of Noah's lovers for agreeing to allow this to happen.  _Finn will have to get a verbal thank you,_  he thought, losing himself in the sensation of Noah's incredible mouth.  _Kurt, I think I'll be able to thank in another way._

It was a somewhat embarrassingly short time later that Adam was tucking his silk shirt back into his pants and tugging Noah back to his feet, his legs trembling and erection tenting out his apron, but Noah was well-trained enough not to ask for his own satisfaction yet. Adam enjoyed the stunned expression on his face as they resumed dinner preparation. The stroganoff was perfect, and Adam was reasonably satisfied with how his masaman turned out.

They sat down across from each other at Adam's dining table and lit some candles before clasping hands. "I can't thank Burt enough for buying you this ticket, honey," Adam said. "I'm so happy to see you. This - I've missed you, so much."

"Me, too, Adam," Noah whispered. "It's been great, being home with Kurt and Finn, but... me, too."

"I'd like to plan to come out to visit you in February, after Valentine's Day." Adam hesitated, taking a bite of the delicious beef, then added, "I thought we might drive down to Tessera, while I'm there. The three of us."

Noah almost dropped his fork, but he recovered, watching Adam with wide eyes. He'd shed his apron, and he looked absolutely delicious, sitting naked on the lucite chair, the ring of his collar quivering, his cuffs bumping against the edge of the kitchen table. "Yeah," he said after a moment. "That would be... yeah."

"Do you think Finn would like to come, too, with his Top - Carl?" Adam tried to look casual about it. He and Carl had spoken several times on the phone, but somehow, meeting his lover's lover's  _lover_  seemed like a big deal - especially when that lover was an expert in the thing he was supposed to be good at, but really was just faking really well.  _He's the actual Top... I wonder if he'd see through my inexperience?_

"Yeah, I bet he would," Noah nodded, chewing thoughtfully. "Tess is Carl's Top, after all."

Adam stared at Puck. "Really?"

"Yeah... didn't I tell you that? The first time we met her, she'd just spanked Carl after he messed up with me."

He wiped his mouth slowly and set his napkin down on the table. "How did he...  _mess up,_  with you, exactly?"

"Um..." Noah looked uncertain. "Well... I mean, things are a lot better with us now, and he apologized, and... he totally got it, from Tess, and... uh." He fell silent under Adam's stare.

" _How,"_ Adam repeated, a little more loudly, this time. Noah cringed.

"He... made me stand a certain way, and touched me without permission? Which I know now is a big no-no and I shouldn't have even listened, but  _god,_  you have no idea what Carl is like, I was, like, completely helpless, and -"

" _Noah."_

"Uh, sorry. And he called me  _it,_  like I was a thing. And... that's about it. Nothing else."

Noah waited in tense silence while Adam took a slow forkful of beef, put it into his mouth, chewed it, regarded him across the table. Finally he looked down at his lap.

"I kind of liked it," he admitted.

Adam took several deep breaths, struggling to contain the feelings that were coursing through him. The first one was pure rage at Carl, at  _anyone,_  who might have touched his Noah without permission. It didn't matter at all that he hadn't even known Adam at that time. The rage reached tendrils toward Finn, as well, for not being present to take care of him while Noah was being  _handled_  by someone new. The second was fear, for Noah, for this gentle, submissive boy who trusted so easily, who might be taken advantage of by anyone at any time, while Adam was thousands of miles away, unable to protect him. And the third was unmitigated lust, for this, his - his boy, his  _property,_ here, who'd lived in his dreams for these months, and was now here, for him to have, to use, to love in any way he wanted.

"That's okay, honey," Adam said finally. "Are... you done with dinner?"

Noah nodded, and he took his hand, helping him up from the table. When he tried to lead him back to the bedroom, however, Noah balked, looking uneasily around the tidy kitchen.

"I should clean up first," he said.

Adam felt his heart bend a little toward breaking, but he managed to smile bravely, and cleared the kitchen table while Noah stationed himself in front of the sink, methodically rinsing each dish and loading them into the dishwasher. He wiped all the counters and the table, packaged up leftovers into containers with lids, and swept the floor while Adam waited. Finally, when Noah was satisfied, he looked at Adam expectantly.

"Is it okay?" he asked.

Adam nodded, and when he thought he could answer without bursting into tears, he said, as gently as he could, "You're such a good boy, Noah."

Noah's smile was like a flame kindled in a cozy hearth, and Adam found himself smiling back, helplessly, entirely caught by his disarming honesty and artless beauty.  _I am so fucking in love,_  he thought, staring into his dark eyes. This time, when Adam reached for his hand to lead Noah back to the bedroom, he came willingly, shutting off the kitchen lights behind him.

And when Adam took the chain lead from the drawer and hooked the snap hook to Noah's collar, pulling it taut, Noah barely reacted, except to let out a deep, extended breath, and to relax into Adam's firm hold. Adam tugged him down over his knee, pressing him flat to the bed with one hand in the center of his back. The chain pooled next to him like a coiled snake, dangling from his collar to rustle quietly on the bed.

"Did you bring your paddle, Noah?" he asked softly.

"Yes, Adam," came the muffled response. "It's in my bag."

"Has Kurt been using it?"

Noah squirmed a little. "Yes, Adam."

He stroked the flesh of Noah's bare, unmarked bottom with one hand. "I'm not going to paddle you tonight."

"Uh...?" Noah turned his head to look at Adam, his face hesitant.

"I'm going to use my bare hand," he said. "You need that, honey, and I'm going to give it to you."

He heard Noah make a little whimpering noise. "Y-yes, Adam."

Adam placed his hand on the center of Noah's buttocks, stroking a gentle circle, and he felt Noah's hips twitched and heard him suck in a breath. This could have been the point at which Adam felt most like a fraud, like he was playing at something dangerous, something he could only barely begin to understand. But it wasn't. This, his hand on Noah's flesh, this was more real than anything else - perhaps one of the most real things he'd ever done. It wasn't playing, and Noah knew it. What was amazing was that Adam knew it, too.

He let his hand come down, hard, on the surface of Noah's behind, once, twice, five times, ten times, over and over, unrelenting. Noah cried out, but Adam did not stop or slow the motion of his hand. Eventually Noah stopped making noise altogether, and there was just the sound of the  _slap_  of Adam's palm on Noah's flesh. It went on and on, each impact sending Noah further into a state of hazy stupor, until at last he was done.

"Come down onto the bed, honey," Adam said, patting the pillow next to him, and Noah just clambered off his knee and slumped into the soft pillow top, his eyes closed. Adam pulled the covers up to his chin, bringing the chains down to Noah's wrists and clipping the caribiners to Noah's cuffs, then bent down and kissed his cheek.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

"Love you, Adam," mumbled Noah, curling into a loose C-shape in the center of the bed before drifting off into sleep. Adam sat there on the edge of the bed for several minutes, stroking his head, watching his chest rise and fall with each unconscious breath, feeling completely, unbelievably  _satisfied._

Then Adam rose, smoothing his shirt. He refilled the incense burner and switched the CD on the stereo. He walked to the bathroom, ran a brush through his hair and brushed his teeth. With every action, he felt himself get a little bit more ready for the thing he knew was coming next, the sense of anticipation rising in his stomach.  _Kurt,_  he thought, with a tingle of excitement.  _Kurt would be here in just a few minutes. Kurt was on his way over._

Adam unlocked the front door and opened it, leaning out to wave briefly at Jacob, which he knew was terrible security practice, but would probably reassure him anyway. He closed the door again, leaving it unlocked. From a drawer in the hallway he took two pieces of paper. On one he scrawled  _Welcome,_  and on the other,  _Come right in, Kurt._ The first he left on the hallway table next to a candle, and the second he taped to the bedroom door.

Then he went into the bedroom, to sit in the chair across from the bed, and listen to Noah sleeping, and to wait for Kurt to arrive.


	15. Arrival (Kurt, part two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Adam meet for the first time.

They ended the show on their feet with a standing ovation, and the cheers of the audience were still ringing in Kurt's ears as Finn put a hand on his arm to lead him up the aisle toward the parking lot. It took several repetitions of his name for Finn to coax him out of his reverie. "Pardon me, could you repeat that?" said Kurt.

Finn smiled patiently. "I was asking what you thought about the show, baby."

It was a legitimate question. He had loved it, of course, and there were so many things he could have gone on about his first professional theater experience. And yet... He gave Finn a sheepish smile.

"It was great?"

Finn shook his head, regarding him affectionately, and leaned in to kiss his forehead. "You're adorable."

"I am  _not,"_  Kurt protested, ducking away. "I'm ridiculous and extravagant, but not  _adorable."_

"You are," Finn insisted. "And Adam's going to think so, too. Come on. Where's that awesome car?"

The 1964 and a half pale yellow Mustang was parked under the street light nearest the theater. Jacob had said Adam had acquired it in excellent condition, and indeed, it seemed to be practically new, leather smooth and chrome gleaming.

"Can I drive it to Adam's?" Finn asked as they approached. He ran a hand over the hood.

Kurt raised one eyebrow. "Why are you asking me?"

"Because it's clearly for you," Finn said. "It doesn't need a bow or a card. It's your present. So can I borrow the car?"

"Jesus Christ, Finn," Kurt said, rolling his eyes, but he laughed, and handed him the key. Finn navigated the route through the city streets back to Adam's, following the GPS's instructions exactly, obeying all the traffic lights and stop signs. Kurt was left with nothing to distract him from his own fears.

It was a modest neighborhood, but Kurt barely noticed, because the closer they got to Adam's building, the more Kurt felt his heart in his throat. The words in his head spanned the complete range between self-doubting (y _ou're just a kid, how could you think he could ever want you, this is fucking Adam Lambert you're talking about_ ) to anticipatory ( _you made him come while he was sitting at the kitchen table, and you're never going to get that image out of your head, are you_ ) in the span of a few seconds. It was no wonder Kurt was having a hard time breathing as Finn pulled the car smoothly into a parking space and turned off the car.

"I'm going to drop you off here," he said.

"What? No - Finn...?" Kurt was startled. "You should come in, I'm sure he -"

"I'll meet him tomorrow," Finn said patiently, nodding. "We've talked, baby, the two of us, and it's going to be fine, but... he's up there with Puck, and... and this is your big moment. Your chance to see him for the first time. I'm not going to interfere. I  _know you,_ Kurt. You want the romance; you want to live it. Bringing your other boyfriend into the mix isn't going to help." He looked away. "I'm fine. Really, don't worry about me tonight. I'm happy for you, and for Puck. I don't need you to take care of me."

Kurt knew this wasn't true, but he also knew Finn wouldn't accept help from Kurt if he thought it was going to interfere with Kurt's happiness. "You're all by yourself," he said.

"I have a phone. I can call Carl if I need something." Finn took his hand and clasped it firmly. "You deserve this. I want you to have it. Please, go on. I love you, and I'll call you tomorrow."

There was no way Kurt was going to cry now and have to walk up there to introduce himself to Adam with red, watery eyes. He had to nod and step out of the car, letting Finn unload his overnight bag from the trunk and set it on the pavement, pulling the handle out for him. He clung to Finn a little extra long when he leaned in for a kiss, and Finn let him hold on, whispering, "You'll be fine, baby."

He wasn't fine, not exactly. Fine was where you were when things were everyday, where you understood the ramifications of your actions. Fine was a regular state of equilibrium. Fine was not standing at the foot of your lover's lover's apartment steps, trying to catch your breath in the creamy warm Los Angeles night air, wondering if all the things you thought you'd experienced over the past week were really just figments of your imagination. Maybe he would be fine someday again, but right now, he felt far from fine.

"I love you," he said, and that, at least, was true.

Finn smiled as he climbed back into the car, and a few seconds later Kurt heard the rumbling purr of the V8 engine.  _The car,_ Kurt thought again, in a daze, and he had to pause with his hand against the adobe of the building for just a moment.  _The car, for me. Adam bought me my fucking dream car._

Eventually he recovered enough to start the interminable walk up to the door of Adam's apartment. It looked unassuming enough; modest, even. It didn't fool Kurt one bit. He knew that garage with the white paint hid a shiny new black Mustang, and the porch light outside Adam's door was on because Kurt was expected.  _Come right in,_  Adam had said.  _We're going to leave the door open for you. You're welcome, any time, and if you'd rather not come over after the show, just call me or Noah to let me know._

And Kurt hadn't called. So Adam was expecting him, would be waiting for him. 

 _Unless he's not,_  said the tiny, smart-ass voice inside his head.  _Unless he and Noah are completely wrapped up in each other, and he's forgotten all about you. Assuming he ever really was thinking about you._

He paused on the top step of the porch, feeling something akin to panic, but he made himself push through it, gripping the railing with his free hand. The other hand pulled his bag irritably over the last step and turned the knob to the front door.

The light inside was muted, and the scents of cinnamon and vetiver hit his nose before he even shut the door behind him. Kurt couldn't see speakers anywhere, but somehow he was directly in the center of the music playing on the invisible sound system: a rhythmic piece, guitar and drums, bluesy and intense. It was appropriate to Kurt's mood. He breathed it all in, the sound and smell and sight of Adam, his house, his home, and he was hit with a wave of longing.

"Hello?" he called quietly. There was no answer.

Kurt left his suitcase propped against the wall by the door. The accordion hooks on the wall by the door held several jackets, including the coat Kurt had bought Noah for Christmas. He seldom wore anything else these days. Kurt fingered the soft, buttery leather, then smiled to himself as he noticed a similar one beside it.  _Adam's tour jacket._  He glanced quickly around, then took the jacket down and held it to his face, inhaling the scent inside the collar. _Dior Homme,_  Kurt's nose told him, but underneath that and the smell of the leather was something surprisingly green and crisp, like a deciduous forest in early spring.

Kurt felt like he could just stand there for the next ten minutes and take long deep breaths of that scent, but being discovered sniffing Adam Lambert's tour jacket was something he really didn't want to have to justify to anyone. So he just hung it back up on its hook, along with his own jacket, and stepped away, taking a better look at the room he was standing in.

Adam's living space was decorated in warm tones, with leather and wood predominating, centered on a large red rug. He stroked the curved lines of the chaise with one hand, admiring the lamp hanging above the ottoman, the framed photos on the wall, the gothic iron sconce on the opposite wall. There was no question that the man had taste.

It wasn't any further than the distance between the green couch and the staircase at home, but it took Kurt more than two minutes to walk from the front entry to the hallway. It was illuminated by a single candle, resting in the center of the narrow table by the wall. Beside the candle was a piece of paper with one word, written in Adam's neat handwriting:  _Welcome._  Kurt closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the impact of the word on his already altered state. He wondered if he should call out again, but he couldn't seem to make a sound.

It felt like the proverbial descent into the underworld, walking those six steps into Adam's hallway, dark and still, ending with a closed door. On the door, taped at eye level, was anothe note. This one read:  _Come right in, Kurt._

He hesitated with his hand on the doorknob for longer than he would have liked to admit, wondering if he really wanted to see what was happening on the other side. But the music was soothing, and the low light and incense had put him into just the right state for taking risks. He wasn't going to let this pass. This was what he'd come here to do. He took a deep breath, in and out, and turned the handle.

The first thing he saw when he entered the room was the chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The second was the gothic wrought iron bed frame, matching the candleholder in the living room, splendidly silhouetted against the charcoal wall. Tucked into the king-sized bed, under a purple satin bedspread, sleeping soundly, was Noah.

Kurt walked right to him and ran a gentle hand over his head. He saw Noah smile, completely relaxed in sleep, and immediately he felt calmer.  _Noah is happy._  That was just about all he needed, right there, lying between the patterned black and white sheets.

He wasn't sure if it was a sound that made him turn, or something more subtle, but he looked over his shoulder at the wall opposite the bed - and, seated in the purple velvet chair was a figure with long limbs, and dark shaggy hair, and a curious, brilliant smile.

Adam rose to his feet, slowly, his blue eyes fixed on Kurt, unblinking. He was taller than Kurt had realized: not as tall as Finn, but several inches taller than Kurt himself, taller than Noah, and that became all the more evident as Adam approached him, holding out his hand. Kurt hesitated a moment, and Adam let the hand falter, falling back to his side - until Kurt took a quick step forward and grabbed it in his own. It caused Adam to catch his breath, and the little gasp made Kurt quake inside.

Adam reached forward with his other hand, slowly this time, and Kurt's hand mirrored the movement, interlocking their fingers as though they'd done it a thousand times. He saw Adam's smile change, become softer, more intimate, and he was drawn into the honest expression, smiling back. Adam squeezed his hand, and he squeezed Adam's. He heard Adam chuckle.

Then Adam dropped Kurt's hand and reached up to Kurt's face, tentatively, so carefully laying his fingers along Kurt's jaw, cupping it in his palm. It was Kurt's turn to lose his breath, taking a second to react to the flood of sensation Adam's touch on his face was unleashing within him. This wasn't Adam Lambert, the pop star, no matter that he had his same beautiful face and stylish wardrobe. It was  _Adam,_  the man with whom he'd been speaking on the phone every day for the past two weeks. The man who had affected his sweetheart so profoundly that he'd cried daily from missing him. The man Kurt himself had missed, without ever having met. The man with whom he'd fallen in love. He hadn't been certain until this moment, but now, there was no doubt.

Kurt opened his mouth to speak, and Adam put a finger to Kurt's lips, his own lips making a perfect  _shhh_  shape. They were beautiful lips, and without thinking, Kurt lifted his own fingers and touched them. Adam's eyes closed, and he shuddered a breath onto Kurt's hand, pressing it to his face with his own hand on top of Kurt's.

Adam's touch was warm and comforting and made his skin tingle, but it wasn't enough; Kurt needed to feel more of him, all of him, and all at once he stepped forward into the cradle of Adam's arms. His own arms slipped onto Adam's broad back, feeling the sensation inside himself of the two of them together, like the final puzzle piece settling gently into place.

And then Adam's hand was cupped around the back of his neck, and finally, finally, those soft lips that had caressed his hand, that had made the shape of the  _shhh,_  that had smiled at him so openly and lovingly, were touching his.

The kiss was gentle at first, with steady, even pressure, until Kurt's mouth opened of its own doing and his hands twined around Adam's face and pulled him close. Then they were both moaning, tongues and wet heat colliding, and Kurt paid close attention to what he was doing, just so that he could hear Adam make that noise again. When he would have pulled away, Adam just tugged him closer, his hand firm and familiar on Kurt's neck, and deepened the kiss. It had never occurred to him that anyone could want to kiss him as much as he wanted to keep kissing Adam. But Adam wasn't letting him go.

Adam's hands stroked Kurt's back in a gesture that sent waves of tingling up his spine at the same time it provided comfort. It was several minutes before he realized he was pressed entirely flush against Adam's body, and that they were both completely hard, and it wasn't even a little bit embarrassing. It was - it was -

"Oh," Adam whispered against his jaw, "oh, Kurt... I can't believe I'm saying this, but -"

"Love," Kurt said, running a hand through Adam's hair, pulling his face closer. "This is love."

Adam nodded, and their lips met again with that same thrill of perfect connection.  _This is love,_ Kurt thought, the realization echoing through his body.  _This is Adam, my love._

"It really is," Adam murmured, and laughed, incredulous.

"God." Kurt heard his own voice come out shaky. "Adam."

"Say that again," he insisted, holding Kurt tighter to his chest.

"Adam," he breathed. It was so much like saying Noah, like the most amazing two syllables in the world. He gazed up at Adam and touched his eyebrows, the bones in his cheeks, the fine hairs on his chin. Kurt loved every bit of him. He smiled into the blue of his eyes. "Adam.  _Mon ange."_

Adam caught his breath. "Oh... that's incredible, honey." Adam's hand touched his own again, and he leaned in for another kiss before touching Kurt's own face, their hands mirroring one another. "Your voice is even more beautiful in person, and I didn't think that would have been possible."

"You - you're breathtaking," Kurt said, eliciting another delicious laugh from Adam. He laughed in response. "I mean it. Pictures and video really don't do you justice."

"Stage lighting's not like moonlight," Adam agreed. "And I didn't have this kind of inspiration before. Feelings transform a person." He cocked his head. "But we have all night to talk. Can I get you a glass of water? Something else to drink, or eat?"

Kurt shook his head, filling his eyes with Adam. "You're all I want, right now."

He moved his hands down to rest on Adam's chest, to his round shoulders, so different from Noah's or Finn's. Adam's own hands crept down Kurt's back to pull their hips together in a mutually pleasurable collision, and Kurt made a noise of grateful approval. Kurt could imagine that this, the breakneck pace with which they were jumping into kisses and touches, would have been terrifying - if it had been with anyone else but the person standing before him. He couldn't even say for certain that he wasn't still terrified. But the fear was entirely eclipsed by the rightness of it, the way they so obviously belonged together.

Kurt rested his cheek on Adam's chest, a familiar action with an unfamiliar body. "I know we're here with Noah, and I don't want to leave him out, but... I kind of want you all to myself for a little while." He bit his lip, glancing up at Adam. "Is that all right?"

He heard Adam's smile as he responded. "More than all right. But I don't want to disturb his sleep. Maybe we should move to the family room."

"That - sounds perfect," Kurt said, and Adam began to back up, taking both of his hands and walking him out to the hallway. They closed the bedroom door quietly behind them.

"He was exhausted," Adam explained, "even before I had him over my knee, but then he... Kurt?"

Kurt had to stop and support himself on the wall for a moment. "I'm okay," he assured him, because Adam's face was concerned. All he could do was to gaze at him, feeling wobbly all over. "You... god. That's a hell of an image."

Adam smiled. "Did you doubt that was going to be the first thing I did with him? He really needed it, Kurt."

"I don't doubt that," Kurt said, smiling back. "I just wish I hadn't missed it."

It was like their smiles were a magnetic force, drawing them together again, right there in the hallway, hands sliding through the silk of each other's hair. Adam didn't seem to mind that they were bumping against pictures and pieces of art hung on his wall; he seemed entirely absorbed in what he was doing, which was just fine with Kurt. Then Adam's hand slipped between his thighs, putting gentle pressure on Kurt's aching cock, and he had to step away, dizzy and tingling from head to toe.

"Too - too much," he panted, putting both hands up. "I'm going to - need a minute."

"It's all right, honey," Adam soothed, touching his palms to Kurt's. Even that contact was almost too much, the brush of sensitive skin along his fingers and wrists, and Kurt shuddered, trying to regain some kind of control. "You want to slow down?"

"Maybe." Adam's presence alone was overloading his senses, but he wasn't willing to ask him to go away. "Um... I think I could use a glass of water after all."

"No problem. Why don't you head on into the living room and I'll bring it to you there." He leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, just in front of his ear, and Kurt shook with reaction at the touch of his lips to his skin.

 _God. I'm pathetic._  Kurt tried to still his quivering hands and took several deep breaths, stumbling into the living room. This was what he wanted, it was clear. Why couldn't he just relax and appreciate what he had? He sank down onto the wide black leather couch, fixing his eyes on the artfully arranged photos of sunsets and sunrises on the wall across from him.

Then Adam was placing a cool glass into his hands, saying, "How was your flight?" He seated himself at the opposite end of the couch, facing Kurt from a respectful distance. "It was your first time on an airplane, right?"

"It was... long." He shook his head. "Adam, I... the car, and the theater tickets... it's really too much. You're being too generous."

"Hey, it's entirely to satisfy my own self-interests, trust me." Adam crossed one long leg over the other, the deep blue fabric of his pants shifting enticingly. "The car, I'll have you know, was a steal. It was cheaper to buy it than it would have been to rent a less interesting one for four days. The theater, well, I knew I would need some time alone with Noah before anything else happened, so that gave us the time we needed to take care of things. And - Kurt, you've been telling me for days the things you like. I want to give them to you. Everything, all of it." He made a dismissive gesture with one hand "I'm afraid you're just going to have to enjoy it."

"I - I am." Kurt shook his head, still smiling. "I can't tell you how much. But it's not really the reason I'm here." He slid toward Adam on the couch, close enough to reach out and touch his knee. The fabric was as soft as it looked, and Adam's suprised expression made him want to keep going, but he let his hand rest there, waiting. Eventually Adam put his own hand on top of his.

"Everything includes that, too," he said, stroking Kurt's fingers gently. Kurt let the shivers cascade over him, willing himself not to pull away. He saw Adam watching him closely. "Does... that feel good?"

"Yes," he said, and paused, uncertain how to say exactly what he was feeling. "It's a little overwhelming."

"I know, honey," Adam said, but Kurt shook his head.

"I mean - physically. I get - anxious, when I'm feeling so much."

Adam nodded slowly. "All right. What helps you calm that feeling?"

Kurt found himself clasping Adam's hand tightly, and he squeezed it. Awareness passed over Adam's lovely face, and he reached for Kurt's other hand.

"I think I understand," he said, pulling him closer. "Come here?"

Kurt wasn't sure how he could get any closer on the couch without - and then he got it, and he laughed nervously before lifting himself off the leather and onto Adam's lap, into his welcoming arms. They let out a mutual sigh of satisfaction as he settled in.

"God," Adam muttered, his eyes roving over Kurt from head to toe. "I'm not sure I should say how much I like this." He gently reached out and arranged Kurt's arms over his chest, crossing them, like he was preparing for a stasis chamber or a space voyage or something. Then, with a rolling wave of relief, Kurt felt Adam's arms holding him, compressing him, tight, tighter. He sagged into his embrace with a groan. "Yes?"

"Yes," Kurt agreed emphatically. "Yes, that's just... just right." Adam renewed his hold, pulling Kurt's head back against his chest. Now Kurt was aware of Adam's insistent erection, and even though he knew it wasn't about that, Kurt squirmed back against him, and Adam thrust forward with his hips, once, reflexively. "Ohh - that's good, too."

"Later," Adam said, placing one careful kiss on his neck. "You need something, here, and I'm going to figure it out. You tell me yes, if it sounds good, or no, if you're scared or turned off, all right?"

It was good for Adam to say that to him, Kurt thought, because in this state, he thought he might agree to just about anything. "I will."

"Good." He paused. "I thought I might enjoy singing with you over this weekend, Kurt."

"Oh, yes," Kurt said, smiling.

"Close your eyes, please."

He did so, and relaxed further against him. "Mmmmm," he hummed, taking a deep breath.

Adam put his lips to Kurt's ear, and kissed one. "Shhhh..." He let the shh continue, keeping his lips close. Kurt squirmed, and finally shook his head. Adam stopped immediately. "That was very good, Kurt. Thank you."

It was a little strange to be told thank you for telling someone you didn't want something, but he was willing to go along with it. And even stranger to realize how nice to felt to be told. "I'm usually a good boy," he said, meaning it to be a joke, but it didn't come out sounding like one. "I mean... I..."

"I know. It's fine - you're helping me. Can you hold very, very still for me for just a moment?"

Kurt did, so still that he could feel his own heart in his chest as well as Adam's against his back. After a moment, he asked Adam, "Is that... helpful?"

"Only if you enjoy it."

"It's fine." It was, but he wasn't reacting to it, other than to enjoy being this close to Adam. He took a deep breath and filled his nose with the scent of him. But Adam's next move caught him by surprise, and he let out a startled moan as Adam's hand clapped over his mouth.

"Tell me," he said urgently. "Tell me if you want this."

Kurt nodded his head, vigorously,  _yes, yes, please._ He struggled, pressing against the strong hand for one bare second, then as it held him firm, he relaxed, rolling his head into Adam's shoulder. Adam shifted his hold on Kurt, releasing his mouth and limbs, and then he was turning him around in his arms so he was facing into his chest, and gathering his legs up underneath, cradling him, and that was so remarkably like the way Finn held him sometimes that he whimpered.

"Good?" Adam said, renewing his tight hold on Kurt, placing his arms the way they'd been before. He was a tiny cocoon in Adam's arms, and he felt himself tremble.

"Yes," he whispered into Adam's chest. Adam's shirt was made of silk, certainly, but not a kind he'd felt before, almost frictionless, and was such a deep blue that it was nearly black. He could barely feel the fibers against his cheek.

"I think I get it," Adam whispered back. "How would you like it if I tied you up, Kurt?"

The idea made his whole body quiver, and he begged, "Please," without any thought at all.

"Okay." Adam took a resolute breath. "Well, sadly, I can't oblige just now, but it's good to know you want that. Sunday should give me time to gather up everything I'll need, all right? Until then, you'll have to make do with just my arms to hold you like this."

Kurt nodded, relishing the sensation of stillness and calm inside the circle of Adam's arms. "This is - amazing. Just this."

Adam kissed Kurt's face, gently and insistently, on his forehead, his cheek, his nose. "I'm so glad you're here, honey," he murmured. "I was so looking forward to meeting you, and scared that it could never be as good as it was in my imagination, but... here you are, in my house, and it's better, you're perfect, you're - god, so beautiful, and -" The kiss landed on his lips, and Kurt kissed him back, deep and full.

Adam let his hold drop, and Kurt took advantage of that to swing his knees over, straddling Adam beneath him. He clasped Adam's face in both hands and took over the kiss, sweeping his hands down Adam's shirt and into his lap. Adam made an exclamation of surprise and approval. "Kurt -"

"Let me," Kurt said. Now the energy thrumming through him wasn't anxious, but was driving him to want more, to have all the things he'd been thinking about doing all week. "You're not the only one who was scared, but Adam - Adam, I'm feeling everything, all the things I thought I was feeling, too..." He pulled back far enough to look into his eyes, resting his hands on Adam's ribs. "How did we get lucky enough to have this?"

Adam smiled, laughing a little. "I've been asking myself that for two weeks. How can I expect to have Noah, and still deserve you, too? But I suppose you can understand where I'm coming from."

"Yes," Kurt agreed. "Absolutely. And I'll tell you, some days I feel really happy and lucky, and other days I just feel really, really guilty."

Adam shook his head, reaching up to brush Kurt's hair back from his face. The look he was giving him was admiring and affectionate and full of passion and desire. Kurt felt like if he could bottle that, he'd never feel bad about anything ever again.  _Adam Lambert tonic - take one teaspoonful in the event of self-esteem crisis._

"Can I ask that we might try giving up the guilt?" he asked gently. "Because it sounds like this is really mutual. We're both really into - this. Whatever it is we're doing here, with each other, it's good, Kurt."

Kurt gazed down at him, at his wing of soft black hair, at his bright blue eyes, his teasing smile. He was starting to reconcile the Adam of his conversations, the Adam who'd lived in his head these weeks, with the Adam sitting on this couch.  _Because the Adam in front of me is a lot hotter than I expected. And thinks I'm beautiful. And wants to tie me up._  He shuddered. "Yeah. It's - it's very good."

The buttons on Adam's shirt were shaped like shells, and he put a tentative hand on his collar, watching his face. Adam smiled and nodded, bringing his fingers up to Kurt's own buttons. "Yes, honey," he said, his voice low and enticing. "This really is my hand on you, this time. Tell me what you want it to do."

"God," Kurt groaned. He arched back into Adam's touch as he made short work of the buttons and swept his hands underneath, baring his shoulders. Adam's own shirt took longer, seeing as how they were both a little distracted, but eventually he made it down to where the blue shirt tails emerged from the front of his tailored pants. Kurt trailed fingers down the line of pale, unexpectedly freckled flesh exposed along the center of his chest and stomach. "I want to feel you, your skin."

Impossibly, Adam's skin was even softer than the silk of his shirt. He flipped Kurt down onto the couch with a sudden, swift movement, his chest pressing on top of him. "You're reading my mind," he said, breathing harder. "But you'd better tell my hand to do something soon, or it's going to be left to its own devices."

"Touch me," Kurt gasped, and Adam's hand stroked a rough path from his shoulder to his stomach.

Adam hesitated. "Are you sure? There's no hurry -"

Kurt thrust his hips up, beyond caring about propriety. This was Adam, with whom he'd already done everything, already, in his dreams. He was done waiting. "Yes - yes, please." He reached down to unbutton his own slacks, and Adam sat back, giving him room, until he lifted his hips up and slipped them off. Adam groaned and gave him a hand stripping them off his legs.

"Perfect," he said, a little hoarse. "You're just... perfect."

Kurt probably could have felt self-conscious about the way Adam was looking at him all over, drinking him in like he was essential nourishment, but when Adam clutched him to his own half-naked body with one arm and used his other hand to stroke him, slow and steady, all he could do was moan Adam's name.

"That's it," Adam said, holding him tight, "let me love you, honey, wanted to do this to you all week, and now you're here..."

"Yes," he cried out, awash in sensation, but this time it wasn't overwhelming, it was coursing through him. He could feel it in his hands, his nipples, the pit of his stomach, his aching cock, every part of his body: the experience of Adam, holding him, touching him. "I missed you, wanted you, so much...  _mon ange,_  so good."

"So many things I want to do with you," he whispered against Kurt's hair. "Want to show you - show you how amazing you are, how much I love you."

"Oh, god," Kurt whimpered, and clutched at Adam's chest. Adam smelled just like his jacket, that same green scent layered with Dior Homme and leather. It was intoxicating, and Kurt breathed him in, feeling dizzier, lighter with every stroke of Adam's hand, like he might float away.

Behind his lowered lids, he suddenly saw Noah, sleeping in the bed, and he felt a stab of anxiety. "Adam - what about Noah?"

He gazed down on Kurt, not slowing his strokes. "Noah's asleep. He's just fine."

Kurt tried to explain, as best as he could, with Adam's hand wrapped around his cock. "But what if he - what if he wakes up and - comes to find me? He's - he won't be hurt?"

Adam shook his head, smiling, his eyes shining with desire. "First of all, Kurt, Noah wants you to have this. He said so, many times, on the phone with me. So don't be afraid. And second... he can't come out here to find you."

"Why... why not?"

His smile gleamed. "Because his collar and cuffs are chained to the bed."

Kurt felt his body give a great leap of wanting, and he barely had time to gasp, "Adam -" before he was coming, his imagination spurring on his body at the image of Noah in a collar. And handcuffs. And chains.

"Oh," he said, panting. "I'd really... like to see that."

"We can go wake him up any time, honey," Adam murmured, cleaning him up with a tissue from the box. "This is just the beginning."

 _Just the beginning,_  echoed Kurt's dazed, overstimulated brain, and he pulled Adam's mouth down to share another brilliant kiss.

* * *

 

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsAiYI7RPC8>

_please come_  
 _surround me_  
 _give me everything you’ve got_  
 _because I  am ready to take this on_

_take my hand_  
 _won’t you lead me_  
 _anywhere other than this_  
 _because I am so in love with you_  
 _I feel stranded here without your kiss_

_I have fallen into place this love feels like_  
 _snow on my face_

_yeah it stings for a second_  
 _then it heats up and_  
 _drips_  
 _turns into water_  
 _inviting me to_  
 _yeah to lick my lips_  
 _this is love_  
 _this is love_  
 _this is love_

_and you are the snow on my face yeah_

_so take me in where you want to_  
 _because I do not care where I end up_  
 _as long as it is with you_  
 _and as long as you promise me_  
 _you’ll never give up_

_because when you lean against me_  
 _you know my whole world just disappears_  
 _this is all it’s all i’ve ever wanted_  
 _I just didn’t know this was it_  
 _until I got here_

_I fall into place_  
 _this love feels just like snow on my face_

_yeah it stings for a second_  
 _then it heats up and drips_  
 _turns into water_  
 _inviting me to_  
 _yeah to lick my lips_  
 _this is love_  
 _this is love_  
 _this is love_

_and you are the snow on my face_

_\- Melissa Ferrick, "This Is Love"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the song that inspired this entire story arc, when one of my readers said "Write me a first time Adam/Kurt story -- it doesn't have to be Donutverse." But of course it did, and I listened to the song about twenty times before I was ready to start thinking about their connection. And then the first attempt, set at the party at Avalon Club (at the end of this story), fell flat -- because Kurt doesn't DO casual sex. It needed a slow, romantic buildup. He needed to trust Adam, and to love him, before he would do anything like this. (But now, stand back.)


	16. Paddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Adam take a shower before waking up Noah.

 Adam didn't give Kurt much time to recover from the orgasm before pulling him to his feet. "C'mon. I suspect Noah won't be asleep much longer, and we have other things to do, the two of us, before dealing with him."

Kurt tried not to feel self-conscious about being naked in front of Adam, who was still in his soft blue pants, and clearly had not yet reached his own satisfaction. "You," he said, with a vague, shy gesture at the bulge in Adam's crotch, and Adam chuckled.

"Yeah, me. I'm waiting. For one thing, Noah took care of me earlier. And I'm not sixteen anymore. I'll save it, if you don't mind. I have... ideas, about what I want." His eyes gleamed under wicked brows. "You might recall a conversation we had, when you were pretending to be drunk, about you and me and Noah?"

"God." Kurt covered his face. "Not pretending. I really thought Noah had put alcohol in those drinks."

"Irrelevant," Adam trilled. "You fooled yourself pretty convincingly. And me." He pulled on Kurt's hand, and Kurt followed him around the corner to the hallway and into the bathroom. "Noah showered earlier. I thought you might like a chance to do the same. Traveling's a filthy business."

Kurt glanced at the shower stall in approval. "Thank you, Adam; I would, actually." He paused, then looked back at Adam, waiting in the doorway, smiling at him.  _Five minutes before, he'd had his hand on your cock. He isn't going to hate you for this._ With only a moment of further hesitation, Kurt crossed to Adam and wrapped his arms around Adam's bare torso.

"Oh..." Adam was briefly startled, then relaxed, holding him close. "God. You feel... Kurt, I don't know what it is, but... your skin... "

"I don't moisturize below my neck," Kurt said with a smile. "It's a mystery. But I know exactly what you mean. You feel incredible." His lips found Adam's neck and kissed him in the hollow of his throat. Adam shivered, and Kurt let his fingers play in the sparse hair on his chest. "You can... join me, if you want."

Adam paused, then slid his fingers over Kurt's, moving it to his nipple. "I definitely want. But it's not going to make it easy for me to keep my cool."

Kurt delighted in the feeling of pleasure he was clearly generating in Adam with his fingers squeezing and tweaking the point of flesh. He moved to the other one, then back again, inspiring all new shudders and noises. "Is it the end of the world if you... lose your cool?"

"No," Adam said, gasping a little. "No. Not the end of the world. Just... not in my plans. And I'm a little bit of a control freak."

"I am, too." Kurt smiled up at him, and dared to let his fingers drift to the waistband of Adam's pants. "And I can be pretty stubborn, when I want something."

Adam's eyes were getting glassy now, and his lids were drooping shut. He bucked up into Kurt's hand, and Kurt, who would never have been forward enough to even speak to another gay boy his own age four months ago, found himself marvelling at his own fingers cupping Adam Lambert's hard cock.

"And what... do you want?" Adam asked, his eyes closed.

Kurt let himself consider the question for a few moments before taking his hand away. "Come in the shower with me?"

"Oh... yeah," Adam said, with a shaky laugh. "I think you can be assured of that."

Kurt slid the shower door aside and stepped in, waiting with bated breath as Adam slid his blue pants and boxers to the floor before joining him. The shower head was tall, with plenty of room for both of them to stand underneath, but Kurt hung back a little, giving Adam space to start the water and regulate the temperature.

"I bet you like it really hot," he said, and Kurt tried not to hide his head in his hands.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "I do."  _You can do this._  He reached out for the first bottle of product that came to hand; when he looked at it, it was body wash. The scent was spicy and meshed perfectly with Adam's own personal smells.

"Can I have that?" Adam took the bottle from Kurt, handing it back a moment later. Kurt set it back on the ledge where he'd found it - and had to clutch the wall for support as Adam's hands, soapy and slick, stroked over his back.

"You'll tell me if anything happens you don't like, right?" he heard Adam ask, right against his cheek, and Kurt turned his head to the side, tipping it up for a slow kiss.

"I don't think that's likely," he said. "But I promise, I will."

"You get to have whatever you want, Kurt." Adam's thumbs dug into his shoulders, gently at first, then deeper, and Kurt felt himself go weak under the pressure. He took a step back, leaning against Adam's body, and almost leapt away again as Adam's erection nudged against his ass. Adam steadied him with a hand on his hip. "Hey - careful. Nobody's allowed to knock themselves unconscious in this shower, understood?"

"I can't swear just standing near you won't do that to me," Kurt said, and Adam laughed, which helped Kurt relax a little bit. He took a deep breath, steeled himself, and turned around to face him.

Adam wasn't any different than he'd been a few minutes before. Same cocky grin, same bright eyes, same confidence.  _Just more naked._

"I'm a little nervous," Kurt admitted.

"Understood, honey." Adam's fingers brushed his cheek, and Kurt sighed into the touch. "The corollary to getting whatever you want is that you  _don't_  get anything you  _don't_  want. Which includes moving too fast. Got it?"

"You're going to get sick of waiting around for me to catch up," he warned.

"Hey.  _Hey._  I'm not going to listen to that." Adam's hand firmed under his jaw, not quite seizing his chin, but it had much the same effect on Kurt. He stood stock still under the scalding spray, arrested by Adam's piercing gaze. "You're doing just fine. And I seem to recall a certain young man who climbed on top of  _my_  lap on the couch out there. I somehow doubt I'm going to be waiting around, but... I told you, you get to set the pace. Anything goes, honey."

"Okay," Kurt whispered. It was too close, with too many words from Adam's mouth, and too much skin; he felt a little light-headed from it all. But he stepped in, eliminating the distance between them, and stood on tiptoe to kiss him hard. The noises that came from Adam's mouth were familiar, even if his touch was new, and the sensation of their bodies together wasn't so different from being embraced by Finn in the shower. The fact that this was Adam was only a minor detail. He kept telling himself that, as the kiss deepened and Adam's hand slipped down to cup the rounded surface of Kurt's bare behind.

"O-okay," Kurt repeated, hearing the panic in his own voice. He started to push away, to isolate himself, but the noise of the shower was suddenly far too loud in his ears, and the smells were all wrong, and he struggled to escape Adam's arms. "Wait - wait, I can't - Adam, please don't -"

"Shhhh," Adam said, and instead of letting him go, his arms tightened around Kurt, holding him more securely, one hand over one ear, the other pressed against his chest. Kurt could hear Adam's heartbeat, slow and steady, and eventually his own slowed down to join it.

"Are you okay now?" Adam's voice was soft.

"I think so." Kurt mentally checked himself all over. "You - you didn't let me go."

"No," he said. He wasn't letting Kurt go now, either, but Kurt knew he could have pulled away, if he'd wanted to. "Would you have preferred I'd done that?"

"No," Kurt admitted. "I don't think I would have handled that very well either. I think - I think you did the right thing."

Adam's lips pressed gently to Kurt's neck. "I was listening to my instincts. I'm glad they didn't let you down." Another kiss, this time on his jaw. "You need to be held. Kept still, and tight."

"Yes." The word slipped out, almost a plea.

"I've got you, honey. It's all right." Without letting him go, Adam reached out to take a loofah from its hook on the wall. He applied a little of the spicy body wash, and took Kurt's arm in both hands. "I'm not going anywhere. We have all weekend to figure things out."

With firm, steady pressure, he made circles on Kurt's skin, scrubbing him all the way up his arm to his shoulder and down the center of his back. Kurt let Adam hold his limbs, and when he let them go, they fell, limp, at his side. The sensation was intense, but not too much for him to handle, and in truth it seemed to be helping him calm down again.

"How long have you had trouble with overstimulation, Kurt?" Adam asked, moving to his other arm.

"Mmmmm," Kurt sighed. His hand flopped out to touch Adam's skin, landing on his arm. "I guess since I was a boy. I don't really remember a time when it didn't cause me anxiety. I think... maybe, my mother's death, that might have made it worse."

"How old were you?" Adam continued his steady motions, inscribing patterns with the loofah along his lower back and over the curve of his ass.

"Eight. She was sick for a long time."

"You and Noah both," Adam murmured. "Boys without mothers."

"Finn's dad died when he was a baby," Kurt added. "And Noah's left when he was nine."

"You still have your father, though; he seems pretty amazing." Adam redirected Kurt under the water, turning a knob on the shower head, and the spray changed to hard massage. It was a strange combination, the warmth of the water and the stimulation of the pounding rhythm, and Kurt found himself blinking awake as though he'd been in a trance.

"He is," he agreed. "I don't think I could have gotten through most of the shit in my life without him and his support. Even before I came out to him, I think I always knew he wouldn't mind. Even if it was hard for him, in my heart I knew he would love me, the way I am."

Adam was quiet as he rinsed the soap off Kurt's skin. "My dad and I... we're not very close. And my mom, well, she's almost more like a friend than a parent." He grinned. "She's been really great about all the Idol business, though. She's even throwing me a birthday party later this month, at the ADCB. A celebration of all I had to go through in order to get where I am, she said."

"When's your birthday?"

Adam turned off the water and slid the door open. "January 29. I'll be an old man of twenty-eight."

Kurt stared at him. "No way."

"Way," Adam said, handing Kurt a giant fluffy white towel. "Why?"

"That's Finn's birthday," he said. Adam's smirk dimmed a little, but not for long, because he held out his own towel for Kurt to step inside. It was as big as a blanket and the perfect balance between soft and absorbent. Kurt found himself wrapped up tight, like a swaddling baby. Before he knew what was happening, Adam had picked the whole bundle of himself in the towel, and was carrying him back to the family room, ignoring Kurt's protests.

"You've been in my head for a week now," Adam said, almost conspiratorially, clutching him to his chest, "this imaginary creature, comprised of your voice and your words and the one photo I'd seen of you. But it wasn't complete. I really had no idea how perfectly magical you would be, Kurt. And I'm sorry if that's a little overwhelming, but that's just how I am."

"I - I know," Kurt said breathlessly, grinning up at him from the burrito of the towel. "It is - you are, a little - but... I love it. And you're right, it's... magical."

Adam took him back to the couch and settled him carefully in his lap. Somehow, in the wrap of the towel, Kurt felt a lot less insecure about Adam holding him this way.

"Okay," he said. "It's getting late, and we've got something scheduled for midnight that I probably shouldn't miss. We don't have to go anywhere, but I should at least be coherent, and ready to take a phone call. I'll try to redirect as much of it to my publicist as possible."

Kurt wasn't really sure what Adam was talking about, but he nodded. Adam smiled his brilliant smile and went on. "I think we should go in the bedroom and wake up Noah. In a few minutes. But - Kurt, I want to talk about it with you first. I'm a little new at this kind of thing, and - uh... are you laughing at me?"

"Adam," he said, trying to get himself under control, " _you're_  a little new at this kind of thing? I think you have ten years more experience at it than  _me."_

Adam rolled his eyes and huffed, which just made Kurt laugh harder. "I'm talking about this business with more than two people, smartass. You're the expert here, you and Noah. I'm counting on you to let me know if I'm glossing over something important, or being insensitive.  _Really,_  Kurt."

"Okay. Yes. And you're  _not_." Kurt worked one arm out from the burrito and laid it gently around Adam's neck. "Not being insensitive at all. Noah is free to love whomever he wants. He loves you, so much."

"And I love him, so much," Adam said, and bit his lip. "But saying it, and  _doing it,_  in front of his other lover, that's a completely different thing. You might... I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking this. I just want you to know I don't want anybody to feel hurt, or left out, or  _anything,_  other than fantastic."

"Hmmmm." Kurt considered him for a moment. "Tell me this. When you think about the two of us together, me and Noah... how do you feel about that?"

Kurt watched Adam's eyes dilate and his breathing accelerate. "Ah... well, I... " He gave a shaky laugh. "Way to spring an image on a person, Kurt."

"Exactly." He leaned back into the crook of Adam's arm and smiled. "It's just how I feel when I think about the two of you together. And... I've been thinking about that. A lot."

"Me, too," Adam said softly. He shook his head. "God. I still can't believe you're really here."

"Yeah." Kurt reached his other arm out of the towel, which wasn't so tight anymore, but now, in this space of their words and their intimate gaze, it didn't seem to matter. He felt safe, and ready to say what he'd been thinking for seven days. Pulling Adam's face close to his, he spoke into his open mouth. "I'm here... and I love you,  _mon ange."_

Adam gasped a startled breath before completing the connection between their lips. "Oh, Kurt," he whispered. "I love you, too."

* * *

"Noah."

The voice was insistent, but gentle, and when he didn't respond at first, it repeated his name again, saying it again every few seconds. He shifted under the soft covers, and sighed, stretching his sore muscles. He wasn't sure why he would be sore, exactly. Maybe it was the unfamiliar bed. Where was he, anyway? It was dark.

And who was saying his name? It wasn't Finn. Finn never called him Noah, not since middle school. It wasn't Sarah or his Ma, because it wasn't a girl.

"Noah?"

That was Kurt. Kurt was here, saying his name. He relaxed and smiled, his eyes still closed, and mumbled a sleepy response.

"Noah, honey, it's time to open your eyes. Can you do that for me?"

That was... not Kurt. It wasn't the voice from his dream, either, the boy who so often appeared there... no, it was  _another_  voice, one with whom he was intimately familiar, but who he usually heard on his phone, every day. Who?

He pondered this drowsily as he snuggled back into the satin sheets. He sighed again, this time in pleasure. He was hard, and usually this prompted some kind of response from his hands, a quick jerk-off before waking fully, but... he wasn't alone, and sometimes he could use that hardness to do things to the people with whom he was sleeping, and maybe that would be better? He nudged the slick, slippery bed with his hips, once.

"Not yet, Noah," Kurt said into his ear, his voice as silky and smooth as the sheets. "Open your eyes, sweetheart. You're not going to want to miss this."

He turned his head gently, feeling something bumping against his neck. He'd fallen asleep on something hard. That's what was making his back feel sore. With one hand he reached up to nudge it away - and found himself looping a finger through the ring on the collar he was wearing.

That woke him up in a hurry.

"Adam...?" he said, blinking and rising up on his knees - or trying to, but there were hands pushing him back to the bed, more than two hands, and two voices chuckling.

"He's usually very quick to wake," Kurt said, and Puck turned his head to one side to see him stretched out beside him, looking entirely relaxed and as satisfied as he'd ever seen him. The expression was one he saw so seldom on Kurt's face that he just paused for several seconds to enjoy it.

"Wow," Puck said, and reached out one hand to touch his bare chest. "Baby... you look so happy."

"I am," Kurt said, flickering a glance over Puck's shoulder. "And I thought the same thing, when I got here. You were sleeping, and you were so  _content."_

"Yeah," he said, smiling. He rolled his shoulders, watching the chains attached to the cuffs on his wrists shift and slide with his movement. The sight made him feel unbelievably good. He jingled the chain off the cuffs. "Can we... can we get some of these?"

Kurt laughed. "Yes, sweetheart, absolutely. We can definitely get you a pair of those. Do you have them on your ankles too?"

"I find ankle cuffs to be more trouble than they're worth," said the other voice, and with some difficulty, Puck tore his eyes away from naked, happy Kurt to turn over to his other side - and it was  _Adam,_  lying in a mirror position from Kurt, facing him, and he was  _also_  naked. Puck had only seen that twice, and then only for a few hours, so it was an unusual enough sight that he had to pause and stare again.

"God, Adam," he said in a whisper. "You... and Kurt... and me."

"Yes, honey," Adam said tenderly, and kissed him. "You... and Kurt... and me."

He turned back to Kurt for a moment, somewhat incredulous, and Kurt nodded, his smile widening. "Uh," Puck said. "I... I'm a little..." Then he stopped, and both Adam and Kurt  _laughed,_  and he couldn't do anything but collapse onto his back and smile, staring up on the ceiling.

"I'm fucked," he said, and laughed shakily. "Aren't I?"

"Oh, yes," said Adam into one ear.

"You definitely are," Kurt agreed into the other.

Adam got up on his knees and pulled back the purple bedspread and the satin sheets, laying him bare to Kurt's scrutiny. Puck watched Kurt react to the chains and collar with delight, and felt a weight he hadn't realized he'd been carrying fall away. He took a relieved breath. "You don't mind me like this?"

"Don't... mind?" If Kurt's eyebrow had nudged something just then, it would have bled, it was so pointed. " _Mind?_  Noah... you have no idea how  _gorgeous_ you look like that."

"Definitely hot," Adam confirmed, and smiled as Kurt lay back down on the bed, navigating carefully around the chains. He ran his fingers along the contours of the collar. It was even more hot the way Kurt was touching him, because Adam was watching. He looked like he might be thinking of Kurt and Puck as a delicious food.

"That's cool," Puck said, grinning. "Very cool."

He accepted Kurt's embrace enthusiastically, feeling his mind waking up to join his body, and it wasn't long before he felt Kurt's hands clasping his ass. He couldn't help it - he  _winced,_  and Kurt blinked before sitting back.

"Ah," he said. "You've - well. Of course you have." He glanced at Adam through lowered lashes. "May I see?"

"Be my guest," Adam said, gesturing magnanimously. Puck obliged, rolling over onto his stomach, and Kurt skated a hand over the surface of his behind, feeling the tender skin more gently this time.

"This was with a paddle?" he asked, somewhat subdued.

"My hand," Adam replied, and Kurt made a choking noise. "But Noah tells me he brought your paddle with him. Perhaps you'd like to show me what you've learned, Kurt?"

"I - uh," Puck said, trying to roll over onto his back again, but Adam leaned one firm hand on the center of his spine that kept him right where he was. "The paddle,  _right now?"_

"Oh, you're telling me you need more than that, Noah?" Adam's voice was creamy and rich as sabayon. "Because I can pull out the lexan if you prefer."

"Fuck," he moaned, his head hitting the pillow again, this time burying his face into it.

"One thing at a time," Adam said, smiling. "I'm going to give you your bag, honey, and I want you to find Kurt's paddle. Hand it to him, and get back on your stomach."

"Yes, Adam," he said, moving as quickly as he could. Kurt watched him with apparent astonishment.

Adam moved to stand behind Kurt, folding him into his arms, and Puck could see him relax, immediately. He whispered something into Kurt's ear, something rather long and involved, and Kurt responded with a deep blush, and then a nod.

"If it becomes too much," Adam said, "just tell me to stop, and we will, all right?"

"Thank you," Kurt replied, and gazed up at Adam with such obvious affection that Puck had to pause in what he was doing and just watch them for a moment. When Kurt reached up and touched his face, Puck whimpered; when Adam pulled him into a kiss, Puck groaned. That made Kurt laugh.

"I'm sorry," Puck said, holding out a hand. "You guys - holy shit, I don't mean to hijack your moment, but  _damn._  I'm never going to forget this."

"It's not going to be the last time, either, honey," Adam said. His confidence was reassuring to Puck, and he went searching for the paddle with renewed enthusiasm.  _Even if my ass does hurt... it's totally worth it._  He handed the paddle to Adam, feeling Kurt's eyes on their hands as they made the transaction, and Adam passed it on to Kurt.

"In this house, he's mine," Adam said, and Kurt nodded. "But right now... he needs you. Can you show me how you take care of him?"

"I - yes." Kurt glanced back to Puck on the bed, and to Adam again. For a minute Puck thought maybe he was going to call it off; he could see the panic lurking in his eyes. But then Kurt visibly took hold of himself, and focused all his attention on the prone form on the bed before him. He knelt beside him, running a hand over his back, from neck to tailbone, and Puck shivered.

"You're not cold, are you, sweetheart?" said Kurt, and Puck heard Adam make a faint noise, almost like a sigh.

"No way," he said, laughing, and pillowed his head on his arms. He could see Kurt's smile with his head like this, and Adam standing behind him, watching in silence. "This is the fucking hottest thing I've ever seen."

"I'm glad you think so." Kurt's eyes were soft, and his voice as light and gentle as Puck had ever heard it, but he put some pressure on Puck's back, and it made him subside a little. "Are you ready?"

"Yes... sir." They seldom resorted to formalities like that, the two of them, but it felt appropriate just then, and Puck saw Adam nod in approval. He felt his own face heat up, and Kurt chuckled.

"I love you, Noah," Kurt said. There was no doubt in Puck's mind that he meant it: he could hear it in every syllable, and he relaxed into that certainty, and Adam's quiet presence. He was exactly where he belonged, and these two men were here to take care of him.

"God, Kurt," he said, hearing his own voice break, and not caring one bit. "I love you so much."

Kurt had paddled him six times since they'd sorted out exactly why Adam had sent the leather paddle, and just how he intended it to be used. The difference was significant; he felt it right away after the first session. In some ways, it hurt more, a hell of a lot more, but the impact was more evenly distributed across the surface of his skin, and when Kurt went longer than a few minutes, he would start to experience a pleasant numb tingling. Kurt told him he worried a little bit about damage when that happened, but they'd checked with Alex, and he'd assured them that nobody's ass would experience permanent damage from a paddle. This had apparently given Kurt license to use a little more force - or a lot more, as Puck had discovered after that time last week when he'd messed up big time - and there were consequences when he did this.

Which, Puck was fascinated to learn, was that Kurt got immediately, ridiculously turned on, and had to climb on top of him and claim his bruised, red ass, right away. The first time it happened, Kurt had been appalled at himself, but Puck had assured him that no, it was totally fine. And it was.  _Kurt, hot for me - that's pretty awesome, and I'd never turn it down. But Kurt, holding me down and making me spread my legs and take it as hard as he can give it - holy fuck, that's the stuff of fantasies._

So Puck couldn't help but wonder, a little, as Kurt began, how Adam would respond to Kurt in super-possessive-Top mode. His thoughts didn't linger very long, though, because the leather paddle contacting his already sore ass? That shit  _hurt._

"Fuck," he muttered, shifting on the bed. His cock, which had subsided, was ready and hard again, but he knew Adam wasn't going to let him come yet, and he resisted thrusting against the slick sheets.

"Here, Kurt," Adam said, putting a hand over Kurt's on the paddle, and Kurt paused. "Try it like this." He guided Kurt's other hand to stroke over Puck's skin, following with quick, firm strokes of the paddle that built swiftly to a significant burn. He cursed again, flinching away.

"Hold still, Noah," Adam shot out, and under the force of his Voice, Puck found the capacity to endure the next barrage of smacks, albeit with a little whimpering and complaining. Neither Adam nor Kurt seemed to care that he was making noise, so he let himself give a shout with the next impact.

"That's it, sweetheart," Kurt urged. "Let it go. We're here... both of us."

The permission was all he needed, and he felt his defenses crumble away as he burst into tears. It wasn't even a little bit scary to cry in front of Kurt - but Adam was there, and it was still new enough that he wasn't sure if it would bother him if he made a lot of noise. But all Adam did was to bend down and kiss Puck, right through his tears.

"Beautiful," he whispered into Puck's ear, and Puck wailed his release, even as Kurt finished him off with one last round of short, sharp swats. They both paused after Kurt was finished, breathing together, shaking with the intensity of it.

Adam stood and moved to lay his hands on Kurt's shoulders from behind. "That was incredible."

"Yeah?" Kurt replied, his voice tight and unsteady. "Adam... I need... I have to..." He cut off, looking away.

"What is it, honey?" Adam's own voice was gentle.

"He needs to fuck me," Puck said, wiping his face on the pillow. "He has to own me."

"God," Kurt muttered, but he was already moving to straddle Puck and dip slick fingers between his legs. There wasn't any question that either of them wanted it, but Kurt hesitated, looking at Adam.

"It wasn't what you'd planned," he said. Adam shook his head emphatically.

"No, Kurt - this is right," he said. "I want him too, but... this comes first. You need it, and so does he. It's all part of it, isn't it?"

It was. Adam was clearly turned on and ready to go himself, but he just gave his own cock one absent squeeze as he climbed onto the bed and lay down beside Puck, his face close enough to kiss him, and smiled. Puck could feel Kurt's fingers inside him, working him to openness, stroking the lube into him, and Kurt touching himself, getting himself slick. Watching Adam's face as Kurt did this was almost as good as watching Kurt in a mirror.

Adam gazed into his eyes. "You want your Top inside you, don't you?"

"Yeah," he groaned.

"What was that?" Adam demanded sharply, and Puck felt that shiver, whenever Adam spoke to him that way.

"Yes, Adam," he corrected hastily. "But I want you,  _god,_  I want you both, so fucking much -"

"Oh, you'll get me," Adam assured him. "Both of you. Kurt's going to take what he needs, and then... you're mine."

"God," he repeated, with relief this time. "Yes. Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet, honey." Adam moved in to kiss him, just as Kurt breached the first ring of muscle, and he cried out into Adam's mouth. "You're going to be mighty sore by the time we're done fucking you."

Puck didn't dare say  _I'm already sore,_  because he didn't want Kurt or Adam to think he was asking either of them to stop, not at  _all._  Instead he just moaned louder, feeling Adam's tongue down his throat, and Kurt's small, strong hands on his hips, Kurt's cock inside him, filling him up, turning him inside out. It was frantic and desperate, just the way both of them needed it to be.

"That's it, honey," he heard Adam urge, as Kurt sped up his strokes, and he reached out his hand to hold Kurt's, pressing into Puck's side. "You take what you need."

Kurt's cries were like music, his own rougher and more broken, but together they fit perfectly, accelerating toward release. Puck could hear Adam's ragged breathing in the moments afterwards. It took him a few minutes to recover, and as usual, he couldn't know for sure if he'd come at all until he raised himself up and felt the dampness on the bed beneath him.

"Hey, man, sorry about your sheets," he said, stumbling over the words, but Adam put a finger to his lips, shaking his head.

"No apologies for enjoying yourself. You were in Kurt's hands, not mine. But now... " He wrapped one hand around Puck's soft member. "You don't get to come again until I say. You think you need some help with that, or can you control yourself?"

"I'm... I don't know..." He felt Kurt's cock slip out of him, and he twitched, right there in Adam's hand. Adam smirked.

"Okay, honey. That was answer enough. Kurt... can you hold him while I get the cock ring?"

Kurt lay down on the bed next to him and opened his arms, and Puck moved immediately into them, stretching out full length on top of him. They both let out sighs of pleasure, and Kurt's arms, shaking with adrenaline, wrapped around his back.

"Intense," Kurt murmured into his neck. "You, and the paddle, and... Adam, watching."

"Fuck,  _yeah,"_  he moaned. "So unbelievably hot." He kissed Kurt's face, then settled his head on his chest, sighing again with deep relaxation.

When Adam's hands touched him again, Puck was too comfortable to do anything but grunt a little as he cinched the cock ring tight.

"Noah," he heard, and Puck opened his eyes to see Adam's blue ones, mere inches away, staring directly into his. He froze.

"You," Adam said. He reached out and took Puck's collar in his hand, and held it firmly. "Mine. Understand?"

Puck, eyes wide, could only nod and tremble there in Kurt's arms. Adam nodded once, definitively, then looked at Kurt.

"Hold him," he said, and Kurt took the chains attached to Puck's wrists in both hands, pulling hard to either side. Puck made a noise,  _oof,_  as he found himself forced flat on his face on top of Kurt, pressed into the mattress - and then, a weight from above, and he cried out as two long fingers invaded him again.

"You were such a good boy for Kurt," Adam said. Puck could feel Adam's long legs, straddling him, squeezing his hips as he put the condom on. Kurt's breath caught at the sight, and he shifted as Puck's cock ring pressed into his stomach. "Now... you're going to be a good boy for me, aren't you?"

"Yes, Adam," he promised, waiting, shaking a little, as Adam prepared himself. There wasn't anything Adam would need to do to him; he was already way too fucking  _ready._  But Adam bent and placed one slow, careful kiss to the small of Puck's back before returning to kneel behind him.

"Kurt, I didn't think this would be a problem for you," he said, stroking Puck's hips with small, tight circles, "but if you decide at any moment it's too much, you just tell me to stop, and we'll stop. Understood?"

"Oh,  _mon ange,"_  Kurt said, rich and throaty, and Puck just about had a bath in the sound of his voice, like that. "I'm far beyond that. There's nothing happening here I don't want. You, taking Noah on top of me... you'll recall that was  _my_  fantasy, correct?"

"So it was," Adam said, and Puck could hear him smiling. "Just wanted to make sure you were very clear... no matter whose fantasy it was, you have the right to stop, any time."

Then he bent down, over Puck's back, and kissed his ear. "You, on the other hand, have no rights at all," he said, and bit him on the neck,  _hard._  Puck felt his self control drop three notches as he gave in to the sensation, making helpless whimpering moans. "And I'm going to fuck you now."

He clutched at Kurt, but the chains were pulled tight, forcing him into a helpless spread-eagled sprawl. But Kurt's arms held him, and his hands stroked comforting circles on his shoulders and back and neck, murmuring encouraging words into his ear, like  _such a good boy_  and  _let him take you._

There was nothing he could do but let himself be taken.

Time was something meaningless when he was in subspace, but he knew it had gone on for more than a few minutes, because the skin on his shoulders and the backs of his arms was chilly by the time Adam stopped moving inside him.

"Incredible," he heard Adam whisper, and Kurt on the other side saying "You're beautiful, just perfect, sweetheart." As Adam lifted him, shaking, off Kurt's body, he noticed he was still hard. The cock ring had done its job, and he was pretty sure he hadn't come on Kurt's stomach accidentally, so that was a relief.

"Hand me the water from the table, Kurt," he heard, and then Adam was helping him sit up, and a glass was at his lips. He drank, as many swallows as they'd give him, and then they let him lie down on his side. The thin satin sheet was just the right weight over his red flesh and throbbing ass.

"You rest a few moments, Noah," Adam said, "but I'm still not done with you. Don't worry - nobody's going to touch your behind until you ask for it again, trust me. You've more than done your job there."

 _Thank god,_ Puck thought, but he just nodded and let Adam kiss him before his eyes closed.

When he opened them again - just a few minutes, he thought, not long - he was caught off guard by Kurt, lying on the bed next to him, and Adam, lying on top of him, kissing him thoroughly. It was better than porn, he decided, because the angle was just right, and the sounds were much hotter, and - well, fuck, it was  _Kurt_ and  _Adam._

"Whoa," he whispered, and felt the throb in his cock, encased in the ring. "Maybe I can just lay here and enjoy this for a while?"

Adam chuckled, but they didn't stop kissing for another good minute after that.  _It's not for me,_ Puck thought,  _as much as I love to watch. It's for them. They need this, just like I need the paddle._

At last they surfaced from their shared bliss, and gazed over at Puck, both of them smiling like they'd just discovered ice cream or something. Kurt gripped his hand, brushing the chains out of the way.

"You're just about done, sweetheart. One more thing, and you can rest." He turned his incandescent smile on Adam. "You want to give him a choice?"

"I don't really know if he's capable of  _making_ a choice in this state," Adam said, reaching out for Puck's other hand. "But we could give it a try." He brushed a finger along Puck's cock, still erect, and Puck's hips bucked forward. "Noah."

"Yes... Adam." He heard his own voice, speaking without his own volition behind it, but his mouth did seem to be opening and saying things.

Adam's smile softened. "You need to come, honey."

That made sense, and he nodded. Kurt licked his lips.

"Who would you like to take care of that?"

Puck didn't understand, and this time he shook his head. Kurt sighed, and Adam crawled off Kurt to kneel over Puck, rolling him gently to his back, ignoring the protests.

"Kurt, you hold on to that hand while I unbuckle the cock ring. This is going to be... intense." Adam reached between his legs, and Puck could feel the warmth of his skin, and more pressure, and then -  _oh god oh god oh._  He groaned, which quickly accelerated into a desperate cry as Adam bent his head and took Puck in his mouth.

"Oh,  _mon ange,"_ Kurt whispered, and squeezed Puck's hand tightly as he screamed out his pleasure and pain. It went on and on, Adam's lips, his tongue, Kurt's breathy sympathetic cries, the burn of his behind, his own voice calling out Adam's and Kurt's names - all part of one thundering, cascading climax.

"Love you, so much, so good," Adam was saying, and he realized it must be over, because he could see them both, gazing down on him, smiling, and Kurt was kissing him.

"Did I... do okay?" he murmured. Adam laughed, shaking his head incredulously, and moved to lie behind him on the mattress, carefully giving his behind plenty of room. He tugged Kurt over until he was spooned in Puck's arms. The three of them sighed in contentment.

"There's no one like you, Noah," Adam said, kissing his neck. Kurt placed his hand over Adam's, lying across his chest, and Puck grinned.

"Fucking good thing, too."

* * *

_i wish that this night would never be over  
_ _there's plenty of time to sleep when we die  
_ _so let's just stay awake until we grow older  
_ _if I had my way we'd never close our eyes  
_ _never_

\- Adam Lambert, "Never Close Our Eyes"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adam's Trespassing album was conveniently released just about the time that I wrote this chapter. 
> 
> The scene in the shower... two different people watched me write that scene and told me how much it calmed them down, to imagine someone holding them that way.


	17. Sandwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Adam, Kurt and Noah are connecting, Jacob gets an unexpected visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the midst of the boys' visit to Lady Gaga, I suddenly got storming plotbunnies for a side story about Noah's brother Timothy and his friendship with Adam's security guard, Jacob. After a little searching, I found actors to cast for both of them. Timmy is a [stylish, emo Ed Westwick](http://www.beautyconfessional.net/images/old/6a00e55291c5fc88330115714da5ba970c-pi.jpg) with a little bit of naive [Thomas McDonell](http://cdn04.cdn.justjaredjr.com/wp-content/uploads/headlines/2011/02/thomas-mcdonell-spectacular-now.jpg) thrown in; Jacob is all [Craig Horner](http://legendoftheseeker.fannook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Craig-Horner-2.jpg). 
> 
> Thanks, finally, to Flynn for letting me poach her OC; I promise to return him undamaged. Enjoy. 
> 
> -amy

Jacob would never have told Adam, but he kind of loved his security van. From his chosen parking spot, through the tinted windshield, he could watch Adam's front door and the entire parking lot without being observed. The front seat was his domain. He had plenty of room to stretch out his legs, and he could listen to music – quietly, of course, because he wouldn't want to be distracted from the equipment monitoring Adam's house. He even had a little fridge between the front seats to hold drinks and hummus and pita, along with his most recent obsession: pomegranates. Jacob would eat two or three pomegranates on the evenings when Adam had a party, during which he mostly sat out in the van watching people coming and going. His fingers were stained russet with pomegranate juice, but he didn't care; picking the seeds out of the spongy pith gave him something to do while sitting there alone in the driver's seat. It was a lot better than knitting, which is what his mom had suggested he try.

The back of the van contained everything he'd always imagined the Mystery Machine in Scooby Doo to have, including a rug and a futon and plenty of monitoring equipment, most of which he was still learning to use. The team at CKx had trained him well enough to do his job, and he'd had sufficient martial arts and firearms training while working with Cal to feel like he could protect Adam from most any single-source assault. But this part, the vigilant watching and listening... he liked that a hell of a lot more than he'd ever expected he would. It made him feel proud when he got to the end of a shift and nothing bad had happened, but it was even more satisfying when things  _did_  happen and he was able to divert them - which actually occurred more often than anybody but him would ever know. He felt a little smug about that.

Even so, occasionally Jacob zoned out a little. He never fell asleep, but there were times where his attention was on one thing instead of all things. Cal had insisted he didn't have to worry about this, that he'd be aware when he needed to be, and it was just his brain's way of dealing with the solitude and lack of stimulation.

Which is why he just about jumped out of his skin when there was a knock on the passenger side of the van. He stared out the tinted window for several seconds before he could make sense of what he was seeing out there: a curly-haired, slender young man, holding a bag of fast food, futilely trying to peer inside. Jacob searched his brain for the man's name.

"Timothy?" he muttered. He'd only met him for a few minutes earlier that evening, and hadn't had time to say more than a couple words to him. He wondered, with mild unease, how Timothy would have known to find him there.

Jacob reached over and unlocked the door, opening it slowly so he didn't scare him, and called out quietly, "Hey – Timothy, what's going on? Is something wrong?"

Timothy stood there glancing around himself. "Hey." He held up the bag. "I, uh, thought you might be hungry?"

Jacob was so surprised that he just sat there, looking at him in confusion. Timothy slowly lowered his hand holding the fast food.

"I can go," he said.

That got Jacob in motion. "Uh – no, it's okay, I guess… here, let me just…" He moved the piles of papers and equipment off the passenger seat and made room for Timothy. "Come on in. Sorry about the mess."

"No, it's fine. You weren't exactly expecting company." Timothy closed the door behind him and settled the bag in his lap, gazing around the van with obvious curiosity.

Jacob hesitated, then said, as kindly as he could, "If nothing's wrong, then… can I ask you why you're here?"

"Yeah. I think can explain. You hungry?"

Jacob glanced at the fast food in Timothy's lap. "I'm okay." He gave the house monitors one more sweep, but everything seemed to be quiet at Adam's place. He reached into his cooler for the half-eaten pomegranate and waited for Timothy to start talking, but he was silent. Eventually he prompted, "You and Brad get settled in your hotel all right?"

Timothy nodded. "Yeah. I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on Noah and Kurt and Finn, but Finn and Brad turned in early, and the rest of them are all  _here_ , so there's not much to do. I got to thinking." He poked around in the bag and took out a sandwich, unwrapping it carefully.

"Noah – Puck. He's your brother?"

"Yeah. Younger brother." Timothy grimaced through his bite of sandwich. "Not so young anymore, I guess."

"No," Jacob agreed. He picked a pomegranate seed out and nibbled on it, feeling the squeak of the seed between his teeth. "I'd say coming to California to meet your lover qualifies as  _not so young._  Is that what this is about?"

"He's kind of always been precocious about sex stuff," said Timothy. "But he was only twelve when I left, so even he wasn't doing much."

Jacob wasn't sure if he should mention the splodge of sauce on Timothy's face, or let him take care of it, but eventually he couldn't tolerate it anymore and he handed him a napkin. "Your cheek. No, up there, by your – yeah, that's it. You said you left?"

"Thanks. Yeah… I left home when I was sixteen. My dad was an asshole. Didn't care much for having a faggot for a son. Apparently didn't matter I was on the football team and getting A's." Timothy said this calmly, as though it wasn't a big deal. Or maybe he'd just told the story so many times, he was used to it.

"So why'd you come back, if it was so bad?"

Timothy took another bite. "My dad left home about a year after I did, which was good. But then my ma got sick, and the kids were all alone."

"Oh – Jesus!" he blurted. "Uh, wow. That really sucks, man."

"Yeah, well." He shrugged. "I feel like most of the last year has been about me making restitution for past actions. I've been talking to my dad, muddling through things. It hasn't been easy, but it's something I had to do. And my ma... after she got sick, I came home and stayed with her and Sarah – she's my little sister. Apparently Noah had to have his turn to get kicked out of the house for being queer, but she felt bad about it later, even if she didn't have the guts to tell him she did."

Jacob stared at his feet in their sandals and shifted uneasily, thinking about the conversation he'd had with his own mother just yesterday. She'd been disappointed he had decided not to go on to Quantico for FBI training right after finishing his undergraduate work in criminal justice, but she understood his explanation, how he'd wanted to save up some money before incurring more debt. She'd been excited to hear about his job with Adam. His dad had written him a thousand dollar check to tide him over until his first paycheck. It was something he could barely afford, but he hadn't hesitated, and his praise had meant even more than the check.  _I don't care how famous this Adam Lambert guy is,_  he'd said.  _You take care of yourself, okay? I only have one son._

"How's your mom now?" he asked.

"She died in November."

Jacob felt the shock echo through him. There was no good response to something like that. "I'm sorry."

Timothy nodded soberly. "I'm glad I got some time to spend with her before that happened, anyway. Lots of time to talk in the hospital. I felt like I got to make things right, with her, at least. I didn't want her to think I was going to abandon her the way my dad did. Yeah, she was a pain in the ass, but I figure all family's kind of like that, right?"

Jacob felt a rush of genuine admiration for Timothy. "That takes some kind of guts," he said softly, "to face up to what you'd done, and try to fix it."

"You think?" Timothy shook his head, crumpling the paper from his sandwich. "I don't know. It's just my fucked up life. I had to do something."

Jacob gazed out the window at Adam's silent house, at the beautiful 1964 and a half Mustang parked out front. "You didn't have to, though," he said. "You could have just stayed away. You were – what, working for Lady Gaga, right?" Timothy nodded. "How did  _that_ happen, anyway?"

Timothy was silent for a moment, long enough that Jacob looked back at his face to make sure everything was all right. He did resemble Noah a little, though he was slimmer, more fine-boned, his face prettier. Timothy wasn't pretty like Adam was, or Tommy, for that matter, but he had the dark brooding look down pat.

"I wanted to get as far away from home as I could," he said eventually. "I bought a train ticket to New York City, thinking I'd decide where to go from there, but once I got there, I just… stayed." He wasn't looking at Jacob now. "New York has something for everybody. Especially for naive underage gay boys from the Midwest, who are willing to do just about anything to keep from having to go home."

"Oh." Jacob bit his lip. "Uh…"

"Hey, it could have been worse." Timothy's lips turned up at the corners into something approximating a smile. It was kind of awful to see. "I didn't get raped, and I never went hungry. It was summer, at least, so I wasn't cold. I spent my share of nights on the street, though, before I found a shelter that had room for me." He drummed his fingers on his leg. "Without my dad around to harass me, it was actually easier. I got a job flipping burgers, and finished the rest of my high school work in a year."

Jacob was almost afraid to ask any more questions, but there was something he didn't understand. "You only had your high school degree, and Gaga hired you to work her sound? What kind of a genius are you?"

Timothy laughed. It was a relief, after all that depressing history, that Jacob laughed, too, relaxing back into his seat. "Well, I guess I'm not stupid, and I do pretty well on standardized tests. I got to NYU, got some scholarships – enough to keep my student loans to a minimum – and graduated with a degree in engineering."

"Engineering. Like,  _actual_  engineering?" Jacob was impressed again. "Okay, that makes more sense."

"My dad's a musician. He taught me how to get around a simple sound board when I was fourteen. I always liked playing with electronics." Timothy gestured at Jacob's own monitoring equipment and the quad-split screen in front of him. "You like that stuff too, huh?"

Jacob grinned. "Yeah. I do like that  _stuff_."

Timothy shrugged again, in that noncommittal gesture that Jacob was starting to recognize as a kind of nervous tic. "So, yeah, I ended up mixing dance tracks in some of the same clubs that Stef did, back before she established her following outside of Brooklyn. She liked what she heard. She kind of goes for what she wants."

"Sounds like you do, too," Jacob said.

"Me?" Timothy wrinkled his brow. Somehow this made him look years younger. Jacob could only imagine how...  _popular_  he'd been as a sixteen-year-old in New York, if this was what he looked like at twenty-two.

"Hey, you showed up outside my freaking van. If that doesn't imply some kind of motivation, I don't know what does." Jacob gave Timothy a pointed stare. "So why the hell  _are_  you here? Because it sure wasn't to bring me fast food."

Timothy sighed. "Okay... it's about Adam."

"Adam?"

"Yeah, your boss? And my little brother's boyfriend, or... something?" He sounded frustrated. "What  _is_  he, anyway? He's kind of freaking me out."

Jacob scratched his head and gazed at the silent monitors. All the action happening inside the house was outside his purview, but he had some guesses as to what Adam and Kurt and Noah might be up to. "You mean what's he doing with Noah?"

"Yeah. And don't try to tell me it's nothing unusual. I'm pretty sure my little brother's never done anything like this before."

"Like... what, exactly?"

Timothy gestured at the house. "Well, sleeping with guys, for one thing.  _That_  was news. Noah's been into girls up until this year. And  _three_  guys, that's a little kinky. I know he saw some folks down in Santa Fe, too. And..." Timothy dropped his voice. "He and Adam..."

Jacob just waited. He wasn't going to offer anything that Timothy didn't already know, because it just wasn't done, but really, this was  _his boss,_  and he was supposed to be  _security._  Finally Timothy sighed.

"I saw the paddle Adam sent. So what, is he, like, beating the crap out of him? Because he got enough of that from our dad, seriously."

"It's not like that," Jacob protested.

"Well, what  _is_  it like?" Timothy was pleading with him now. "Come on, this is my  _little brother._  I can't watch him get into any more trouble. He's never been out of Ohio before - he doesn't have any idea what he's..." He ground to a halt, then rubbed a hand over his face. "Jacob, I've  _seen stuff,_  okay? And the stuff I've seen, I really don't want to think about Noah getting caught up in."

Jacob considered his words carefully. "It's consensual," he said. "And it gives them both something. Something they need."

He looked so baffled Jacob felt bad for him. "My brother gets off on people hitting him?"

"Maybe. Maybe it's not about getting off. It's not sexual for everyone." He paused, then added, "It's not that way for me."

"For - you?" Timothy stared at him. " _You_  do this stuff, too?"

"Yeah, I do. And I give as good as I get, so I know how it is on both ends." He knew there was no way he was going to be able to explain it to Timothy so he would understand. "Can you just - trust me, when I say it's definitely not about abuse, or hurting someone?"

Timothy looked skeptical. "How could it  _not_  be?"

Jacob tried again. "Okay. You're eating that sandwich, right? And me, I'm a vegetarian. There's nothing I find appealing about it. But that doesn't mean I can't imagine that you like it a lot. Maybe it's the best sandwich in the whole world, but I'll never know that, because - I just don't like meat. No big deal; doesn't mean  _you_  can't love meat."

Timothy's lips twitched. "I do love... meat."

Jacob snorted a laugh. "All right, ha ha. But do you know what I mean? Can't Noah like - I don't know, asparagus or something you think is awful?"

"Well..." He pressed his lips together. Jacob could see the anxiety in his eyes. "As long as it won't... you know,  _hurt_  him. Make him  _sick."_

Jacob smiled at him. "I think I can guarantee Noah's going to come out of Adam's house with a huge grin on his face."  _And a sore ass, if I know Adam._

That seemed to satisfy Timothy. He smiled back at Jacob. "Sorry about the ham sandwich. I didn't know."

"Hey, no. It was a nice gesture. And my mom always told me, if somebody gives you something, you say thank you, even if you don't want it. So... thank you. I hope you got the answers you were looking for."

"A couple, yeah."

Jacob nodded to the house. "You should really talk to Noah, don't you think? I mean, wouldn't he tell you about what he was doing, if you asked?"

Timothy shrugged. "I guess I don't always believe that Noah knows what's best for himself. Not just because he's my little brother. He's kind of - impulsive."

"Yeah," Jacob said. "I get that. Adam will help with that, too." He heard the ring of his cell phone. "Speak of the devil. Hang on." He pressed the earpiece he was wearing. "Jacob here."

"Coming up on midnight," said Adam. "We should be getting calls soon. We're getting dressed; you can join us in five minutes."

"Don't need the details, boss," Jacob said, but he grinned. "All's quiet out here. I'll let them know downtown you're ready to receive calls."

Adam sounded three hundred percent calmer than he had that afternoon. "Kurt and Noah, they'll be staying tonight."

"I guessed that. I can sleep in the van."

"No, it's fine if you want to take the couch," Adam said. "I think we're pretty much ready for some sleep, ourselves."

"Cool. I'll be on your porch in five." He disconnected the call and glanced at Timothy. "I've got to get going."

Timothy gathered up his trash and stuffed it into the fast food bag. "You didn't need to let me in here. Thanks for answering my questions."

"No problem. And - really." Jacob put a hand on Timothy's arm. "Don't worry about your brother. Adam's been talking about him since he got back from Santa Fe, and he's completely crazy about him. I trust Adam. He wouldn't do anything to hurt him."

He nodded. "Thanks. I think I can believe that... and I think I should probably talk to Noah. We're not so good at the talking stuff in our family."

"You did fine here tonight," Jacob said. Timothy looked startled, then flushed.

"Uh." That shrug again. "Well... see you."

He took his trash with him, and closed the door firmly as he went. Jacob stashed his uneaten pomegranate in the little fridge and finished his evening log, then he locked the computer into his briefcase and jogged up to Adam's porch.

Kurt and Noah were dressed in robes and seated on the couch when Adam let him in. They wore expressions of worship, which made Jacob sigh and roll his eyes a little - but maybe a little less than usual.

Adam himself was clearly thrilled with the world. "Everything you were hoping for, huh?" Jacob said, and Adam beamed at him.

"Oh my god," he said in an undertone. "I don't think I even have words for it."

"Let's keep it that way," Jacob muttered. "Uh... hey, I wanted to mention something. It was a little unorthodox... just thought you should know, but... Timothy, Noah's brother? He came by the van tonight. Knocked on the door. Brought me a ham sandwich."

Adam stared at him. "Honey, didn't you tell me you were... um, vegetarian?"

"Hey, I didn't eat it," Jacob hastily assured him. "I just didn't want to leave him standing outside. He sat there; we talked. He had some questions about you, and Noah. I didn't tell him anything personal, and it wasn't a distraction, I promise."

"No, I imagine he wouldn't be. You're attentive under the worst of circumstances." He smiled slyly. "But maybe you should have tried his sandwich. Who knows, you might have enjoyed it."

"God, you too?" Jacob glared at Adam, who was giggling. "I'm surrounded by fucking twelve year old boys. Now go talk to Entertainment Weekly. Your video's about to premiere."


	18. Glitter in the Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam really didn't expect to receive so many guests on Kurt and Noah's first day there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very special chapter. The first portion was written by me, but the second with our surprise guest was written by a different author, elexusniall. She's a reader who came to me one day with some ideas for Lady Gaga, and the ideas sprang into full-fledged plotbunnies. She wrote this chapter in one furious spate of creativity, and I've been sitting on it for months, so thank you! She wrote some of [her own AU Donutverse Kurt/Adam](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7954907/1/Donutverse-AU-Crack), so if you're jonesing for more Adam and Kurt, go check it out on FFNet. 
> 
> I did not expect an appearance by this particular surprise guest, but it fits perfectly into the Donutverse, so she may show up again in the future. In addition, this chapter makes two lovely hidden connections to future Donutverse stories, neither of which are particularly crucial but may feel like Easter eggs to savvy readers, so - keep that in mind. 
> 
> Oh, and you'll forgive me if there's a continuity error: the song Perfect wasn't actually written until December 2010, but it shows up here anyway. 
> 
> Coming up next: Lady Gaga! Enjoy. 
> 
> -amy and elexusniall

 "I hate to do this," said Adam, shifting to sit up against the wrought-iron headboard, "but I have to go in the other room for a little while. And as much as you might be comfortable, I think you're going to want to join me."

"Yes, Adam," Puck murmured, flat on his stomach and completely inert. Kurt laughed.

"We may have to pry you out of this bed with a crowbar," he said, and tugged Puck to a tentative sitting position. Kurt felt a little tired, but he clearly wasn't in anything like the condition Puck was. He leaned in and nuzzled his neck, and Puck responded with a gentle kiss.

"Okay, this may be my new favorite activity," Adam said, his arms wrapped around his knees, peeking at them with bright eyes. "Watching the two of you kiss. Don't mind me."

"I definitely don't mind you," Kurt said, smiling back at him. He reached out a hand and touched Adam's arm, every freckle a delight. "You're completely welcome."

"I'm a little blown away by that," he admitted matter-of-factly. He tilted his head to one side. "You don't feel jealous? You don't wish you could just have Noah all to yourself?"

Kurt considered Puck, sitting up gingerly, wincing as he put careful pressure on his sore ass.

"I guess I've never had that?" he said slowly. "Noah's always been... someone else's."

Adam nodded. "Finn's."

"Pretty much always," Puck agreed, running a hand over his neck, making the chains on his wrists jingle. "A hell of a lot longer ago than I had words to describe it. But now..." He shrugged. "I don't know. Hard to tell what's going on with Finn these days. Last week wasn't so good; this week's been better. He's got a lot. I mean, Carl, and  _Rachel..."_  Puck's nose wrinkled, and Kurt sighed. "And now this thing with Patrick at the coffeehouse, I mean, I don't even know what that's all about."

Adam looked troubled. "That's not right. Noah, you need your Top to be clear and confident, not overwhelmed with responsibilities."

"Oh, he's not," Puck said hastily. "I mean - he's not doing that. Not Topping me." He glanced over his shoulder and chuckled. "Fuck, man, I think I'm getting enough of that, right here."

Adam unfolded his long legs from the bed and stood, stretching. Kurt just watched him, breathless, trying to resist the urge to coax him back onto the bed again immediately.  _We have all day tomorrow,_  he told himself sternly, _and Sunday. There's no hurry._

"He doesn't have to be spanking you to be Topping you," said Adam.

"No, Noah's right," Kurt said. "He's... well, I thought he was taking a break from that. Topping anybody. He's so focused on Carl these days. But - he told us about this boy from the coffeehouse, Patrick, who's needing a Top. That was a surprise."

"Mmmm," Adam said. He helped Puck get to his feet. "It does sound complicated. And... Rachel? A girl?" He looked downright disturbed by this idea.

"Don't ask me," Kurt said, holding up a hand. "I don't get it either."

"Hey, Berry's hot, in an annoying Jewish girl kind of way," Puck said. He accepted Adam's arms around him from behind, letting his head rest back onto his chest. "I can see what Finn sees in her, kind of. But she's totally crazy. I could never date her. Uh, again."

Adam snorted. "Well, it's Finn's life, I suppose. But Kurt... I'm wondering now, does that mean  _you're_  not getting what you need? If Finn's not Topping anyone?"

"N-oo," Kurt replied slowly. "We don't really... do that, exactly. Not like me and Noah. But he does... give me what I need."

Adam still looked dissatisfied, but he nodded, reaching for a robe hanging on the back of his bedroom door. "Not really my business, anyway, except that I want you to be happy."

"God, Adam," Kurt whispered, and Adam must have heard something in his voice, because he let Puck go and came to Kurt, taking his hand. "I'm  _so_  happy. This, all of this, has been..."

"Incredible," Adam added quietly. "Magical. Perfect." His grin expanded. "And it's not over yet, not by a long shot. Come on, honey." He took Puck by the other hand. "Both of you."

They followed Adam into his closet, where he found them both robes to wear. One was blue silk with an ornate collar, and he gave Adam a smile as he touched it. "I remember this one."

"Yeah," Adam agreed. "I thought it would look absolutely stunning on your boyfriend here." He helped Kurt slip it on his arms and tied the waist belt for him. "Try that black one, there, Noah."

Noah looked appreciatively at Kurt as he put on the black robe. This one had dragons embroidered on the sleeves.

"I figured Jacob wouldn't want to see us in the buff if he could avoid it," Adam said, shrugging. Kurt half-expected to see the security guard already in the family room, but it was empty when they entered. "Have a seat on the couch. I just have to get set up here."

"Set up for what?" Kurt asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. Adam just gave him an enigmatic smile.

"One more minute, honey." He crossed to the door and unlocked it, then opened it up. On the porch was Jacob, leaning impatiently against the adobe wall.

"Jeez, man, you're going to miss it," he muttered. "Lindsey's going to throw a fit. You have the right channel?"

Kurt watched them circling the room, both talking on their phones, and looked at Puck, mystified. "Do you know what's going on?"

Puck just shrugged. "Not really my place, you know? I'll wait. He'll tell me when he's ready."

They didn't have to wait long. The television blared while Adam flipped channels until he got to MTV. They heard the words "Adam Lambert" and "world premiere," and Kurt got it.

"Oh,  _mon ange,_ " he exclaimed, and Jacob stopped short, giving him an incredulous look. Kurt blushed. "Uh - I mean... Adam, your video?"

"Something's coming on?" Puck sat forward, his elbows on his knees, looking interested.

Adam paused in rushing around long enough to bend down and give Kurt a kiss. "Don't censor yourself around Jacob," he murmured. "He's fine. And this is  _my_  house, and you get to call me anything you want. Especially that. Please."

"Okay," Kurt said, smiling. He nodded at the television. "Is it -?"

" _Whatya Want From Me,"_  Adam smiled back. "World premiere." He leaned back on the couch and put an arm around Puck's shoulders. "I hear I wasn't the only one performing this song recently."

Puck's tanned face went a dusky rose. "Uh... yeah... that, Adam, I meant to -"

"No matter," Adam said smoothly. "I hear Kurt also took care of it, later. And you've more than paid your dues tonight. Let's just enjoy this, shall we?"

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1Fqn9du7xo>

The video was spare and grey, and Kurt was startled to see Adam in a black t-shirt and jeans.

"You're not wearing any makeup," he said.

"Actually, I'm wearing the kind of makeup that makes it look like I'm not wearing any makeup," Adam corrected. "Me with no makeup is a lot paler and frecklier."

Kurt turned to him and nestled against his side. "Maybe someday you'll let us see you that way."

"You'll probably have to be satisfied with pictures," Adam replied. "I'm a little fanatic about the foundation. But who knows; with the two of you, anything's possible."

Puck pointed at Tommy, playing bass. "Hey, I was going to ask... the two of you. Are you guys... you know?"

Adam looked startled. "What? Me and... Tommy?" Jacob let out a sputtering cough. "Subtle, Jacob. No, honey, Tommy's straight, remember?"

Puck gazed at the screen doubtfully. "I know, you said, but... really? Because he's totally hot for you. I mean, look at that."

"Acting. The fans love it. Don't get me wrong, he's a great friend, and I'm lucky to have him as my bassist, but... no." Adam smiled as his phone rang. "Here we go. It's my publicist. I'll be answering calls for a while."

Adam spoke to everyone from TV-Guide to Entertainment Weekly for a good hour, long after the video was complete and Kurt had turned off the television. Kurt just sat on the couch, letting Puck rest his head in his lap, stroking his hair while he dozed, and watched Adam talk. He was animated and utterly charming, but it wasn't that that arrested Kurt's attention. It was that this was  _Adam,_  the man he'd been speaking to on the phone every day for over two weeks, who'd captured his heart with music and poetry and flowers, who'd made him come all the way from California over the phone. And it was also  _Adam Lambert,_  American Idol superstar, pausing in his conversation with a journalist from Readers' Digest to blow him a kiss. It actually made Kurt gasp to see it.

"I love you," he said, and Adam paused mid-interview to stare at him. He let out a breath.

"God, Kurt," Adam whispered. Then he recovered, gave Kurt a brilliant smile, and said into the phone, "Would you hold on a moment?"

Then he strode across the room, set his phone down, took Kurt's face in both hands, and kissed him full on the mouth, passionately, enthusiastically and with complete abandon. Kurt moaned helplessly back.

When they pulled away, they were both flushed. "I love you, too, honey," Adam said. He turned to Puck, who was grinning like he'd been given a brand new guitar. "And you."

"Yeah," Puck said, touching Kurt's face. "Me, too. Both of you."

" _Adam,"_  Jacob said through gritted teeth, "Readers' Digest, man."

Eventually the phone stopped ringing, and Jacob told him he could pack up and head to bed. "I'll be out here," he said. "Just be prepared in the morning, okay?"

"I'll be sure we stay appropriately clothed," Adam promised. "But I wouldn't count on us staying quiet."

"I'll cope," Jacob said stolidly. "Get some sleep, man. You've got the SAG tomorrow."

Adam took them into the bedroom and closed the door firmly behind them. "It'll be a little crowded," he apologized. "I don't think I've ever had three in my bed before."

Kurt shook his head, smiling. "My bed's only a full size, and we manage all right. This feels positively decadent."

"I'm glad to hear it," Adam said. He gestured grandly. "Because you get to be in the middle."

They piled into the bed, Adam pausing to pull the covers up over Noah and pat his sore behind. "You were so good tonight," he said, and Puck beamed at him before yawning and closing his eyes at last.

Kurt and Adam stayed awake longer, facing one another on the pillow, hands twined together between them. "And you..." Adam murmured, "were completely perfect. "I have all kinds of plans for us for the rest of the weekend, but this... just this, the three of us, together like this..."

"I know," Kurt said, feeling tears in his eyes. "There's no better feeling in the world."

Adam leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. "You'll forgive me if I hope to disprove that later. My goal is to make you feel as good as you possibly can feel. You deserve it, Kurt. Every bit of it."

Kurt closed his eyes on those words, and they followed him into his dreams.

* * *

It was late enough for lunch, even if they hadn't really gotten out of bed for breakfast. Noah was still in his cuffs and collar, and the apron again - Adam really needed to get a picture this time - and Kurt was wearing nothing but one of Adam's own fabulous silk robes. This one was a shade of blue that really set off his eyes. Adam had chosen the black one, but it wasn't the robe that was making him smile.

 _They're here,_  he thought for what must have been the tenth time, with a dreamy, self-satisfied sigh.  _Noah, and Kurt, together, here, in my house._  It was the best possible kind of morning.

He and Kurt were bantering as Noah began prepping what looked to be a potato-mushroom casserole of some kind. Then Adam heard Jacob's ringtone, which was just about the only number he would have answered at this point.

"Is there a problem?" Adam inquired, calmly.

"You've got incoming."

"Who?"

"Um... Pink."

 _Fuck._ "I'll be right out. Stall her if you can, please." Adam didn't bother to hide his annoyance. Just about any other Saturday, he would have been thrilled to hang out with Alecia and brainstorm and write and sing, but now was  _so_  totally not the time. He stood, cinched the belt on his robe, and regarded the two beautiful young men in his kitchen.

"Kurt... Noah..." They swung their eyes to face him inquisitively. "We might be having an... unexpected guest." He sighed, rubbing his head, and muttered, "A very stubborn and uncooperative one, as it happens."

"Dude," said Noah, glancing at Kurt.

"Who is it?" asked Kurt.

"Let's see if I can't convince her to leave. In any case, it might be wise if you both got into something more suitable for company other than my own."

He gave Kurt a quick, apologetic look as he returned to the bedroom to get changed, and murmured, "Noah?"

Noah paused next to him while he unbuckled the cuffs and collar. "I wish I didn't have to do this," he said. "I just don't think I'm ready to explain to this particular person..."

"No big," Noah said easily, rubbing his wrists, and leaned in to kiss him. "I don't need a collar to tell me who I belong to."

Adam kissed him back and patted his behind, sending him off to the bedroom with Kurt before heading out the front door. "You got that right."

Noah put on his favorite pair of jeans and sauntered back out to the kitchen to continue cooking, while Kurt donned black skinny jeans and a fitted t-shirt. He wanted to do more, but he didn't really think he had time to do more than run a brush through his hair.

"Who do you think it is?" Noah inquired, deftly chopping shallots.

"I really don't know. He seemed caught off guard, so I doubt it's his publicist. I suppose we'll find out if he can't get whoever it is to leave."

"Are you worried?"

Kurt avoided Noah's gaze, trying to look calm. Of course he was worried; he didn't want to cause trouble for Adam, and this could easily become trouble, depending on who it was, but he didn't want to make Noah anxious. "Adam said he'll take care of it, and I think we should believe him."

Noah just nodded, tossing the shallots and a few cloves of garlic into the heated oil. Kurt could tell he was following his lead. It was gratifying, but Noah had always been one to go with the flow. He took a steadying breath and put a hand on Noah's bare back.  _Adam would handle it._

Well, Adam was trying to handle it, but handling Alecia was tricky on the best of days. Today was not one of them. He gave her a bright Lambert smile. "Alecia, honey... as much as I would love to pick that brain of yours and spend the afternoon lost in creative energy with you, I'm afraid right now  _really_  isn't a good time."

Alecia flipped her sunglasses up into her spiky blonde 'do and grinned at him, taking in his attire and semi-lack thereof. "Am I interrupting something? If so, well, don't stop on my account."

Adam couldn't help but roll his eyes at her. "It's... complicated."

She arched a brow at him in curiosity. "Complicated how? And that didn't really answer my question."

"It's complicated because... well, it's complicated and that's all I can really tell you right now." He sighed. "And no, at this particular moment you aren't interrupting anything more than lunch prep." He felt his options trickling away; he was pretty sure the Voice wouldn't have the same effect on her as it did on Noah. Maybe he should enlist Jacob's help after all...

"Lunch? Why didn't you say so." She barreled past him and right into the house.

 _Hell._ Adam turned toward Jacob's hiding place, took ten steps toward him across the street, then threw his hands up in an  _I-give-up_  motion. With one last exasperated glance at the mirrored, silent windows of the security van, he turned to re-enter his home and do damage control.

He was thankful that the boys were mostly dressed, though he idly wished that Noah had put a shirt on because, as much as he appreciated Noah's assets, he didn't want Alecia enjoying the view. Adam couldn't help the possessive  _mine_  that rolled through his brain. He took a slow, deep breath and let it out, then stepped into his kitchen.

Kurt looked - well, star struck. Noah, on the other hand, was grinning with Alecia, chopping mushrooms now and behaving as if this was no different than any other day in his life. Adam couldn't help but marvel at the beautiful young man who had let him into his life so completely. It was still astounding that Noah was his.

"I see you've just made yourself right at home - as usual, Alecia." Adam tried to keep his tone teasing. As much as he wanted to be mad at her, he couldn't be. It wasn't like he normally had a reason to discourage her from dropping by. He just wasn't certain how to handle all of this right now.

Alecia turned to him with a Cheshire cat's grin and mischief in her eyes. "So, are you going to introduce me, or do I need to make them tell me who they are and what they're doing in your kitchen?" Sometimes she was far too playful for words, and this wasn't a time he wanted to play - at least not with her.

"Alecia," he said, affecting a uninterested expression, "this is Kurt, and this is Noah. As for what they're doing in my kitchen, I should think that would be obvious. Noah's cooking; Kurt is keeping him and myself company while we wait for lunch. Kurt, Noah: Alecia Moore."

" 'Sup?" Noah said with a grin, twirling his knife.

Alecia smiled at Noah, with an appreciative glance at his abs. "Not much. Thought I'd drop by and see if my boy Adam wanted to write. I didn't know he'd have company. Not that him having company usually stops me."

"If only it would," Adam said, deadpan.

"You love it," Alecia teased.

"Not nearly as much as you do."

"Well hey, what can I say?" She shrugged. "Gay or not, you're easy on the eyes, and you have decent taste in guys, so I'm not going to say no to the eye candy when I get glimpses of it."

Kurt let out a smothered giggle at her comment. It was the first sound he'd made since Adam had returned.

"You're awfully quiet." Alecia said, looking him over. He paled under her scrutiny, and blinked.

"I - I wasn't sure what to say," he admitted.

She nodded understanding. "I usually just say whatever's on my mind, but you might not want to get into that habit. It can get you into more trouble than it gets you out of." She leaned in conspiratorially. "I just don't care that it gets me into trouble."

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you... Ms. Moore." Kurt said with a soft smile, extending his hand.

"I'm a Mrs., actually - but, really, stick with Alecia. It's interesting to meet you, Kurt." She gave him a sly smile as she took the offered hand and gave it a firm shake. As they clasped hands, her expression turned to approval. Kurt apparently was no dead fish when it came to handshakes, himself. Adam smirked; he knew very well Kurt was stronger than he looked.

She looked pointedly at Adam. "So is someone going to tell me what's going on here, or am I going to have to make up some story for all this on my own?"

He sighed, running a hand through his shaggy hair, and sat down at the only other empty stool at the counter. He felt the boys' eyes on him, then Alecia's, and dove in. "It's just as complicated as I told you outside. If I tell you anything about this, it  _can't_  go any further, Alecia - I mean it. I'm not joking, it's serious and if you even  _think_  of telling anyone, I'll show you that I know how to use every single implement in the collection in my closet - remember the one you found the  _last_ time you went snooping around?" His tone was completely serious, but mild enough that she couldn't take it as a challenge.

She quirked a brow, but didn't object. "You have my word. Complete secrecy. You know, I'm actually really good at that." Then she flashed him a grin. "I'll tell you only that I'm sitting on some really juicy secrets."

Adam considered her words carefully. Indeed, after that incident... well, that wasn't something he needed to think about right now. She had proven her trustworthiness. For all her bluster and bravado, she was actually a really good friend. He nodded, and then related an abbreviated version of their story, beginning with his and Noah's unexpected meeting in the coffee house in Santa Fe. He left out certain details, because some things he wasn't going to share with anyone else, at least not with anyone not directly involved.

Alecia listened quietly to the tale. Adam knew, under that tough chick exterior, she was actually a romantic. It looked like it was taking no small measure of control for her not to squeal. Kurt was blushing crimson by the time Adam was done, and Noah - well, he didn't look the least bit fazed, and was even wearing a rather smug smirk on his lips as he drained the boiled potatoes.

Alecia looked from Adam to Kurt to Noah and back again, biting her lower lip. Finally, she stood and wrapped Adam in an enormous hug.

"I'm happy for you," she murmured. "Really. You deserve something like this, you know. You helped me out when I was going through that rough spot with my guy, let me crash on your couch when I was too drunk and too upset to get back home... I'm not going to say a word about this - honest." Adam returned the hug with a half-smile.

Then she was moving away from him to round on Kurt. "So... you sing?" she inquired, mischief glinting in her eyes.

"Yes. We both do - Noah and myself. Why?" Kurt inquired, a little cautiously.

"Well, duh; I want to sing. So come on, Adam, break out the karaoke machine... sing with me."

Kurt looked positively gobsmacked. "I - "

"He's partial to Broadway show tunes and Lady Gaga," Adam called from behind the closet door, lugging out the karaoke paraphernalia.

Pink just shrugged. "I'm cool with whatever. I can totally rock some Gaga. Stef's pretty cool."

If Kurt was surprised to hear Mother Monster's real first name, so casually mentioned in conversation, he covered it well. "We're actually going to be meeting Lady Gaga this evening. Noah's older brother Timothy works for her as a sound engineer, and he passed on a recording our Glee club did of one of her newer songs - Hair?"

"Dude," Noah interrupted, pointing his spoon at Alecia. "That wasn't our Glee club; that was all Kurt. He totally reworked it to add some drums and keyboards and stuff."

"No shit?" Alecia looked impressed. "That was  _your_  work? Stef was so excited about that. She told me and even played it for me. That's some pretty intricate shit you wrote there. Did you play the keyboard part or just write it?"

Kurt's blush became incandescent. "I just wrote it... it was the club's accompanist Brad who actually brought it to life and made the writing work. I wouldn't have been able to do it without him."

Alecia couldn't help but grin. "You are just too cute for words. I'm jealous, you know. First you re-work something of Stef's and somehow make it even more awesome than it was, and now you're here with Adam, giving him - all sorts of inspiration, I'm sure." Her grin went from friendly to teasing.

"Alecia, stop tormenting Kurt," Adam warned. "If you want to sing with him, rendering him incapable of speech is not going to work in your favor."

As they tested out the karaoke equipment, Alecia leaned in to murmur to Adam. "Have you heard him sing?"

Adam raised an eyebrow. "You're probably the only one who hasn't heard of my drunken exploits at Katy's birthday party? Remember that? Well, that was Kurt on the phone, singing the treble part."

She raised an eyebrow and gazed at him while Kurt and Noah spoke quietly to one another. "Is he any good?"

"Let me put it to you this way, Alecia, dear: I will gladly sing with him any time he wants." Adam grinned at her. Alecia blinked at him for several long moments.

"No shit?"

"No shit."

This gave her pause. She knew what a snob Adam was about singing with people. He'd sing  **for**  anyone, just about anywhere, if asked nicely enough. But he'd seldom sing with another person. Sometimes she thought the only reason he sang with her at all was because they were usually working on music when it happened and she kind of gave him no choice.

Adam seemed to know what she was thinking. He gave her an understanding pat. "I don't mind singing with you especially since you never bring drama around. You don't try to go all diva on me. That's one major reason I don't sing with many people. Most of our peers are divas in the negative sense of the word, and I really can't be bothered with them."

"Well, I don't need to go all diva on you," she teased, guiding him back to the boys. "You're diva enough for both of us." She let him go and walked right up to Kurt. "Well, Kurt... what are we going to sing?"

"Er -" Kurt was at a loss, eyes wide. Noah smirked.

"Dude, do  _Bad Kids,"_ he offered, and Kurt sputtered while Adam laughed. Alecia smiled.

"I actually know that one. I don't really write anything for Stef. We usually just sit around, drink wine and write... we'll bounce ideas off each other but what we write isn't usually for each other. Her style is way different from mine. But sometimes you just need company and I understand the writing process can be a bitch." She checked the cable connections in the back of the karaoke machine. "Stef and I try to get together whenever our schedules allow. Not more than once every month or so, but we'll talk on the phone when we can't get together. We've both been busy with writing, recording and touring."

Kurt looked over the karaoke system, touching the iPod dock. "Be right back, then," he said with a smile.

"He's so adorable," Alecia giggled as she watched Kurt vanish into the bedroom.

Noah grinned. "Tell me about it. You think he's adorable now, you should see him when... uh... never mind." He cut off, clearing his throat.

Alecia took in the embarrassed blush on the young man's face and couldn't help but laugh. "It's cool. I can totally see that, though... all pale and porcelain and blissed out after having too much fun with you boys... I get it."

Noah was left blinking in shock at Alecia's words, while Adam was trying to mask the giggle that wanted to desperately escape his lips. As much as he did want to get somewhat possessive, he also knew that she didn't really mean anything by it. She was just being her usual self; thankfully he was well practiced at overlooking some of her more overt innuendos.

Alecia took in Noah's discomfiture and laughed, making her way around the island to throw an amicable arm around him. "Dude, Kurt 's hot. You're hot. And, hello, Adam? Also totally hot... Such a fucking shame he's gay. You don't even want to know what I'd do to that man if I wasn't taken and he'd let me." She laughed, and one brow arched. "I totally get it. That many beautiful people in bed can't be a bad thing. I'm not going to judge."

Noah scratched his head sheepishly. "Hey, how do I know? I mean, plenty of people do, and you're  _P!nk,_  for fuck's sake." He glanced around himself, shaking his head. "And here I am in the middle of Adam Lambert's kitchen and sometimes this shit just gets a little surreal for me and I wonder if I'm just fucking making it all up, if this is some fucked up fantasy in my head and then I'm gonna wake up and find it's not real. I don't  _want_ to think that..."

"I know it's hard sometimes," Adam soothed, coming around to put a hand on Noah's shoulder.

Noah shrugged. "Yeah, well... things were pretty shitty for me for a while. All my life, it's always seemed like whenever good shit happened, bad shit would show up to take it away." He turned away, but Adam could see the troubled expression on his face.

"You don't have to be scared, honey," he murmured, taking Noah in his arms.

"I don't  _want_ to be scared," Noah admitted, his voice muffled in Adam's shirt, "but sometimes I can't fucking help it. I love you guys, so fucking much."

Adam sighed. He knew that all of the damage that had been done to Noah throughout his life was something that would be an ongoing battle for them, but he had hoped that they were over at least the worst of it now... It seemed he'd be having Noah over his knee again before the night was over. It wasn't a terrible prospect.

To Alecia's credit, she didn't get worried or look shocked at Noah's little outburst. She took the knife out of his hand and laid it on the cutting board. "You know what? I get that. Really, I do. Story sounds a little familiar to me, actually. I mean my life hasn't been all sunshine and roses. My song Family Portrait? Pretty much my childhood." She leaned against the fridge. "It took me a long time to get comfortable with who I was and who I am. There were times when I thought that I deserved all the bad shit that happened to me. I'm grown up enough to admit that there are definitely times when I bring it on myself - but drunk partying aside, a lot more of it isn't my fault."

"But I've only been here with you three for what an hour now, and I can already tell you that Adam is head over fucking heels for you... and Kurt." Noah glanced up at Adam, who was sure his face was flaming. "Yeah, pretty much. I don't know if you know this about Adam, and you probably wouldn't guess from the way the media attempts to portray him..."

"Alecia," Adam protested, without a lot of hope of stopping her. Sure enough, she went right on as though he hadn't spoken.

"While he may play, he doesn't get serious with people easily or often. Sure, he follows his lust sometimes, but he's more likely to protect his heart. He's been burned enough that he's usually so guarded... but here you are, in the middle of his kitchen, and I'm watching him trying not to grin like a complete idiot. If it wasn't real and serious for him, trust me, you  _wouldn't_  be here." She pointed at the two of them. "One thing I've learned, Noah, from all of the shit that's happened in my life is to never take the good stuff for granted. Bad shit happens, and it's not always our fault, so when we get that good stuff, we should hold on to it as tightly as we can for as long as we get to keep it and cherish it for all it's fucking worth. Surprisingly enough it makes dealing with the bad shit easier when it comes. Because at least you've  _had_  good shit... silver linings and all that." She laughed, then playfully slugged Noah's shoulder.

Adam watched Alecia handle Noah. By the end of her heartfelt, if expletive-filled recanting of her own tribulations, Noah seemed calmer, and he even smiled and resumed his work in the kitchen. It was amazing watching the interaction. Adam knew some of Alecia's true story. She'd actually gone through a lot of similar things to Noah. He knew that she understood where the boy was coming from... Maybe it was fate that had brought her here today. Maybe Noah had needed to meet her, to know that he really wasn't alone, that he wasn't the only one who had been hurt by life and that sometimes you just had to hold on to what you had while you had it and let the rest of life just go around you.

As Kurt returned from the bedroom, Alecia crossed over to him and gently tugged his arm, pulling him into the hallway and out of Noah's immediate earshot. Adam couldn't help shooting her an arched eyebrow, but he'd known her long enough now that he figured he could trust her with him.

"Got any music in that iPod of yours?" she asked him. Kurt obligingly flipped through the album lists and she grinned even bigger. "Do you know this one?"

Kurt nodded. "It's pretty safe to assume that I can sing everything that I have on my iPod."

"I was thinking maybe your boy in there needs to hear something like this. You down with that idea?"

Adam observed the expression of pure exuberant joy on Kurt's face, and he felt a flush of appreciation for Alecia's instincts. She might be crass, rude and over the top, but she was still a woman beneath all the bluster, and she was a lot more sensitive than she came across to the rest of the world. Kurt eagerly nodded.

"I'll set up the karaoke machine," he offered.

He and Alecia quickly worked out who would be singing what verses and that they would share the choruses. Though she would do the rapping bit because that was so not Kurt's forte. As soon as Adam heard the opening strains, he couldn't help but smile. It wasn't what Alecia and Kurt had originally decided to sing and he knew that Alecia must have felt that Noah needed these words right now and she was probably right.

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3GkSo3ujSY>

(Bold = Alecia. Italics = Kurt. Bold + Italics = both )

**Made a wrong turn once or twice**  
 **Dug my way out, blood and fire**  
 **Bad decisions, that's alright  
** **Welcome to my silly life**

_Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood_  
 _Miss "No way, it's all good'_  
 _It didn't slow me down._  
 _Mistaken, always second guessing  
_ _Underestimated, look I'm still around_

__**Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
** __**Like you're less than fucking perfect  
** _**Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel  
** _ __**Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me**

_You're so mean when you talk_  
 _About yourself. You were wrong._  
 _Change the voices in your head  
_ _Make them like you instead._

**So complicated,**  
 **Look happy, You'll make it!**  
 **Filled with so much hatred**  
 **Such a tired game**  
 **It's enough, I've done all I could think of**  
 **Chased down all my demons  
** **I've seen you do the same**

__**Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
** __**Like you're less than fucking perfect  
** _**Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel  
** _ __**Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me**

**The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear**  
 **The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer**  
 **So cool in line and we try try try but we try too hard**  
 **And it's a waste of my time.**  
 **Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere**  
 **They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair**  
 **Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time  
** **Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?**

__**Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
** __**Like you're less than fucking perfect  
** __**Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel  
** __**Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me  
** __**(You're perfect, you're perfect)  
** __**Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
** __**Like you're less than fucking perfect.  
** _**Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel  
** _ __**Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me.**

It was a good thing that Noah had been at a point in cooking that he didn't really have to be doing anything, because those words hit him like a freight train. Before he realized it, he had sagged against the counter and was crying, and immediately Adam was holding him.

"Noah... sweetheart, are you okay?" Kurt asked softly, coming over to run his fingertips gently over Noah's mohawk.

"Yeah... I'm good, really... but damn... those words... it just... it hit me. Thank you... both of you." He looked up, first to Kurt and then over to Alecia. She just grinned at him.

"You've got a unique voice, Kurt. Next time you boys are local, see if tall dark and brooding will let you out of the bedroom long enough to come play with me. I'd like to sing with you again. I know Adam has the Critics Choice awards tonight, and I better give him plenty of primping time, or he'll be a bitch to deal with later."

Adam rolled his eyes at her, but he just said mildly, "You're welcome to join us for lunch; there's more than enough."

She nodded in thanks. "But I should probably leave after. Let you boys enjoy however long you have before it's time for you to go play with Stef." She laughed. "I'll try to remember to text you before I come over in the future, just in case you have guests again."

"Yeah, I'd appreciate that," Adam said with a grin. "But I'm not upset you showed up today. This has been fun, and I trust you won't tell anyone about... anything."

"Hey, I could have found you guys doin' it on the couch or something, so really, not as bad as it could have been, right?" Kurt flushed crimson, but Noah just smirked right back at her.

"Better to text first," Adam agreed, sipping his tea.

Alecia looked at Adam and without missing a beat added, "Keep talking like that and you're going to make me wish I had a dick of my own."

Adam nearly snorted the mouthful of green tea he'd taken. He shot her a glare, swallowed and started chuckling. Noah looked like he was about to bust a gut and Kurt had his hand delicately over his mouth to stifle the giggle but he couldn't hide the blush. His porcelain pale skin was a lovely shade of scarlet.

"I'll... just tell Finn he can come over any time," he said, somewhat weakly.

Once Noah was finished with the cooking, he retrieved his guitars. Alecia's eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas.

"You play?" he inquired.

She laughs. "A lot of things. But guitar? Yeah. Guitar, drums and piano."

"Nice. Kurt plays piano - really well actually, and Finn, he plays drums."

Alecia took the offered instrument from Noah's hand. "Who's Finn?"

"Another part of the complicated," Adam said wryly. "If you're still here when he comes to pick Kurt and Noah up, you might get to meet him."

"He's the other third of our family," said Kurt.

Alecia blinked. "You're in a triad? Holy fuck, that's brave. I don't know that I could handle that... but well, I guess I'm a little too wild and a little too volatile for that. But kudos." She eyed Adam. "And shit, you weren't kidding about the complicated - were you?"

"Not this time," Adam said softly, amusement coloring his tone.

He sidled up beside Kurt and reached out his hand, giving it a squeeze. "You doing all right? This wasn't exactly the day that I had planned..."

Kurt smiled at him, blue eyes shining. "No, but it's working out nicely anyway." He nodded at Noah and Alecia playing. "This is wonderful."

"I'm glad you think so. I have to admit, though... usually I'm excited about the prospect of a gala affair, but tonight?" He gazed deep into Kurt's eyes. "I just want to lock these moments in my memory and carry them through the rest of the evening, until I can come home and we can be alone together again."

Kurt caught his breath, leaning in closer to Adam. "I... know exactly what you mean."

Adam figured Kurt wouldn't want to do anything inappropriate in front of Alecia, so he kept his kiss chaste. "Did you tell Finn about her being here?"

Kurt looked suddenly alarmed. "Oh - I didn't even think of it."

Nothing sexy was going on, after all, so it was understandable that the bigger picture here had slipped his mind. But whatever Finn was expecting to find when he arrived, what he encountered when he arrived was clearly not it.

There was a jam/karaoke session going on in Adam's living room. Adam had changed into leather pants and an Asian print silk tunic. Kurt and Noah had both showered, but Kurt was back in the black skinny jeans and black t-shirt, with his blue Marc Jacobs scarf tied around his neck. Noah was in nice black pants with a green polo and though both were comfortable for him, he did look rather sharp. Then, in the middle of it all, with one of Noah's guitars on her lap was Alecia. She was wearing the jean cut offs, white tank top and neon pink sports bra she'd arrived in. She should have been the part of the puzzle that didn't really fit, but somehow, she did.

Kurt, Noah and Alecia were all three trying to coax Adam into singing as Noah began playing  _For Your Entertainment._  Alecia grinned and started playing a compliment to what Noah was playing. Adam was saved only temporarily by the text from Jacob that the Mustang was there - and it was a good thing, because over the music no one would have heard Finn knocking. He gave an apologetic look to Noah and rose to move towards the door.

As he approached it, he heard the knock. He realized, almost too late, that it might have alarmed Finn if he'd opened the door first, before there had been any knocking.

The boy he'd seen in Noah's picture was standing there, hands in the pockets of his jeans. He certainly didn't seem to have Kurt's taste, or even Noah's flair, but he had a casual appeal. Adam was startled by how tall Finn was, but even as the young man shifted awkwardly on the porch, he could tell that Finn was not comfortable with his height.

"Welcome, Finn." Adam said simply, offering him a smile and stepping aside, bidding him enter.

"Um... hi?" Finn glanced around the room as he moved into the room. He thrust a hand at Adam. "I'm Finn. I mean... you know that."

Adam clasped his hand and grinned disarmingly. "Don't be put off by the noise. And yeah, I know. I'm Adam, right?"

"Right." Finn looked like he wasn't sure what to do with his hands, but Kurt stepped in next to him, taking his arm and kissing him. With Kurt touching him, Finn looked a little calmer, and he even smiled. "Thanks for... uh, taking care of..." He trailed off awkwardly, and looked across the room at Noah, seated next to Alecia. His brow furrowed, and he leaned in a little, lowering his voice as well as he could in the crazy noise of the jam session. "Who's that?"

Adam couldn't help the smirk that came to his lips. "A friend who dropped by unannounced just before lunch. Then Alecia decided to drag the boys into singing and - well, it's hard to stop her once she gets going." Adam chuckled, not giving everything away just yet.

"She's really good." He pressed his lips together, glancing at Adam hesitantly, then at Kurt. "Are you guys... I'm not even sure how to ask this... but is everything going okay? I mean... I kind of expected you to be alone."

"Everything's fine," Kurt assured him.

Adam nodded. "Alecia is a friend who has yet to learn to text or call before she drops by for a writing session. As much as I would have loved to have had more time alone with Kurt and Noah, it was actually kind of lucky that she showed up. She and Noah have a few things in common, and they seem to be getting along well." He stroked his chin. "But then, it's hard not to enjoy him - isn't it?"

Finn ducked his head. Clearly he wasn't feeling comfortable, but he grinned anyway. "Uh. Yeah. He's... pretty awesome. I'm glad things are okay, at least." His eyes softened at that reassurance. "Kurt and Puck were both looking forward to this, a lot."

"We were," Kurt agreed, gazing up at Finn, and Adam could see just what they meant to each other in that one glance. He felt an unreasonable stab of jealousy, but dismissed it and nodded.

"Me, too, Finn. You have no idea just how much. Thank you for allowing me to spend time with both of them. It was very generous of you." Adam was more impressed than he'd expected to be by the nature of the young man before him.

"Well... it's not really my call, what they do." Finn crossed his arms over his chest. "They get to make their own decisions. We just keep things honest, as much as we can. This is what they wanted." He eyed Adam. "I won't get in their way. And you've been... really cool."

Adam shrugged, trying to put him at ease. "We're all in this together, Finn. I know that you can't be one hundred percent comfortable with all of this. I doubt I would be if our roles were reversed. As for my being cool, well, I'm just trying to do what's best for all involved, while still remaining true to myself. I guess that's not so different from what you're doing."

"Yeah," Finn agreed, nodding, and pulled Kurt a little closer to him. "I could tell that you were just following your heart." He gave Kurt an encouraging nod toward Noah, who was wrapping up his song with Alecia. As Kurt moved away, Finn dropped his voice again. "Kurt wouldn't trust you any other way."

Adam nodded. "It really is amazing that he trusts me so much. Considering how we've built this connection on the phone over the past two weeks, I was worried that it wouldn't hold up to meeting in person..." He shook his head, feeling the smile creep over his face, and he watched Finn see it, too. Finn glanced away, his cheeks pink. "It is ever so much more than I dared to hope for."

"I'm glad," Finn said, and Adam could tell he was telling the truth.

"Really, Finn, you're much the same. Strange that the lot of us are all different sides of the same coin." He chuckled.

"You gonna show him in to the rest of us or what?" Alecia's voice rang out over the sudden stilling of guitar strings.

Adam gave Finn a conspiratorial grin. "Patience is not Alecia's strong suit. I'd threaten to spank it into her but she doesn't roll that way. Come on, we might as well sit and enjoy the time we have until the three of you need to be on your way, and I have to kick Alecia out so I can get ready for the SAG awards."

It was easy for Adam to see just how much even the scant few hours apart had affected all three of the young men. As soon as Finn joined them in the room, Kurt's eyes lit up and Noah's shoulders relaxed. Three parts of a whole. As much as part of him desperately wanted to be selfish, he couldn't do it. He couldn't deny these interesting young men any aspect of their triangle. It was as much a part of them as they were becoming part of him - even Finn. Maybe not in the same way as Kurt and Noah, but as Kurt and Noah had both once said, they were all of them in this together.

Adam watched as Finn paused in the entryway to the living room, the light dawning on his face. "Wait a second... aren't you...?"

Kurt's light chuckle caressed his ears, and he took Finn's arm. "It caught me off guard at first too. Just try to forget the fact that the rest of the world knows her as P!nk. Alecia's actually very nice. Finn, Alecia; Alecia, Finn."

Alecia laughed. "You know, I don't think I'll ever get tired of that awestruck look, I really don't." The rich sound seemed to help snap Finn out of it.

Finn gave her an apologetic half-smile as he held his hand out. "Hey, my cousin Katy's kind of famous, too, so really, I should be used to this kind of thing. It's nice to meet you, Alecia."

She took Finn's hand and gave it a hearty shake. "Nice to meet you, Finn. Come on have a seat; we've still got some time to kill, and pretty boy over there needs to sing instead of just humming along with us." Her grin was crafty. "We've been serenading his sorry ass since lunch. I say it's our turn."

Adam rolled his eyes at her, and Finn laughed, a genuine laugh. He took a seat next to Kurt on the roomy couch. Noah turned to Alecia, smirked, and they both began to play  _Music Again_. Adam chuckled good naturedly and he straightened out his shoulders and put on his performer persona. Finn couldn't help but tap his foot to the beat, and Adam finished to grand applause. He could not help the playful bow and flourish he gave his audience. Alecia was laughing and all three young men were smiling. It was one of the things he loved most about performing. As much as he might Top in the bedroom, he was definitely submissive to his fans - not that they would know that. But just to see those smiles, to know they enjoyed the music - that was really the best high in the world... well, almost. Being responsible for Noah, and being loved by Noah and Kurt...  _that_ was the best feeling in the world, but performing wasn't too far behind that.

Noah tapped Alecia's shoulder and then whispered something in her ear. She got a cat-ate-the-canary kind of grin on her face and nodded. Adam couldn't help but wonder what the two of them were up to. He was suddenly glad that they would not be able to interact on a regular basis. Heaven help the world if Noah and Alecia started working together. Dangerous as that could be, the thought also made him smile just a little. It was good that one of the few people he trusted enough to call friend got along so well with someone he loved so much.

Noah took the lead on the next song, his fingers plucking a lazy rhythm that blended along with it. Adam knew the song at once, and even before Noah started singing, his breath caught.

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3stsDXki__U>

**Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?**  
 **Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?**  
 **Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?  
** **Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care"?**

Alecia couldn't help but to join in once the chorus began. It was her song, after all. Adam took a seat next to Kurt on the couch. It was so moving to hear Noah sing this song; it was almost their song, in a way, considering he had sung it first to Noah in Santa Fe.

__**It's only half past the point of no return  
** __**The tip of the iceberg  
** __**The sun before the burn  
** __**The thunder before the lightning  
** _**The breath before the phrase  
** _ __**Have you ever felt this way?**

**Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?**  
 **Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone**  
 **Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?  
** **Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?**

__**It's only half past the point of oblivion  
** __**The hourglass on the table  
** __**The walk before the run  
** __**The breath before the kiss  
** _**And the fear before the flames  
** _ __**Have you ever felt this way?**

Alecia took over the words, only the la las, but Noah was obviously becoming quite emotional. Kurt's eyes were misting over as were Adam's and Finn certainly didn't look much better off.

_La La La La La La La La_

**There you are, sitting in the garden**  
 **Clutching my coffee,**  
 **Calling me sugar  
** **You called me sugar**

By the last verse, both Kurt and Adam had joined in. Kurt's light voice was clear as a bell though shaded with the emotion he was feeling. His eyes looked to Noah, Adam and Finn in turn.

__**Have you ever wished for an endless night?  
** __**Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?  
** _**Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?  
** _ __**Tonight**

By the time the strains faded into silence, Finn lost it completely. Kurt's reaction was almost instantaneous. The moment he felt Finn shudder, he was wrapping his slender arms around him, shooting a startled glance at Adam. He wasn't sure what memory had caused this outpouring of emotion, but wherever it came from, Finn was breaking down. That he was doing it in front of people he'd just met spoke of just how deeply he'd been affected.

Noah got a slightly panicked look on his face, and the fear of  _oh, shit, did I just break Finn?_  flashed in his eyes. He set his guitar aside and scrambled to get over in front of him. "Finn?" He asked, timidly. His eyes were wide with concern, nervousness radiating from him. Adam was moved by the myriad reactions himself. To see Noah so worried, to see that he cared so deeply, was a touching thing.

Alecia looked confused for all of three heartbeats before she was being a mama bear of sorts and turning from her seat to wrap her arms around all the boys as best she could. Adam chuckled softly under his breath and placed a hand on Finn's back. He might not like some of the things Finn had done, but it honestly, wasn't in him to just allow suffering like this to continue needlessly. Finn had certainly earned enough respect to warrant the gesture.

Their collective warmth and strength and support did seem to do wonders to bring Finn back to himself. A few deep breaths and Finn had calmed. He sniffled, dabbed at his eyes with the kleenex someone had handed him and then suddenly realized what was happening. And honestly, who would have ever thought he'd be in a group hug with not just Kurt and Noah, but P!nk and Adam Lambert too?

"Sorry, I'm not really in the habit of having a breakdown in front of... people like this," Finn said sheepishly.

"No shame in it, Finn," Alecia offered with a shrug. "Music moves us sometimes... and well, sure, you're a guy and all, but if you feel it, you should own what you feel."

"You're really okay?" Noah asked, his eyes wide like a puppy's as he knelt there on the floor in front of Finn.

Finn gazed down at him with a surprised smile. "Yeah," he said quietly, "I'm good now. Thanks."

"How much time do we have left today?" Kurt inquired.

Adam sighed, grazing a hand over Kurt's back. "Sadly, not nearly enough. We should clean up and then you three should be on your way, so you're not late to your meeting."

They got Noah's guitars put away and gathered what they would be taking with them. Once that was settled, Alecia said her goodbyes, stating that she wanted to let the boys say goodbye without her gawking at them.  _Next time, though_ , she said with a lascivious smirk, _would be a different story._  Noah chuckled, Kurt blushed and Adam just shook his head at his friend.

"I'll just go wait in the car," said Finn.

"Finn, keys." Kurt said sternly, causing Finn to pause.

"I'm not going to drive it."

"No, you're not, I am... so, the keys, Finn," Kurt said in a firm tone, hand out.

Finn just chuckled and held the keys out of Kurt's reach. Adam, however was tall enough to reach them and easily plucked them out of Finn's grip. "Dude, no fair." Finn protested.

" _Dude_ , my house," Adam taunted back, handing Kurt the keys.

Kurt restrained the urge to stick his tongue out at Finn, because he really wasn't  **that**  immature, but he did give Finn a smug grin. Finn laughed and slipped out to wait in the car.

Adam gathered the two young men into an embrace. "I wish I could keep you both here with me," he said. "But you have to go meet with the Mother Monster. In the meantime, I'll put in a token appearance at the Critic's Choice awards, since I'm expected." He gazed at Noah sternly. "I still do expect at least a voice mail before you head to bed."

"Yes, Adam," Noah said with a broad smile. Adam stepped close to him, one hand going to the back of Noah's neck and pulling him in for a searing kiss. He released him with a firm but playful swat to his behind.

"Behave, and if you're out of line, I expect Kurt will tell me about it." He sent a teasing glance at Kurt. "Won't you, Kurt?"

"Yes, Adam," Kurt said, to Adam's astonishment.

Adam raised his hand slowly, waiting for Kurt to mirror the movement. Kurt smiled, blushing only slightly and soon their fingertips met. Their fingers intertwined, and from that connection, Adam drew Kurt in slowly, his other hand brushing Kurt's bangs back slightly before trailing down to cup his cheek. He drew Kurt in for a sweet kiss, as full of promise and romance as he could sustain, that left them both a little breathless and weak at the knees.

Noah took in the sight and moaned. The kiss broke and Kurt leaned up, his lips brushing Adam's ear, his voice soft enough so only Adam would hear.

"Until the morrow,  _mon ange."_

"Until tomorrow, honey," Adam replied, his voice hardly any more than breath.

Finally they drew away from one another, their fingertips the last to part. Adam opened the door for the boys and reluctantly stayed back as they exited. He gave a small wave to Finn and chuckled at the way Noah went stock still as he took in the car.

"That's our ride?" Noah said in shock.

"A 1964 and a half Mustang convertible in pale yellow with leather interior." Kurt beamed proudly.

"Fucking A," breathed Noah.

Kurt giggled. "It's my dream car." He pulled out the keys and then went around to slide into the driver's side, giving Adam a last wistful wave before the door closed.


	19. Gaga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt, Puck, Finn, Timothy and Brad visit Lady Gaga at her Bel-Air mansion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's taken me months to write this, mostly because I had some ideas about what Gaga should be like, but I'm really antsy about the RPS. Yes, somehow I got past it with Adam, so I figured I could manage it with another celebrity as well. Luckily, most of the Gaga early in this chapter was written by elexusniall, and that got me through my anxiety.
> 
> I put together [a playlist of all the Gaga in this chapter](http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLc72s_nGT2yQFAXyXCqky30u70NF-dLdU), in lieu of credits. The version of Glitter in the Air is sung by a man!
> 
> -amy

"I got a reason that you-hoo should take me home tonight..." they heard float out of the open window of the Bel Air mansion. Kurt stepped out of the 'Stang-and-a-half onto the gravel drive and glanced back at Finn, quivering with excitement.

"That's her," he hissed. He took a step closer, then stopped.

"I sure hope so, considering it's her house," Puck drawled. Kurt glared at him, wondering if it would be bad form for him to swat him right there in the middle of Lady Gaga's driveway.  _Not to mention in front of Timothy._

Finn placed a hand on Kurt's shoulder, which had the effect of stopping his progress up the walk and calming him down at the same time. "Why don't you get one of the guitars from the trunk, baby," he suggested. "Unless you want to be first on the porch."

Kurt did and didn't. The weekend had already exceeded his expectations, entirely before the visit to Bel Air, but now the realization was starting to hit him again that he was about to walk into  _Lady Gaga's house,_  and it wasn't a concert or a show or a benefit that had brought them there, it was  _his own_  musical efforts she wanted to talk to him about.

"Uh," he said, and took a step back toward the car. "Why don't you go on."

He could still hear the sounds of a lone piano and Gaga's familiar voice singing the unfamiliar lyrics, and he wondered what the song might be. Puck unloaded his Taylor while Kurt lifted the electric guitar out of the car, and smiled at him.

"How're you feeling?" Puck murmured into his ear.

Kurt felt the flush travel from the top of his head down past his collar bones, and rolled his eyes. "Fine - is this really the place, Noah -?"

"Hey," Puck said, raising an eyebrow, "I'm just asking. You seem a little out of it."

"Forgive me, but it's the first time I've stood in front of Lady Gaga's  _mansion,"_  he snapped.

Puck shrugged. "She's just a musician, right? Like us. Like - "

" - Adam, I know," Kurt said wearily, trudging up the walk. The house stretched wide along the vista of the trees, and he felt particularly small beside its stately adobe exterior. "I mean, yes, you're right. When you get right down to it, she's not a whole lot older than us. But she's a musical genius, and incredibly successful at what she does. Don't blame me if I feel a  _little_ intimidated."

"You think she invited you out here to laugh at you or something?" Puck shook his head. "Dude. You're awesome enough that Lady Gaga wanted to have you over to her  _house."_

"Not helping me calm down," Kurt muttered. Puck snorted.

"Fuck, Kurt, are you feeling guilty about not being good enough, or guilty about being too good?"

Kurt paused on the porch and considered this while Puck rang the doorbell, and finally grinned in bafflement and said, "Yes?"

When the petite blonde answered the door, she was met by three guys wearing bemused expressions – and two more falling over each other with laughter. She pressed her lips together and glanced back and forth between Puck and Kurt and the others, her eyes alight.

"All right, boys," she said, her voice rich and amused. "Come on inside."

She gave Timmy a hug before the others were even in the foyer. "You're looking good, Mother Monster," he said with an uncharacteristic smile, and she laughed.

"My secret formula," she confided. "Plenty of sleep, yoga - and chocolate ganache. Come now, Timothy, won't you introduce me to your friends?"

Timmy turned to Puck and put his hand on his shoulder. "Well, I guess I'll start with my little brother. Noah, this is Gaga."

"Call me Puck," he said, shaking her offered hand with a grin. "And thanks for letting me crash your party. I wasn't exactly invited."

"You brought a guitar," she said, looking delighted. "That makes up for it."

"Two, actually," he nodded. "Those are both mine."

"You're doubly welcome, then, assuming you're going to play them both. And you -" She squinted way, way up at Finn. "You're the drummer? Timothy mentioned you were tall."

"Finn Hudson," he said, and shook her hand. "It's really nice of you to invite us over."

"I want to help young musicians, the way people helped me when I was younger. So you could consider it a form of philanthropy... but really, I just like having people to my house." She smiled brightly. "One of the advantages of being a destination, now. I mean, who wanted to come to  _Brooklyn?"_  She turned to Brad and reached up a hand to clasp his. "You're – the pianist?"

Brad glanced at Kurt, and took what looked to be an encouraging breath. "Brad Ellis," he said. "I played Kurt's keyboards on the recording you heard. It's an honor."

Kurt steeled himself –  _if Brad can talk to her, so can I –_  and put on his best show face. "I'm Kurt," he said, sticking out a hand. "This is really all my fault."

Gaga's laughter was welcoming, and she kept the hand he offered for a moment longer, giving it an encouraging tug. "Well, thank Gaga for that. Come on inside. Let me get you something to drink. I bet it's snowing back in Ohio?"

"You did it," Finn whispered, slipping an arm around Kurt's shoulder as they moved into the kitchen. "You shook Lady Gaga's hand."

"She's wearing an Alexander McQueen tank top," Kurt whispered back. "How could I feel anything other than at ease?"

The piano was white; the furniture was white; the carpet was white. Everything gleamed and sparkled with contemporary elegance. Kurt couldn't help comparing the color scheme in his mind to the deep reds and purples in Adam's little home, and he felt a wave of longing for him.  _I can't be missing him already,_  he thought with dismay.  _It's only been thirty minutes._

Every surface was spotless, but Kurt saw pencils and notebooks scattered around the room, and a digital recorder sitting beside the piano. Gaga noticed his attention, and she smiled. "You caught me in a moment of creativity," she said. "I try to support my muse as best I can. One never knows when one might be seized by the urge to write."

Puck's face was calm, but Kurt saw the devilish twist to his lip. "Hey, is it true that you mostly write in your underwear?"

"Noah," Kurt hissed. Now he really  _couldn't_  spank him. He tried to do it with his eyes. Luckily Gaga just laughed.

"It might be true," she said to Puck, opening the fridge. "When I'm at home, I try to let the spectacle fade into the background, so that the true inspiration might find me. I do my best work as simply Stefani." She set a pitcher of iced tea on the counter. "Who's thirsty?"

She was so calm and matter-of-fact that even Brad started saying words after a few minutes. Timothy looked positively at home in a way Kurt had never quite seen before, though he was still his restless self. Gaga didn't seem to notice; possibly she was just used to him.

"Tell me about how you came to hear my work in progress," she said to Brad. "I know Timothy's sister shared the tracks with Kurt, but where do you come in?"

Brad eased himself onto a stool at the kitchen counter. "I'm Kurt's accompanist in Glee club at school. Kurt came looking for support in a creative idea."

"I want to be sure to explain," Kurt hastened to add, "it wasn't meant to be any kind of comment about your own ideas. It was just… I heard something, and I wanted to try it out. It wasn't ever meant to go beyond Glee."

"Oh, no," she assured him calmly. "What you did, it's all part of the creative process, Kurt. When I'm writing music, the lyrics come first. Then I focus on creating a chorus, just me and my piano." She sat at the instrument and her fingers skated idly over the keys. Kurt and Brad's eyes met, and they smiled as they recognized first a jazz standard, then a snippet of a popular song. "From there, brick by brick, note by note, the pieces come together in my head. Not just the music, but all of it - the costuming ideas, the set designs. Performance art - it's not simply music, not simply spectacle. Every piece has to fit together to be true to the artistic expression. But it takes time, and lots of energy, from all sides." She gestured with her glass of iced tea. "That's why I was so excited to hear your ideas for Hair, Kurt. The song wasn't finished yet, and you filled in some of the missing pieces. Creation is a collaborative effort. Timothy's been part of it, and now – you are, too."

"That's – wonderful," Kurt breathed, and chuckled. "And a little terrifying. But this whole  _trip_  has been like that, so… I can't complain, can I?"

She smiled at him, and he felt warmed by her gaze. "You can take a wild ride and be changed by it, and you'll inevitably come out better in the end. Don't be afraid of that."

Puck leaned his elbows on the counter, grinning at Kurt. "It's been awesome so far. I'm not afraid."

Kurt wished he could say the same, but just the very presence of Gaga, being there in her living room... she was so much larger than life than Adam or even Alecia had been. "I'm a little overwhelmed," he admitted.

She simply nodded, playing a chord progression. "You're here, having a new experience. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to take a little time to adjust. Would it help to do something familiar?" The progression grew more complex, then came around through the circle of fifths back to a questioning tone. "Unless you're hungry... I suggest we make some music. Puck? Why don't you get out one of those guitars. Timothy can help you with the amp down there under the end table."

She switched to the chords for Hair, trying them in a variety of keys and tempos. It made Kurt's brain twist, hearing them played like that: first fast, then slow, then in a blues riff, then in honkey-tonk, then in a baroque style.  _She lives the creative process,_  he realized, and felt a little better about the modifications he'd made to her song. He caught her eye, and she grinned.

"You sing lead, Kurt, okay?" she said. He knew he was blushing, and stammered, hearing her humming the opening  _oooohs,_ those phrases  _he'd_  added to her song, but he came in on her prompt:

[ _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7GWG3zT714_ ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7GWG3zT714)

_Whenever I'm dressed cool, my parents put up a fight_  
 _And if I'm hot shot, Mom will cut my hair at night_  
 _And in the morning, I'm shorn of my identity  
_ _I scream, "Mom and dad, why can't I be who I want to be?"_

Finn was already tapping his knees in rhythm, playing the driving beat they'd established in Kurt's rendition. Kurt had to laugh at Brad's expression: what Gaga was playing on her grand was  _precisely_  a combination of the keyboard part Brad had written and her original piano part. He was only peripherally aware of Timothy hooking up some equipment in silence around him, until he heard Puck come in on the bass, and Finn's quiet leg-drumming was abruptly replaced by the sound of electronic drum pads. And then, incredibly, Gaga's own silky, rich alto,  _harmonizing_  with him.

_I just want to be myself_  
 _And I want you to love me for who I am_  
 _I just want to be myself_  
 _And I want you to know  
_ _I am my hair_

Finn did a damn good job of singing the harmony parts in falsetto, when he tried. He was able to sing it without making it sound hard, and he smiled at Kurt, twirling his drumstick.

Gaga slid over on the stool, nodding to Brad, and after a moment he joined her on the bench, playing in the upper register. They rocked out the chorus, Puck leaning in to dig in with the bass line.

_I've had enough_  
 _This is my prayer_  
 _That I'll die living just as free as my hair_  
 _I've had enough_  
 _I'm not a freak_  
 _I just keep fighting to stay cool on these streets_  
 _I've had enough, enough, enough_  
 _And this is my prayer_  
 _I swear  
_ _I'm as free as my hair_

It felt suddenly, amazingly easy, just as it had singing with Adam and Alecia. Kurt felt a shift. No longer was he a mere high school kid in the living room of one of the most successful pop musicians of his time. Now he was simply part of the community of musicians, performers all, sharing a common experience of creation. For some reason this made Kurt feel so damned lucky that he leaned in and gave Finn a kiss on the cheek. Finn grinned back, looking surprised but not at all embarrassed, and maintained a perfect 4/4 with his drumsticks.

Gaga took over the lead on the bridge, crossing over Brad's hands to playfully add some notes in the upper register, making him laugh.

_I just want to be free_  
 _I just want to be me_  
 _And I want lots of friends that invite me to their parties_  
 _Don't want to change_  
 _And I don't want to be ashamed_  
 _I'm the spirit of my hair_  
 _It's all the glory that I bear  
_ _I am my hair_

Kurt felt free enough to respond with some of the harmony himself in the final chorus, and Puck and even Brad sang along. Only Timothy was quiet, grinning at his little brother, and occasionally turning a knob on the small mixing board plugged into the monitor. The song wound to a conclusion, and Kurt knew Puck's smile was mirroring his own.

"Damn," Puck said, leaning in to speak in a low, admiring voice to Gaga. "That was awesome. How come I never knew you were so awesome before?"

"You never listened," Timothy said, eyes on the mixing board.

Gaga looked Puck up and down. "What kind of music do you usually listen to?"

Puck shrugged. "Singer-songwriter stuff, for my own music, but I'll take a chance on most anything."

"Chick music," she marveled, her teasing expression making her look much younger than twenty-four. Finn laughed, but Puck just nodded.

"Yeah, sure. My dad was into Neil Diamond. I'd rather listen to some lyrics that mean something. Indigo Girls, Kristen Hall, all that."

"And yet you won't sing Madonna," Kurt murmured. Puck leaned on the bass, his brow furrowing.

"I told you, Kurt, it's not that I  _won't_. It's just totally stupid for a dude to try to sing something that's so obviously written for a chick. And don't even try to compare it to Neil or anything, Meemee."

"Hey, I wasn't even," Timothy said. "I was going to call you on singing music written by two lesbians."

Puck refused to be dissuaded. "Whatever. I  _like_  that music. But this rocked out. You're not as weird as everybody says you are."

Kurt sighed, but Gaga just tilted her head with a little smile. "People call me eccentric. Alien. But really, the heart of my success, the true heart, is loyalty. Loyalty to my family, loyalty to myself, loyalty to my music and art, and loyalty to every last Little Monster. The fans, they understand my secrets. Sometimes they're dark and deep, but they have to know, to understand, to be able to read between the lines and see that truth."

"What truth?" asked Finn.

Timothy answered, surprising them all. "That she's just like us. Hurting and hiding and trying to find herself. That the flash and the show, that's part of the mask we all wear, but Gaga's about being true to what's underneath."

Puck looked almost embarrassed by this little speech, but Kurt took his hand and murmured, "He's right."

"It doesn't hurt to be obsessed to create," Gaga added. "But there were so many pieces that came together to give me – this. The Fame Monster." She indicated a framed replica of the cover of her second album on the wall. "Not a life of privilege, though I can be glad for the things I have. It was being fortunate enough to live in a good neighborhood, and having parents that provided me with a stronger sense of work ethic than entitlement. My family taught me you only deserve the things you work for. If you aren't willing to put in the work, you aren't deserving of the things you want." She touched each one of them with her gaze. "You're doing the work. This is the dream, boys – not a life of fame and fortune, but to create, to have that around you all the time. You can have that, if you want it badly enough."

Kurt felt his heart buoyed from within. The love for Adam was only a piece of it. He wished desperately he could be here, and the expression on Puck's face confirmed he was feeling the same way.

"She's amazing," Puck whispered, moving in close enough so only he could hear, as Gaga conferred with Brad about a piece of the piano part. "But… god, my head's still somewhere else, you know?"

"I know." Kurt gave him a soft kiss on his neck. "He's busy tonight, sweetheart. We'll get to see him again tomorrow. Just try to be present. Don't miss this."

Gaga glanced back at Finn, who was fiddling with the drum pads, and played a short run on the piano. "Tell me, Finn, what you've been singing in your Glee club these days. Is your director a visionary like yourself?"

"He's a Spanish teacher," said Finn, with his sideways smile. "But he's pretty great at music, too."

"Ah, the Spanish influence." Gaga's fingers played a dramatic chord, and she launched into a piece in a minor key. It started out with a simple recitative, but had them clapping by the end.

[ _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sgdhez1xXn8_ ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sgdhez1xXn8)

_I will fight for, I have fought for how I love you_  
 _I have cried for, I will die for how I care_  
 _In the mountains, las campanas están sonando  
_ _Todos los chicos, y los chicos están besando_

"That's a new one for the upcoming album," she said, after she finished.

"Okay, Finn." Kurt nodded at him. "Let's see if Carl's tutoring has paid off. Translate?"

"Uh," Finn said, scrunching up his face, "I didn't catch it all, but...  _the bells are ringing,_ right? And  _the boys are kissing."_  He raised an eyebrow at Gaga. She chuckled, taking a sip of her tea.

"I wanted to write a song about all sorts of things that have to do with disenfranchised communities in America, including gay marriage." She turned to Kurt. "It's getting late, and if Timothy's taught me anything about boys, it's that they're always hungry. How about we start dinner? Who wants to help?"

Finn, Timothy and Brad decided to fiddle with Gaga's electronics instead. The kitchen was the perfect size for two cooks and several peripheral observers, but Puck didn't step up to participate until Kurt told Gaga about making stroganoff with "their friend." Her smile was brilliant.

"I'm sure you wouldn't mind helping with the sauce, then," she said, nodding at the cans of tomatoes on the shelf. Puck scanned the kitchen briefly, and grabbed a head of garlic and two onions out of a basket, setting them on the cutting board while he inspected the knives. She watched him, her smile growing more bemused, and finally glanced at Kurt with a questioning eyebrow.

"Let him do it," Kurt murmured. "He hates to be micromanaged in the kitchen." She responded with a silent nod and put the beef on to sauté.

"I love your shirt," she said.

He preened under her approval. "I only have a few McQueen pieces - along with a few other convincing knockoffs - but really, it was worth every penny."

"Lee was a visionary," Gaga declared. "His work didn't have to be flashy, it didn't need to have the spectacle. But that's part of what I loved so much about Lee's designs, rest his soul. As much as he could do over the top, even when he designed things that were simpler pieces, there was almost always some little nuance or detail that was unexpected." She cocked her head. "Kind of like you."

Kurt bit his lip. "Me?"

"There's plenty that's unexpected about you, Kurt. I bet people underestimate you all the time."

"It's totally true," Puck said, waving his knife at Kurt. "You keep a lot of your most awesome qualities hidden. I think only me and Finn get to see them, mostly."

The three of them finished the simple dinner and steamed a basket of green beans. Before Kurt knew it, they were sitting down at the table. She reached out and took their hands, a quaint gesture that touched Kurt's heart, and smiled at them across the bowl of pasta.

"I'm so glad you could join me here in Bel-Air," she said. "It was such a pleasure to hear your inspired take on Hair. Perhaps after dinner we can make some more music - it looked like the three of you were working on something while we were cooking. Puck, the sauce is excellent."

Gaga, ever the gracious host, managed to keep all of them involved in the conversation throughout dinner. She prompted everyone to share about musical inspiration, the things that had inspired them early on, starting them off with anecdotes about her own theatrical background.

Brad told a completely unexpected story about Mr. Schue and Toby as seniors in high school, competing for the leading role in the summer musical at B-W. "Everybody assumed Toby would get the role of Tony, because he was the best dancer," he said, twirling his pasta with his fork, "but Will was determined to show him he could not only do it, but do it  _better_. I think that was the moment I realized theater wasn't all about talent - it had to be about hard work, too."

Finn told the story they'd all heard about taking percussion lessons in middle school, but to Kurt's surprise, he added, "I don't think I would have ever considered playing the drums in public if it hadn't been for you, Kurt."

"Me?" Kurt said, nearly dropping the ladle into the pasta sauce.

"Yeah, you. Back in September, when Mr. Schue was trying to get me to join Glee, I thought he was really nuts. I didn't know the first thing about singing, and I don't have any rhythm when I'm dancing. But I  _know_ I can drum it. And I guess when I saw you get up there on stage to perform, saw you take a chance like that in front of a bunch of people you'd never met before... I don't know, it just made an impression on me. I decided there wasn't any reason I couldn't do it, too. Even if it scared the crap out of me; even if I thought they might laugh at me."

"Finn..." Kurt shook his head, reaching for Finn's hand. "Nobody ever laughed at you. You're a great performer."

"I'm learning," he said, smiling, and squeezed Kurt's fingers. "You're teaching me. You, and Mr. Schue, and Rachel and Puck and... and Carl, and... lots of people." He blushed, turning his head away. "We've been singing at that open mic in Columbus. It's pretty awesome."

Puck talked about his father and Neil Diamond, how he'd learned the lyrics and notes of those songs before his fingers were even long enough to cover the frets on the neck of the guitar. "I knew that when he was making music, he was safe," he said matter-of-factly. "Like, when he was singing, he wasn't going to get angry or freak out without warning. So we just learned to keep feeding him song requests all night, and making sure the bowl of his pipe was full and lit, and we'd all have a good time."

Timothy listened without comment, still silent, but clearly taking in every word. When Puck was done, Gaga turned to him.

"I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's death." She included Puck in her solemn regard. "I really can't imagine losing a parent so young."

"She was sick," he said, shrugging. "And… yeah, it sucks."

He didn't say one word about how they hadn't gotten along, or his usual complaints about her parenting. Kurt knew this was important, even if he wasn't sure how yet. His hand reached for Puck's, and their fingers connected.

She smiled at them, noting their hands. "Family's what you make it, too."

Puck nodded. "I'm making my own family, now. I still have my sister. And Timothy – we weren't talking for a while, but it's good." He gave Timmy a faint smile. "I have a baby coming, a daughter. And there's Kurt, and… uh. Other people. They can all be family, right?"

"Family can be what you make it," Gaga agreed. "If they love you and have faith in you. I have my mother and father, but without the family of my fans, I wouldn't be where I am today. No matter what I write, no matter how much of it starts off being for me, by the time I record them - even in roughest form - every song is for them."

"That's how I feel, when I sing," Puck said. "It's, like, the only gift I have to give, and I should make it a good one. Especially when I love someone."

Kurt met Finn's eyes, and he wasn't surprised to see the emotions warring just under the surface. He took a deep breath. "And Finn," he said. "Finn's part of our family. The three of us."

Gaga's slow smile was reward enough, but it was nothing compared to the surprise, then relief and gratitude on Finn's face. Puck looked up at him, and grinned, completely relaxed. "Yeah," he agreed.

" _Let's get inside your car / Just you me and the stars / Kind of ménage a trois / sometimes,"_ Gaga sang softly, and Puck whipped his head back to her in shock.

"That's Adam's song," he exclaimed, and she rocked back with a laugh.

"Now it is," she said. "He made it his. But I wrote it. He understands the creative process, too. And how sometimes things come in threes. Like three wishes."

"That's very broad-minded of you," Brad said. "Not everyone accepts it so readily."

Gaga looked amused. "I've seen plenty in my short life. There's no reason why I shouldn't accept the things that both bring people pleasure and are actually  _good_  for them." She stood, moving to the piano, and proceeded to play a funked-up version of  _Fever:_

[ _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHBDSIHfubY_ ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHBDSIHfubY)

_There it goes_  
 _You're still my soul and so (sexual)_  
 _'Cause, sweetheart_  
 _No-no-nobody a-kno-kno-knows me_  
 _Or can find me, ooh_  
 _Time to be mine, mine_

_Oh baby, light's on_  
 _But your mom's not home_  
 _I'm sick of lying down alone, hey_  
 _With this fever, fever, yeah_  
 _My one and own_  
 _I wanna get you alone  
_ _Give you fever, fever, yeah_

It made Kurt's heart pound to hear Adam's words, sung with nearly identical phrasing, in Gaga's own voice. Puck sang along, almost helplessly dragged through the verses, his face alternating between pleasure and some other intense sensation. Finn didn't play, but he sat nearby, watching Puck with a frankly hungry expression.

About halfway through, Timothy went into a nearby closet and pulled out another keyboard, sliding it under Brad's fingers on the table, and he smiled broadly as he played along.

"I hadn't realized it was your song," Kurt said, when it was done.

Gaga shrugged. "It wasn't ever something that felt like it was meant for me to sing. I was happy to give it to Adam." She tilted her head at him, shaking her head in amusement. "My goodness... Adam. He told me he was having some guests this weekend, but I didn't make the connection until just now." She leaned in close, whispering, "And no matter what she says, Alecia's terrible at keeping secrets."

"What? She - hey!" Puck sat up from where he was leaning against the side of Kurt's chair. "She  _told_ you about us?"

"Not in so many words," she assured him. "But I should know better than to believe her not-so-subtle stories. She's too crass to be a good liar."

Kurt watched her calm face as the adrenaline rush that came from having yet another secret exposed surged, ebbed, and finally dissipated. It didn't look like she was going to make a big deal about this, either. He shook his head, touching Puck's shoulder. "It's okay, sweetheart," he murmured. "She's not going to say anything to anyone." He didn't know how he could trust her with such certainty, but he did.

"I know that," he grumbled, but his expression was still suspicious.

"Believe it or not, this all happened after you invited us to Los Angeles," Kurt told her. "We don't want any of this to jeopardize Adam's career. Our lives are... complicated, and we don't want any of that complication to get in his way."

Gaga looked thoughtful. "Actually, I think Adam's in a good position to deal with a situation like this. He's not a particularly good liar, either, but he has the advantage of being a little... larger than life?... in the public eye. He's already the topic of several rumors, which may or may not be true." She paused and considered Puck. "Hmmm. Maybe more of them were true than I'd originally thought. My point is, don't worry about rumors hurting his career. He's glitter mixed with rock'n'roll, baby."

Timothy, fiddling with some electronics under the table, let out a laugh. "I always wondered if you wrote that song about him."

"Sure. And about all the gay boys who were way more fun to play with than my obnoxious glam-metalhead boyfriend at the time, who didn't want to go to the Killers' concert with me." She grinned at Timothy. "It's no secret I love gay men, and they love me - as much as they can. I wrote Alejandro about that. So, Kurt... Adam's a beautiful man, and whatever makes him happy, I'll support that."

"You don't think it's too weird?" Kurt said, sounding more tentative than he liked. She laughed.

"I thought we'd established that I'm the freak. Trust me, there's nothing that Adam's done that would shock me."

"I wouldn't bet on that," Puck muttered.

She nudged Timmy with her foot. "Come on, Timothy. I picked the first two songs. It's your turn now."

He didn't respond in words, but he did put a hand on the keyboard in front of Brad. Brad shifted graciously to the side -  _seriously,_  thought Kurt,  _between the two of them, they brought silent communication to new heights_  - while Timothy moved competent hands over a box in front of them, flipping switches and moving levers with swift surety. He checked a few cables, pressed another button, and suddenly there was music flowing from the monitor under the coffee table. It was a familiar song, but mixed with a second song, overlaid with a heavy dance beat. He was definitely doing something to blend the dreamy lyrics with something brighter, more hopeful.

Gaga smiled, watching Kurt's astonished reaction. "It's what I hired him for. From the minute I heard him do his digital mixes in the club in Brooklyn, I knew he was just what I needed."

Just as Gaga's voice began, Kurt figured out what the second song was. "Starstruck," he said, shooting a quizzical glance at Timothy, who was still moving levers. "And one of the concept recordings - The Queen? But aren't they in different keys?"

"Not anymore," Timothy said with satisfaction. The songs somehow fit together perfectly. Brad was completely entranced, watching every move he made, absorbing his process.

Gaga smiled complacently. "You're completely shameless, manipulating my keys like that." Then she started to sing along with the recording:

_<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_VxMatc9uE> (the original, because I am not Timmy)_

_Rollin' up to the club on the weekend_  
 _Stylin' out to the beat that you're freakin_  
 _Fantasize I'm the track that you're tweakin  
_ _Blow my heart up_

_Put your hands on my waist pull the fader_  
 _Run it back with original flavor_  
 _Cue me up I'm the 12 on your table  
_ _I'm so starstruck..._

Kurt heard the vaguely-familiar lyrics of the concept recording, first in Gaga's voice, and then another, lower and male. He realized Timothy was singing along, too, and he wasn't half bad.

[ _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz3b7YO4Rbo_ ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz3b7YO4Rbo)

_Tonight I'm gonna show_  
 _Them what I'm made of_  
 _The killer queen inside me's  
_ _Coming to say "Hello!"_

_I can be_  
 _The queen that's inside of me_  
 _This is my chance to release it_  
 _Be brave for you you'll see_  
 _I can be_  
 _The queen you need me to be_  
 _This is my chance to be the dance_  
 _I've dreamed it's happening  
_ _I can be the queen_

Gaga smiled and hugged him when both songs had faded out. "This is why I need you here," she said. "That's a connection I never would have thought to make. The possibilities for staging..." Her eyes took on a far-away cast, and Timothy picked up the notebook and pencil beside them on the table and placed it into her hands. She immediately began to sketch and scribble, oblivious to everyone else.

"You're the queen, huh?" Puck shook his head at Timothy, looking perplexed. Timothy did his habitual shrug.

"The club scene was my home when I lived in the city, and it definitely wasn't because I wanted to grind on the dance floor with a bunch of sweaty, desperate gay men looking to score. I'm not a great musician, but I can see how things... work. The music, it fits together in my head. Gaga gave me the chance to make something of that. I get to play in her monster toybox and make all my ideas come to life." He smiled, and Kurt was struck once again by how similar it was to Puck's. "What kind of queen were you thinking I meant, little brother?"

"Whatever floats your boat, dude," Puck added quickly, hands up in a pacifying motion. Kurt touched his arm, and he subsided, but Timothy remained calm.

"Never been any kind of queen. I'll stay behind the scenes, thanks very much. You're the one who's always loved to be on stage, in the spotlight. I'd be happy to go home to my ordinary boyfriend at the end of a show."

Puck looked even more confused. "What? What boyfriend? You have a boyfriend? Since when?"

Timmy shook his head. "Just hypothetical." Kurt thought he looked a little sad about this, but it was hard to tell with Timothy. He made a move to unplug the keyboard from the box with the sliders, but Brad put a hand out to forestall him.

"I - think I might want to sing something," he said. Finn, who'd been beating a tattoo on the edge of the couch with Gaga's drumsticks, stopped and stared at him. Gaga looked up from her notebook and smiled.

"The piano's yours." She moved off the bench and onto the chair, leaving room for Brad to seat himself before the keyboard. Timothy helped him move the keyboard onto the stand on top of the white grand. He looked to Gaga for permission before leafing through the sheet music there, and nodded when he found what he was looking for.

"After Kurt came to me looking for help with Hair, I was intrigued, so I listened to your albums. I admit I'm not a pop fan, but it was easy to see you're more than an ordinary pop singer. Your lyrics are complex. Whatever you meant when you wrote them, I'm sure your fans hear their own stories when they listen." He grinned at Finn, who was peering over his shoulder at the title. "Yeah, okay, maybe there's a little bit of a joke here, but... this song, I see it as the story of a guy giving up a dream, while his best friend's unable to say anything to change his mind. It could have been about me, singing to Will."

He played the chord progression with confidence, and launched into the song. They'd heard him sing before, during Christmas vacation when everyone in Glee had given Secret Santa songs to one another, but Kurt was surprised all over again by Brad's strong, melodic voice. He joined in with background vocals at the appropriate moments, while Finn played a passable drum line off the top of his head.

[ _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhEMxle0yEY_ ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhEMxle0yEY)

_I can't believe what you said to me_  
 _Last night when we were alone_  
 _You threw your hands up  
_ _Baby you gave up, you gave up_

_Could we fix you if you broke?  
_ _And is your punch line just a joke?_

_I'll never talk again_  
 _Oh boy you've left me speechless  
_ _You've left me speechless, so speechless_

Gaga looked absolutely delighted when Brad was done. "I never thought about adding that syncopation there," she said, leaning over his shoulder to point at the music. "And, yes, you're right. I wrote the song for my father when he was having trouble with his heart. We weren't at all sure he'd pull through. Music's like any other art form: it's not the artist who gets to decide what it's really about; it's the observer. It's your song when you listen, not mine."

Gaga turned to Kurt, watching him, as though she were waiting for something. Kurt adjusted his crossed legs, trying not to feel uncomfortable. Finally she cocked her head.

"That's five out of six of us, boys." She looked at Finn. "What about you? Don't tell me you don't have a song in your heart, Finn. Even if you won't sing for us, make a request."

"Oh. I - uh..." Finn looked startled. "Sorry. I don't think I know any of your songs. No offense."

Gaga laughed. "I'm not the only musician in the world. Are you trying to tell me you don't have anything else to sing? I thought you were in Glee club. Sing something you learned there."

Finn hesitated, setting the drumsticks down. "I don't know about my heart, but I've had a song in my  _head_  all day, since... uh, since we sang some karaoke this afternoon. Maybe that one. Kurt?" He bit his lip and made eye contact before looking away. "You know the one I mean?"

Timothy and Puck were conferring about the box with the sliders, but when Finn picked a melody out on the piano, Puck stiffened. The look he gave Kurt was troubled. Gaga, on the other hand, looked pleasantly surprised. She dug in a file of papers and came up with a piece of sheet music covered with scribbles.

"Alecia's ideas about staging," she explained, indicating the sketches in the margins. "She has this amazing concept about suspension and flowing silk - and she's strong enough and athletic enough to pull it off. I helped her design the harness she's going to use in her next show."

She set the music on the piano, waiting, and Kurt held his breath. Singing in front of Lady Gaga was one thing - and he still couldn't believe he'd done  _that_  - but playing her chosen instrument was another entirely. He barely felt confident enough to play where his boyfriends could hear him. He cast a glance at Brad, gesturing at the piano, hoping he didn't seem too desperate. But Gaga herself caught the look, and seated herself on the bench again.

She played it a little quicker than Alecia had done, which suited Finn's voice just fine. It was Puck's turn to look stunned as Finn stood behind Gaga at the piano and sang out the lyrics that had caused him to fall apart just hours ago.

[ _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFqa6uLbwiY_ ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFqa6uLbwiY)

_Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?_  
 _Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?_  
 _Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?  
_ _Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care?"_

_It's only half past the point of no return_  
 _The tip of the iceberg_  
 _The sun before the burn_  
 _The thunder before the lightning_  
 _The breath before the phrase  
_ _Have you ever felt this way?_

Kurt found himself moving to sit closer to Puck, not holding him, but just being as close as his body allowed. Finn wasn't noticing the effect the song was having on Puck, or if he did, he wasn't letting it stop him. There was no malice in his delivery. It was as though Finn were in the thrall of the music, and he had no choice but to allow the song to carry him through to the end.

_Have you ever wished for an endless night?_  
 _Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?  
_ _Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?_

His eyes were closed. Kurt had to wonder where he was, what visions were calling to him. He thought it must have to be with Patrick, the boy at the coffeehouse in Columbus. Kurt managed to keep his hands to himself as Puck visibly wrestled with his own feelings, but when his tears started to fall, he couldn't stand by and watch any longer. Finn turned, coming out of his trance.

"Oh, jeez," he said unhappily. "Puck -"

"Hey," Kurt whispered, gathering Puck into his arms, feeling him shaking. "It's okay."

"Yeah." Puck sniffed, rubbing his face against Kurt's t-shirt. "I know it is. He's just across town, and we're gonna see him in a couple hours, and - and everything's okay."

But Puck's eyes slid off Finn, unable to connect, as Finn watched him, helpless. The distance between them seemed much wider than the span between the piano bench and the couch. Whatever this song had been for Puck and Adam, it didn't seem to just be about that anymore. Kurt sighed and stood up.

"How about some showtunes?" he said brightly.

Brad took the cue and sat down next to Gaga at the piano, playing the opening bars to  _Defying Gravity._  Kurt sang the first verse, then let the others carry the melody, dropping back to keep an eye on Puck and Finn. They both sang along, not really looking at anyone, but by the time the song was over they seemed a little less distraught. Puck even grinned at Gaga when she mentioned flourless chocolate cake.

"You want me to whip some cream to go with that?" he asked.

Kurt caught Finn's arm as they all moved toward the kitchen. "How could you  _not_  think that song was going to be a total train wreck," he hissed, leaning close, "after what happened at Adam's this morning?"

"I don't know, Kurt," Finn groaned. "She just mentioned singing a song, and I - I panicked, okay? I don't know music like you guys do. It was all I could think of."

"You have to apologize to Noah for that." Kurt gave him a stern glare. "You don't know what a fragile emotional state he's in. Last night was -"

Finn gave a short, desperate shake of his head, and Kurt stopped talking. He took a long breath and let it out. "I don't - I don't think I can hear about last night right now," he said. "Later, I'll be all right, but... just not right now. Okay?"

Kurt nodded. "Okay," he echoed. He watched through the kitchen door as Gaga handed Puck a stainless steel immersion blender and a pint of whipping cream. "Let's go have some dessert. Chocolate will fix things."

This chocolate did seem to. The whipped cream was perfectly thick and just sweet enough, and Kurt even managed to get Finn to eat a bite off his fork. Gaga didn't say one word, just smiled at them, and Timothy and Puck dealt with the dishes afterwards.

When Kurt's phone vibrated just after eight, he was already yawning. "Sorry," he said, glancing at the display. "It's past eleven back in Lima. I don't need to answer –" He paused, flushing. "Oh. Uh."

Gaga was already shaking her head, and flicked one hand at the buzzing phone. "The awards will be beginning soon. Better talk to him now. If you and Puck are missing him after a couple hours apart, I can only imagine how he's feeling. You want to go in the bedroom for some privacy?"

"I - no, this is fine," he stammered, thumbing the Answer button. "Thank you. I won't be long."

Gaga smiled again, standing in the doorway to the kitchen with her plate of cake like a sentry. Her small frame did nothing to detract from her presence. No one made a motion to leave the kitchen while Kurt stood alone in the living room, cradling his phone in his hand.

"Hi," he breathed, and heard Adam's chuckle.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your evening," Adam said. He didn't sound sorry at all, though. He sounded as anxious and tentative as Kurt felt. Kurt took a deep breath, trying to clear some of the tension.

"No, it's fine," he assured him. "We're just eating some cake. I mean, everybody else is. I'm talking to you." He covered his face with one embarrassed hand, unable to repress his ridiculous smile. "God. I'm pathetic."

"Trust me, Kurt, you're not the one who considered calling my publicist and faking a chest cold just so I could stay home and think about you." He heard Adam's sigh. "Or calling Stefani and making up some reason to drop by tonight. I  _miss_  you."

"I miss you, too," Kurt whispered. "I'm already dead on my feet, but I - I can't imagine spending the night without you."

"No. No - you don't have to. You took the car, right?"

"Yes." Kurt had to smile again at the thought of his dream car sitting outside in Gaga's driveway, waiting to whisk him back to Adam's. "But I'm barely staying awake as it is. I don't think I should be driving through Los Angeles."

"Okay, then Jacob can pick you up and bring you back to my place, and you and Noah can just go to sleep. I'll join you when this party winds down and I can leave without drawing attention. The last thing I need is a reporter following me back to the house."

Kurt felt a stab of unease. "I don't want us to cause trouble for you."

"Honey." The word was rich with humor. "Of all the things you're causing,  _trouble_  is definitely not one of them. Jacob can fend off the press. He loves a challenge. And I have plans for us tomorrow. We're going to go shopping and visit my stylist. How are things with Stefani? Is she blowing your mind?"

"Not as much as you did," Kurt admitted.

Hearing Adam laugh again just made the missing flare up higher, stronger, but he kept it in check. "Yeah. Tell me about it. Did she make you sing?"

"We all played something." Kurt chewed on his lip, thinking of the music in his messenger bag. He wondered if he'd actually get it out on this trip, or if it would sit there, untouched and unplayed.  _Because you're scared,_  the voice inside taunted.  _Because you know it's not good enough. Or maybe you know it is, but you're afraid they won't see it._  "I - might play something else. It depends. I think we'll be heading back soon. Oh, Timothy played this amazing digital mashup of  _Starstruck_  and something new she's working on...  _The Queen?_  It was fantastic."

"Timothy. Huh." Adam sounded thoughtful. There was a burst of noise in the background, and Kurt heard a muffled amplified voice speaking. "Something's going on there. Do you think he's - I don't know. Protecting Noah, or something? He spent a couple hours talking to Jacob in the security van last night."

That surprised Kurt. "I have no idea. He and Noah barely spoke at all these past few years, until their Ma got sick. He's hard for me to read. But he seems different, here In California. He and Gaga relate so well. Timothy's more relaxed than I've ever seen him."

Another round of applause, and Adam sighed again. "We'll have to table this conversation. I have to go be extravagant and awesome for the cameras."

"You love it," Kurt said, smiling. "You know you do."

"I do," Adam agreed. "It's a lot more work than I ever thought it would be, being in the public eye all the time, but it's fascinating. Sometimes it feels like I'm the one visiting the zoo and everyone else is behind the glass, being observed." He paused, then added, softer: "Would you... ask Noah? If he wouldn't mind coming over tonight? I'm not going to lie; tomorrow morning I'm hoping we'll get a chance to do all kinds of things, but tonight, we can just... sleep. What do you say?"

"I'll talk to him." The  _I love you_  was just behind his lips, but it felt somehow too tender to say here, in Gaga's living room. "I'll let you know what we decide. I hope things go well tonight. Go be awesome."

"I can't take all the credit," Adam said. "You're the ones inspiring me, you and Noah. Wait until you see what I'm wearing. I'll tweet a picture. Goodnight, honey."

"Goodnight." Kurt tucked his phone back into his pocket before he was tempted to check Adam's Twitter feed immediately, and ran a hand over his face. When he looked up again, Gaga was there, smiling. She held out a plate of cake for him.

"You look so happy," she said as he took it. "I'm not even going to be able to bring myself to tease Adam about this."

He smiled back gratefully. "I don't think he'd be too upset to know you know about us. He was willing to tolerate Alecia there this morning, so..." The sheet music in his bag suddenly surfaced in his imagination again, and he hesitated only a moment before adding, "I - wanted to play one more song for you. Something personal. If you don't mind listening. Maybe without everybody  _else_  listening."

"We'd better go quickly, then. I don't think Timothy's going to hold their attention with discussion about mixing with a turntable much longer." She took his arm and guided him over to the piano, her eyes sparkling. "What are you singing for me?"

"Not singing, actually." He reached down and opened his messenger bag, sitting next to the piano, and slid the sheet music out, smoothing it nervously. "It's a song I wrote."

"Oh!" Gaga looked between the music and Kurt's face, then quickly moved out of the way so he could sit on the bench. "I'm all ears."

It was Adam's voice in his head, Adam saying  _I miss you,_  that wiped away the last traces of fear, allowed him to place his hands on the keyboard and play the first four bars. After that, it was just autopilot, the song he'd written flowing from his fingers without any help from his brain. He could even hear it with some objective appreciation. Playing the grand was like magic, like nothing he'd ever experienced before, and the acoustics in the room were surprisingly good, considering the carpeting.

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPguKUW1YQ8>

He felt Gaga's hand, slim and strong, on his shoulder when he was done - and another hand, larger and warmer, on the other side. He looked up in surprise to see Brad, smiling in broad astonishment, and everyone else arrayed behind him. He was pretty sure they hadn't missed a note.

"Kurt," he said, "did you write that?"

Kurt opened his mouth, then closed it again, blushing. He looked down at the keyboard.

"It's for Adam," he heard Puck say. "He wrote it for him."

"Oh," Brad said, confused. "You - oh. Of course you did. Well..."

"It was beautiful," said Gaga. She slipped her arm around his shoulder. He could smell her perfume; he wondered if it was the one she designed for Coty. The scent made him a little dizzy. "Keep writing music, Kurt. Just let it come out, whenever you're inspired. It's the most honest way we can share the creativity inside of us. Like Lee's pieces."

Kurt found himself smiling. "Are you really comparing my composition to McQueen's designer genius?"

"If anybody can get him to believe it, I think it might be you," said Finn. He moved in from where he stood behind Brad to brush against Kurt's back.

All the hands on him might have made Kurt feel strange, but instead, he just felt calmer. He leaned in against Finn, letting the crook of his arm hold him up. "Thanks for listening."

"Anytime, baby." Finn kissed his cheek. He spooned a bite of the cake up and fed it to Kurt, which could have embarrassed him - if he hadn't just done something far more embarrassing by playing that song for  _Lady Gaga_.

In fact, after all the events of the last two days, Kurt's filter was just about gone. Later he reflected that that was probably the reason for doing what he did next. Or maybe, just possibly, he might have picked up on some subtle cue from Gaga that she would understand.

"Jeez, Finn," Puck said, nudging him and smirking, "what do I have to do to get you to put something in  _my_  mouth?"

" _Noah!"_  Kurt barely registered Timothy's snort or Brad's incredulous laugh. He just reached out and gave him a sharp swat right on the behind. "Behave yourself."

Puck's face was startled, then penitent, and his cheeks were red as he muttered, "Sorry."

Gaga's expression, however, wasn't shocked or embarrassed. On the contrary, she looked - smug. "I thought that's how it might be between the two of you." She nodded, looking back and forth between Finn and Kurt, and her smile was knowing. "The three of you?"

Kurt held his breath, uncertain about how to respond, but Finn just pressed a little more firmly on Kurt's back and said, "Yes. The three of us."

"Well... how about that." Her smile widened.

Puck couldn't even look at Finn, now, and Timothy clearly wanted to be  _anywhere_  but where he was, because he immediately busied himself putting away Gaga's electronics equipment. Brad just looked confused.

Kurt thought he might understand their embarrassment, but all he felt was relief. "Noah, why don't you go see if there's anything else to clean up in the kitchen," Kurt said, and Puck went, no questions. Kurt reached out and took Finn's hand and faced Gaga.

"How could you tell?" Finn asked in a low voice.

"Oh, boys. They don't call me the Kinky Queen for nothing." She seemed amused. "Money and fame buy a lot of things, and one of them is the freedom to be eccentric. It doesn't mean I get judged any less, but I don't have to hide." She scanned the room, then pointed at the floor beneath them. "You're a little too young for me to show it to you, but I'll tell you my dungeon's just as dark as the upstairs is white."

"Whoa," Finn breathed. "No kidding."

"Self-expression goes in all directions." She reached out for Kurt's other hand, and he took it. "Don't be afraid to cross lines,  _bamboletto_. You'll shock people no matter how careful you are. Follow that message inside you. This world, this new world, it doesn't belong to the old farts who are afraid of sex and leather and kink and beauty and music. It's  _ours._  We need to let the little monsters inside us shine."

Kurt reached out and hugged Gaga. She hugged him right back. "Go get 'em," she whispered. "Show 'em who's in charge, Kurt."

"I will," he promised. "I won't be afraid."

She gazed up at Finn, who was smiling. "You're taking care of him, hmm? Crazy artists need a lot of support from their lovers."

"I - think he's taking care of me just as much," Finn admitted. He held up Kurt's hand. "We're figuring it out."

She nodded, looking across the kitchen at Puck, who was rinsing the last of the dessert dishes, his head bowed. "I'm thinking  _he_ needs a little more watching."

"Oh, don't worry," Kurt said. "Adam's got that covered."

"Really."  Gaga's eyes widened, and she covered her mouth, stifling a laugh. "I think I might need to sit him down and have a long talk, if that's the case."

* * *

Jacob tucked the earpiece more firmly behind his left ear and moved out of the way as two other security guards pushed past him. The alley was crowded, but it was better than being backstage in the midst of all those bitchy performers and sweat and stolen cigarette breaks. It wasn't going to be over anytime soon. He dug his heels in and leaned against the wall, hoping the temperature would drop.

And then there was a presence beside him. Not that he wasn't surrounded by other people, dozens of them, but none of  _them_  were paying attention to him. This one was quietly waiting, watching, and holding a paper bag.

"Hey," he said, surprised.

"Hey," Timothy said. His leg jiggled restlessly. "I'm here with a message from Adam. He said you should hand him over to some guy named Art, then come back to the house and let Noah and Kurt in. And, um." He handed the bag to Jacob with a sheepish smile. "I think I got the sandwich right this time."

Jacob peered inside the bag and took out a cheese and avocado wrap. He just stared at it for a moment, then grinned at Timothy. "It's vegetarian."

"Yeah. If you don't mind havarti. I figured you couldn't be a vegetarian without eating avocados."

He poked at the cheese with one finger. "I don't actually think I've had havarti before." Then he saw the stricken look on Timothy's face, and he added quickly, "But I'm willing to try new things. Really, it's - it's good." He took a bite. "Thank you."

Timothy stood and watched Jacob eat his sandwich, shaking his head when he offered him a bite. "Gaga fed us," he said. "Actually, Noah made the sauce. It was weird."

"What was?" Jacob wasn't actually surprised to hear things had been weird at Gaga's house. He'd only been as far as the driveway, but the times he'd interacted with her,  _weird_  would have been an understatement.

"Noah, and - well, she was getting us to make music, and Finn sang this song that made Noah freak out, and Kurt played a song, and Noah said something inappropriate and -" Timothy paused, frowning. "Kurt  _hit_  him. Right in front of Gaga. And she didn't even flinch."

Jacob thought about the rumors he'd heard about Gaga's dungeon, and about the enormous collection of costumes she wore when scening with her boyfriend. It wasn't impossible that they all might be true. "I don't think she's fazed by much."

Timothy shifted from foot to foot, then finally sighed. "I've never seen him do that before. Sometime's Kurt's a little bossy, and I think Noah responds to that, but... shit. It was hard not to think about my dad, and the way he was with us. How can that be good for Noah?"

Jacob took a bite of his sandwich and chewed so he wouldn't have to respond right away. When he leaned closer to Timothy's ear to speak quietly, he caught the smell of his cologne, and he had to gather his thoughts before he was able to go on, because, really, a guy shouldn't smell that good. "That man over there? Don't look. Art is Sandra Bullock's bodyguard, and he's a complete right-wing homophobe. He's good at what he does, but I'd rather he not hear this conversation."

Timothy looked even more anxious now, pressing his lips together and picking at his sleeve. He moved a few inches closer to Jacob, then apparently thought better of it and moved about a foot away. Jacob had no idea what had happened to make Timothy lose his cool. He wasn't just antsy, he looked downright uncomfortable.

"You can come back to the house with me, if you want," he offered, finishing off the sandwich. He hadn't realized how hungry he'd been. "You took a cab here?"

Timothy nodded, seeming a little more hopeful, and after Jacob checked with the event manager and transferred Adam's care over to Art, he followed Jacob back to the parking lot. He had a little time to think about their conversation on the way back to Adam's, because Timothy just climbed into the van next to him and rode along in silence. It started to feel oppressive by the time they got back to Adam's parking lot.

"I don't know Puck at all," Jacob finally said as he climbed out of the front seat, "but I'm pretty sure what Kurt is doing for him is making him feel good, not bad." He watched Timothy's restless reaction. "Don't you think so?"

"I don't know," he muttered. He crossed his arms, hunching in on himself. "It all seems like a bunch of control to me. Why would he  _want_  someone controlling him?"

Jacob shrugged, unlocking the front door. "Sometimes it feels good to know somebody else is in charge. For me, anyway. Unresolved daddy issues; who the fuck knows. I don't try to analyze it too much. I just know what I need."

Timothy hung back in the doorway. "You're trying to tell me you like to be hit?"

"Dude." Jacob sighed in exasperation. "Just get inside, okay? I'm not going to make you stay if you don't want to, but we're not going to talk about this on the goddamn porch."

He stripped off his security gear, everything except his phone and earpiece - because even when he was off-duty, if Adam needed him, he was going to be there - and dropped his coat on the couch. Timothy all but slunk in behind him and sat on the stool at the counter. Jacob just watched him, feeling more baffled by the moment.

"You can't tell me you didn't know about this, because you told me you did," he said. He poured himself a glass of water, but ended up handing it to Timothy instead, who took it and drank half of it without pause.

"Yeah," Timothy said.

"So what's the problem?"

Timothy set the glass of water down on the counter and stared at it. "I guess when you told me... this thing Adam and Noah are doing..." He made an irritated gesture at the floor. "... didn't have to be sexual... it just made me wonder." The glass didn't seem bothered by his scowl.

"It pissed you off," Jacob said.

"Yeah! What?" Timothy was nodding, then stopped and looked up at Jacob, confused.

"You're completely freaking out about this. What's the big deal about it not being sexual? I don't get it."

"Because. If Noah's doing this because it gets him off... I can understand that. But if he's doing it because he -" He cut himself off with an unhappy shudder, and looked away. His voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. "Damn. I'm sorry. You're right; this doesn't make any sense."

"Hey." He softened his tone. "Don't worry about that. You clearly need to talk to somebody. So, talk to me. Or Adam, if you want. Or Gaga, for that matter, she seems to understand what's going -"

"I don't know what to say," Timothy said, in a rush, cutting him off. "I don't even know what I'm feeling. This is all way more than I... I mean, I don't have any interest in this stuff."

Jacob didn't respond to that. "You're concerned about your brother," he suggested.

He nodded. "Of course."

The silence that followed was tense, but Jacob waited through it. He didn't make any move toward Timothy, no matter how miserable he seemed.

"I think it's more than that," Timothy said, low and heavy.

Jacob experienced a completely unexpected thrill at this admission, but he let it roll over him, staying focused. "You don't have any interest in this stuff," he repeated, trying to keep it very neutral.

He closed his eyes, sitting very still. "I -" Then his mouth closed, and he stood up, shaking his head. "I have to get going."

"Timothy, it's all right," Jacob said, but Timothy shook his head, his brow furrowed. He looked like he might crumble at any moment. Jacob knew he had a tough call about what to do, but in the end, he couldn't justify springing any kind of dominant act on a guy who barely knew what it was about.  _No matter how much he clearly needed it._  He took a slow, careful breath, and said, as mildly as he could, "You don't have a ride."

Timothy stopped in the hallway, tense almost to panic. He let his shoulders drop. "Fuck."

Jacob moved, still slowly and carefully, toward him. He stopped when he was about a foot away, and still, he didn't reach for him. "I can call you a cab to get back to the hotel, if you don't feel comfortable with me driving you."

Timothy brought his eyes up to meet Jacob's, and he nearly stumbled back into the wall at the intensity. "Not... not uncomfortable," he said. "You're not the problem here."

 _Keep breathing. Can't have both of you freaking out at the same time._  Jacob gave him what he hoped was a friendly smile. "You're not either. If you need to get out of here, I can call that cab. Otherwise, just wait until Adam gets back and then I'll drive you to the hotel. I can't promise it'll be early, but the couch is comfortable. I was planning to sleep in the van."

He hesitated for one more moment, then took Timothy by the bicep, holding him firmly. Timothy didn't jerk away, but he didn't relax, either. Jacob guided him over to the couch and seated him with a gentle push.

"I'm going to call Kurt and Puck," he said. "Just... stay here, okay?"

He dialed the number he had for the boys at the hotel, but couldn't get through to anyone. Kurt's cell phone similarly went to voice mail. Finally he tried Brad's room.

"I'm supposed to pick up Kurt and Puck," explained Jacob, and Brad gave a tired laugh.

"I suspect they're a little busy, uh, connecting with Finn. I can go knock on their door if you need to talk to them now?"

 _Jesus. Did I ever have enough energy for that many relationships at once? Maybe I would have at sixteen._ "No, it's okay. I'll leave Kurt a voice mail, and I'll head over to the hotel now. If you happen to see him, tell him I'm on my way."

Timothy looked a little less dazed when he got off the phone. Jacob paused to dig up a zebra-striped fleece blanket from the closet. He pressed it into Timothy's hands. "Here. It's going to be cold tonight. I'll be back in a little while, whatever you decide you want to do." He found himself reaching for Timothy's hand, but he stopped himself in time, because really, just,  _no._   _Boundaries._

Timothy nodded at him. "Thanks. I'll - wait here."

As it turned out, Kurt and Puck were in the lobby when he got to the hotel, looking exhausted, but calm, and more anticipatory than Jacob would have expected. "You do know Adam won't be back until about three in the morning, right?" he said.

"It doesn't matter," Kurt whispered, putting Puck in the van. "Noah just needs me to put that collar back on and cuff him to Adam's bed before he can go to sleep."

Total travel time between Adam's house and the Omni was under forty minutes, but even so, by the time they got back, Timothy was passed out on the couch. Jacob covered him up with the fleece, taking off his shoes and leaving another glass of water on the table. He said goodnight to Puck and Kurt, who disappeared into the bedroom.

On his way back to the van, he got out his phone and texted Adam.  _There's a guy asleep on your couch. Just didn't want you to be startled._

Adam responded right away.  _You're not going to tell me you let Kurt fall asleep there?_

He grinned, unlocking his door.  _No, and not Puck, either._

_Hell no. He wouldn't pass up a chance at the restraints, no matter how tired he was. So who's the guy? You're not suddenly deciding to pinch-hit for my team, are you?_

Jacob waited long enough that Adam texted again.  _Really, J-Baby. What the fuck?_

 _Much too early in the morning for this conversation,_  Jacob said, glancing at the clock on the dash that read 12:31.  _And it's just Puck's brother. I'll be in the van. Come wake me up when you get home. And don't be too late, okay? You have two adorable teenagers waiting for you in your bed._


	20. Eggs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timothy has a talk with Adam about Noah. The three boys have a good day around town, but it ends on a sour note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBTB had very good timing, introducing the new characters on Season 4 as they did. So, minor spoilers for season 4. Warnings for discussion of discipline and hurt/comfort. 
> 
> So glad you liked the Gaga! I agonized over it for so long, but I love the way it came out, and now I have great plotbunnies for a return visit from Kurt and Adam.

It was past three when he got home. Adam left the front door open behind him long enough to wave reassuringly at the van, but when he saw the prone figure on the couch, he had a moment of confusion.  _Jacob, inside - and asleep?_

Then he remembered what Jacob had told him. He stumbled over to peer at Timothy's head poking out from under the zebra-striped blanket. Whatever that was all about, it was going to have to wait until morning, because he was barely conscious enough to strip off his pants before staggering into his bedroom.

And then, he had to pause and admire the two boys asleep in his bed, and the way they were snuggled in each other's arms.  _I would be happy to come home to this every night,_  he thought, and tried not to feel guilty for thinking it. He reached out one hand and laid it, very carefully, on Noah's bare chest. Noah didn't stir, and Adam just let it rest there for several seconds, watching him breathe, the chain from his cuffs following the curve of his collarbone.

"Hi," he heard, and turned his gaze toward Kurt, his azure eyes blinking up at him in the moonlight. Kurt's lips curved into a smile, and Adam automatically smiled back, feeling helpless at the rush of love that flooded through him.

"You're awake," Adam whispered. He brushed Kurt's hair back from his face, smiling more broadly as Kurt leaned into his touch. "You should be sleeping, honey. It's the middle of the night."

"I'll go back to sleep," Kurt promised. His face split in an enormous yawn, and he stretched, Noah curling away from him onto his side. Kurt propped himself up on his elbows, watching Adam as he unbuttoned his shirt and stripped down to bare skin. Then he opened his arms, the sheet falling away. "You come to bed, now?"

"Oh, yes," Adam breathed, moving into Kurt's embrace. He held him tight. By now he knew his slender frame wouldn't break, that Kurt liked the pressure - but in truth, it was all Adam could do not to cling to him like Kurt was going to disappear.  _In one more day, he will,_  he thought with dismay.  _Both of them will. It's going to be twice as hard as before._

"How could I miss you so much, after half a day apart?" Kurt asked, sounding irritated. Adam chuckled, giving him a squeeze.

"We have all day tomorrow, and part of the next," he said. "It'll be fine."

Kurt gave Noah a gentle nudge and moved into the center of the bed to make room for Adam. It wasn't something he'd ever gotten used to with Drake, sharing a bed at night, so it seemed odd to him that this arrangement with the three of them could be so comfortable. He didn't even consider taking off his makeup before Kurt's body settled against his, into the curve of his arm. The last thing he remembered thinking was that he'd never felt quite so much like he mattered to someone else before.

And then his eyes were blinking open, and the light had shifted, and it was morning. Kurt was a warm stripe along his back, their thighs pressed together, cradling Noah from behind in his arms.

_They're still here,_  Adam thought. He remembered Noah waking him with an expression of wonder and disbelief on his face, the night they'd spent together in Santa Fe. He imagined he might look something like that right now. Very carefully, he slipped out from under the sheets and stood, averting his gaze. He didn't want Kurt to worry about anything.

Timothy was awake when Adam emerged from the bathroom, feeling much more like himself after a shower and moisturizer. "You're welcome to take a turn in there," he offered, but Timothy shook his head. He looked a lot more composed than Adam would have expected after spending the night on someone else's couch.

"I'll take a cab back to the hotel," he said quietly. "Thanks for letting me crash."

"No problem." Adam watched him take a sip of water. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I was just really... things weren't making much sense last night." Timothy ran his hands over his face, took a deep breath and let it out.

"I'm sure Jacob would drive you home," Adam said, and Timothy's eyes widened in what looked like fear for a moment before he shook his head.

"No," he said. "I'm okay. I don't want him to worry."

It was so much like what Adam had just been thinking about Kurt that he had to pause and consider Timothy carefully. "It wouldn't be any trouble for him. You understand that? I think he'd feel better, knowing he could... help. Better than you doing it yourself."

Timothy looked doubtful. Adam gestured for him to come into the kitchen. "Are you a breakfast eater? I was going to make something for Kurt and Noah. You want an egg or something?"

"Sure, okay." Timothy settled himself at the kitchen counter, leaning on his arms. His hair was perfect, which seemed impossible to Adam. He knew his own hair was sticking up everywhere, and he ran a hand through it self-consciously. "You... call my brother Noah. Did you pick that up from Kurt?"

"No, no - it's how he introduced himself to me. In Santa Fe, where we met." He took the eggs out of the fridge and set them on the counter, looking curiously at Timothy. "He didn't tell you about that?"

"We don't really talk." Timothy made that little shrug. "I guess I should work at that. Too many years apart, probably. You have a brother? Sister?"

"Brother," Adam affirmed, cracking the eggs one by one into a bowl. "I can't say we talk all that often, either, but we get along pretty well. So, your family - there's you, and Noah is a couple years younger..."

Timothy gave him a sour look. "Five," he said. "Almost six. And Sarah's eleven years younger than me." He paused, then added, hesitantly, "My dad - our dad, he..."

Adam waited, knowing that Noah's stories about his father hadn't indicated anything good. But he was surprised when Timothy finished with, "He had an affair, when I was about ten years old. I only knew about it because Noah was in day care when it happened, so I was the only one home. She came to the house sometimes when my Ma was at work. I guess my dad figured I would be too scared to tattle on him."

"That sucks." Adam took the whisk from the drawer. "Did he leave your mom for her?"

"No, I don't think so. He's not with her now, anyway. But, uh... they had a kid." Timothy smiled ruefully. "His name's Jacob, too. He's Sarah's age."

"Really? Noah didn't mention him."

"He... doesn't know about him. He doesn't talk to our dad, at all. Even less than he and I talk."

Adam set the whisk on the counter and reached for the butter, mindlessly cutting off a chunk and putting it into the pan. He wasn't going to think too hard about Noah's abusive father. "I guess that's just as well, then."

Timothy sighed. "It's a problem, though. Finn said Noah's starting to remember some of the stuff about what life was like when our dad was home."

"You remember," Adam said, gesturing to Timothy with his knife. Timothy bowed his head.

"Yeah," he said quietly. He met Adam's eyes, and he looked apologetic, and a little determined. "I don't know if this is good for him, Adam."

"This - what? This, meaning Noah, here in California? Which part of this?"

Timothy glared at him. "You know which part I mean."

"Fuck, man, there are a lot of  _parts_  of this. Maybe you mean the part where he has Kurt, and Finn, and me, and everybody else?"

"Noah's always had  _everybody_ ," Timothy said, shaking his head. "Since he started dating girls. This thing with guys, okay, it was a surprise, but I'm not going to question it. He's clearly into all of you. I'm talking about - the other thing." He swallowed. "The paddle you sent Kurt."

Adam determinedly whisked the eggs. "Yeah?"

"I tried to talk to Kurt about it, and Jacob, but... I still don't get it. I can't understand how that could be something good. Not for a kid who's been beat up by his dad."

Adam nodded, trying to stay calm. "You think I'm beating him up?"

"No. I know it's not the same... but Jacob said, it's not about sex." He tapped his fingers on the counter. "Which means it's about control. And Noah  _hates_  having anybody tell him what to do."

He had to laugh. "Where did you ever get that idea?"

"Because whenever my dad would yell, or hit, or... anything, Noah would just get pissed. He'd yell back." Timothy hunched over the counter. "I'd see him yelling, and I'd think,  _I can't do that._ He was completely fearless... but all I could do was  _leave."_

_Oh._  "I don't think he was yelling back then because he was fearless," Adam said. "I think it was because he was so out of control, he didn't know what else to do. Now... he gets what he needs from that paddle. It helps him focus, to give up some of the struggles he's having inside himself. It takes away some of the voices in his head, and he's just left with - peace."

For an instant, Adam saw the expression on Timothy's face transform into yearning.  _Peace,_  the expression said.  _I wonder what that would feel like?_  And he wanted it. It took Adam's breath away, to see that look on a face that so closely resembled Noah's.

Then his gaze hardened, and he looked away. "I don't buy it. It's just another quick fix, like hooking or meth. Nobody gets what they need that easily."

"Hey." Adam reached out and put a warning hand on Timothy's arm. Timothy flinched away. Adam made his voice as kind as he could, given the daggers he was sure his eyes were shooting. "I'm not an expert in this, okay? And I'm not trying to promise any kind of fix, for anything at all. But I'm fairly certain I'm not doing anything with Noah that's bad for him. Do you hear me?"

"Okay," Timothy muttered. He pulled his arm away. "Jeez."

Adam let his arm go, but not his gaze. "I'm not done. You have to drop this guilt you're hanging onto about leaving when your dad was hurting you."

He stared back at Adam, eyes wide, surprised into honesty. "I - but Noah - he was just a kid, and I left him there -"

"It wasn't your responsibility to take care of Noah. You were looking out for yourself, and that was the  _right thing to do."_ He touched his arm again, this time very lightly. "Consider this. You were the age Noah is now, when you left home. He was running away from all kinds of things when he found me, just like you were. But he has me. I  _know_  what he needs. All I want to do is take care of him. Me, and Kurt, we both do." He didn't mention Finn - that wasn't his place. "Tell me that's not a good thing?"

Timothy shook his head again, looking lost. Adam picked up the bowl of beaten eggs, added a little water, and whisked them again before pouring them into the pan, sloshing a little over the edge onto the stove. He added some salt, and a sprinkle of romano cheese shreds, and moved them around the pan with his spatula until they were fluffy and golden. He put one big scoop on a plate and set it in front of Timothy, handing him a fork. Timothy took a bite, huffing a little from the heat.

"Good?" Adam asked, brow raised.

Timothy nodded. He ate every bite while Adam peeled a couple oranges and prepared a plate of eggs and fruit for Noah and Kurt.

"Sometimes it's okay to let go," Adam said as he passed Timothy a handful of fruit.

Timothy dropped one of the orange slices. He scowled as he recovered it. "Not when the only thing you have control over is yourself."

"But Noah  _doesn't_  have control over himself. I'm helping with that, and Kurt does, too." Adam took a bite of eggs from the plate. He paused to eat some orange before adding, "You're going to have to trust that he knows what he needs. Didn't you, when you were sixteen?"

Timothy sighed, sounding suddenly exhausted. "No," he said sadly. "I really didn't."

Adam took his phone out of his pocket and typed out a text.  _I need a driver._

The response came back almost immediately.  _He's awake?_

_Yeah, and if you come in quickly, you might get some eggs before he eats them all._ He paused, then added,  _I think he needs a friend right now, and I'm just the bad guy. You think you can give him that without jumping his bones?_

_Hey._ He could almost hear the offended tone across the parking lot.  _I'm the only straight one in this house right now. And give me a little credit._

The door opened and closed. Adam avoided Jacob's eyes as he put the empty pan in the sink, grinning to himself. "Breakfast's on the counter, Jacob. Lock the door behind you when you leave."

"You're telling  _me_  to lock the door?" Jacob snorted. "And  _who_  are you paying to keep you safe? I'm guessing there's a guy in your bedroom who'd be happy to hear you tell him what to - uh." Adam turned to see Timothy glaring at Jacob. He took the plate of eggs off the counter and ate a big forkful.

"The only thing I'm going to tell them is to sit up and eat some breakfast," Adam said loftily, picking up his own plate of eggs and fruit and heading for the bedroom. It wasn't quite the complete truth, but he figured neither Timothy nor Jacob needed to hear details about what he wanted to tell Noah to do... and breakfast would come first, no matter what.  _Growing boys need to eat,_  he thought, feeling a little dizzy at the thought.

The room was still dark and quiet when he carefully opened the door and shut it behind him, but the smell of the eggs drew Noah out of sleep. He stretched, the chain on his collar jingling, and sat up with a grin.

"Whoa," Noah whispered. "I don't know which one of you looks better to me right now, you or the eggs."

"Maybe you'll let me feed them to you," Adam murmured back. Noah's quiet groan sent a shiver into his stomach. There was definitely nothing innocent in the way Noah opened his mouth for the bite of eggs. Part of Adam wanted to set the eggs aside, but he managed to stay focused, smiling as he gathered another bite on his fork. "Did you have a good time at Gaga's?"

"She's fucking amazing," Noah said, his mouth full of eggs. "Seriously, I had no idea. She and Kurt got along like a house on fire. And -" He swallowed the bite, reaching for Adam's head and pulling him close to kiss him. It was a long moment later that they separated far enough for Noah to speak again. "She knows about everything."

"She - what?" Adam tried not to stiffen. "What do you mean,  _everything?"_

"Kurt spilled the beans about me and him and Finn. It didn't take long before she figured out about you and me and Kurt, too. I guess Alecia talked to her, and she's not really good at the subtle." He ran a hand down Adam's chest under his robe, brushing it aside. "And then, Kurt, he... well, I guess I was being kind of a..."

"Noah," Adam said, a little more loudly than he'd meant to. Kurt rolled over. He returned to a whisper, though it came out like a hiss. "What did you  _do?"_

"I just said something, you know. Obnoxious. And Kurt... responded." He looked far too pleased with himself about this. "She didn't even blink. Did you know she's got a dungeon in her basement?"

_God._  "I'd heard about it," he said, trying not to hyperventilate. "That's really amazing, that she told you."

"Yeah. She said we were too young to see it, but maybe someday, huh?" Noah smiled, so big and honest and beautiful that Adam couldn't stay upset. It wasn't his fault, anyway. He kissed Noah again, more gently this time.

"Maybe," he agreed. "Something to look forward to. If she trusted you enough to tell you about it, it's entirely possible she might invite you back someday. Now, finish half of these eggs. I don't think I can resist you much longer."

* * *

Parking in West Hollywood was a challenge on the weekend, but Adam couldn't pass up a chance to take a drive with Noah and Kurt in the Mustang. Kurt didn't object to Adam taking his own car, though he did cast a longing glance at the 'Stang-and-a-half before they pulled Adam's black GT convertible out of the garage.

"We have enough time to stop at Wacko Soap Plant before our appointment," Adam said, pulling out onto the road. It wasn't quite warm enough to ride with the top down, but he thought they might try it once they got off the highway. "I thought we might pick something up for Sarah."

Noah accepted this with no question, but Kurt seemed suspicious. "What appointment?"

Adam watched Jacob pull out behind them to follow in the van. He grinned. "With my stylist, Luis, at Harroin. It'll either be for me, if you're not feeling daring - or for you, Kurt, if you want a change."

Kurt's eyes went round, and he gulped a little as he reached for Adam's hand, clutching it tight. "You think I should?"

"Dude. It's hair. It grows. Live a little." Noah shrugged, leaning forward from the back seat. "How often do you end up in LA with an appointment to see Adam Lambert's stylist?"

Adam squeezed his hand. "Kurt, he doesn't have to cut it. You can always wash out gel. And this is not a comment on your hair. Trust me - I've changed my style six times in one week."

Kurt nodded, relaxing into a little smile. "Part of the creative process, right?"

"Exactly. Then to St. Felix for lunch, and a quick grocery store run before heading home. Anywhere else you want to go? Jacob will keep an eye out for press. We should be pretty safe, as long as I'm not making out with you in public." Adam smirked. "Even then. This is Hollywood."

They did seem to be safe, making a circuit through Boys Town. Adam tried to be a good host, pointing out all the kitschy stores and notable destinations. At Wacko Soap, they bought Sarah a talking Tardis cookie jar and a matching Doctor scarf, both of which Noah assured him she would love and covet. Luis was gentle with Kurt's hair, giving it a little lift and shape without changing his existing style too much (though he did suggest Kurt might try some highlights, and Adam was proud when Kurt was able to say "No, thank you" without squeaking). They even managed to share an order of braised short ribs and a quad of cremé brulee at St. Felix without being  _too_  obvious.

It was a lot for one afternoon, though, and Kurt was looking a little worse for wear by the time they got to Trader Joe's. Noah, on the other hand, froze in the middle of the produce aisle and gripped Adam's shoulder.

"Holy shit," he breathed. "Is that really - Kurt, am I seeing things?"

"What?" Kurt rubbed tired eyes and squinted. "Noah, tell me what you think you see and I'll - oh. Wow." He glanced at Adam, startled. "Yes, sweetheart. That's really Neil Diamond."

"The hell? He doesn't even live in California." Adam had never met the aging singer, but he had to admit that was indeed him, perusing the field greens. "Maybe he's here to buy some cherry, cherries." The withering look Noah gave him almost made him regret the joke, but he recovered, nudging him. "Go say hi. Ask for an autograph or something. It's kind of a requirement, isn't it?"

Noah looked completely off-balance for a moment, but when Kurt went to the counter and asked for a pen, Noah took it. Hesitantly, he approached Neil, who was putting apples into his shopping cart, and spoke to him in an undertone.

"Noah's been singing his songs since he was a kid," Kurt said, watching them. "I imagine it's like... meeting Madonna, or something." He looked up at Adam with a startled laugh. "Oh - I bet you've done that!"

"Yeah," Adam agreed. "Last year, when Monte and I were collaborating on songs for the Zodiac Show. He's my guitarist, and her guitar teacher." He suppressed a smile, but Kurt noticed.

"What was she like?" he asked, fascinated.

"She didn't know who I was, but she... well, I imagine she saw some things in me she recognized. I told her I loved her and was intimidated by her, and she said something like, 'oh, so love is the same as intimidation for you, is it?'" That made Kurt laugh again. "Yeah. And when I told her my moon is in Aries, she just said, 'You don't like anybody telling you what to do, do you.'"

"Heh." Kurt closed his eyes and shook his head. "Interesting."

"I thought so." Adam put a head of cabbage in the cart. "Speaking of that... Noah tells me Gaga knows about us.  _Everything_  about us." Kurt's eyes opened, and he shot a worried glance at him, but Adam added, "It's fine. I had my freak-out earlier. The damage was done when Alecia came by yesterday. I think, whatever happens now, it would be good to have some people on my side, and I can't think of a bigger powerhouse in favor of kink than Gaga."

Kurt sighed. "I just hate to think about being any kind of problem for you."

"You said that already, and I told you, you're not a problem." Adam gave him an amused look. "Do I have to spank  _you_ , too?" Kurt spluttered out a red-faced denial. Adam would have teased him further, but something in his face made him pause. "Kurt - are you okay?"

"Fine. I just have a headache." They watched together as Noah took off the bracelet he wore, the one Sarah had made for him for Christmannukah, and showed it to Neil. They were still engaged in conversation, and Neil didn't look like he objected. "Adam..."

"Honey?" Adam said quietly. Kurt looked fixedly at the display of raspberries.

"This whole day... everything's been great. I'm having a really good time. A  _really_  good time."

He smiled. "I'm glad. And me, too."

Kurt's hand on the shopping cart flexed, holding on tight. "I'm trying not to think about tomorrow."

"I know. We have one more night. And there's nothing that says I can't come visit you in Ohio."

"You'd do that?" Kurt gave him the barest glance, but the uncertainty there tore at his heart. "I mean... Noah told me how you came to see him on New Year's Eve. I wasn't sure what to make of you then."

Adam nodded. "And now?" he couldn't resist asking. "What do you... make of me, now?"

"Don't ask me that here," Kurt whispered. His hand tightened on the cart again, gripping tighter, and he staggered. Adam reached out and took his arm.

"What's the matter?" he asked sharply.

"I'm fine," Kurt insisted, but he didn't look fine at all. There was a fine sheen of sweat on his temple, and his skin looked a little grey.

"Maybe you should sit down." Adam guided the cart to the bench by the sushi bar and pressed him into a sitting position, kneeling before him. He took Kurt's hands, which felt sweaty. "Honey... you don't look good."

"What, I thought Luis did a good job?" Kurt's joke fell a little flat as he winced. "I guess I feel a little dizzy."

Adam glanced over at Noah, who was still talking and hadn't noticed Kurt. "We're going back home," he said. He laid a hand on Kurt's forehead, feeling the chill of his sweat. "Shopping can wait. I don't think it was lunch. Do you feel sick?"

"A little," Kurt admitted. "Just... my head." He grimaced. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you did it all on purpose." Adam resisted every urge to sweep him up in his arms and carry him bodily to the car. Instead, he smiled encouragingly, and tugged on his hand. "Can you walk?"

He helped Kurt to his feet while Noah stumbled back toward them, staring at the bracelet in his hand. "He said he just got back from Australia, visiting his girlfriend," he said. "She's thirty years younger than he is. I'm gonna have to tell Finn - Kurt?" His voice changed as soon as he saw Kurt's face. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know." Kurt's eyes were closed, and he leaned into Noah as he put an arm around him. Adam let Noah take Kurt out the automatic door, and abandoned the cart by the register, giving the cashier an apologetic nod. "Can you get him in the car?"

"I'm all right," Kurt said, but he didn't sound annoyed, just tired.

Noah called Finn while Adam drove home. "It's Kurt," he said. "He's sick. No, not puking. Yet. Could be, but me and Adam, we're okay?" He passed the phone up to Kurt.

Adam listened as Kurt described his symptoms - headache, dizziness, nausea, sore throat - but he also paid attention to the way Kurt's voice changed as he spoke to Finn. It was a mildly uncomfortable sensation to hear Kurt responding to him that way, but it was eclipsed by his concern for Kurt's well-being, which was clearly deteriorating.

"No, don't call my dad," Kurt said. "I'm just going to lie down. I'll let you know how I'm feeling before dinner. I love you, too." He handed the phone back to Noah, who put it back to his ear.

"He's telling you the truth," Noah affirmed. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure Adam does. I guess if we have to, we'll go to the emergency room. Don't think he's there yet though. Okay, man. I will." He put his phone in his pocket. "Finn's just about to get in a cab. I think you convinced him to stay at the hotel for a little while, but I wouldn't put it past him to show up at your door, Adam."

"All right." Adam pulled the Mustang into the garage. He waved at Jacob in the van, right on his tail, as Noah helped Kurt out of the passenger seat and toward the side door. Jacob hopped out and came right over. "Kurt's sick. I think he might need some kind of medical attention."

"You think I should call Cal's physician?" Jacob looked concerned. "It's a bit of a haul; he's forty-five miles north of the city. It'd take him at least an hour if I called him now."

"Let's wait," Adam decided. "I don't know shit about this stuff, but he's exhausted, and maybe after he sleeps, he'll have a better idea of how he feels."

Jacob nodded soberly. "I'll come inside as soon as I get things set up for surveillance. Today was an all clear, by the way, even considering the way you guys were all over each other."

"Fuck you," Adam said mildly. Then he hugged Jacob, who looked startled, but pleased. "Thank you. For keeping them safe."

"My job, boss." Jacob's voice was gruff. He grinned at Adam. "Go on. I can warm up some of that veggie broth my mom gave you, from the freezer?"

"Yeah." Adam was barely listening, following Noah and Kurt back into the house. He got a glass of water and found them in the bathroom, Noah supporting Kurt's shoulder as he knelt by the toilet, puking up all the delights St. Felix had had to offer.

"Honey," he said unhappily. He rinsed out a washcloth and moved in close beside Noah, knowing he was being a little pushy, but not really caring. He sponged off Kurt's forehead, then wiped his mouth. "This is not okay."

"Sorry," Kurt said again, between heaves.

"Shhh," hushed Adam. When Kurt seemed to be done, he helped him stand and walk toward the bedroom, pulling back the sheets. He undressed him as quickly as he could, leaving his boxers. "If you feel sick again, there's a wastebasket right by the side of the bed. We're going to be right here while you get some rest." He kissed his cheek, pulling the sheet up to his shoulder. "I love you."

"God." Kurt shuddered. "How can you say that? I'm ruining this whole vacation."

Adam moved a hand down to rest on Kurt's hip. "You're really asking for it, honey. Don't think a little puking's going to keep me from swatting your behind."

He felt Kurt shift under the weight of his hand. "I'm - okay, Adam. I hear you. And... I love you.  _Tu es mon ange, mon doux ange."_

Adam closed his eyes, letting his face rest on Kurt's shoulder, which felt cool. "Sleep now," he whispered. Then he moved away, carefully, turning off the light.

Noah was cleaning up in the bathroom, his face a mask of worry. "Fuck. Adam - this sucks."

"He's going to be okay," Adam said firmly. "I'll take care of everything. I know you won't stop worrying, but I'm going to do my best to convince you to do just that."

Noah looked doubtful. "How the hell are you going to do that?"

"First..." Adam turned off the light in the bedroom and closed the door. Then he grabbed Noah by the neck and forced him up against the wall of the hallway, making him cry out. He tensed momentarily, then his whole body relaxed into Adam's grip. "You're in my house. That means you need to take those clothes off, and then we're going to put your collar on. Bring it to me. Quickly."

"Yes, Adam," he gasped. Adam could feel the sharp angle of Noah's windpipe against the palm of his hand as he swallowed. "I - yes. Right now."

Adam released the pressure and ran his hand over Noah's head, letting his own fears dissipate under the sensation of stubble on his palm. He kissed him. "That's my good boy. As soon as you're done, come into the family room and sit with me on the couch. I have a few other things I require of you."

Noah all but ran toward the bedroom to retrieve his collar. It wasn't a trick, though Adam knew this would no doubt help distract Noah from his distress. He thought about what Timothy had said to him this morning, and bristled.  _I know what he needs,_  he thought.  _And as long as he's here, I'm not going to miss out on giving it to him._

Jacob was in the kitchen, taking bags of broth out of the freezer and cutting them apart, letting their contents rest in a glass bowl. He made a face. "I heard Kurt throwing up. Maybe he won't want this soup, huh?"

"Probably will need it more," Adam said. He took a moment to rest on the wall before continuing to the couch. "You might want to get back to the van, though. Noah's on his way out here to get a spanking, and I think you've got a pretty good idea about how that usually goes for him."

Jacob abandoned the broth on the counter, nodding. "Got it. I'll be out there, radio silence, monitors off on the family room. You let me know if you need anything. And I'm gonna call Cal, okay?"

Adam hadn't ever met him, but he knew Jacob's Top would help keep him focused and calm. "Good plan. Watch Kurt. If he gets any worse, he's going to need that doctor." He reached out and took Jacob's arm. "Thanks again. Above and beyond, J-baby."

"Always, for you, Adam." Jacob smiled tolerantly. "You're totally fucking adorable with this Kurt kid, you know?"

Adam guessed he did know, but the snappy comeback died in his throat at the thought of Kurt gripping the shopping cart, his pale skin, the words  _mon ange_  on his lips.

"I couldn't bear it if something were to happen to him," he managed after a moment. "I just - I don't know how this happened, but -"

"Don't try to explain. You'll take the best care of him, and he'll be fine. No doubt in my mind."

Adam shook his head, smiling faintly. "You trying to Top me, Jacob? Hell, I might just let you, at this point."

"Go get ready for your boy," Jacob urged, giving him a little push. "And for fuck's sake, you and Noah keep it down, okay? Kurt needs his rest."


	21. Amends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt's illness has unforeseen consequences for Puck and Finn.

Puck and Adam were dressed and prepared for visitors by the time Adam heard the knock on the door. Jacob had alerted them in time for Finn's call.

"He's still sleeping," Adam said to Finn as he let him in. Finn just nodded, pushing past him toward the bedroom, and Adam followed him, trying not to be irritated. "I'd just as soon let him sleep as long as he -"

"I called his dad," he said, not turning around. "Burt needs to know what's going on. I told him - I  _promised_  him - I'd take care of Kurt."

"Kurt said to wait," Adam protested, and damn, if he didn't sound like he was whining. He took a deep breath and calmed himself down. "I get that you want to make sure he's okay. Just... keep the light low. The dimmer switch is the middle one."

"Baby?" he heard Finn say.

Adam clenched his teeth against the crashing tumult of jealousy he felt at the sound of that word. It made him absolutely, stupidly furious that Kurt would allow somebody to call him that.  _Somebody other than you, or Noah,_ he thought.  _And you pretend you're so on top of this polyamory business. What a crock of shit._

Noah moved into the doorway next to him. He'd taken the collar off, at Adam's insistence.  _I don't want to be forced to explain that if we have doctors visiting the house,_  Adam had told him. Adam didn't feel ready to discuss the idea with Noah, either, that Timothy might be wrestling with his own demons around Dominance and submission. He knew he'd have to talk with him about it eventually. For now, he just appreciated the way Noah clung to his side, the closeness and protective feelings that drew them together, and the way it felt so damn  _good._

Adam kissed Noah's forehead and let him lean up against his chest for a moment, then encouraged him to follow Finn into the bedroom. Noah slipped a hand around Finn's waist, both of them bending over the bed where Kurt was sleeping.

"Baby," Finn said again, gently. Kurt stirred, making a pitiful little moan. Adam stifled a rush toward Kurt, and turned it into a move to lean against the door frame. Finn stroked his hair back from his face. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Dizzy," Kurt said in a raspy whisper. He turned his head away from the boys to look at Adam, swallowing painfully. "My head hurts. Here." He indicated his right temple.

Finn cupped Kurt's face in his hand, and Adam watched as Kurt relaxed, closing his eyes. The expression on Finn's face made him look a lot older than sixteen.

"He needs a doctor," he said. "What do you think we should do?"

Adam was prepared for this, at least. "Jacob's made some phone calls. He has access to a physician about an hour away from here. It might just be better to head to the emergency room at this point, though."

Kurt made a face. "I'm not that sick." He wasn't at all convincing.

"Burt said there's another doctor nearby," Finn said, nodding to Adam. "Tess knows somebody in Val Verde. Uh, her father, I think? Burt had a number for his doctor in LA."

"That might be closer than Jacob's contact. Finn, do you have the number?"

Finn dug in his pocket and handed Adam a scrap of paper with a Hollywood area code. As Adam pulled out his phone, Finn helped Kurt sit up in bed and take a drink of water. Kurt winced again and leaned carefully against the headboard.

"Honey..." Adam touched Noah on the arm. "Jacob left some broth to thaw on the counter. Do you think you could do something with that for Kurt? He's going to need something to eat."

"Sure," said Noah. He looked energized by this idea, as Adam had suspected he would.

"Thank you." He kissed him, patting him on the ass before he thought about it, and patiently ignored Finn's stare. "I'll see if I can get in touch with this guy. Kurt, let me know if you need anything. There's ibuprofen and Tylenol there on the table."

As it turned out, Tess' father's physician knew Cal. His manner was gruff, but he softened a little when he heard about Kurt's troubles. "Sounds like it could be an ear infection," he said. "Is the patient awake? I'd like to speak with him."

Kurt managed a few sentences to the doc, clearly struggling to swallow without pain, while Adam refilled his water. "He said I can take the pain meds, if I want," Kurt told him, handing the phone back. "And he'll be here in half an hour."

Adam let his fingers linger on Kurt's. "You want to sleep some more? Noah's going to make you some soup. I could wake you up when the doctor gets here."

"Maybe," Kurt agreed, letting his eyes close. Finn moved to dim the lights at the same time Adam did, and Adam made himself stop and let Finn do it. He held the door open for Finn, though, which meant he got to be the last one out of the room.

He leaned over to Kurt and kissed him on the cheek. "Lots of people here who love you, honey," he said. "Don't worry."

"Yeah, I don't think I can help that." Kurt didn't open his eyes, but he sighed. "It's... a little stressful, knowing you guys are all here."

Adam shook his head, trailing fingers over his jaw. "I'm pretty sure it's not your job to think about that right now."

"Again... not likely." He winced, shaking his head as he struggled to swallow. "Adam, I'm really not good at being  _out of control._  Just about the only person who ever gets to see that is Finn."

 _And me,_  Adam wanted to say, but he decided that was more pushing than Kurt could handle at the moment. "Sorry, honey. Viruses, stomach flu, bad pork - whatever tiny critters are getting you down - they all Top you. Me and the rest of the humans, we just get to sit around watching and feeling slightly less helpless. Trust me, I don't like it any better than you do, and I suspect Finn feels the same. We  _love_  you. That's all we care about right now."

Kurt's grin was rueful, but he looked a little less tense. "Okay. I'll try not to worry about it."

Finn, on the other hand, was pacing the family room, wringing his hands and looking damn out of place. "Did he seem sick earlier? Last night I think he might have been kind of low energy, but it could have been because he was low on sleep, and -"

"Hey," Adam said softly, and Finn stopped pacing. He clenched his fists, staring at the sofa. "Kurt's going to be okay."

"Yeah, how do you  _know_ that?" Finn shot back. "He's freaking sick and I don't know what's wrong, and neither do you. Don't tell me he's okay."

 _I didn't say he was okay, I said he was going to be okay._  Adam didn't roll his eyes. He could be the adult here, because... well, he was. He couldn't expect a sixteen-year-old to keep it together in a crisis. He kept his voice low. "I know you love him; so do I. And I'm worried too. But he's stressing out about being sick and causing friction between us. The best thing we can do for Kurt is try to get along. So just - chill, okay?"

For a moment, Adam thought Finn might yell at him. But finally his hands relaxed, and he blew out an exasperated breath. "Fuck. Yeah. Okay."

Adam sat on the couch. "I can only guess how much it sucks to see your two boyfriends with somebody new."

Finn looked at him as though he were crazy. "No. That's not what sucks. I don't care about that at all."

"Okay," Adam said gamely. "Tell me what sucks, then."

Finn stared across the room at Puck keeping busy in the kitchen. Whatever he was making, it smelled awesome to Adam, and it didn't seem to be soup. "You really don't want to know. There's too much... it's not the time. And what the hell do you care, anyway?"

Adam sighed. "Honestly? Because Kurt cares. I'm not going to make this harder for him than it has to be." He raised an eyebrow and beckoned Finn closer. "So, when will there be a better time? Come on. Tell me."

Finn just shook his head, but he sat on the other end of the couch, leaning his elbows on his knees. "It's just... okay, for one thing, all the music this weekend. I'm not a musician, not really. Kurt, and Puck, they both made this amazing connection with Alecia, and Gaga, and I'm just this football player who can kind of play the drums." He shrugged. "I can't compete with that."

After hearing Finn sing, Adam didn't think he would disagree, but he stayed silent, listening. "Okay. What else?"

Finn was silent for a moment, too. "That song," he said at last. "Glitter in the Air." He shot a sideways glance at Adam. "Don't laugh. I sang it at Gaga's. I couldn't let Puck sing it and not sing it back to him. Because... because it messed with my head, hearing him sing those words."

"You sang it." Adam gritted his teeth. "And... Noah heard you."

"Yeah. He freaked out, too." Finn didn't look smug; he was just sad. "Was that a song you and he -?"

"Forget it," said Adam sharply. "It's not important. It's just a song, right? Alecia's a hell of a lyricist, and it always kicks my ass to hear what she puts out there. And now Noah's heard it, and you, and we can all make it mean... whatever we want it to mean." He paused. "How did  _you_  hear it?"

Finn's expression became even more shuttered. "A boy. At the coffee shop - like you said, it doesn't matter." He crossed his arms, leaning back on the couch. "You're right. It doesn't have to mean anything at all."

"Another one?" he said before he thought, and smothered a grin at Finn's glare. "Sorry. You have to admit, though, you've got enough boyfriends to -"

"He's not my boyfriend," Finn said, a little too loudly. "It's not like that, okay?"

 _Uh-huh._ Whatever it  _was_  like, Finn definitely was protesting too much. "Hey, I'm not looking to blame you for wanting more. And none of these guys you're with, they're not going to begrudge you it, either, not really." He thrust a toe out and kicked Finn's calf, making him startle. "So, okay... you have Kurt, who loves you and trusts you enough to want to submit to you, even though he won't do it with anybody else. You're having hot sex with your best friend. You're in love with a professional Dom who apparently feels the same way about you, and something  _else_  is happening with this new boy at the coffeehouse. Yep... that definitely sucks."

A sound of choking came from the kitchen, but it wasn't evident, until Noah came around the corner, that he was laughing his ass off. "Fuck, Finn," he gasped, wiping his hands on his apron, "he's got you. He's fucking got you."

"It's not as simple as that," Finn protested, but all the fire was gone from his voice. He couldn't even glare at Noah as his laughter wound down. Finn shook his head again, but when he stopped, he had a tiny grin on his face. "When you put it like that, though... it doesn't sound so bad, does it?"

"That's the spirit," Adam said blithely. "Glass half-full and all that shit. Focus on that, and it'll be fine." He held out a hand to Finn, keeping it as matter-of-fact as he could. "Come on. Let's go irritate Noah by standing around while he cooks."

It wasn't soup; it was risotto. Noah grinned at both of them when they came into the kitchen, holding out the wooden spoon for Adam to taste. "You're gonna Top my boyfriend into giving up this whiny shit? I think that deserves a fucking four course dinner."

" _Noah,"_  Adam said, swallowing his laugh along with the risotto. Finn just tightened the corners of his mouth and looked away. His smile was gone. Adam watched his downturned face with regret. Finn was a hell of a lot more complicated than a  _football player who can kind of play the drums_  should be, but Adam wasn't going to discipline Noah in front of him - no matter how much Noah might need it. Instead, he gestured for Finn to take the spoon. "You've got to try this. I'm sure Kurt will love it."

The risotto was light, not too rich at all, with a perfect mild nutty flavor. He saw Finn sigh a little in appreciation as he accepted Noah's spoon into his mouth. Noah watched him with anticipation. "Yeah?"

"Dude, how long has it been since you made  _anything_  I didn't like?" Finn replied. "What kind of rice is that, anyway?"

The doorbell rang, and Adam left Noah to explain the difference between rice and risotto to Finn's uneducated palate. He met Jacob on the porch, standing beside an older gentleman in a grey coat.

"Hey, Adam," Jacob said, putting a hand on the man's arm. "I didn't realize I knew Beau's doctor. This is Owen Graham."

Dr. Graham shook Adam's hand, clasping his in a strong grip. Adam found himself responding automatically to his handsome features and businesslike manner. "Come on in, Dr. Graham. Thank you so much for meeting us down here at the last minute."

"It's always the last minute in medicine," Dr. Graham said gravely. "And it's no trouble. Anything for a friend of Beau's."

"A friend of a friend, kind of," Adam corrected, shutting the door behind them. "But Kurt - he's the one who's sick - Kurt's a favorite of Tess'. I haven't had the pleasure."

Dr. Graham set his bag down on the couch by the door. "How's Kurt doing? Can you tell me what happened, before I interrupt his rest?"

Finn entered the room silently and listened from the doorway while Adam described what had happened at the grocery store: Kurt's dizzy spell, his pallor, his sudden headaches and nausea.

"Hey, Adam, where's your colander?" Noah's voice came, loud, from the kitchen, and he poked his head around the door. His eyes widened when he saw the doctor, and his voice dropped to a stage whisper. "Whoa," he said to Finn. "I'd let  _him_  do a physical exam on me any time."

"Dude," Finn snapped. He looked clearly embarrassed on Noah's behalf, but stopped short of telling him to shut up. Adam felt sudden, unexpected sympathy for Finn - and for Noah, of course, who was just acting out under an absence of direction.

The doctor barely glanced at Puck before he went back to the notes he was scrawling. "Shouldn't he be collared?" he said idly to Adam.

Adam opened his mouth and stopped, completely at a loss for words. Jacob smirked, nudging Adam's elbow.

"He's  _Beau's_  doctor," he murmured. "And he's got his own boy. He understands."

"Ah... yes." Adam pulled himself together, nodding at Dr. Graham. "My apologies. He definitely needs that. I wasn't sure if... yes. Jacob, would you show Dr. Graham in to see Kurt?" He raised his voice, but pitched it for command. "Noah. Meet me in the bathroom."

"Uh... okay?" Noah sounded more puzzled than recalcitrant. He obeyed, albeit slowly, handing the spoon to Finn. "Stir it in five minutes, all right?"

Finn looked at the spoon like Noah had handed him a squirming octopus tentacle. "Yeah," he muttered.

Adam shut the bathroom door behind them and pushed Noah down to sit on the lid of the toilet. "That was completely inappropriate," he said quietly, while Noah stared up at him in apparent shock.

"What did I do?" Noah protested, and  _damn,_  if he didn't sound exactly like an eight-year-old boy talking back to his teacher. Adam would have laughed if he hadn't been so angry at himself for letting it get this far.

"Stand up," Adam directed, "and put your hands on the counter. Turn around -  _right now."_

Noah wasn't doing anything  _right now;_ on the contrary, he was moving slowly, insolently, with a sullen glare for Adam's command.  _Ah. Here he is._ Adam had known he would see this from Noah eventually: the bratty little boy who felt the unfairness of the world on his shoulders. It wasn't so different from Finn's complaining, really - or his own, on occasion, if he had to be honest. The difference was that Adam could do something about Noah's.

Adam waited until his hands were braced, then reached around to undo his jeans. "No," he said sharply, as Noah tried to remove his hands from the sink. "You stay right there." He took his jeans down efficiently, with as little skin contact as he could manage, not wanting to confuse discipline with pleasure. "I'm going to list all the things you did wrong in the last half hour, Noah, and I want you to hear them all before you say anything else. Nod your head if you understand."

"What the fuck," Noah muttered.

" _No words._  Just listen. Nod your head?"

Noah curled his spine and ducked his head, but the muttering subsided, and a moment later, he nodded.

"That's it," Adam said gently. "First, when we brought Kurt home from the grocery store, you talked to Finn on the phone. You told Finn Kurt was telling the truth. That was inappropriate. If you're giving Kurt the respect he deserves, you need to believe Kurt will always tell Finn the truth. Agreed?"

Noah looked like he might want to argue this point, but he nodded.

"Good. Second, you insinuated I'm trying to exert some kind of control over Finn. Finn may be your boyfriend, but I barely know him, and I would never presume to do anything of the kind without his permission. Is that clear?"

Noah flinched away at the steel in Adam's voice. "Yeah."

"No words yet, honey. You're doing so well." Adam put a hand on his shoulder, feeling Noah's breath shuddering as he struggled to keep control. "Third, the way you're talking to Finn in front of me is completely out of line. You're baiting him, which puts me in a really uncomfortable position." He paused, squeezing Noah's shoulder a little. "You know he wants to be in charge of you."

"No," Noah blurted. He sounded absolutely terrified, and he glanced wildly around to hold Adam's gaze, pleading. " _No._  He doesn't want that."

"Yeah," Adam said, as quietly as he could. "He does. It's very clear. I'm not saying you have to want it too, but you're giving him mixed signals, and that's completely unfair to Finn. He's hurting." His fingers tightened still further, holding Noah in place. "Fourth. The way you spoke to Dr. Graham was rude and inappropriate. He did us a service by coming out here to see Kurt. You may not repay his courtesy by...  _hitting_ on him. Got that?"  _No matter how hot he is,_  he wanted to add, but he knew it would make Noah laugh, and this was not the time.

"Fuck, Adam," Noah said, now on the edge of tears. "I'm sorry, I -"

"I'll tell you again," Adam said evenly. "No. Words. Just nod if you agree."

Noah's breath came out in a sob, and he nodded vigorously.

"That's my boy. You're listening to me now, I can tell. That's what I want to see. My good boy, listening to me, doing what I say." As much as the words were about Noah's behavior, they had an effect on Adam, and he paused for a moment to regain control, breathing through the rush of overwhelming feelings. He bent over and kissed him on the temple. "You want to be my good boy again?"

Noah didn't even try to talk, now; he just cried, nodding. Adam ran a hand over his neck, letting him feel the gentle pressure.

"You want your collar back?"

"Oh -" Noah gulped on the exclamation, and he turned to face Adam with hopeful, tear-filled eyes. He nodded again.

"You know it's not for always," Adam murmured, taking the collar down from the shelf where it sat above the sink. He buckled it around Noah's neck, making it a notch tighter than the last time. "But it can be for now. For this weekend, you're mine, aren't you?" He ran his fingers through Noah's short hair, so much softer than he'd ever expected it to be. "You can tell me."

"Yours," Noah whispered. "All yours, please."

The promise rocked him, as Adam knew it would, but expecting it didn't make it any less powerful. "God," he muttered. His hand shot to Noah's wrist, gripping it. "Your other one. Hold them out, right here."

Noah obeyed instantly this time, holding his wrists face up while Adam got his cuffs and buckled them on. Then he shoved Noah face-first against the sink, making him call out in hoarse, intense need. It was as though Noah were simply giving voice to the desperation he was feeling. He folded Noah's arms behind his back, buckling the cuffs together. There would have been plenty of room for him to move, had he been in a position to do so. But he absolutely, unequivocally was  _not._

"Hold still," Adam said, needlessly, holding the cuffs in one balled fist, while the other came down, hard, on Noah's behind. It was tight enough quarters that he could justify pressing up against Noah as he adjusted his stance, but really, he couldn't have explained why he was so turned on, not to anyone. It wasn't that he was surprised by this, but it didn't make any  _sense_  that this boy, bent over the sink, bare-assed and on the edge of tears, would inspire such lust in him.

The spanking was brief and almost unnecessary, because Noah was already breaking down by the time Adam had landed the twelfth swat. His cries were incoherent, and Adam still didn't release him, cinching his hands higher up on his back.

"Need this," Adam whispered. "You need this. And me, too. Just stay close. I'll take care of everything. I won't let it go so far next time. You can count on me to help you."

"Sorry," Noah muttered thickly. He turned his head, resting it on the porcelain, one wet hazel eye gazing up at Adam. "I let you down."

"Not your job," Adam assured him, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "You're mine. The only way you can let me down is not to obey me."

He sat on the closed toilet and gathered Noah in close, holding him, feeling him shaking. He was completely relaxed now, draped against Adam's body like a cloak. "You're going to get fucking sick of me, being like this," Noah warned.

Adam clutched him tighter. "Not likely," he said. "Not when I want you so much, when you're like this."  _Mine,_  said his jealous, greedy desire, and he closed his eyes against the force of it.  _You're mine. Mine to handle; mine to direct. Mine, to please me._  Before he could let his shame overcome him, he took Noah by both shoulders and shoved him roughly to the floor between his legs. Noah just stared up at him, startled, but with more hope dawning.

"Show me," Adam commanded, his voice coming out rough. "Show me what a good boy you can be."

Noah didn't hesitate now. He didn't even take a moment to pull his own shorts and jeans back up; he just scrambled to tug Adam's down far enough to get some kind of contact with skin and hungrily mouthed him through his boxers until Adam gave him some assistance.

"That's my boy," he encouraged, letting Noah set the pace for just a few moments before gripping his head firmly in both hands. "God, that's my good, good boy... giving it to me just the way I like it... letting me take it."

Noah's affirmative moans spurred Adam on, and just before he came, he couldn't resist indulging in the fantasy of a world in which he could have this with Noah -  _every day._ Not just the mindblowing sex, but all of it: the discipline, sharing food and music, giving him guidance.

 _And Kurt,_  whispered the voice.  _You could have them both. Boyfriends, lovers. You could take care of Noah together._ It was a little terrifying to think how much it appealed to him.

They rested there for just a few moments afterwards, trying to catch their breath, when there was a tentative knock on the door.

"Adam," came Jacob's voice. "Dr. Graham has stuff to tell you. I think you'd better... finish up in there."

"Sorry," Noah whispered, glancing up at Adam anxiously, but Adam leaned down and gave him a gentle, reassuring kiss.

"It's my house, honey. I'll take care of it."

"But Finn -" he said, but Adam shook his head, putting a finger on Noah's lips.

"That, too. You might want to apologize to him for how you were treating him, though." Adam pulled him to his feet, fastening his pants and helping Noah pull up his own. "Let's go see what news Dr. Graham has for us about your boyfriend."

Dr. Graham was sitting talking with Finn next to Kurt's bed. Kurt was half-awake, responding to direct questions, but otherwise his eyes were closed and he was quiet. The doctor looked up at Adam as he entered the room.

"Kurt appears to have a middle ear infection," he said. "Does he have any allergies to antibiotics? Kurt wasn't certain."

"I don't know, either," Adam said. He ran his hand through Kurt's sweaty hair. "Noah, would you get him a cool washcloth?"

"I'll call his dad," Finn said, pulling out his phone.

"That's a good idea." Dr. Graham's face was serious. "He mentioned he was going home tomorrow, but he really shouldn't fly until the infection is cleared up. You're going to need to change his plane tickets. No sooner than Wednesday, I'd say."

It turned out that Kurt was not allergic to any antibiotics, so Dr. Graham wrote him a prescription for amoxicillin. Mr. Hummel wasn't happy to hear Kurt was sick, but he didn't sound angry with Adam, either. "Yeah, I think I can be rational enough about this to know you didn't give him an ear infection," he said ruefully, when he asked to speak with Adam on the phone. "Just... well, I know Finn's there, but... Kurt's my kid. And I don't care how mature of a sixteen-year-old he is; I'm not going to deal well with the idea of leaving him in California a couple extra days."

"Please," Adam said, in the calmest voice he could manage under the circumstances. "I'm going to give him the absolute best care he'll tolerate. He can stay here with me." The words came out before he even thought about how they might sound, and for a tense heartbeat or two, he considered trying to amend his invitation.  _On my couch,_  for example, or  _I'll sleep on the floor._

But then Mr. Hummel sighed, long and slow. "Put Kurt back on."

Kurt licked dry lips, and Adam helped him drink a little more water while he listened to his father on the phone. "Dad," he groaned. "He's been  _amazing._  I feel completely at ease. I know he's not going to... no. I really don't." Adam watched his expressive mouth twist in a frown. "Okay?" He passed the phone to Finn. "He wants to talk to you, now."

Finn looked from the phone, to Kurt, to Adam, and back again. Then he put the phone to his ear. "Burt," he said, then stopped, listening. He hesitated. "I - yeah. I guess. I mean,  _yes._  He hasn't done anything wrong." He sighed, shaking his head a little. "Nothing at all. I think, if he says he's going to take care of Kurt while he's recovering, he means it."

Adam swallowed, unaccountably moved by Finn's words, but it was nothing compared to the reaction he got from Noah, who had returned with the damp washcloth and had been standing by the foot of the bed. He stumbled around to stand in front of Finn, and before Finn could utter a word, he had him in a fierce hug. Then he took his face in both hands and kissed him, hard.

Kurt made a little whimpering gasp, blinking at the sight. Adam looked away, not wanting to interrupt their moment, but uncertain about how to let them be without making a fuss. Kurt reached out and took his hand, and Adam just held on.

"You really think that?" Noah said, his voice hoarse.

"Well - yeah." Finn looked a little gobsmacked, but he recovered quickly, looking over at Adam in an awkward appeal. Adam shrugged, grinning at him. "He's... yeah. I trust him." Finn rolled his eyes, scowling. "He's a good guy, okay?"

"Okay," Noah said. His eyes were shining, and he didn't let go of Finn for one moment.

"Finn," Adam said quietly. "The phone."

"What? Oh." Finn put the phone back to his ear, clearing his throat. "Burt... sorry. Got a little distracted."

Kurt stifled a laugh, and Adam felt something inside him relax at the sound.  _He's okay,_  he thought, feeling giddy.  _He'll be fine. Antibiotics, rest, it'll be fine. And..._

"Kurt," he whispered. He gathered up Kurt's other hand, pulling him to face him. "You'd be all right with staying with me until Wednesday while you recover?"

Kurt caught Adam's expression, as well as the tension in his voice. His own drawn face split in an amazed smile. "I get to do that?" he whispered back.

"Yeah, honey." Adam couldn't do more than squeeze his hands, but somehow, it was as though they were only inches apart. "If you'll let me."

"God," said Kurt, with a throaty rasp. "There are so many things I'll  _let you..."_

"Ahem." Finn was staring at them, but he didn't look angry. "Kurt. This is about you, getting better. Getting  _rest._  You're going to get some  _rest."_

Kurt put a hand to his mouth, covering his smile. "Yes. I promise."

"I promise, too," said Adam, holding up a hand like a Boy Scout, completely solemn. "It's going to be so fucking boring around here, Kurt's going to beg to get on that plane."

"Yeah. Sure." Finn shook his head, putting the phone back to his ear. "I don't know what the hell I'm saying, Burt, but... this is the best place for Kurt. Adam, he'll take care of him."

Noah made a little noise, like a swallowed curse, and buried his face in Finn's collar. Finn's face was pink, and he was smiling as he listened to Burt. "Yeah. Thanks, I'll tell him. Uh... I think I have to get going. We'll talk more tomorrow, okay? I promise Kurt will take the antibiotics. Yeah. Sure." Finn tossed the phone on the bed. "Back to you, Adam, and - mmmph."

Noah's mouth had obscured the rest of the words, and Adam kept his focus firmly on Kurt as Noah pushed Finn into the purple velvet chair across the room.

Kurt, on the other hand, was staring unabashedly at them. He shook his head in clear amazement. "Adam... something happened."

Adam knew what he meant. He could trace the pattern of events, from Noah's acting out, to Finn's whining, to the discipline he'd doled out and Noah's submission, and Noah's resulting open state. But it was Finn's words that had made the difference, and Adam hadn't had anything to do with that. He shrugged again. "Finn's handling it," he said. "He's making amends with Noah, a few steps at a time. And Noah's ready to start trusting him again."

"Yeah," Kurt said faintly. "I guess he is." He turned to Adam, and tugged him closer, wrapping his arms around him. "You - really want to take care of me?"

Adam's answer,  _always,_  stuck in his throat. "Y-yeah," he stammered instead. "I love you."

"I love you, too,  _mon ange,"_  Kurt said, and kissed his cheek. "And I'm almost ashamed to admit how grateful I am for this ear infection, if it means I get to stay for two extra days."

"Even if you're sick as a dog and laid up in bed the whole time?"

Kurt's grin was  _definitely_  not innocent. "Not the whole time, I'm sure."

Noah and Finn finished making out, returning starry-eyed to the kitchen to finish making dinner, while the doctor ordered the antibiotics and bid them good evening. Adam sent Jacob to the drugstore to pick them up. It wasn't until they were setting the table for dinner that Adam made contact with Noah again.

Adam pulled him close in a brief hug, then gazed into his clear eyes, stroking the collar. "How are you doing, honey?"

"I'm... great." Noah's pervasive smile was infectious, and Adam smiled back. "I feel... lighter." He gazed at Adam under hooded lids. "He's yours, too."

"My what?" Adam asked.

"Kurt. In the bathroom, you called him my boyfriend. But he's your boyfriend, too."

 _I can't have a boyfriend,_  Adam almost said, startled. But he managed to nod, swallowing until he could respond. "Yes. He's... he's mine too."

It was too much to sustain, and Adam had to raise his voice to include Finn before the possibilities grew too complex and impossible to contemplate. "Did Noah apologize to you yet, Finn?"

Finn inclined his head, putting the glasses on the table. "I think we're okay now."

"Good." Adam gazed down at Noah, tucked firmly against his chest. "Because I think he might just be enough of a brat that he needs three Tops."

Finn's astonished expression almost made Adam lose it, but he managed to restrain himself. Noah, on the other hand, burst out laughing.

"I think I might just be," Noah said. His smile was completely open and clear.

Adam held him tight, overwhelmed yet again with pride and appreciation for the boy he held in his arms. He looked across the room at Finn, and their eyes met. Finn nodded, and Adam nodded back. Finn let out a breath.

"Okay," he said, quietly, and smiled. "Okay."


	22. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob takes care of Timmy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, my OCs are a little out of control, but Jacob came and whispered in my ear, and I had to write this chapter. Sorry. Warnings for sweet D/s, and awwwww. Thanks as always to flinchflower for letting me borrow Jacob.
> 
> While Jacob and Timmy are doing this, Kurt is busy topping Adam in the celebratory one-shot [1,000,000 Words](http://archiveofourown.org/works/529812).

_Ed Westwick as Timmy Puckerman: **<http://tinyurl.com/9l5blyh>**  (smiling) and ****<http://tinyurl.com/8ry5bxy> **** (angsty, minus the stupid tattoo)_

_Craig Horner as Jacob:<http://legendoftheseeker.fannook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Craig-Horner-2.jpg> _

* * *

Jacob felt bad for being thankful for Kurt's ear infection. He'd already begun to anticipate the ridiculous fallout from this trip. Adam in love was kind of too sweet for words, and Adam in charge of Puck was a little weird, even if Jacob did understand what it was like to be a switch. But Adam left alone, without Puck or Kurt, to his own devices, to brood and wonder and wait for February... that was bound to be a handful. Adam was going to shatter on the tile floor, and Jacob wasn't looking forward to picking up the pieces.

But now Kurt was staying for a couple extra days to heal up. Puck would be gone, and Kurt, whatever health problems he was experiencing, had clear Top tendencies. Maybe Adam would finally get what he needed, after all.

 _Or maybe you're just projecting,_  Jacob told himself, flexing his hands on the steering wheel and grimacing.  _Maybe it's been too long since you've had a sub of your own to deal with._ He wasn't going to put himself in an awkward position with his  _employer_  and suggest maybe he needed a little handling, either. Adam was self-aware enough to figure it out for himself, and to go looking for it.

Jacob's attention was caught by a flicker of movement just outside the van. At first he didn't recognize the figure, seated on the sidewalk, hands wrapped around his legs. He looked younger, somehow, folded up that way, and Jacob caught his breath as Timothy leaned his chin on his knees.

"What are you doing out there?" he muttered to himself, but it sounded disturbingly  _fond,_  even to himself. He reached over and knocked on the glass, startling the young man on the sidewalk, and rolled the window down. Timothy didn't move.

"You didn't bring me a sandwich," Jacob called. "What the heck, man?"

Timothy didn't smile, but he did raise his head a little and gaze across the sidewalk at Jacob. "Figured you'd had enough to eat, with Noah's risotto."

"It was good," Jacob agreed. "But that was six hours ago. Aren't you hungry?"

Timothy shrugged and put his chin back on his knees. "I guess."

It was like Timothy had subtitles. Jacob could see the words  _I'm too depressed to eat without somebody making me do it_  float across the air in front of him. He looked away, concealing his smile. The comment about the risotto had been accompanied by  _I'm pissed that my own brother didn't invite me to dinner, and I was forced to eat with the silent piano guy._  Well, if Timothy knew Puck had made risotto, he probably knew about Kurt being sick. And since they were leaving tomorrow...

Jacob checked the monitors once more, then opened the door to the van and climbed out onto the street. He walked casually around the front of the van, his shoes clicking on the pavement, and sat down a few feet away from Timothy, leaning on the building in an identical pose.

"Adam says Kurt went to sleep after taking the first dose of antibiotics," he said. "He should be feeling better, but he can't fly until Wednesday."

Timothy nodded. "Noah told me. Finn and Brad will fly back to Lima as planned."

Jacob blinked. "And - you're not going back?"

"Gaga wants me to stick around for a couple months. She's pulling the concepts for the new album together, and I wouldn't want to miss it." He tipped his head on his side, resting his cheek on his knee with a barely audible sigh. "They don't need me in Ohio. Noah and Sarah have their Tatenui."

"Who?"

He smiled, a little bitterly. "Kurt's dad. Burt. Sarah calls him that. Our family's full of little pet names. Sarah's going to call me Timmy until she dies, and Noah..." He stopped talking. Jacob found himself grinning.

"Noah  _what?"_

"Nothing," Timothy said through gritted teeth, and Jacob laughed. "It's hideous. Sarah got away with being called Sissy for most of her childhood."

"Yeah, my brothers called me Jaybird when I was a baby, and later when they were feeling particularly cruel." He shifted closer and nudged Timothy's folded legs, making him protest. "Come on, I'll probably never see you again after tonight. Just tell me."

Jacob watched Timothy's face close up, right there, and he found his smile fading. He wished he could take back the last five seconds. Timothy's silence went on far too long.

"Um," Jacob said, a little desperately.

"Meemee." Timothy flickered an oblique glance at Jacob. "Noah couldn't say  _Timmy,_  so he called me Meemee. You know, the sound that Beaker in the Muppets used to make."

Jacob nodded wordlessly. He cleared his throat. "Meemee. That's not so bad. Has a certain cachet."

That made Timothy smile, which made Jacob smile back, relaxing a little. "No, it's just fucking dorky, but I'll own that part of me, too."

 _It's cute,_  Jacob wanted to say, but the last thing he wanted Timothy to think was - he shook his head. He wasn't going to complicate things. "Nothing wrong with dorky. Families leave us with all kinds of legacies. I'm forever going to be the boy who dressed up as Wonder Woman for Halloween." He grinned at Timothy's expression. "Hey, I had a really big crush on my babysitter. She had all the Superfriends toys."

"People do funny things for love," said Timothy.

The silence returned, a little more comfortable this time. Now Jacob was close enough to Timothy to reach out and touch him, just a gentle hand on his back. Timothy didn't move away, but he did deflate a little as Jacob's hand rested there. His eyes dropped to the sidewalk square in front of them.

"So where do you stay in LA, when you're here?" Jacob asked.

He shrugged, his nervous tic more pronounced under Jacob's hand. "Wherever I can find."

The subtitles were in bold this time, in flashing red letters:  _I'm alone, and I won't ask for help._ Jacob sighed. He figured it was a good thing he didn't have an apartment at the moment, because as lost puppies went, Timothy was practically whining and licking his hand, and it wouldn't have taken much for Jacob to offer him a place to stay indefinitely.

"Well, I'm sure Adam's couch is open, if you get desperate," Jacob said, trying to keep it light.

Timothy's brow furrowed. Was that an actual  _pout?_  "I'll be fine," he said shortly. "Trust me, I know desperate, and I'm not there."

"Yeah, no way, man. You could totally deal with this on your own." Timothy shot a glance at Jacob, but he was keeping his face straight, very carefully  _not_  being snide in any way. Timothy hesitated.

"I - could go get you a sandwich, if you want."

Jacob moved his hand from Timothy's back to his arm. "No," he said gently. "I don't need a sandwich. It's just good to see you."

He nodded, looking down. Then he seemed to steel himself, and he looked back up, meeting Jacob's eyes. There was nothing simple in them. "You really think we're never going to see one another again after tonight?"

"I - don't know," Jacob said slowly. He let his hand slip to the sidewalk. "I thought you'd be going back to Lima. No reason we would. Is there?"

"Is there?" Timothy echoed. He closed his eyes. "Probably not. Forget I said anything."

"Hey." Jacob couldn't keep a little of the Voice from rearing its head, and Timothy flinched away. "This isn't a pity party. You can do anything you want. Anyway, sounds like you'll be in town for a while longer. You know where to find me, and -"

"Noah's going home," Timothy interrupted, sounding a little - well, if not desperate, then  _anxious_  at least. Jacob nodded. "He's... Adam's staying here. They won't be together."

"Yeah," Jacob agreed. "Adam has work to do. Noah has school. I think Adam's flying out to visit them in February, though." He'd actually booked the ticket for Adam, so he knew exactly what day it would be, but he didn't think Timothy needed to know that. "What's the problem? I thought you  _didn't_  think Adam was good for him."

Timothy shook his head slowly. "I didn't think that. I thought Adam was  _hurting_  him. I'm still not sure he's not. But... Jacob?"

Jacob felt an unexpected rush of pleasure at hearing his name come out of Timothy's mouth. He had to swallow twice to get enough saliva in his mouth to be able to respond. "Yeah?"

He hesitated, then said in a rush, "I think Noah being away from him is worse. A - a lot worse."

"Oh," said Jacob. "Well. He's got Kurt. And Finn. They made up, you know."

Timothy looked startled. "No. Really? He and Finn - really?" His foot started tapping in rhythm. "That's good news."

"Yeah. Adam's not the only one who can give Noah what he needs."

This idea didn't seem to calm Timothy down; instead, it just made him more agitated. He crossed his legs underneath himself and sat on his hands. Jacob thought he might have to do something similar in a minute. He looked hard at himself, trying to be objective, trying to sort out his reactions and his motivations... but in the end decided it probably didn't matter all that much.

"Timothy?" he said. Timothy looked at him, blinking. Jacob wondered if  _he_  might be experiencing the same feeling of pleasure, at hearing Jacob say  _his_  name out loud. "I want to keep talking to you, but technically, I'm on duty. So -"

"Hey, of course," Timothy said quickly. "You should go back to that."

"Let me finish, okay? I said technically. Adam told me it was fine for us to talk when I was working, as long as... uh. But Adam's asleep, or as good as, and I can lock up any time and get to bed myself. If you can wait a minute, I'll take care of that, and we can..." Jacob made a motion between the two of them, trying to encompass their whole weird conversation. Timothy swiveled his gaze to the hand making the gesture, his eyes getting wider by the moment.

Jacob sighed. He gave up trying to avoid touching him, or being subtle, or anything at all, and just grabbed Timothy's arm. Timothy sucked in a breath.

"I don't know exactly what's going on with you, man," Jacob said, his voice low, "but I'm thinking it shouldn't happen on the sidewalk. Get in the back of the van."

Timothy scrambled to his feet, tensing, and James stood with him. He withheld the  _please,_  because even though it would have been more polite, he didn't think Timothy needed polite just then. For a moment, James thought Timothy might take off. Then he hung his head and went toward the van, without another word.

Jacob ran around and opened the back of the van from the inside, holding out a hand to help Timothy climb in. "Help yourself, if you're hungry," he said, indicating the cooler, and nudged the mattress with his toe as he pulled the back door shut. "And have a seat."

Then he moved into the front and checked the monitors, trying not to let his heart race away from him. He picked up the two-way radio receiver and called for Adam, but there was no response, so he sent a text.  _Signing off a little early, boss. Everything's all clear. I've got Timothy here._

He didn't expect an answer, but he got one, anyway.  _We won't be going anywhere tonight, unless Kurt gets worse. You okay in the van? We might sleep out in the family room if Kurt needs his own space._

 _I think we'll be okay._ He hesitated, then added,  _Something's happening. I don't know what._

_I know, J-Baby. Don't freak out, and be yourself. That's all that matters._

Jacob glanced at Timothy in the rear view mirror as he locked the door to the van.  _Be myself,_  he thought. Suddenly  _being himself_ seemed a lot less clear-cut than it had in the past.

Timothy was flipping through Jacob's dog-eared copy of  _The_   _Dark Knight Returns_  when Jacob climbed back through and seated himself on the mattress across from him. He looked a little calmer.

"This..." Timothy indicated the interior of the van, stacked with radios, cameras, digital recorders, monitors and speakers of all kinds. "It's kind of awesome."

"Yeah," Jacob agreed, grinning. "I think Adam wanted to paint the thing like the Mystery Machine, but that would have made it a lot harder to use it for surveillance."

That was the end of their easy conversation, and as their smiles faded awkwardly, Jacob reached forward and put a hand on his knee. Timothy watched the hand.

"Might not want to do that," he whispered.

"Why not?" Jacob asked.

"Because I don't have anything to lose. Makes me do stupid stuff. Stuff you might not like."

He looked so scared. Jacob didn't know if touching him more would make things better or worse, but he had to trust his own instincts, and they were screaming at him,  _hold him, dammit, he's got to know he's not alone._ He moved into the space beside him, whispering, "Come on, man, just let me -" and put his arms around Timothy.

He felt Timothy's body shaking before he heard him, and he didn't realize what he was saying until long moments later. Then he made sense of the words, and listened to him mumbling, "No, I can't, I can't, don't make me, please, I can't..."

"You don't have to do anything," he soothed, touching his hair, and took a deep breath, feeling a little drunk on his cologne.  _Whatever the hell that is, I've got to find out, and no matter how much it costs, I'm buying it, because... damn._

Timothy let out a sound, a cross between a sob and a laugh, and it was so bitter, it broke Jacob's heart. "I will, though. Do something."

"It's okay." Jacob carefully reached out and retrieved Timothy's hands from around his shoulders, folding them into Timothy's chest, then wrapping him back up, Timothy's head snugly under his chin. "You can't hurt me."

The position was keeping him calm, and Jacob held him a little tighter. Timothy sighed. "I'm not worried about hurting you."

"That's good. You can't do anything wrong. I'm not asking for anything here. You're safe."

"God," Timothy whimpered, ducking his chin lower and curling into a ball. "I have no idea what that feels like."

He stroked his head, not trying to get him to open up, but letting him be where he was. "This. This is safe. It's just for you."

Timothy's shaking subsided before his tears did, but eventually those stopped, too. Still, Jacob didn't let him go. Finally Timothy raised wet, perplexed eyes to Jacob's, just inches away from his face. Jacob tried to keep his breathing even.

"Why?" he asked, completely baffled.

"Why what?" Jacob murmured.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

He grinned. "Honestly? I have no fucking clue. I can give you some guesses, though. All my experience is telling me to get closer, hold you tighter, tight as I can, because... you don't trust anybody, and it sucks. You deserve to know that it's okay to let somebody take care of you. Because you clearly need it, so much." Jacob hugged him again, letting the sensation of Timothy's body pressing into his settle him. "Because I need it, too. And,  _god,_  you smell good."

Timothy's surprised laugh made Jacob flush, but he didn't let go. "Really?" He sounded so curious and pleased that Jacob had to laugh too.

"Yeah. I've been trying not to be too obvious about it. 'Cause, well." The word  _straight_  stuck in his throat, because even though it had never been sexual between him and his own Top, he hadn't ever,  _ever_  had this kind of response to being this close to a guy.

But Timothy was nodding, pulling away, wiping his eyes on the back of one hand. "It-it's okay. I know, you told me. I don't expect... anything."

"Hey." Timothy cringed at Jacob's soft tone. "Where are you going?"

Timothy looked at Jacob, then away again. "I'm not going to take advantage of you."

"You're not. I told you, I need it too. So... come here."

"You're asking a lot of my self control here, man," Timothy insisted. "Like I said, I do stupid stuff."

Jacob knew better than to listen to excuses like those. He settled in against Timothy's leg, tugging and maneuvering him over mild complaints, until Timothy was resting his head on Jacob's shoulder, tucked under his arm. "Don't worry," he said complacently. "I won't let you."

"Fuck, Jacob," said Timothy, squirming a little. "You talk about how I smell good, and then you stick me in your fucking armpit."

"Huh?" Jacob hitched Timothy a little closer, trying not to think too hard about the firm pressure he felt against his leg, or Timothy's hand resting on his chest. "Don't tell me you think  _I_  smell good. I haven't showered since last night."

"You don't know gay men very well if you're asking me that question." But Jacob noticed he wasn't pulling away anymore, and he was even relaxing a little.

"Guys like the way other guys smell?" He sniffed Timothy's hair, then behind his ear, then snuffled playfully in his neck, making Timothy snort with laughter. "Hey, you're an exception. Adam doesn't smell anything like you do."

"Yeah, but you probably shouldn't want to sleep with your boss." Timothy paused, shaking his head. "Not - that I'm implying you want to sleep with me."

Jacob cleared his throat. "Okay, I admit I've never seriously considered sleeping with any guys before. I haven't even had sex with that many girls, but they're definitely more my style."

He realized he was stroking Timothy's back lightly with one hand, and stopped himself. Then he didn't know  _where_  to put his hand, and after trying a couple different awkward spots - no, he was  _not_  going to put his hand on Timothy's ass - he returned it to his back.

"Whereas I don't think I could count the number of guys I've been with," Timothy said quietly. He rolled his head back against Jacob's shoulder. "Yet another thing to feel guilty about."

Jacob stared at his ear. "Well," he said, hearing his own voice come out a little hoarse, "I have lots of tools to help you deal with that."

Timothy tipped his head up to look at Jacob, his brow furrowed. "You can't be serious. You really want to deal with... this?"

 _God help me, I think I do._  He smiled, trying to remain calm. "You're feeling better, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Timothy agreed, after a moment. "I don't think I'm in any better position not to make a stupid move, though. I mean, look at me, I'm practically humping your leg."

Jacob gazed at Timothy's brown eyes, the sharp planes of his face, his lips twisted into a wry grimace. He listened once again to his own rational brain, the one that had was insisting  _you're straight, you idiot -_ and then to his own body's response to Timothy's proximity, his ridiculous scent, his neediness. He gave himself a little mental shake.  _Do, or do not. There is no try._

"Well," he said. He pressed his nose into Timothy's neck one more time, and felt him shudder. "Maybe I'd better be the one to make a move, then, huh?"

"You - what?" Timothy's voice was little more than breath, but Jacob stopped any further words with a kiss.

It had been a while since Jacob had kissed anybody, but he didn't remember any of his myriad partners being quite so  _enthusiastic_  about it as Timothy was... or, he had to admit through his adrenaline-fueled haze, so skilled. Or loud. After a few minutes of nearly horizontal making out, Timothy was on top of him, grinding shamelessly against his hip and making very appealing whimpering noises. Jacob was having trouble hanging on to the dominant position he'd established.

"Okay," he gasped, pulling away far enough to the side to raise himself up on one elbow, "okay, you're  _really_  fucking good at that."

Timothy, lips kiss-bruised and flushed, was even more appealing than he had been before they'd ended up on the floor of the van. He seemed willing to take a break, though, running a hand over Jacob's chest through his t-shirt. "I'm really good at a lot of things."

It was the tone of voice that did it. Jacob heard the shift as Timothy went from being the lonely, fragile boy he'd come to know, to the experienced sex worker, seductive and entirely ready to turn off his own needs to make his john come any way he wanted. It could have been hot, he supposed, but not to Jacob; it just made him sad.

"Hey," he said, kissing him gently. "You don't have to do that with me. I told you, I'm not looking for anything here."

"Yeah?" Timothy wasn't giving up. He slid his hand under Jacob's shirt, tracing a line down the center of his body, pausing only briefly at his bare navel before grinding a palm against Jacob's admittedly hard cock. "Maybe I am. Maybe I want you to fuck me, right here."

Jacob didn't hesitate. He reached up from his place on the floor, getting as much leverage as he could, and brought his hand down hard on Timothy's ass. Timothy froze, staring down at Jacob, jerking back a little.

"I won't have you disrespecting your own body like that," Jacob said firmly. "No matter who you're thinking of having sex with, me or anybody else, you're worth more than that. Got it?"

"Okay," Timothy whispered. He wasn't looking at Jacob anymore, though, and Jacob wasn't having that either. He reached up and took Timothy's face in one hand, bringing him back around, kissing him again.

"Nobody's fucking anybody," Jacob said, meeting Timothy's eyes, so full of pain and conflict. "You and me, we're going to lie down here and go to sleep in a minute. You're going to let me hold you, and in the morning, we're both still going to be here. And everything's going to be fine between us. Understood?"

Timothy looked more uncertain, but he nodded. "Sorry," he muttered.

Jacob smiled, trying to stay as relaxed as possible. Under the circumstances, it wasn't easy, but as usually happened when he was Topping somebody, his own fears were easier to handle when his sub needed something. Right now, Timothy definitely  _needed_ something - and it wasn't sex.

 _Not only sex, anyway,_  he thought, feeling another dizzying wave of lust wash over him as he drew Timothy's body down on top of his. He put one hand on Timothy's head, holding it to his chest, and the other on the small of his back, and felt the tension begin to ease.

"Don't get me wrong," Jacob said after a little while. He felt daring enough to give a little thrust with his hips, nudging against Timothy's thigh, and heard him respond with a strangled groan. "Whatever the hell is happening here, you're definitely turning me on... but it's not because you're so great in bed or anything like that. I have no idea if I even want that."

"No. I said, I get it." Timothy sounded defeated.

"I don't think you do, actually. I don't know if  _I_  do."

He shook his head. "Hey, you're not the first straight guy I've made out with. It never turns out well."

Jacob sighed. "You really believe I'm some clueless asshole trying to get my rocks off? I'm not drunk, I'm not desperate, and I'm not taking advantage of you. Now are you going to trust me here, or what?"

His answer was nearly inaudible. "Yeah."

"Good. That's what I want to hear." Jacob hesitated, but then decided he'd get ready for bed as usual, because if his goal was to get Timothy to sleep, there was no sense in being uncomfortable himself. He sat up, digging two clean t-shirts out of the plastic tote at the foot of the mattress, and handed one to Timothy. "Here. This should fit you. It's fine if you'd rather sleep without one, but it gets a little chilly out here at night."

He deliberately didn't look away while Timothy was unbuttoning his shirt, and when he stood to unzip his pants, Jacob put a hand on his leg to steady him. "Careful, there."

"Thanks," he said. He gave Jacob a small smile.

In his boxers and Jacob's Queen t-shirt, Timothy looked even more helpless. Jacob shook his head, grinning up at him, and took his hand. "Come on. I was tired a half hour ago."

There was no word for it other than  _snuggling,_  Jacob decided, as Timothy lay down in the crook of his body. Jacob laced his legs through Timothy's, spooning him, drawing him closer with his arm over his chest. The monitor on standby made a slight hum, but even over that, Jacob could hear the erratic rhythm of Timothy's breathing.

"You just tell me if you need anything," Jacob said into his ear. "A drink, or someone to listen, or - anything."

"You've already given me plenty," Timothy replied. He turned his head back toward Jacob's. He looked like he could cry again at any moment. "I can't... I don't think I -"

"Yeah, you can," Jacob said. He kissed Timothy's ear. "You're giving me just what I need. Close your eyes and go to sleep."

Even the glaring lights from the parking lot lamps weren't going to keep Jacob awake tonight, but he stayed alert until Timothy's breathing lengthened, his eyes closed and he didn't respond any longer to gentle prompts. Only then did Jacob close his own eyes and give in to his urge to smell the nape of Timothy's neck for several long indulgent minutes before he fell asleep.

* * *

Jacob turned off his alarm, tucking his arm back under the blanket as Timothy began to awaken. He gave him enough room to escape from his arms if Timothy decided he needed to, but he didn't particularly want to let go, and Timothy seemed willing to let himself be held.

"Hey," Jacob said softly. Timothy's eyes blinked open, and he squinted at Jacob.

"What time is it?"

"Seven-thirty. Late or early?" Jacob thought this was a little remarkable a question to ask of a person with whom he'd just spent the night. There was a lot he didn't know about Timothy. But there was acceptance there, and trust. And... attraction. Rather a lot of that.

"Early," Timothy said, grimacing. He stretched, Jacob carefully moving out of the way of his limbs.

"I don't have to work just yet. You can stay as long as you want. Eventually, I'm going to climb into the front of the van and check the monitors to see if Adam and the boys are still breathing in there." He put a hand on Timothy's chest. "Right now, though, I think... I want to stay right here."

Timothy gazed up at him. "Anything in particular catching your notice?"

"Yeah," Jacob said, his voice a little rough. "I'm feeling a little... well, what I told you last night. It's still true. I'm not sure what I'm ready for. I don't move fast under any circumstances, anyway." He licked his lips. "But..."

"But?" Timothy repeated, raising an eyebrow.

Jacob took a deep breath, then threw a leg over Timothy, straddling him. The startled noise Timothy made gave him a ridiculous thrill. He leaned in, wrapping his arms around Timothy's slender back, and thrust against him, driving him into the mattress.

"I'm pretty sure I've been feeling you hard against me all night," Jacob said, gazing down at him, "and it's been giving me really...  _specific..._  ideas. I can't say this isn't about sex anymore, Timothy. I'm just a little at a loss about what to  _do_  about it."

"Oh," Timothy groaned, his eyes fluttering closed. "God. Uh... so you're not freaking out, here?"

Jacob gave him another thrust, grinning at Timothy's gasp. "Nope."

Timothy's hand slipped between them, down his stomach, and gripped Jacob's cock through his boxers. "So, if I... did something like this... it'd be all right with you?"

"I can't promise I won't freak out later," he admitted, but he let Timothy help him out of his boxers. "You still smell great, though, and that's helping a lot. And... the fact that you didn't try to run, this morning."

"No," Timothy agreed. He licked his hand, wrapping it around Jacob's cock and setting up a slow, steady rhythm. Jacob would have closed his eyes if the hungry look on Timothy's face hadn't been so compelling. "You told me... I could trust you."

Jacob moaned. "Yeah. You can - and... fuck, Timothy, just kiss me, okay?"

It wasn't going to take much of this before he would be coming, but he was just too far away from Timothy, he needed more skin contact. Jacob tore off his shirt and dove back into Timothy's talented mouth - he felt like he could kiss him for  _hours,_  really, he'd never had anything like that before, with anyone - and lost himself in the sensation of their chests together, of Timothy's hand stroking him, of his low, impatient grunts. He found himself groping between Timothy's legs to reciprocate, and cried out as Timothy's slick hand batted his questing fingers aside, encircling them both.

"Sorry, man, you're just turning me on way too much for me to wait," Timothy said between breathless kisses. "I've wanted this - wanted you since that first day... that smile, your goddamn  _hands -_  "

Jacob let himself enjoy those remarkable ideas as his climax rolled over him, a wave of sensation accompanied by the dazed thought:  _me? But I'm really kind of ordinary._  Instead of ruining the moment, he just kissed Timothy again, and this time when his hand clutched at Timothy's ass, he didn't stop himself. Timothy thrust into his own hand one final time, and came onto his stomach, moaning Jacob's name.

"Fuck," he murmured again, holding on, clutching Timothy's sticky, shaking body to his. He waited for the freak-out for a few minutes, but eventually had to conclude that he actually didn't want to let go. He ducked his head, finding Timothy's lips, and kissed him. "That was intense."

"Been... a long time," Timothy agreed, panting. He dropped his head to Jacob's pillow, staring up at the ceiling. "Kenzo Homme Woody."

Jacob stared down at him, blinking. "Uh... what?"

"My cologne. You said you liked it."

 _Oh._  He held Timothy tight against him again, feeling the rightness of it, the comfort he took in knowing Timothy was safe, and cared for. His heart gave a little jump. "Somehow I doubt it's your cologne. I mean, I'm sure it smells fine, but... I'm pretty sure it's just  _you."_

Timothy clutched at Jacob's shirt. "Wow, that's... um... that's..." He gave a shuddering sigh. "God, Jacob. I don't think I have any right, but... I think I'm going to freak out now."

"It's okay," said Jacob, stroking his hair. "You take all the time you need to do that. I'll be right here."


	23. Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timmy and Jacob get questioned by Kurt and Puck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't just leave them happy in the van, because Timmy is far too angsty for that.

 Jacob glanced at his cell phone and sighed. "This... might be painful."

Timothy tugged his shirt straight around his neck, lining up the buttons. The smile he gave Jacob was a little bitter and a little amused, and it made Jacob want to do completely stupid things like take off his shirt again. "What makes you say that?"

"Because Adam's already saying stuff like  _Ready for your walk of shame, J-Baby?"_  He brandished the phone at Timothy. "God dammit. He's the one who told me not to worry, and to  _be myself._  That'll teach me."

"J-Baby?" Timothy raised an eyebrow.

"You should hear what he and Tommy call one another. It's ridiculous." Jacob closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of the van. "I'm thinking we might want to be prepared for a little interrogation."

"Hey..." The word was spoken from just inches away, and Jacob felt Timothy's hands on his waist. He tried to keep his breathing even. "I can take it if you can. I mean... assuming you want to."

"I want to," Jacob said, keeping his eyes closed. "It's just... different. I've always been the straight one, right? Paradigm shift. Requires a little adjustment." He heaved an impatient sigh. "And a little surrender of control, and I'm really not good at that, and  _fuck,_  do you have to smell so good?"

He could hear Timothy's smile as he leaned in to kiss Jacob's neck. "Forgive me if I tend to press my advantage."

"Seriously," Jacob moaned, "we have to get inside, and I'm on duty. And don't  _you_  have to take a leak? Come on." He made his hands, which were beginning to lean towards a caress, push Timothy away. He rolled his eyes at Timothy's chuckle. "Out the back. There you go."

Jacob waited while Adam unlocked the front door, but it wasn't Adam who greeted them on the porch. Kurt and Puck were both waiting there. Kurt's expression was gentle, but Puck looked like he might start growling at any second.

"Bad security move, Adam," Jacob called, glancing furtively around the parking lot. Luckily it seemed to be deserted. He ushered Timothy inside and closed the door behind them. "Letting the Wonder Twins here be seen in the light of day? In your pajamas? You're pushing your luck."

"Good morning to you, too," Adam cooed. He was brandishing a spatula. "I'm on duty for breakfast today. The two of you have some 'splaining to do, Lucy."

"What the hell?" Timothy muttered, as Kurt took his hand and led him into the bedroom.

Jacob took one look at Puck, still wearing his collar and cuffs, and took a step back.

"On the couch," said Puck.

Jacob cast what he guessed was a helpless appeal at Adam. Sure enough, he just smiled angelically at them. "Let me know if you need anything, honey."

"Thanks, I'm good," said Puck. As Adam returned to the kitchen, Puck seated himself next to Jacob on the couch, no more than a handsbreadth away, and gave him a fixed stare. "All right. What the fuck are you doing with my brother?"

"Hey, let me be very clear that I was not the only one  _doing things_  in that van," Jacob protested.

"No, but dude, I can see the way he looks at you, and he is  _not_  the one in charge in this... thing." Puck frowned. "You said you were straight."

"Yeah," Jacob said slowly. "I... never had any cause to doubt that before."

"So, what, does this make him your big experiment?" He narrowed his eyes. "Or you think he's going to let you Top him and not make it about sex?"

The fact that Adam wasn't in the room indicated to Jacob that he'd already heard all these words from Puck, and that Adam felt sure enough Jacob needed to hear them too. "It's not either one of those things," Jacob said, trying to keep his cool. "I can't pretend it's not making me question myself, but I'm not going to get all hung up on labels. There's something there, and it's sexual, and it's... more than that. And that's about all I'm prepared to say after three days, all right?"

"No," said Puck. His green eyes bore into Jacob. "You're talking to  _me,_  here. Remember, me and Adam? It took us all of three hours before I was telling him I loved him. Feelings are or they aren't." He stabbed the coffee table with an insistent finger. "You've got to tell me, right now, what you're feeling about my brother. Nobody's going to know but you, and me. And possibly Adam, who's eavesdropping from the kitchen."

"Caught me," Adam called complacently.

Jacob's lip twitched. Then he gave it up and sighed. "Okay! Okay." He brandished his own finger at Puck. "Not a word."

"I'll take it to my fucking grave. Tell me."

Jacob held the image in his mind of Timothy appearing next to him at the Screen Actors' Guild awards, leaning on the wall as casual as anything with his sandwich and his perfect hair and his  _please take care of me_  aroma.

"I won't deny I'm lonely," he began. "It's been a long time since I had a meaningful relationship, so... it could be that. And I've been wanting a boy to handle, and Timothy kind of... needs that."

"Yeah, well..." Puck leaned back and crossed his arms. "He doesn't do that with anybody else."

Jacob wrinkled his brow. "What do you mean? He doesn't what?"

"Need anybody."

"You're kidding me," said Jacob.

"No, seriously. He doesn't let anybody in at all, much less send out a signal that he wants anything from them."

He took that in. "Maybe there's something to this pheromone idea after all." Then he shook his head. "Puck, it doesn't matter. I'm trying to say, even if I am lonely, and even if he's pushing all my Top buttons, that still doesn't explain why I would be attracted to a guy. Even one as beautiful as your brother."

Puck's stern façade broke for a moment into a grin. "You think he's beautiful?"

"That would be entirely objective, of course." Jacob refused to give in to his blush. "You wouldn't want him to be with anybody who thought otherwise, would you?"

"Not really. And... you think you want to see him again?"

That was easy. "Yes. I definitely want to see him again."

"Okay," Puck nodded. "You didn't say how you feel, but I think I'm starting to get the idea."

"Oh, yeah? Maybe you could tell me, then. I could use a little insight."

Puck considered him for a moment. "You're proud of what you do," he said. "You like being the one taking care of everything, being behind the scenes. But it's a little lonely. Seeing Adam with me and Kurt, it got to you."

Jacob hadn't expected that response. He absorbed Puck's observations, nodding at last when he was ready to hear more. Puck went on.

"It makes sense. You want somebody to share stuff with, somebody to listen to, make plans with, tell stupid jokes with." Puck leaned in a little. "Isn't it maybe a little possible that you met this guy, who's just as lonely and who needs somebody to take care of him... throw a little attraction into the mix, and you think you've got yourself a relationship?"

"Maybe," Jacob agreed. "Sounds like a pretty good one, actually."

"Maybe," Puck echoed. He shook his head. "Sorry, I'm saying no. Meemee's just as broken as I am; maybe more. If you start this with him, and then - for  _whatever reason -_  you decide you don't want it anymore? He's going to be that much more broken for trusting somebody to take care of him. So you're going to have to decide, now, if it's going to be all or nothing. If it's nothing, or if you can't say for sure one way or another, I'm going to have to say you guys just shouldn't bother."

Jacob glared at Puck. "That's up to your brother, isn't it? To decide if he wants to risk it?"

"No," Puck shot back. "He's not going to make a rational choice about this. But you know what? I already know how you feel. You're stalling because you're afraid to admit it. You think it's too soon, that it won't count because you barely know each other. Well, fuck that. Just  _say it."_

He shook his head. "Puck, I don't  _do_  the romantic feelings bullshit that Adam loves. I don't sit up all night mooning over somebody. I'm not gonna do that with Timothy, either." He took a breath, held it. "But this... it could be a big deal. I'm glad he's not going back to Lima yet, because I'd be disappointed not to get the chance to find out, you know?"

Puck nodded slowly. "Yeah... I do know. I'm glad you know too." He cocked his head. "And you don't seem to be wigging out too much about the gay thing."

"Well, it's going to take me a little time to get used to the  _idea_  of being with a guy," Jacob said, shrugging. "Mostly I'm thinking about how much teasing I'm going to get from all my gay friends. But... actually being with Timothy was..." He felt himself smiling.

"Yeah, we probably don't need details," said Adam, approaching from behind him. He put his hands on the back of the couch, then knelt down so his eyes were approximately level with Jacob's. He wrapped his arms around him from behind in a hug.

"Happy for you, man," he whispered.

"Yeah," Jacob whispered back, letting the shit-eating grin take over for a few seconds. "Thanks."

Adam smirked at Puck. "Something kind of kinky about double-dating two brothers."

That made Jacob roll his eyes again, but Puck cracked up. When Adam let Jacob go, Puck grabbed him and squeezed him tight.

"You can be a Toppy little sonofabitch when you want to be, can't you?" murmured Jacob, hugging back.

"Bet your ass I can," Puck agreed. "Just ask Kurt."

* * *

"How're you feeling?" Timothy asked, finding a seat on the edge of the bed. Kurt closed the bedroom door.

"Better, after all that sleep." He sat next to him, looking meaningfully at him. "So... you and Jacob."

"Me and Jacob," Timothy repeated. He laughed, shaking his head. "Yeah, about that. I mean, what the fuck?"

"Well." Kurt smiled. "You weren't being very subtle this weekend."

"Maybe not. But... okay, when a boy says he's straight, you kind of give up on things, right?"

"No." Kurt reached out and touched his knee. "I didn't. I had a crush on Finn for weeks before he said anything to me about his own sexuality. You didn't have to act on your feelings for Jacob."

"Hey, I didn't." He watched Timothy's grin broaden, accentuating the resemblance between him and Puck. "Jacob did all the  _acting._  I just kind of... made myself available? And hoped."

"Threw yourself at him?" said Kurt.

Timothy chuckled. "Yeah, maybe."

"Been there. My question is, what exactly were you  _hoping_  for?"

"What, you want me to draw you a picture?"

Kurt hesitated, feeling himself blush. He had no idea how to even have this conversation with Timothy, with  _Puck's brother,_  who was apparently clueless about and maybe opposed to the practice of domestic discipline. "Maybe," he said. "I don't know. Does yours involve spanking?"

"I could be into that," Timothy said, shrugging. "I've done all kinds of kinky things."

"That's not what I'm talking about," Kurt insisted. "Maybe you should be talking to Adam about the difference. From what I understand, he'd only ever done it... as play, before. Jacob doesn't do that for play."

Kurt watched Timothy's leg begin to jiggle, until he caught himself and stopped it. "Adam explained it to me, yesterday. What he does for Noah. He says... it gives Noah control. It gives him  _peace."_  He looked perplexed.

"You don't understand how that could be," Kurt guessed. Timothy nodded, shifting on the bed.

"I don't, but... I saw what happened to Noah this weekend." He frowned. "He was... my little brother again. All that anger, the tough guy stuff, it was gone. I'm not saying he was perfect, but every time something would happen, Adam would just... I don't even know."

"Take care of it."

"Yeah, and Noah would be... so grateful, so thankful." Timothy cast an appeal at Kurt. "He wouldn't feel like that if he were unhappy? If he were getting hurt? Would he?"

"He's not being hurt," Kurt agreed. He recognized the indecision, the fear and longing on Timothy's face. It was the same feeling he'd had, once, when he'd seen Finn take care of Noah. "Timothy, you know that Noah and I do... what Adam does with Noah, right?"

He looked away. "Yeah. And Finn, before. Jacob said that Noah and Finn made up? Did they really?"

"Kind of. They're working on it. It's a process." Kurt still wasn't sure how much of what happened with Finn and Adam and Noah the night before might have been a fevered dream, so he was reluctant to believe anything until he talked to Finn again. "What Adam gives him, it's more... intense than what I've done with him. But I think he might need that, Adam's kind of discipline. I'm hoping Finn can start to give him that again."

"Hey, if he gets something good out of it, I'm all for it." He sighed, rubbing his hands on his legs. "Maybe we should get some breakfast...?"

"Timothy." Kurt moved a little closer, taking one of his hands. Timothy looked like he was about ready to jump up and run out the door. Kurt tried to catch his eye. "This isn't about Noah. It's about you."

"Me," Timothy said flatly. "I never said I wanted that."

"I'm not saying you should. I'm saying Jacob might think you want it."

He shifted his gaze from one side of the room to the other. "Yeah, but he said it wasn't sexual."

Kurt squeezed his hand. "It could be sexual for you, but it's never been that way for Jacob. That's not why he does it. I think you need to think about it, seriously, and make a decision about what you want. I know how hard that was for me to admit to myself, that I might want it. It's still hard for me to ask for it."

Timothy gave him a scornful look. "What, I'd just go to Jacob and say  _I want you to spank me?"_

"No." Kurt took a deep breath. "You'd say,  _I_ _ **need**_ _you to spank me."_

Timothy went white. He opened his mouth, and Kurt hung onto his hand as he struggled to keep control. "I - don't think I can do that," he whispered.

"That's fine," Kurt soothed. "You don't have to. Nobody's going to make you. But I know when I need that, it comes out in other ways. I start... asking for it without asking. I get short-tempered, and irritable, and... restless."

Timothy let go of Kurt's hand and pushed off the bed, looking for all the world like a cornered animal. "You don't understand," he said, breathing hard. "I've been in charge of myself since I was sixteen. I can't let anybody else have control of me. I can't...  _need_... anything."

"Okay. Okay." Kurt stood, moving slowly, trying to approach him, but Timothy had clearly reached his limit. He didn't make any noise. He just left. A moment later, Kurt heard the front door open, then close.

He sat back down on the edge of the bed. Adam appeared in the doorway, looking puzzled.

"He didn't want to stay for breakfast?" he asked.

"I said the wrong thing," Kurt said heavily. "I think I pushed him too hard. He wasn't ready to listen to me."

Adam stepped into the space between Kurt's legs, letting Kurt put his arms around his waist, and held him tight. He suddenly felt like crying. Instead he buried his face in Adam's stomach.

"Sounds like you said the right thing," Adam murmured. "And Jacob went after him. He's not going to let him run away from this."

Kurt looked up at him. "I'm not sure Timothy's going to stop running."

"That's okay." Adam ran a hand through Kurt's hair. "Jacob's patient. And a lot more stubborn than I am. If he says this could be a big deal, well, he's not going to give up on it."

"Dude," said Puck from the hallway, sounding exasperated. "I told him we wouldn't tell anybody what he said."

Adam beckoned him in, and Puck came right over to stand next to them, putting one arm around Kurt and one around Adam. Kurt breathed in their collective warmth and strength.

"It was the right thing to do, talking to each of them like that," Adam said. "They'll be okay. You should have seen Jacob's face when he went after Timothy. He's a man on a mission."

Adam helped Puck take his robe off, running his hands over Puck's well-bruised ass. "My goodness. You want to scare your brother off of this idea of discipline altogether, just show him  _this."_ He gave his bottom a playful swat as Puck headed into the kitchen.

" _Adam,"_  Kurt sighed, as Adam snickered. Then he stood and brought down his own hand, hard, on Adam's backside. Adam's laughter cut off, and he turned to stare in astonishment. Kurt rolled his eyes. "Honestly."

Adam had the good grace to look embarrassed, at least. "I - I'm sorry," he said.

"He's mine, too, you know," Kurt said, moving in to kiss him. "You can leave all the marks you want, but otherwise, be gentle. He's had a hard couple of months."

* * *

There really weren't too many places where Timothy could go without a car, but Jacob took a few minutes to scan the sidewalk before he found him seated on a bench near the bus stop.

"Stupid fucking Los Angeles public transportation," Timothy said, his voice blurry with tears. He scrubbed at his face with one hand. Jacob dug in his pocket and came up with a wad of tissues, not too covered with lint, and passed it to Timothy.

"Yeah," he agreed, taking a seat to his left on the bench. "You'd be waiting at least ten minutes for a bus, even if it weren't Martin Luther King, Jr. Day."

"Shit." Timothy closed his eyes, leaning his head back. "I might as well have hid out in Adam's garage."

Jacob shrugged. "Or just stayed at the house."

"Couldn't," he said, his eyes still closed.

Carefully, Jacob lay his left hand on Timothy's thigh. He stayed put, so Jacob risked a little squeeze. "Is this one of those stupid decisions you were telling me about?"

"No, this is one of my better ones."

"Running away? Really?" He slid his other arm around Timothy's back, barely a suggestion, but Timothy folded right into his body, laying his head on Jacob's chest. Jacob closed his eyes, too, taking a shaky breath. "I don't think I can agree with that."

"It's worked for me so far." But he didn't pull away, and when Jacob turned his face toward Timothy's, he tipped his mouth up for a hesitant kiss.

"Not going to work for me," Jacob assured him, and kissed him again, harder. Timothy gave a low groan. When the kiss broke, Jacob stood up, taking Timothy by the hand before things went any further. "Come on. Adam has breakfast for us."

"I don't think I can - "

"Then you can sit in the van and I'll bring you food, and you'll have to take a leak on the sidewalk and risk a public indecency charge. Your call."

Timothy shook his head, walking beside Jacob as they began the walk back to Adam's apartment. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not," Jacob said easily. "Come on, man. Let me take care of this. It's going to be fine." He watched Timothy's body language. "So Kurt talked with you about some stuff? What did he say that got to you?"

"Nothing we didn't already cover last night." He shrugged. "I'm not sorry about anything we did. I just don't know how much more I can give you than that."

"Than what?"

Timothy sighed loudly. "Sex, Jacob. I don't know if I can handle more than sex."

"Huh. Is that right? Because I don't remember even offering you sex."

His footfalls on the sidewalk slowed. "But you said..."

"I said I couldn't say it wasn't sexual anymore," Jacob said. "And what we did this morning, I'd call that pretty sexual. But you're going to have to let me go slowly, okay? I still might freak out any second now."

Timothy looked him up and down, and gave a short little chuckle. "Yeah, you look really freaked out to me."

Jacob smiled calmly, holding out his hand for Timothy to hold as they walked. After a moment, Timothy took it. This time his sigh was much more relaxed.

"Your brother ran me the riot act," Jacob said.

"No shit?"

"Yeah, he gave the equivalent of the  _if you hurt him, I'll rip your balls off_  speech. I'm lucky I got out of there without promising to give you a ring."

" _We fell in love / But not in court..."_  Timothy sang, in a surprisingly pleasant, melodic voice. Jacob laughed, feeling the sound dig down into his stomach and take up residence there.

"Is that what we did?" Jacob asked. "Fell in love?"

Timothy stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, for just one second, then resumed walking. Maybe someone who hadn't been so attuned to his movements wouldn't have noticed at all.

"Kind of a dramatic statement," he said, "for a weekend fling."

Now it was Jacob's turn to stop. "Hey. That's not - is that what this is to you?"

Timothy avoided his eyes. "I'm trying to tell you, man. I'm not really equipped to give you a lot more than that."

"I don't believe that for one second. I was there last night." He touched Timothy's face until he turned toward him. "You gave me plenty. I'm not talking about the hand job."

"I don't know what you mean."

Jacob slid his hand around to the back of Timothy's neck. He watched his eyes slip closed again. "How many people make you comfortable enough," he asked, putting his other hand on Timothy's waist, "that you're willing to close your eyes in the middle of the sidewalk?"

Timothy didn't even stiffen. "Point."

"Yeah. So, when I can help you feel like that, I feel calmer, too. Something about touch, and being close." He felt Timothy take a step closer to him, so that their bodies aligned, and he shivered. "I knew this. I get it. But I gotta say, I never wanted any of this  _other_  stuff at the same time."

"I'm used to the other stuff." Now Timothy was entirely contained within his arms, and Jacob didn't even have words for how good that felt, so he just hung on and made it count. Timothy settled a little more under the pressure. "But nobody ever wanted to do  _this_  with me before. It didn't even come up."

Jacon thought maybe it wouldn't, in the course of so many casual encounters. "Well, I want to do this with you. This is what I need, right here."

Timothy sounded awed. "Just - this?"

"Well, uh." Jacob had to laugh, feeling his own response, so soon after their morning encounter. "Maybe not  _just_  this. But I'm really not in it for anything else."

"Damn." Timothy pulled away and looked Jacob full in the face. His amazement was plain. "You're really not, are you?"

 _Beautiful doesn't begin to cover it,_  Jacob thought, gazing at Timothy. There were all kinds of ridiculous words on his tongue, things he'd never said to anyone, or even wanted to, just waiting to be spoken to Timothy, right there on the sidewalk. Some of them were about the intimacy between men, and some were about love, and some were just about how the lines around his mouth changed when he smiled. Kissing him would almost be less intense than that moment was - so he did that, and reveled in the hungry sounds Timothy made.  _He wants me. God, why is that so appealing?_

He made himself stop and take Timothy's hand again, continuing their walk.

"You should know," said Jacob, "there's a man who gives me this. Not - the kissing," he added, seeing Timothy's expression. "The closeness. He's kind of like a mentor, sort of. He started out as my boss, when I was working for his stunt company, but now he's more than that."

"Okay," Timothy said slowly. "So you're not telling me I have competition here?"

"No." Jacob laughed, wrinkling his nose. "He's, like, in his fifties. But he's going to be a little surprised when I tell him about you."

They reached Adam's front walk, and both of them slowed again. Jacob took out his phone and sent a text to Adam.  _Back, boss. Sorry to disappear on you like that; checking the monitors now. Let me know when you're ready for company._

Timothy waited while he unlocked the van and climbed in the front seat, reviewing the security recordings from last night and typing the quickest log entry he'd ever done. He looked a little nervous when Jacob emerged a few minutes later.

"I don't want to get in the way of your work," he said. But Jacob shook his head.

"Adam hasn't even replied to me yet. We've got a few more minutes. Come sit on the porch?" He guessed Timothy would prefer to have these kind of conversations in private, but he also suspected if they actually went back into the van, other things would happen. No one else walking by seemed interested in two young men talking, anyway.

"So... I just wanted to be really clear." He laid a hand on Timothy's knee. "On the spectrum between casual fling and falling in love... I think we're a lot closer to the second one. I'm not interested in putting any pressure on you, but as long as this works for both of us, I think we should accept it for what it is, no labels."

Timothy's expression was thoughtful, not horrified, so Jacob counted that as a plus. "Yeah," he said softly. "Okay. I'm going to try not to freak out again, but I can't guarantee anything."

"I'm kind of counting on it," Jacob said, grinning. He glanced down at his phone:

_Ready any time, J-Baby. And you're doing exactly what you need to do for your boy._

He felt a shock, seeing those words, and swallowed. "Maybe that freakout will come sooner than later."


	24. Departure 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam, Kurt, Jacob and Timothy bid farewell to Noah, Finn and Brad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been writing Donutverse character sketches and commentary on <http://nubianamy.tumblr.com/>. Thanks to Flynn for encouragement to finish this, and all my readers for making me think I won’t be the only one to read it when I do.

Kurt barely emerged from Adam's bed at all Monday morning. He woke up twice. The first time was to take the enormous horse pills Adam forced on him, along with a big glass of water. When he struggled to sit up, Adam smiled and leaned one hand onto his chest, whispering, "Sleep now, honey, it's barely light out. Nobody's leaving here for another couple hours." Kurt could hardly complain about an opportunity to snuggle up to Puck, securely chained to Adam's bed. Their flight home wasn't until after noon. He could only acquiesce and drift back into slumber.

The second time he woke, however, he was alone, and the clock read 9:38. Kurt stretched for a good minute before he attempted sitting up, gingerly raising his head off the pillow, but his headache and the pain in his neck and jaw were almost gone.

He looked up as Adam's face appeared in the doorway, lighting up with a smile. "Well, look who's awake. I was just about to resort to drastic measures. You sleep hard when you're sick."

"A combination of the drugs and the amazing sex, I think," Kurt rasped. He grimaced at his gravelly voice, but Adam's expression just made him smile bigger. Adam sat on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, the latter absolutely played a part." He leaned in and kissed Kurt on the corner of mouth, just gently, not being suggestive at all, but Kurt still felt it deep inside him. He shivered. Adam stroked his hair. "You cold, honey? Your fever's way down."

"No," he assured him, smiling. "Just feeling you. You affect me, looking at you, and touching you, and - everything." He leaned into Adam's embrace, letting himself be supported, held. "This is amazing. I'm ridiculously grateful to the ear infection bacteria for giving me two extra days with you."

Adam giggled. "That's going to be a hard thank-you card to write. 'Dear microorganisms, infecting my inner ear and making me puke...'"

"Yeah, I think if I doubted you loved me before, I've got to believe you now. You  _volunteered_  to deal with me while I was indelicately tossing my cookies into your commode."

"Kurt." He shook his head fondly. "I've been told a good Top balances his desires to take care of and to control. You're giving me an opportunity to do some of the former."

Kurt found himself a little breathless at the possibilities, but he had no idea how to bring them up.  _Well, Adam,_  he imagined himself saying,  _now that Noah's going home, maybe you'll be looking to do some of the latter? With me?_  He shook his head, laughing a little at himself. Adam smiled back curiously.

"I'm very lucky, then," Kurt managed. "Where's Noah?"

"He's taking a shower. Jacob will take us all to the airport in the Lincoln, but I figured you'd want to say goodbye to everyone and just rest here."

"No, I think I'm up for a car ride. I haven't really been out of this bed in thirty-six hours." He threw back the covers, grimacing. "I don't know how the two of you got any sleep at all with me tossing and turning."

Adam shrugged, aiming his gaze at the floor. "Yeah, well... sleep wasn't number one on our list of things to do. I'm not going to see him again until February, after all."

Kurt nodded. He laid his hand on Adam's shoulder, feeling the warmth of his skin through the slick fabric of his shirt. "I'll understand, you know. If you're feeling sad when he leaves. You can talk to me, or tell me if you need a little space."

When he looked up, Kurt caught his breath at the expression on his face. "I don't think space is what I'm going to need, Kurt. You might have to pry me off of you with a crowbar to get me to leave you alone for the rest of your stay."

"That's - really fine," he said quickly. "Really. I'm -"

Adam leaned over, taking Kurt's face in both hands, cutting off his sentence with a kiss. Kurt recoiled a little, regretting not getting up and brushing his teeth, but Adam didn't seem to care. The kiss didn't feel particularly gentle or patient, either, and Kurt felt himself responding in a way that felt very familiar.

When Adam broke the kiss, his focus fell from Kurt's eyes to his mouth. His thumb brushed idly over Kurt's lips, and Kurt shuddered.

"You're going to have to help me feel okay about wanting some of the things I want with you, Kurt. You're not Noah; this, what we have, it's not the same as what he needs from me. I don't want it to be the same. But you... just know you can have pretty much whatever you want, here. All you have to do is ask."

In the space of ten seconds, Kurt's world had narrowed to Adam's kiss, his thumb against Kurt's mouth, and the words  _you can have pretty much whatever you want._

"Do you want a list?" Kurt said, with a shaky laugh. "I think... I might have to pick and choose from all the things. Because, you know, forty-eight hours is a bit of a time constraint."

"Yeah, I'm not saying I'm going to take you to Lisbon or anything." Adam smiled. "Yet. But you've already asked for some things I haven't given you. If there's anything else that would take a little arranging, you should probably mention it soon."

Kurt found himself lost in the possibilities, most of which started with  _why haven't you been inside me yet_  and ended with him bound in some fashion or another, but he could wait to bring that up until Finn and Puck were safely on their way home. "Um... I'll think about it, okay?"

"I don't mean to overwhelm you. There's no pressure here." He held out his hand, and Kurt took it, rising gingerly to his feet. "Maybe you'd like to join Noah in the shower? There are some things I need to talk to him about before he leaves, and I'd love for you to be there, if you don't mind."

Kurt was more than willing to be led to the bathroom. Puck was just finishing up in the shower, but he was happy to remain long enough to help soap Kurt up and scrub off the worst of the last two days' grime.

"You look a lot better than you did yesterday," Noah told him, rinsing the suds off his back. "But I guess you still shouldn't fly, huh? Dr. Graham said you should wait?"

Kurt watched Puck's face carefully as he used the loofah on his arms. "I'll be home in two days, sweetheart. Does that... feel like too long?"

Noah didn't respond with either anger or defensiveness, which definitely said something about the safe space Adam had created for him within the walls of his home. He just looked troubled. "I know I can handle it," he said. "I just don't really want to. I'm glad you get an extra couple days with Adam, but I wish I could stay, too, and I'm trying not to feel like a selfish asshole for wanting that."

Kurt hung the loofah on its hook and wrapped Puck up in a hug, standing with him under the spray. "You are the least selfish person I know. Nobody would blame you for wishing for more time with Adam, especially not me. If I could keep you here with me, I would do it."

"Yeah?" He smiled. "I'm not getting in the middle of your thing with him?"

Kurt had to laugh. "I'm pretty sure it was the other way around. You were here first. And did I ever tell you that or make you feel that way about you with me and Finn?"

"No, but... I still think you deserve some time to figure out what the two of you looks like, all by itself." Noah stepped out of the shower, taking one of Adam's huge bath sheets off the bamboo shelf and wrapping himself up. Kurt saw the resignation on his face, and he ached to draw him back out of his protective shell, but he knew that would just be irresponsible.  _Noah's going back home. I'm going to have to do that too, in two days, and I'll need that detachment as much as he will, to survive it._

Kurt sighed. "I don't know if you realize this, Noah, but I've never  _had_  a relationship that's been all on my own." He turned off the water, accepting a towel of his own from Puck, and carefully drying his hair. "It's not a complaint, not at all. It's just my reality. I don't know if I would even enjoy having a relationship on my own, now that I've had this."

Noah nodded, understanding evident in his smile. He toweled off Kurt's back, leaving a gentle kiss on his neck. "I definitely get that. You don't see me looking for anything else, do you? And you and Adam, loving each other..." His smile broadened. "Fuck, Kurt, it's the best feeling to see you together. Not to mention  _hot._ "

Kurt laughed, feeling breathless. "I know exactly what you mean. And we'll get to have that again in February, when he comes to visit."

"Yeah, Jacob said he booked the flight already. Something to look forward to." Puck stepped in, hovering over Kurt's skin, then hugged him hard. "You'll have to tell me about how things are with just the two of you. Like, if you think you might like that better, or -"

"Noah," Kurt said severely, and Puck broke off, avoiding his eyes. "You aren't going to give this up, are you? You think I'd be happier if I had Adam all to myself? It's just not true. I  _need_  you to be happy, and this makes you so happy." Kurt grasped his face in one hand, directing it to face his. "You're mine, understand?"

"Yes," Noah whispered. "Yours."

Kurt kissed him hard, releasing him just as quickly; he didn't want this to turn into something they didn't have time to deal with, and Adam had said he had something he wanted to bring up. He held out his hand until Puck took it. Together, they walked out to the bedroom and got dressed, Puck carrying his bag out to set beside the guitar cases next to the door. He let out a resigned sigh, flopping down on the couch.

"Guess this is it," he said, avoiding looking at Adam.

"Yes." Adam sat in the chair adjacent, his knee close enough to Noah's to brush against it. He appeared calm, even though Kurt had an idea about how he was really feeling. He watched Puck's hand run over and over his wrist where the cuffs had been.  _Should be now,_  Kurt thought.  _Noah needs that._  And suddenly, he knew what Adam was going to talk about. He reached out and put a hand on Puck's knee, forestalling any comments Adam was about to make.

"Sweetheart," he said to Puck, watching Adam's face as he spoke. "The way you've been, this weekend... it's been just astonishing to see. You've been calm and responsive and such a good listener."  _Mostly. And when you weren't, you let Adam spank the crap out of you, and everything was fine._

Puck smiled. "If anybody else said that to me, Kurt, I'd be saying  _fuck you, I don't care what you think,_  but from you, it's just... awesome."

Kurt flushed. "I'm not trying to be condescending. But I know it's been hard, and when we get back it'll continue to be hard." He was trying not to think about just  _how_  difficult it would be. "We... I would be remiss if I didn't try to give you the very best chance at feeling that safe at home. I can't give you Adam, but I can give you some of this."

"You have been," Puck insisted, "don't think you..." He trailed off, his eyes widening. " _... oh."_

He looked over at Adam. "Um..."

"I'd give you the collar we've been using here," said Adam casually. "But there's nothing special about it. I think you might do better to go shopping together for one."

"We can talk about that," Kurt replied, just as casually, though his stomach was tensing at the idea.

Adam nodded. He put a hand on Kurt's knee, just as Kurt was touching Puck's. "You'll want Finn to be part of that conversation..."

"Finn?" Puck blurted. "I don't know if -"

Adam ignored him, focused on Kurt. "Definitely. And the cuffs, they're a little more expensive, so you could just bring them home with you..."

"Uh... guys?" He waved his hand. "Hello?"

"I mean, it's not like I'm planning to cuff anybody else." Now Adam turned and looked straight at Puck. "All right?"

"I - yeah. Definitely." His cheeks were pink. "I mean... yes. Adam."

"All right." Adam's smile grew, and he reached out and touched the margins of Puck's face with his fingers. "That's my good boy."

Puck made a little pained sigh and came tumbling forward into Adam's lap, to be held and touched by both of them. Kurt leaned against his shoulder from behind, feeling the warmth of his skin, his shuddering breath.

"Our good boy," Kurt added. Then he glanced up at Adam, suddenly feeling anxious, because that statement felt a hell of a lot more intimate than he'd intended it to be. But Adam was just nodding, whispering gentle words into the crook of Puck's neck.

"You have so many people who love you and want to take care of you." He kissed Puck's cheek, wiping away the tears. "And, especially if I can't be there to do it, I want you to  _let them."_

"Fuck," muttered Puck, but he nodded. "Okay. Yeah... I think I can do that."

Adam tapped him on the head with one finger. "Think?"

"Okay, okay!" He was smiling through his tears.  _"Yes._  I'll let them."

"Good." Adam smiled back. "And you can bet your ass I'm going to do my part in one month when I come to visit for Valentine's Day."

Puck spent the next fifteen minutes in Adam's arms while Kurt finished packing for him. It was another beautiful day, sunny and brisk, but watching Puck folding in on himself made him shiver, and as soon as he saw Adam make eye contact with him, he was there beside them, hugging them both.

"We're going to be okay," he promised, as much for himself as for Puck and Adam. "We can do this. I'm sure of it."

Jacob was mostly quiet and efficient as he brought the Lincoln around and they loaded Puck's guitars and bags into the trunk, but when they came back into the house to get Puck's jacket, Jacob put a hand out and stopped him in the front hall.

"I wanted you to know," he said clearly, "that I thought about what you said. And I'm still not ready to put labels on what's going on between me and your brother, but I really... he's great, and I'm not going to take advantage of him. I swear, I'm not. We'll work it out, and if it doesn't look like... the real thing, I'll tell him."

Kurt watched as Puck nodded slowly, looking down at Jacob's hand on his chest. Then he reached out and hugged him. He looked as startled to be doing it as Jacob was at being hugged, but neither one pulled away.

"I'm a hell of a lot more okay with him being out here with you around to watch out for him," Puck said.

"I will," Jacob promised.

Adam sat with them in the back seat, with Puck as close to him as they could get with clothes on, just holding him firmly and not really saying much. Kurt sat across from them, facing backwards in the limo, Adam's hand on his foot and his own hand on Puck's knee. But when they got to the Omni, Adam moved to the front seat without asking. Puck watched him go, clearly a little disappointed, but without complaint. When Finn and Brad and Timothy appeared, he moved to stand beside Finn, but they didn't touch. Finn's attention was all on Kurt.

"You're feeling better?"

"A lot better," Kurt agreed. "And I'll rest today. You... call me when you guys get home?"

Finn nodded as they all climbed into the back seat. Timothy buckled himself in next to Brad, watching Puck. All of them were maintaining a pleasant, civil distance, which Adam shattered with an offhand statement from the front seat: "Jacob's going to have to come with me, when I fly out for Valentine's Day, don't you think, Timothy?"

"Uh -" Timmy floundered for a moment, while Jacob paused long enough for Kurt to think he might have actually been thrown by Adam's idea.

"You'll... need somebody, yes," said Jacob, "if you're spending the weekend at a public venue like that."

"Not all that public, from what I've seen," said Puck, his eyes on Timmy. "But whatever. You'd totally be welcome."

"Valentine's Day?" said Brad politely.

"At  _Tessera,"_  Adam sang out. "Everyone's coming, I hear, even Kurt's father and Noah's sister. Promises to be a hell of a weekend."

Kurt had the strange realization that this was Adam, acting out. He turned around and faced Adam over the back of the passenger seat, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Jacob, you don't have to come with Adam," Kurt said, squeezing Adam's shoulder firmly as he did. "Cal could provide a substitute for security, if you felt uncomfortable. But you'd be very welcome. Right, Noah?"

"Oh - uh, yeah," Puck said, startled. "You guys could totally... uh. Sure."

Adam didn't make another comment after that. Kurt left his hand there on his shoulder for a while, not squeezing anymore, just letting Adam feel his contact. He was more glad than ever that he was staying an extra couple days; Adam was definitely going to need some careful support.  _And who would have thought you'd be the one to provide that,_  he asked himself, marveling.  _Wasn't he supposed to be taking care of you?_

"Well," said Brad, clearing his throat a couple times, "I know this was all thanks to Lady Gaga, but Kurt, I have to say I definitely wouldn't have had an opportunity like this if it hadn't been for you coming to me and asking for help with 'Hair.' I can't thank you enough for that."

Kurt wasn't surprised to hear Brad's voice come out of his mouth anymore, but he smiled at him anyway. "I might as well say the same thing to you. She never would have taken notice without the recording you made, and your keyboard part."

"You're absolutely coming back to LA," said Timothy, the first sentence to come out of his mouth. Brad flushed, smiling bigger.

"I think I might be able to convince my partners to let me come back," he agreed.

Kurt took Finn's hand as they unloaded the trunk at the airport. "Tell my dad I'm fine, and I'll be back on Wednesday night. Don't worry."

"I'm not." Finn nodded at the passenger seat of the car, where Adam remained hidden. "He's not going to let anything happen to you."

Kurt couldn't help but smile as he kissed him. Finn didn't object, even though they were right there in the middle of everyone. Kurt definitely understood how being in a place where nobody knew you made it so much easier to be yourself. Then he turned to Puck, clutching his ticket.

"Call if you want to," Kurt told him firmly. "Anytime, day or night. Don't worry about interrupting. If you feel anything other than amazing, I want you to tell us. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," Puck whispered, quietly enough that no one else could hear him. Kurt kissed him, too, and gave Brad a brave smile as they headed toward the terminal.

He was only crying a little bit as he climbed back into the car, but when he turned around, Timothy was the one in the front seat, and when he realized the man already in the back was holding open his arms, he collapsed into them with a little sob.

"You're already exhausted," murmured Adam, kissing his temple. "Let me get you back home."

He must have fallen asleep on Adam's chest, because only seemed to take moments to reach the apartment. Kurt watched Adam pause by the driver's side door to confer with Jacob for a moment.

"I told him to take the afternoon off, after he returns the car," Adam told him once he and Timothy had driven away. "We're not going anywhere for a few hours, and I think they might need the time together more than you and I do."

But Kurt couldn't bring himself to agree with that. Honestly, he felt like he couldn't do anything but clutch Adam's arm as he locked the door - and then Adam was kissing him, hungrily, one hand behind his neck, holding him in place. It wasn't gentle, or particularly egalitarian, and felt  _so_  damn good. Kurt gasped into his mouth.

"I know you're tired," said Adam, stripping his jacket off and discarding it on the couch, "and I should let you sleep, but god, Kurt, I want -"

"No," Kurt interrupted, "no, don't apologize, _I_  want, I want so much, and - your bedroom? Now?"

This wasn't anything like the slow, methodical progress from door to bed that Adam had provided three days ago. This was frantic and desperate and so necessary. Kurt could hardly believe he was the one knocking Adam back against the wall, thrusting a leg between his thighs, leaving bright red marks on his pale neck, but Adam didn't appear to be upset by it. He just nudged Kurt along toward the hallway, driving them forward in fits and starts with each connection of their lips.

But Kurt stalled when he caught sight of Noah's cuffs, lying on the table beside the bed. They made abrupt eye contact, and the hesitant desire he saw in Adam's face startled him so much, he sat down on the edge of the mattress.

"Kurt," he said, but Kurt cut off any further reluctance by reaching for the cuffs and passing them to Adam.

"This," Kurt insisted. "I've been dreaming about it for weeks.  _Please."_

Adam caught his breath, looking at the cuffs he was suddenly clutching to his chest. "Oh-" He didn't pause long, lifting the chains that were still fastened around each bedpost and draping them across the pillow. Then he opened the soft leather and trapped Kurt's wrist inside.

"You're sure," Adam said, with quiet urgency. "You can say no."

"I don't want to say no. I want you to -" He had no idea how he was going to get the words out, what he wanted Adam to do, because how how was he supposed to ask for something like that from someone he barely knew? But watching Adam buckle the cuffs snugly around his wrists, he licked dry lips and whispered, "To cuff me to the bed."

Adam nodded, deftly fastening the other wrist and holding both his hands. "I can absolutely do that. The way we took Noah?"

His tone was still mild, but Kurt could see the way his breath was becoming rough and uneven, his gaze roving over the bed, then to Kurt's body, then to his eyes again. "I - um. On my back." He caught his lip between his teeth. "I want to see you."

He had to admit, it was a delicious thrill to watch Adam lose his cool for a few moments, closing his eyes and groaning under his breath. "That's - yeah. Definitely."

Kurt waited for the submission to overtake him as Adam helped him out of his clothes, but even as Adam was stretching him out naked on the bed, fastening the cuffs to the chain links, it still just felt safe and loving. He gave him an encouraging smile. "You're so good to me."

"God, Kurt," Adam muttered, shaking his head. "You do get that this is totally my set of kinks? Pretty boys who'll let me be on top?"

_Let you._  Kurt laughed, hearing and understanding his words. The cuffs and Adam's position notwithstanding, Kurt didn't feel any less in control than he had the night before, when he'd been the one on top (he was pretty sure he had, anyway; the fever had messed with his memory a little). "I'm glad it's working for you. Because this is  _so_  hot, and I really wanted it."

Adam swung a leg over to straddle him, grinning as he reached for the lube. "Lucky for me. It's exactly what I wanted, too."

He lost focus a little as Adam worked two fingers into him, pausing to appreciate that sensation. By the time Adam was kneeling between his legs, rolling on the condom with barely a pause and kissing him with increasingly sloppy fervor as he eased inside, Kurt was poised with his next words. "Do you think you might want me to - oh -" He brought his knees up a little higher, writhing as Adam applied pressure to one buttock, stretching him open. "God."

"What's that, honey?" Adam asked, kissing Kurt's ear tenderly. He was moving slowly, letting Kurt adjust to the pressure of Adam, inside him.

"You." He took a breath. "I bet you'd - you'd like it. If I took you like this."

Adam's eyes dropped closed and hips snapped forward abruptly, but when Kurt cried out, he froze. "You - Kurt, are you okay?"

"Yes, yes,  _please,_  like that." Kurt struggled against the cuffs, desperate to feel that again. Adam gave another tentative thrust, and Kurt responded with an encouraging groan. "You're not going to hurt me."

He tried to let Adam set the pace, but after another minute of that, Kurt was bucking his hips and whining. Adam grinned, putting a restraining hand on one hip, holding him down on the bed. "Pushy?"

"I know what I want," Kurt responded with some heat. "And you know what I want... so  _give it to me."_

Adam obliged. His hands slipped down to grip both of Kurt's hips, holding him up off the bed to get the angle that he knew would be just right, and god, okay, there were definite benefits to having an experienced lover. He didn't even ask Adam to stroke him; he was pretty sure he could have gotten off without any help at all, the way Adam's thumb was putting pressure on and tugging on the taut skin of his abdomen. When Kurt whined again, Adam slid one arm around his back, holding him close, and worked the other one between them to jerk him light and fast as he fucked him.

Kurt had nearly lost control over his voice at this point; he might have been embarrassed to hear how high it had climbed, beyond the realm of effeminate-guy and well into the girl register, had he been even a little less comfortable with Adam. But there was no mistaking the delight on Adam's face. He leaned forward so the stubble on his cheek scraped against Kurt's.

"Love this," he said, low and sweet, "so much, honey, love you. Loving you."

It was like filling up and spilling over. The experience of Adam driving into him was only one tiny piece of this whole encounter. Kurt should, by rights, be feeling overwhelmed - by Adam on top of him, holding him down, the restraints, and all the smells and colors and people of Adam's world - but all he felt was joyously serene, and he laughed out loud as he came.

It wasn't the way he felt when he lost himself to subspace, with Finn. But Kurt did let himself drift a little as Adam slipped out of him, uncuffed him and tucked him into his arms in a spoon. He appreciated the mild twinge of discomfort in his ass with a contented sigh.

"You," whispered Adam into his ear, "are so unbelievable. I can't even tell you how hot that was."

"Yeah, I don't think you have to tell me that. I was absolutely right there with you." Kurt turned his head lazily and kissed him. Adam didn't seem one bit worried.

"Funny how these -" Adam's fingers encircled the leather buckled onto Kurt's wrists. "-can have an entirely different effect when worn by different people."

Kurt nodded, watching Adam looking at the cuffs. Adam had reacted strongly when he suggested he would enjoy wearing them, but he wasn't quite ready to probe for more. Not yet.  _Adam is a puzzle, and I'm willing to bet I'll keep filling in the pieces as we get to know each other._  He kissed him one more time, then settled back into his arms, as satisfied as he ever remembered being.

"So it's getting on in the afternoon. Here's what I propose." Adam stretched out one arm, the other flung lazily over Kurt's middle. "We can have some lunch. Then you and I should take advantage of this time together to make a little music."

"Oh -" Kurt turned his head again to catch Adam's smile. "Yes! Yes, please."

"Good. I was hoping you'd say that. And I suspect, even if you don't feel like it right now, you're going to tire early, and I have a little work to do. We'll make it a quiet evening at home."

Lunch was Noah's leftovers. It felt a lot less melancholy than Kurt had expected to eat them, and Adam seemed relaxed and happy. They didn't bother to get dressed. Sitting at the table together on the plastic chairs, Kurt had the sudden realization that Adam had been sitting there at the table just a week ago when they'd shared their first sexual experience. Kurt blushed hot and red, and Adam paused in his conversation to regard him with bemusement.

"The - table," Kurt said, haltingly, gesturing with one limp hand. "You, and me, on the phone."

"Oh. Ah... yes." Adam smiled, his own face going pink. It was ridiculously appealing. "You've got to believe, I hadn't done that before."

Kurt couldn't even respond to that. He hadn't, not exactly, because the way it had been with Adam on the phone was completely different from the way it had been with Finn or Noah, but it felt so strange to be the experienced one when Adam was thirteen years older than he was. "I never would have," he said finally, "if I hadn't thought Noah had fed me those drinks."

"High on love," Adam said gaily, clasping his hand across the table. Kurt took another bite of risotto, chewing as he blushed. "No shame in what we did, honey. I hope you don't mind me saying I hope we do it again after you go home."

The phrase brought the mood down in the room several degrees. Kurt felt his own smile slip, and Adam glanced awkwardly across the room.

"Sorry," he added, after a few moments.

"No, no," Kurt replied. He set his fork down and sighed. "I'm... of course, I'm going home. And that's good. I'm just... I think I have a better idea of what Finn and Noah might have been feeling with you and Carl, these past weeks. I've had such a good time, and still, every couple hours I remember that it's going to end, really soon."

"Not end." He squeezed Kurt's hand. "I do promise you that. You haven't seen the last of me. I'm already flying out to Tessera for Valentine's Day. And... well." Adam held his breath, then laughed nervously. "I might be a little busy this spring. There's talk of a national tour."

"That's wonderful," Kurt breathed. "I'm so glad to hear it."

"Yeah. It's a little hard to believe. It's all happening really fast." Adam's breath trickled out, and he shot Kurt a glance that made him sit back in his chair. "Everything."

Kurt nodded slowly. "It's not - bad, though?"

"No," Adam replied at once. "No. Not at all. I'm... well." He cocked his head. "Truth?"

"Please."

"I'm feeling guilty, because I have  _so much -_  I mean, really, who gets Idol and an album deal and Noah and you and a tour? - and I'm still wanting..." He shook his head, laughing. "Talk about selfish."

"I think you get to want whatever you want," Kurt replied with a smile. "And, okay, I admit your situation is... a little extreme, but I'm not going to say you don't get to want more. Not when I have Finn and Noah and..."

Adam watched Kurt, one eyebrow gradually raising in a prompt. "Yes?"

Kurt swallowed. "... and you."

"And me," Adam agreed, nodding. "You definitely have me."

It was hard not to devolve into completely helpless puppy-dog eyes after that, but Adam just went on eating his risotto while Kurt wallowed in several long moments of  _god, am I really in Adam Lambert's kitchen, sitting naked across the table from him?_  But eventually, Adam pushed his chair out and stood up.

"I need a shower," he declared. "And a hot cup of tea, and then I think I'll drag the keyboard out of the closet."

Kurt rose and followed him back into the bedroom. "If I promise not to derail you from your mission, do you suppose I could join you in the shower?"

"Honey." Adam laughed, taking his hand. "I'm pretty sure being derailed by you would be a pleasure, no matter when it happened... and you have a permanent invitation to be in my shower."


	25. Things With Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Kurt spend a day at home together sharing music and other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's so much to annotate in this chapter! The cover version of the Madonna song that Adam sings is really beautiful, out-of-tune guitar notwithstanding. The piano solo Kurt wrote is really a tune I fell in love with in 1984 and searched diligently for over fifteen years to find. The first song Kurt ever sang, I had on LP as a child in the 70s, and listened to it over and over again. All songs are referenced through Youtube, so don't miss listening to them as you read.

Kurt was hesitant all over again to sing in front of Adam - until Adam sat down in front of the keyboard and stumbled through an accompaniment to "Like A Virgin" in the absolute most affected, lisping manner Kurt could imagine. It left both of them falling all over one another laughing hysterically, and after that, Kurt just couldn't feel embarrassed about making music with him. Just as it had been with Gaga, it wasn't about performing for an audience; it was a shared musical experience.

"Didn't Mr. Schue have you doing that song?" Adam thumbed through the Madonna fakebook and propped it up on the music stand fastened to the keyboard. He hummed as he peered at the music, walking through the chords.

"It was our assignment last week," said Kurt. "Noah tried, unsuccessfully, to convince me that boys shouldn't sing Madonna."

Adam gave a gentle snort. "Well, clearly, he hasn't heard Mandonna. And who would ever choose to limit  _our_  access to just those things written for men, anyway? We're the ones with the awesome upper ranges. We should flaunt them."

He broke into a loose, lazy version of "Ray of Light," to which Kurt added harmony a third higher, leaning on Adam's shoulder on the piano bench. Adam's eyes gleamed with approval:

**<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRDEy9BGKQM> **

_And I feel like I just got home_  
 _And I feel_  
 _And I feel like I just got home  
_ _And I feel_

_Faster than the speeding light she's flying_  
 _Trying to remember where it all began_  
 _Shes got herself a little piece of heaven  
_ _Waiting for the time when earth shall be as one_

"That's what I'm  _saying,"_  Adam declared. Kurt laughed.

"You don't have to tell me. I've been worshipping at the altar of Ms. Ciccone since I was old enough to Vogue. Oh, which we did, by the way, me and Mercedes and Artie. A video."

"I remember you told me, honey." Adam gazed at him fondly. "You'll have to send me a copy."

"Only if you promise not to show it to - anyone."

Kurt guessed he might look a little suspicious, because Adam snorted. "Who, exactly, would I show?  _This is my secret boyfriend from Ohio and his best friend, who's crazy talented and oh, did I mention, hotter than blazes cuffed to my bed?"_  Kurt couldn't do anything but laugh, helplessly, as Adam rolled his eyes. "I suppose I could show Gaga, if I ever get invited to her house again."

"Which you won't," Kurt insisted. "Show it to her, I mean. She actually did say something about giving you a call."

"I can only imagine, now that rumors about the dungeon have been confirmed." Adam didn't sound too put off by this idea. "I bet she'll want to make sure I'm not doing anything inappropriate with you. Mistress Tess already went through this with me."

"Tess called you?" Kurt was startled, but pleased.

"Right after Noah's first visit, we spoke on the phone. Honestly, between Gaga and Tess, I'm not sure who's more intimidating." Adam paused, letting the fake book fall to his lap as he smiled at Kurt. "You have a tendency to collect people who want to take care of you."

It was hard not to be affected by that, coming from Adam. Kurt felt a little dizzy as he smiled back. "I don't know how I feel about the idea that people think I need to be taken care of."

Adam touched his face. "I don't think we want to do it because you need it. We just love you."

Kurt's throat constricted, but he didn't look away. "You're going to make me cry," he warned.

"Well, we can't have  _that,"_  said Adam dramatically, making Kurt laugh instead. He picked up the songbook again and handed it to Kurt. "Choose another."

Kurt flipped through until he found the title he wanted. "This one," he said, feeling his face heat up. "This came out at the peak of my Madonna craze, when I was in eighth grade. I remember singing it in front of the mirror, wanting desperately to be as sexy as she was... and, god, I can't believe I'm telling you this."

"Hey, _I_ can't believe that was only two years ago." Adam made a face. "Please, sing it now and get my mind off just how badly I broke the law today."

"Hey, it wasn't anything I haven't done before," Kurt protested, but he took the book from Adam and pressed open the spine, propping it up on the music stand again and sliding over to sit in the center of the keyboard. He began to vamp a rudimentary accompaniment. It was amazing how much more confident he felt with Adam's eyes on him, the little smile playing around the corners of his mouth as he watched Kurt playing. The kind of sexy that Madonna projected - Kurt had never expected anybody to think of  _him_  that way. But with Adam there beside him, he definitely  _felt_  sexy.

**<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHHUhcV2eVY> **

_Come on, boy, I've been waiting for somebody_  
 _To pick up my stroll_  
 _Well, don't waste time, give me a sign  
_ _Tell me how you want to roll_

_I want somebody to speed it up for me_  
 _Then take it down slow, there's enough room for both_  
 _Girl, I can handle that, you just gotta show me where it's at  
_ _Are you ready to go?_

Adam joined in on the chorus, singing in unison:

_If you want it, you already got it_  
 _If you thought it, it better be what you want_  
 _If you feel it, it must be real  
_ _Just say the word and Imma give you what you want_

They traded lines back and forth throughout the rest of the song, the Madonna and Justin Timberlake parts. Kurt couldn't stop smiling.

"Our pep band is playing it," he said when they were done, a little out of breath after all those high Gs. "Almost worth going to Finn's basketball games just to hear it."

"Why aren't you  _singing_  it, is my question," Adam demanded. "You need to get that voice out there, Kurt. Make an effort. I'm serious!" He laughed as Kurt tried to look away, blushing, and grabbed him in a hug. "You're  _so_  talented, but nobody's going to come to you and _ask_ you to do a solo. You're going to have to make them realize what they're missing."

"You actually make me feel like I could do that," Kurt admitted.

"Damn right you could. I'm all about making things happen. You're not messing around with some loser, here." Adam paused, then amended, "Well, technically, you are."

"Definitely not a loser." Kurt offered a consolation kiss. "No matter what those  _Idol_  judges decided."

"Trust me, I absolutely don't feel like one." Adam turned a few more pages in the book, then tapped it with one finger. "Every time I performed, it felt like Simon took every opportunity to tell me just how bad I sounded, but I couldn't let it get to me. If you're going to hang on to any of your pride, you have to assume everybody is really appending  _You're amazing, and..._  to the beginning of any feedback you receive."

"You're amazing, and..." Kurt turned his head to one side, still resting on Adam's chest, and focused on the page Adam was touching. "... do you want me to sing this one?"

"No, honey." Adam's cheek was warm against his forehead. "I want you to play it, while I sing it to you."

This time the accompaniment was easier to adapt to piano. Kurt was even able to make it sound reasonably familiar using the chords in the fakebook and a simple 4-beat rhythm. Adam gave it a lilting sweetness that Madonna's version had never had, and Kurt let himself float with giddy abandon while he sang:

**<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7VDw0V39pg> **

_Swaying room as the music starts_  
 _Strangers making the most of the dark  
_ _Two by two their bodies become one_

_I see you through the smoky air_  
 _Can't you feel the weight of my stare_  
 _You're so close but still a world away  
_ _What I'm dying to say, is that_

_I'm crazy for you_  
 _Touch me once and you'll know it's true_  
 _I never wanted anyone like this_  
 _It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss  
_ _I'm crazy for you_

_Trying hard to control my heart_  
 _I walk over to where you are  
_ _Eye to eye we need no words at all_

_Slowly now we begin to move_  
 _Every breath I'm deeper into you_  
 _Soon we two are standing still in time  
_ _If you read my mind, you'll see_

Kurt felt steady enough to sing the chorus with him the last time, filling in gentle harmonies. His hands on the keyboard, however, were shaking. He hugged Adam when he was done, trying not to let him feel it, but it was futile.

"Better than Madonna," Kurt mumbled against the front of Adam's shirt. He had no idea how to bring it up, what he was thinking, and the silence stretched on longer than he'd intended while he thought about it again. "Do you... write your own songs, sometimes?"

"I screw around," Adam said. "With lyrics, mostly. I'm not an instrumentalist, and I can't always get the songs to sound the way I want them to sound until I get other people to help. Like, Monte got me involved in an album project a couple years ago, and we wrote some songs together, but a bunch of them never got finished. I don't even know what happened to it." He added, after a moment, "Finn asked me to write him a song."

" _Finn?"_  Kurt stared at Adam in confusion, who nodded. "What? When?"

"Before you and I started talking, after Noah returned home from Santa Fe. I think he wasn't sure Noah would ever trust him again. He said something about Noah writing you a song, before?"

Kurt nodded, scrambling to keep up with the revelations. "Yes... before he left, he recorded it with Brad and Mercedes and left me a CD. I think he meant to sing it  _with_  me, but... I haven't yet managed to suggest it."

"I imagine it's intense to write a song for somebody else," said Adam.

 _Perfect opportunity,_  he prodded himself, and took a deep breath. "I... um. I wrote one."

"Oh, yeah?" Adam smiled at Kurt, nodding for him to go on. "You want to sing it for me?"

Kurt turned back to the keyboard, staring down at the weighted plastic keys. "It's an instrumental."

It wasn't a piano, but it was closer than most keyboards came to providing the feel of hammers and felt pads on strings. Kurt tried to tell himself:  _you played this for Gaga, and she liked it. And so did Brad. And you're not going to miss playing this for your inspiration._ He went ahead and gave himself permission to make mistakes, and regardless of whether or not he was listening to himself, launched into the first stanza.

**<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPguKUW1YQ8> **

Adam was silent and completely still through the entire piece, sitting beside Kurt without touching him as he leaned into the arpeggios. Kurt didn't dare glance over at him, even though his eyes weren't busy reading music, for fear of seeing something unpleasant on his face. Boredom, perhaps, or confusion, or distaste. Or, worst of all, condescension:  _oh, how nice._  Kurt tried not to cringe as he thundered through the last key change and the recapitulation of the theme; it had always seemed a little trite to end on those joyous C major arpeggios, but he couldn't resist them. The last note rang out, and he let his hands slip back into his lap, staring down until Adam cleared his throat and spoke.

"You... wrote that?"

The question was diffident, but Kurt couldn't resist looking any longer, and when he turned to Adam, he felt a flood of relief at the expression on his face. The music had moved him.

"Over the past two weeks," he said. He reached for Adam's hand and held it tight, feeling breathless with exhilaration. "I've written a few other things, in the past, but I never shared them with anyone except my dad. And, honestly, he wouldn't have known the difference between my music and somebody else's, so it didn't matter." He smiled. "I think I can handle honesty. But if it was appalling, be gentle."

"Kurt, you know it's not anything close to appalling." Adam searched his eyes, his brow furrowing. "That was beautiful. And I have no idea how you keep getting more talented, but apparently you do."

Kurt relaxed a little more. "I think after Noah wrote his song, for us, I realized how high the bar had been set, but this just kind of... happened. It felt almost effortless to write it for you."

Adam had been reaching for the Madonna book, but his hand stuttered and paused along the way. He stared at Kurt. "You - wrote that for _me?"_

"Well... yes." Hadn't he told him that? Kurt's mind raced back along the conversation they'd just had. He couldn't remember if he'd mentioned that part. "I'm sorry?"

Adam laughed, his errant hand gathering Kurt to him and holding him securely. "I'm so touched, I don't even know what to say. I'm mostly trying not to burst into tears."

"I'm glad you like it," he said honestly. "I was worried you wouldn't. And you don't have to pretend, if you don't."

"Not pretending," Adam whispered. "So very talented, but..." He shuddered, and brought both hands up to cup his face. "I'm sorry, I just have to -"

Kurt wouldn't have objected if Adam had been asking, but he didn't seem to be. He let himself be swept into the kiss, the incredulous realization that  _yes, this is really happening_  hitting him for perhaps the hundredth time that weekend, and moaned into Adam's mouth.

"You." Adam's eyes were glistening, his eyeliner magically not running, and Kurt watched him close his eyes and swallow, struggling with his emotions. "You're too good to be true."

" _Mon ange."_  Kurt brushed hands across Adam's chest, letting them rest there, over his heart. "That's exactly how I feel."

"Play it again," Adam begged. Kurt laughed.

"Right now?"

"Right now," he insisted fervently. "I'm serious."

This time, Kurt stole little glimpses of Adam's delighted face as he played the piece from the beginning. He tried not to rush through the syncopated bridge, and realized he was actually enjoying playing it for the first time in days. He felt the excited clutch of Adam's hand on his thigh as the tension built, extended, suspended - and broke into the final stanza of arpeggios. Adam let out a little gasp.

"Honey." He gave Kurt a rueful smile. Kurt watched Adam's thumb press lightly on the seam of his own jeans, where his arousal was evident. "I had no idea there even  _was_  a kink for people composing songs for me. I'd better watch out."

Kurt let his eyes linger. "Yeah, I think... that might be something that could happen to you again, if you're going to be hanging out with me and Noah." He shifted, pushing out from the bench, and as Adam swiveled to face him, Kurt knelt before him on the floor. "Can I - I really want to...?"

Adam didn't even let him finish the sentence before he was unbuttoning his jeans, whispering, "Oh my god,  _yes_ ," gratitude and lust warring for expression on his face.

He focused on making it good, all the things he knew Finn and Puck loved, trying not to worry too much about his technique. It wasn't the most important thing, after all. Adam was clearly loving it, watching Kurt with half-lidded eyes, one hand gentle in his hair, encouraging without being controlling.  _Not that I would mind that,_  Kurt thought, gazing up at him.  _For whatever reason, I trust him._

But that wasn't what was happening, and that was just fine too. Sucking Adam's cock wasn't without its very own appeal. Kurt felt the strange juxtaposition of power and service that always came from the action roll over him, intensifying his own arousal. By the time Adam's sighs and moans were reaching their peak, Kurt was well on his way to finishing himself off against the heel of his hand.

"That's - so good," Adam said, between breathless, insistent thrusts. "Can't believe - you're really here, wanting this from me. Letting me take it."

Kurt didn't have any desire to give up on what he was doing, but he could sense himself starting to lose his own focus as Adam clutched at the collar of his shirt. He ran both hands up the insides of Adam's thighs, fingers pressing, stroking, and felt him shudder. Adam's beautiful face was tense and contorted, but whether he was seeking release or attempting to stave it off, Kurt didn't know him well enough to be sure.

He continued the path of his hands up Adam's stomach, to his arms, and back down to grip Adam's fingers with his own, wedging them securely into his hair. Without stopping to demand,  _yes, fuck my mouth, I love it,_  this was what he could do to give Adam permission.

And Adam took it, with barely a pause, grasping Kurt's fingers tightly for one moment before pulling him in closer, putting his head exactly where he wanted it. Kurt, giddy with sensation and expectation, reached out his hands and cupped Adam's ass in both palms. It wasn't a subtle suggestion; he was giving him some very definite encouragement to  _go deeper, take me harder._

"Gonna come," Adam said thickly, brushing Kurt's sweaty hair back from his forehead with his fingers. He was clearly giving Kurt a choice here, but Kurt was equally clear what Adam wanted, and that was just what he wanted, too.  _Take what you want,_  he tried to say with his eyes, and Adam kept his open, fixed on Kurt, as he gasped out his release.

Kurt let him slip out of his mouth a few seconds too early, and Adam made noises of dismay as he left traces of come on Kurt's lips and chin. "Oh - sorry," he said, clearly distressed, but Kurt smiled, batting Adam's hand away as he attempted to wipe it off with his thumb.

"Hot," Kurt rasped, kneeling forward to kiss him. "No sorry. But I think that might be the end of the singing tonight."

Adam chuckled, holding him tight. "All of the perverse jokes about making you sing have fled my mind. I don't think I have a single functioning brain cell at the moment."

"That's okay." Kurt shivered. "Apparently just mentioning the jokes was enough." He captured Adam's hand and drew it down to rest between his legs, nudging his cock in the confines of his skinny jeans. They were almost tight enough to be painful, but Adam's touch made him harder still, and he squirmed under the pressure.

"I'm pretty sure you need to take these off." Adam wedged two fingers beneath his fly, wiggling them enough to make Kurt whine. "I've got all kinds of fantasies about my hands in your pants, but there ain't no way I'm getting a whole hand in this pair."

Kurt managed to follow Adam through the hallway and into the bedroom, but he breathed a sigh of relief when he laid Kurt on the bed and stripped the jeans off his hips. Adam smiled, hovering over him as he worked one leg off at a time, and Kurt had to smile back as Adam shook them out and folded them neatly over the back of the chair.

"I still haven't been able to train Noah to do that for me," he said, laughing.

Adam's brow arched, his nose in the air. "Blame my mother for insisting we take care of our clothes. Though my brother _still_  throws his on the floor." Then he shook his head, crawling on top of Kurt. "I really don't need to be talking about my family right now."

In their four months together, Kurt had had plenty of opportunities to feel Finn's and Puck's lips on his own skin, but there was something extraordinary about experiencing another person's touch for the first time. He closed his eyes, feeling each breath, and the wet, firm pressure of Adam's tongue on his hipbone. "That's..."

"This is okay, then?" Adam paused, his cheek close enough to brush the head of his cock.

"Okay," Kurt echoed, with a weak laugh. " _Yes._  Yes - okay." He choked on a groan as Adam nuzzled him, then located the zipper imprint on the underside of his cock - and proceeded to lick it away with long, firm strokes. Kurt didn't bother to suppress the cries that Adam's loving actions tore from him.

"Yeah," Adam said, his voice full of satisfaction. "That's what I want to hear."

It went on for a lot longer than Kurt would have expected, given his level of arousal, but Adam wasn't letting him get a lot of momentum, and every time he heard Kurt make certain affirmative noises, he hummed and backed off. If it had been Noah, Kurt would have been annoyed, but he couldn't bring himself to be upset at Adam for  _prolonging_  his pleasure.

"Anytime," Kurt managed, trying not to beg. "You can - anytime."

"I know," Adam replied serenely.

Before Kurt could reach a crushing level of stimulation, Adam took pity on him, doing something obscure and completely awesome with his fingers around the base of Kurt's cock, and before he realized what was happening, he was coming down Adam's throat. Kurt didn't even have the wherewithal to put his arms around Adam as he crawled on top of him and settled down. The weight of his body was all Kurt needed to slip into a postorgasmic comatose state.

"Rest, honey," Adam whispered into his ear. He crooned a few lines: "When you wake / You will have / All the pretty little horses..."

It would have been saccharine enough to make Kurt laugh under any other circumstance, but this close to Adam's eyes, gazing into his own, watching Adam's lips, bruised and red, as he sang - it could have been a Ti-D-Bowl commercial jingle for all he cared.

" _Mon ange_ ," he murmured, closing his eyes.

* * *

Kurt was vaguely aware of Jacob's voice in the dim evening twilight, and Adam stirring beside him to respond, but it took him a few minutes before he was awake enough to be aware of what they were talking about.

"It's Timothy," Adam said, slipping back under the covers. "He took off again, and Jacob's going to look for him."

Kurt struggled to raise himself up on his elbows, yawning. "Is everything okay?"

"Hell if I know. This appears to be Timothy's modus operandi. Jacob's way too sensible to let him do it for long. I think." He could just make out Adam's smile in the darkness. "You hungry?"

Kurt hadn't yet noticed whether he was or not, but as soon as Adam mentioned it, he absolutely was. "Is there any risotto left?"

"I had Jacob bring home some Indian takeout for dinner. Mild for you. I didn't like the spicy shit until I was in my twenties." He played idly with a strand of Kurt's hair. "As much as I would love to lie here in the dark and tell you how goddamn pretty you are, I think food would be a better idea. I vote we eat quickly and come back to bed."

Kurt thought that sounded like a pretty good plan, with an added stop in the shower to wash away the residue of that afternoon's activities. The Indian wasn't spicy at all, and he discovered he loved butter chicken.

"Too bad Lima doesn't have any Indian restaurants," he said with his mouth full. "I'll have to follow Finn and Carl down to Columbus some weekend to see what I can find there."

Adam shot him a glance over a forkful of saag paneer and rice. "Do you want to call them?"

"I'll text before we go to sleep," Kurt decided. "I'm sure Noah will call, if only to talk to you, and if Finn doesn't choose to, I don't want him to feel bad about it. He's been away from Carl for four days; that's more than enough to set him on edge."

"I just don't want you to feel like you can't do that," said Adam. "Just because you're here with me, that doesn't mean you can't -"

"I know." Kurt put a hand on Adam's arm, stopping Adam's words. "I believe you. You haven't been anything but gracious about my other relationships. I was a little worried about how things would be with you and Finn, but... I feel better about it now."

"Yeah. Me too." Kurt watched Adam's shoulders settle a little, and he finished the saag, looking more relaxed. They gathered up the dishes and deposited them in the sink, Adam gesturing to leave them all. "I'll clean up when we have breakfast. I'm not going to waste my time with you washing dishes."

Kurt took as quick a shower as he could, not even bothering to blow dry his hair. When he climbed back into bed to snuggle against Adam, the sheets were already warm.

"I'm all yours," offered Kurt, making Adam grin again. "After that nap, I think I've got another few hours in me before I fall asleep again. What's your pleasure,  _mon ange?"_

"Just this." Adam pulled him closer into a spoon, and Kurt happily rested his head on the curve of Adam's arm. "Consider this to be part two of our seven-days Q&A. Now that you've had some time to live in my world, what else do you want to know?"

"Mmmm." After eating, Kurt felt awake enough to give this some consideration. "What are you really afraid of?"

"Spiders," Adam replied promptly. "Being alone. Being ordinary." He kissed Kurt's bare shoulder. "Six months ago I would have said 'never falling in love.' But now I've done that."

Kurt drank that in:  _Adam, in love. With me._ "You can be scared of never doing it again," he offered.

"But I'm not, really. At least not at the moment. I'm surrounded by love right now. No complaints. What about you?"

"Being unloved. Unloveable, I suppose." Kurt shifted around so he could face Adam; it was a lot less scary if he could see him, right there, next to him. "Losing my dad. That I don't deserve all the love I have." He grinned. "I'll kill all the spiders for you."

"Thank you," Adam said gravely. "You can just take them outside, if you prefer. You're not afraid of failing?"

"Well, yes," Kurt admitted, "perpetually, but I'm kind of resigned to it? I don't think failing in show business is the end of the world. I'm willing to be a multiple-times failure because I'm not going to give up on that dream, just because other people don't see how fabulous I am right away."

"Oh, honey." Adam shook his head, smiling. "If they don't, it's definitely their loss. I fully expect to see you on the big screen someday. Or the big stage, or whatever you want to do. I hope I can be there, cheering you on."

He paused, and Kurt felt the weight of Adam's comment. It was admittedly a little heavy after being together for less than two weeks, and he wasn't going to press Adam to say more. Being public in their relationship wasn't something Kurt could even consider having with Adam. He smiled, trying to convey without words that it was okay, and changed the subject.

"The line of poetry on Sarah's bracelet. Who was that?"

"You don't know e.e. cummings? He's an American poet, otherwise known as 'that guy who writes in all lower case.' I don't think you will escape high school without reading something by him. But really, he digs in and leaves me breathless. Here, hang on..." Adam slipped out from under the covers and walked naked out to the living room, returning minutes later with a slim volume marked by several sticky note tabs.

"Do you want to hear some?" he offered, with obvious enthusiasm.

Kurt smiled. "Yes, please."

Adam climbed back into bed, settling beside him as he thumbed through the tabs. "Okay. Here's one. I think readers would say it's about love, but I think it's more about the benefits of living life fully, passionately." He read:

_true lovers in each happening of their hearts_  
 _live longer than all which and every who;_  
 _despite what fear denies, what hope asserts,  
_ _what falsest both disprove by proving true_

_(all doubts, all certainties, as villains strive_  
 _and heroes through the mere's mind poor pretend_  
 _\- grim comics of duration: only love  
_ _immortally occurs beyond the mind)_

_such a forever is love's any now_  
 _and here each here is such an everywhere,_  
 _even more true would truest lovers grow  
_ _if out of midnight dropped more suns than are_

_(yes; and if time should ask into his was  
_ _all shall, their eyes would never miss a yes)_

Kurt let the words and Adam's cadences settle into him. "You did something to Sarah when you sent her that bracelet," he said. "She's been talking poetry ever since."

"I'll have to write that one down for you to bring to her, then." Adam smiled. "Did I tell you she called me? I think she was trying to make sure I didn't hurt Noah, or you. She loves you a lot."

"I love her, too." Kurt put a hand on Adam's arm. "I don't think I can go a night without at least rudimentary moisturizer. Would you be willing to wait while I apply it?"

His smile grew playful. "I'll do you one better: bring it to bed and I'll put it on you myself. I even promise I won't make it into a sex act."

 _Why not?_  Kurt wanted to grumble, but he knew he was too tired for anything else at the moment. He hurried to the bathroom to retrieve the most crucial elements of his moisturizing routine. Adam didn't even need instructions about how to apply it.

"I'll tell you what I'm really afraid of." Kurt tipped up his neck to let Adam's fingers reach the creases under his jaw. "I have a whole trunkful of childhood dreams about being a star. Not one of them involved having even one partner, much less two, or more. Or a baby." He leaned into Adam's touch with a sigh. "I feel selfish even thinking it when what I have is so good, but... I'm afraid of my dreams coming true and me having to leave something else behind in order to realize them. Or vice versa; having to leave my dreams in order to have what I have with Finn and Noah. If I had to pick one over the other, I honestly don't know which one I would choose."

Adam nodded soberly as he screwed the cap back on the face cream. "I suspect neither of your lovers would expect you to ever give up your dreams for them. Even if you had to choose one  _and then_  the other, if you all still wanted to stay together, I bet you could make it happen."

Kurt wanted to believe what Adam was saying, but it was hard not to get stuck in his fears. "I suspect, when the rewards are so good, there's always going to be a price to pay. As long as dreams stay dreams, I don't have to pay any price for breaking them."

He let himself cry a little as Adam's arms gathered him up, kissing him gently and murmuring meaningless words to comfort him. It brought him that much closer to sleep, and when he yawned, Adam settled them both against the pillow, reaching across him to turn off the light.

"Not ready to fall asleep yet," Kurt muttered.

"Plenty of time to sleep later," Adam told him. He felt his hand, stroking his forehead in a rhythmic, soothing motion. "If I had my way, I'd never close my eyes, but you can go ahead. We can keep talking. What was the first song that you ever remember singing? It doesn't matter if it's silly."

Kurt smiled. "Okay, before I was regaling my preschool class with fully-choreographed numbers from  _Annie..._ a Sesame Street song. I think I was three. My dad and I had this thing about Ernie and Bert... it's about the power of imagination."

"Sing it for me?" Adam asked.

Even half-asleep, Kurt wouldn't say no to a request like that, spoken in that hopeful tone. He didn't have to work to recall the lyrics; they were indelibly imprinted on his mind:

**<http://youtu.be/6Hpbiuro-gI> **

_Here in the middle of imagination_  
 _Right in the middle of my head_  
 _I close my eyes and my home isn't home  
_ _And my bed isn't really my bed_

_I look inside and discover things_  
 _That are sometimes strange and new_  
 _And the most remarkable thoughts I think  
_ _Have a way of being true_

_Here in the middle of imagination_  
 _Right in the middle of my mind_  
 _I close my eyes and the night isn't dark  
_ _And the things that I lose, I find_

_Time stands still and the sky is clear_  
 _And the wind is warm and fair_  
 _And the nicest place is the middle of imagination  
_ _When I'm there_

Adam held his breath for a few seconds as Kurt concluded, then let it out in a contented sigh. "Oh, honey."

Kurt snuggled closer. "And you? What was your first song?"

"I don't have any really early memories like that. But I did  _Oliver!_  when I was in elementary school, and I got pretty sick of being asked to sing it over and over again."

"No, you didn't," he said drowsily. "You loved every second of it."

"Heh. Yeah." He tightened his grip around Kurt's shoulders. "You caught me."

"No shame,  _mon ange._  Just sing for me."

"Oh," Adam whispered. "Yes. I... yes. I'll do that for you."

**<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96uoXJDWzj0> **

_Where is love?_  
 _Does it fall from skies above?_  
 _Is it underneath the willow tree  
_ _That I've been dreaming of?_

_Where is she_  
 _Who I close my eyes to see?_  
 _Will I ever know the sweet "hello"  
_ _That's only meant for me?_

_Who can say where she may hide?_  
 _Must I travel far and wide_  
 _'Til I am beside the someone who_  
 _I can mean something to?  
_ _Where, where is love?_

The lyrics were so simple and plaintive, and Adam's voice was sweet like a child's. Kurt couldn't help but think of his mother, but of Adam, too, here in Los Angeles, and how it was going to feel to be away from him, wanting him near. Though the thoughts were melancholy, Kurt was so suffused with warmth and skin contact and satisfied desires, he couldn't feel anything but good.

"Thank you," he whispered. Adam kissed his forehead, but his last comment made him shiver:

"Thank you, honey. Sleep well, and I promise... I'll have something much better than horses when you wake."


	26. Heart (Departure 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt spends one last morning with Adam and attends a party at the Avalon Club before heading home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adam surprised me again. Warnings for spanking and bondage and sexy times. The news story at the end is what prompted this whole mess. I did not cry while writing the last scene.

Kurt's dreams were seldom anything like Puck's. He wondered sometimes what it would be like to remember the details, like the ones that Puck told about from his dreams, and to try to make sense of them in the real world. When Kurt remembered his dreams, they tended to be feelings and impressions instead of conversations or scenes, and by the time he was awake and out of bed, they inevitably faded into shadowy memory.

Today before he woke, however, Kurt was aware of several things, and he couldn't quite tell whether they were dreams or reality. The first was that he couldn't move his legs. They didn't feel numb, but they were definitely immobile. It was a pleasant sensation. The second was Adam's scent filling his nose. He took a deeper breath and felt pressure on his chest as well. Something was on top of him.

The third was a quiet music, drifting through his semi-consciousness. It was live, not recorded. He sometimes awoke to Puck playing the guitar, but this wasn't a guitar. Eventually he was able to identify the lyrics, and he smiled as he opened sleepy eyes.

_Because they told me I can't behold ye till weddin' music starts playin'_   
_To ease my longin' there's nothin' wrong in my standin' out here and sayin'_   
_Come to me, bend to me, kiss me good day_   
_Darlin', my darlin', 'tis all I can say,_   
_Jus' come to me, bend to me, kiss me good day  
_ _Gie me your lips an' don't take them away_

Adam was leaning over him, intent on what he was doing, but aware of Kurt waking up, glancing up at him occasionally as he sang under his breath.

"It's my ringtone for you," Kurt mumbled. He stretched, or tried to, but Adam held him effectively still.

Adam smiled. "Do you know what my ringtone is for you?"

His brain hadn't quite woken up yet, but Kurt was pretty certain he hadn't been told what it was. "No?"

Adam switched to another song, still a familiar one, and Kurt listened with delight:

_Some people claim that you are to blame as much as I_   
_Why do you take the trouble to bake my favorite pie?_   
_Granting your wish, I carved our initials on that tree  
_ _Just keep a slice of all the advice you give so free_

_Don't praise my charm too much_   
_Don't look so vain with me_   
_Don't stand in the rain with me  
_ _People will say we're in love_

"That was definitely the moment I realized I was crossing a line," he went on, casually. "My intention got ahead of my awareness, until that evening when you sang with me on the phone. I talked with Kris on the phone about it the next day. Thank god he gave me the heads up as to what I was doing. He's the one who encouraged me to send you flowers, and what colors to choose."

Kurt laughed. "My interpretation of what was going on there was a little different. I thought maybe your Top had told you to make amends with me for the drunk-dial."

Adam raised an eyebrow. He was still doing something with his hands, just below Kurt's line of sight. "My Top?"

"Well, I didn't know, but it was a guess. My limited experience tells me everyone can benefit from having a relationship with someone they trust that much. Even Tops need Tops."

He nodded soberly. "As you have, with Finn. As Finn has, with Carl. And Carl, with Mistress Tess, or so you tell me... and Tess, with Beau."

_Beau._ Kurt hadn't heard his name spoken before, but he knew Adam had some connection there, through Jacob. He could believe Tess might need someone quite strong and capable indeed to make her feel safe. "Yes, perhaps?"

Adam worked in silence for a moment. Kurt could feel tugging on the skin of his arms, but he couldn't quite tell what was going on.  _I must trust him,_  he thought,  _or else I would never allow him to do - something - without asking what was happening._ He felt little more than mild curiosity. In any case, he knew Adam was far too much of a diva to keep whatever it was from him for long. It made him smile in anticipation.

"The boy from Noah's dreams," Adam said at last. "The one at the club. You saw him?"

"No, I never saw him. I was dancing, and I didn't realize what had been going on until we went home." He sighed, remembering that night's debacle. "I'm afraid I overreacted rather badly. But it was the first time Noah and Finn and I had had an encounter with another person, before you or Carl or anybody, and I - was threatened, I think. It felt like he cheated."

"By anybody else's definition, he did." Kurt felt Adam's forearms pressing into his chest, and he sighed in contentment. He felt mildly turned on to have Adam there on top of him, but it was enough to just be together, having this conversation. "Did he think he cheated?"

"I think he was afraid of... being a bad boy." Kurt watched Adam pause for a moment, his eyes closing in a wince, and then continue what he was doing. "Breaking the rules only mattered in that he didn't want me to be upset with him. He did what he did because that's the way he loves: completely and without limits. It wasn't about me at all. Finn helped me sort out my feelings, in any case, and we let him know he hadn't done anything wrong. We went through some of it again, when he met you, but I'm beginning to think that's just how things are when you're attempting a relationship like this."

"It's new for me," Adam said, "but I have friends who've been in relationships with more than one other person. I've never seriously considered it before, but now... it just seems so effortless, with you and Noah."

Kurt let himself smile, staring up at the mirrored ceiling. In the dim light, he could only see Adam's bare back on top of him, and his lovely ass outlined in his grey and purple patterned pants. "I know just what you mean. I have to wonder at myself, because I've always been cautious about people, but I don't want to be cautious about you at all. I want to..." He took a breath. "Want to let you do anything you want to do. To me."

Adam chuckled. "Is that right? Hold that thought, please." He tugged again at Kurt's arms. By now, Kurt was pretty clear what Adam was doing, but still he waited, feeling his arousal build as gradually as his anticipation. "But this boy... Noah gets guidance and discipline from you and me, and Finn, I would assume. And Noah, he - wants that, with this boy?"

"I'm not sure it matters," said Kurt. "He's not likely to see him again."

"Why not? You could take him back to the club, and see if you can find him, right?" Adam smiled, sitting up. "Okay. I think I have it the way I want it. Can you see, or do I need to turn up the lights?"

"Oh," Kurt breathed. Adam moved off him to lie beside him, lightly stroking the slender ropes that fastened his ankles and wrists together. It wasn't simple, what Adam had done. He stared at [the patterns Adam had crafted](http://img-fotki.yandex.ru/get/4419/108026104.5/0_68e5d_ae7f157f_XL.jpg) with knots and lines. The symmetry itself was breathtaking, but there in the center, between his wrists, folded and bound across his chest, he saw [a perfect heart knot](http://www.fusionknots.com/graphics/gallery/knots/Celtic%20Heart%20Knot.jpg). As he gazed, he felt something settle inside himself. He opened his chest, letting his lungs fill with air, and out again.

"You must have been working on that for a while," he murmured.

"Yeah," Adam admitted, still smiling. He looked proud, his eyes sparkling, stretched out beside him, and leaned in to kiss him gently. "I didn't expect you to stay asleep as long as you did."

"I could kind of tell you were doing something, but I wasn't worried?" He pulled a little against the restraints, testing them; they were secure. Nothing felt too tight, but there wasn't a lot of wiggle room. "I'm just..." He laughed, shaking his head. "I'm remembering the first time I saw Finn order Noah onto his knees, and told him to wait."

Adam blinked, catching his breath. "Ah... yes?"

"It was amazing, of course, and beautiful, and so hot. But I couldn't help wonder how he could do that, without being held there. He just did it, because Finn told him. I thought I wouldn't, unless somebody made me, that it would feel... stressful? Like, I wouldn't enjoy it; I'd just be pissed off."

"Yes," Adam nodded, understanding. "But this doesn't make you feel that way, does it."

"No." Kurt arched into the restraints, feeling them again, the way they held him still. It wasn't Adam's command that was keeping him in one place, it was the ropes. The ropes, which Adam had put there, for him. "I feel... so loved."

"Oh, honey," whispered Adam, leaning in again, "you are. You really, really are."

This time his kiss was more passionate, and Kurt felt himself respond immediately, seeking contact, but there was none to be had. He thrust into the air, which was hot all by itself, and saw Adam's hand move lower onto his belly. But it wasn't to stroke him. Instead, Adam wedged a hand under his bottom, turning him on one side, so they were face to face. Kurt's body relaxed into the complicated rope restraints, and although they felt tight, they weren't at all uncomfortable. The large number of ropes provided enough surface area to balance the tension.

"I'm going to put you on your knees," Adam said, and although his voice was steady, Kurt could see the way this was affecting him. Kurt nodded, already feeling his words slipping away. "I need to be certain this is what you want, before we proceed. Would you give me consent, please?"

"Yes," Kurt made himself say. "I want you to... put me on my knees."

Adam's strangled groan made Kurt snap his hips forward again, but he didn't seem to even be paying attention to Kurt's arousal. "Yes. So good. And, honey, I'm going to fuck you like that, you on your knees. Do you understand?"

Kurt knew, even though Adam wasn't framing it like a question, that he could at any point say  _no, I don't want that,_  and Adam would stop. But Adam's expectation, that Kurt would not only not say no, but that he would  _want_  Adam to take control - that was far more erotic than he'd expected. He moaned again.

"Kurt."

The word was soft, not a command at all, but it prompted him out of his lassitude, and he responded with a hurried, "Yes, yes, please, fuck me, on my knees."

"I'm not quite ready to do that yet. I want to see you like that, on your knees, first. Would you please tell me if this is uncomfortable?" Adam rolled him another quarter turn, so he was lying flat on his stomach. Kurt took advantage of this position to grind into the soft mattress for a couple moments, taking the edge off his tension. Adam didn't tell him to stop, but he did put a hand on Kurt's behind, letting it rest there until Kurt stilled his actions.

"How does that feel?" Adam asked. He sounded completely cool and relaxed, which was amazing under the circumstances.

"Like you're going to take care of me," Kurt said, his voice coming out dreamy. Adam's hand slid around the curve of his ass and between his legs, brushing the sensitive skin of his balls, then coming back to his back again to make gentle circles on the small of his back.

"I'm definitely doing that, honey. I'm going to raise you up on your knees, here. You won't be able to open your legs much, because of the knots on your ankles, but... let's see... I think you'll still have enough stability." He lifted Kurt's chest off the bed and wedged a pillow underneath, giving him a little support under the knotwork across his chest and back. Kurt could feel the ropes better now, how they connected, and how each part of him was supported by the knots and layers of binding in each other part. It was such a profound relief to feel that kind of balance, he could only smile at Adam as he helped him onto his knees. "There. Oh, you have no idea how amazing you look like this."

Kurt reveled in the thrilling tone he heard in Adam's voice, so low and erotic. He felt the muscles in his ass contract rhythmically, and hearing Adam notice, and respond, was almost more than he could stand. He thrust forward again, nearly losing his balance.

"Careful," Adam said, catching him, laughing. "It's okay if you fall; I won't let you go far." He cupped the cheek of Kurt's ass in one hand. "I don't get the sense you're like Noah. You don't need a spanking."

_Not today,_  Kurt thought, but he smiled, shaking his head. "Not like Noah does, that's for certain."

"No. But that doesn't mean you can't have one, if you want it." He leaned over to whisper into his ear. "Do you want a spanking, Kurt?"

"Oh god," Kurt whined.

"Not because you're bad, or out of control." Adam's fingers slid down again to caress between his legs, along the center of his body, the perfect balance between the ropes on either side that held him stable. His cock twitched, feeling Adam's fingers so close. "But because you  _want it."_

"I - I want it," he begged. "Not - not too hard."

"I know, honey. I'm going to give it to you just the way you want it. Then when you're ready, I'll slide into you. Does that sound good?"

"Good." Kurt gasped, pressing back, seeking Adam's fingers. "Want you."

"Not yet. There's one more thing you asked for, and I'm going to show it to you in a minute. But you need a way to tell me to stop, honey, if it feels too intense, or for any other reason... and you're not going to be able to use words."

Kurt felt his own stuttering breath, his cheek pressed into Adam's soft pillow. "Okay."

Adam kissed his cheek, right next to his ear. "Can you hum this back to me, please?" He hummed a familiar four-note pattern, the first four notes of Adam's "Soaked" from his album. Kurt echoed it back, using the same tempo. "That's it. If you've had enough, you make that pattern. I'll take it as a  _wait,_  unless you do it twice. Then we'll stop. Do you understand?"

"Yes," he said, hesitating, then added, "Adam."

Adam moved his face so it was nose to nose with Kurt's, and kissed him tenderly, for several long moments. "You want to be my good boy, honey?"

"Ohhhhh," he groaned, letting the words reverberate inside him. "I really, really do."

"Yeah... you can be that. I'll take care of you." He kissed him once more. Then he reached over to the side table and brought forth a simple device. Kurt hadn't ever seen something like it before. It was a bar, about five inches long, connected on either side by two leather straps and two buckles. "You ready to put this on now?"

"I - what is it?"

Adam stroked a thumb over Kurt's lips. "This is a bit gag, Kurt. Not quite as drooly as the ball gags. I thought you might prefer it. Do you want me to show you how it works before you put it on?"

Kurt hesitated, but he shook his head. "I trust you."

"That's my good boy." Adam pushed his thumb gently between Kurt's teeth, opening his mouth, and slipped the bar inside. Kurt bit down automatically, holding the bar between his teeth and feeling it push gently against the corners of his mouth. He could still swallow, could still breathe, but he couldn't really talk.

As Adam buckled the gag around the back of his head, Kurt could hear him talking quietly: "Such a good boy, being so good for me... ready to take whatever I give you, just the way I want you..." It gave him another large push into subspace. He and Finn had never done anything like this together, even though he knew Finn had, with Carl. He'd talked with Puck about doing it with him, collars and leads and cuffs, and watching Adam with him made Kurt feel a lot more certain that he could handle it himself. But now, with Adam, he could feel the difference. They'd been egalitarian up until now, trading the energy back and forth. Now Kurt was finally giving it up, letting Adam take it from him.  _I'm his boy,_  he thought, and it was both terrifying and breathtaking.

Adam coated his fingers with lube and drew gentle circles on the opening to his ass, pushing a little once Kurt let go. Adam stopped murmuring as he drew up on his knees beside Kurt, giving him a little push to check his stability, and without preamble began to swat his behind. It was gentle, rhythmic, and reminded Kurt so much of Finn and the flogger that he was instantly thrown into a state of blissful contemplation. Each impact was almost imperceptibly harder, so that by the time Kurt began to feel anything close to pain, the swats had become startlingly loud. He tried to say something before remembering the gag, and hummed the four-bar motif once. Adam stopped immediately, rubbing the sensation away with the flat of his hand.

"You're doing so well, honey," he said, his voice so full of pride and love that Kurt almost wished he had a free hand to hold Adam's. Almost. Instead, he gave a little full-body shiver, opening his legs wider. Adam chuckled. "I think you need a little more. How would that be? Can you nod for me if you'd think you could take that?"

_I can take anything you can dish out,_  he wanted to say. Floating on endorphins like this, it almost felt like the truth - although Kurt was certain he wasn't ready to feel Adam's lexan paddle, and there was no way he would provoke him into trying it. But he nodded, and after another moment of gentle circles, Adam resumed the spanking, focusing on keeping it balanced: three on the right, three on the left, two on the right, two on the left. He rocked back and forth with the motion of Adam's hand, feeling the balance of the bindings against his flesh as he leaned into them. It was more than just sexual; it was deeply satisfying.

At some point, however, the sexual began to overwhelm everything else, and Adam swung a leg over him from behind, keeping one hand on Kurt's sensitive flesh the entire time. He felt the wet, cool pressure of his fingers first, and as welcome as they were, Kurt almost wished Adam would leap to the last sixteen bars. He was so ready for the big finish, he could feel himself leaking on Adam's bedspread.

"That's my boy," Adam hummed, and carefully grasped Kurt's hips before spreading him open with both thumbs and sliding effortlessly inside him. After that slow, torturous build, Kurt's response was nearly immediate, and Adam reached around to jack him equally slowly as he came, crying out with each of Adam's thrusts. "Oh, honey, so good... you tell me, now, if you can handle me taking what I want? If it's too intense, I can stop at any time."

Kurt nodded emphatically. Being done like this had never been number one on his list of favorite activities, but the entire experience of Adam's hand on him, Adam leaning over him, it was almost as if he  _expected_  another climax, it was so brilliant just to have Adam inside him.

Now he could  _feel_  Adam let go his control. The growl that was ripped from Adam's throat as he drew out and thrust into Kurt made him cry out again. Just as with the spanking, each time Adam fucked him was more intense, making his vision white out.

"That's it," Adam said, hoarse and tightly focused, "such a good boy, so hot, on your knees for me... god, Kurt, you have  _no_  idea how much this turns me on."

Kurt thought he might have some idea, actually, because Adam shifted his body to press Kurt into the bed, holding him down with hands and thighs and forearms. That was almost  _more_  hot, if that was possible. By the time Adam came inside him with a final shout, Kurt was half-hard again. He rolled his head to one side, wiping his mouth on the pillowcase, trying to watch Adam over his shoulder.

Adam didn't look like he was planning to slow down and enjoy that orgasm for any length of time, and before Kurt could even make a noise, he fisted a hand in the ropes that spanned Kurt's back, drawing them taut against Kurt's skin. Kurt gasped against the bit; if he hadn't been hard before, he certainly was now.

In one smooth motion, Adam reached up with his other hand and released the buckles on the gag, drawing it out from between Kurt's teeth. He rolled Kurt over, none too gently, and tugged him down to allow access to Kurt's mouth, kissing him hard.

"You're not done, honey. But this part isn't up to you. Let it go - let me take control of your pleasure." Adam's voice went sharp. "I demand it."

Kurt felt the pleasant ache of emptiness, still tempered with desire to give Adam what he wanted, to be just what he needed. But there was still residual uneasiness that Adam might take him places he wasn't ready to go. He opened his mouth to hum the four-bar motif, then realized the gag was gone, and he was free to speak. It made him laugh a little.

"I - don't know if I can," he said, breathless.

Adam immediately crawled up to lie beside Kurt, kissing him on his face, his neck, putting one hand on top of the knotwork that held his hands restrained.

"I'm not asking you to know that," he said. "I'm telling you, it's not your responsibility. You might not come, or you might - and that's up to me to decide. To make you do it, or not, as I choose." He put one hand on Kurt's stomach, just as he had earlier.

Kurt bit his lip. "You won't be disappointed?"

Adam just raised an eyebrow, his hand cupping Kurt loosely. "You just let me tie you up, gag you and fuck you until I came, really hard. Does that sound like the actions of a disappointed man, honey?"

Kurt laughed, letting his head drop back onto the pillow, and gave himself over to Adam's ministrations. It wasn't a bad sensation, to give up the worry for just a little while.  _That's what being Adam's boy feels like,_  he thought, and his face relaxed into a smile.

"Okay," he said. "I'm all yours."

"Maybe not  _all._ " Adam drew his hand back up Kurt's stomach, to the bindings across his chest, and then back down to touch him again. "But that's okay. I'm not asking for that. You can belong to anyone you wish, and I'm still going to do this to you."

It was, incredibly, that awareness - that no matter how much Kurt might or not might have wanted it, whatever happened, it was Adam's decision - that drove him over the edge the second time. He wondered if Adam was going to try for a third, and what he would have to do to get out of it.

_Oh,_  he thought with startling clarity,  _that's how Noah feels, all the time, about everything._

"Uncle," he grunted, and Adam laughed, kissing him on the neck with a rich, full sigh.

"You're done now. And honey, you gave me just what I wanted."

* * *

It wasn't until that evening, as Kurt was about to text Finn, that Jacob walked through the front door, gripping Timothy's wrist in one firm hand. Kurt watched surreptitiously as Jacob wordlessly bullied Timothy into the bathroom, coming out a few minutes later. They could hear the sound of running water before he shut the door.

"Please, boss, tell me we're going to the party at Avalon Club tonight," he said through gritted teeth. Adam leaned on both forearms over the kitchen counter.

"I was thinking about it. Why, exactly?"

"Because I need an ordinary evening. One where I'm watching you have fun and keeping the crazies to a minimum.  _Ordinary._  Okay?" His eyes were pleading. Kurt tried not to smile as he made eye contact with Adam.

"Okay," Adam said mildly. "You up for a party, Kurt?"

"Definitely. I wouldn't leave LA without attending a party, would I?" Kurt had actually assumed he would do exactly that, but the expression on Jacob's face was hard to ignore. He smiled. "Just tell me what look I'm going for, and I'll do my best to pull off twenty-one."

"They'll have underage guys there, so I don't think you need to worry about that," Adam assured him later as they rummaged through his closet. He thrust two shirts at Kurt. "This one's a little small on me, it might fit you. How's Finn doing?"

"He's on a date." Kurt made a face. "I'm not complaining about the shirt - it's, um, two girls? They decided Finn's girl-virginity was too much a detriment to his popularity. That's the story they're passing around, anyway. If he can get everybody to believe he's a stud, it'll draw attention away from the stories Karofsky's starting to tell about the three of us."

Adam frowned. "That's not what you want, honey. Forcing Finn deeper into the closet? How is that going to help any of you?"

"It's going to keep the social worker from catching on that Noah and Finn and I are doing things an  _adopted son_  definitely shouldn't be doing." Kurt gazed back at him soberly as he buttoned up Adam's shirt. It wasn't too big on him. "I already feel guilty about coming out about our relationship while Noah was in Santa Fe. Hard to stuff us back into the closet, though, so I suppose we go on from here and hope for the best. Finn is really worried about it."

"He... wants to take care of things." Adam looked up as Jacob appeared in the door, dressed for work. "How's he doing, J-Baby?"

"Pissed," Jacob said frankly. "And cranky and exhausted. I'm thinking he might stay put if I give him a place to sleep and feed him something with milk in it."

"There's hot chocolate mix in the cupboard next to the stove." Adam gave him a sympathetic smile. "I think between the two Puckermans, you might have drawn the shorter straw."

"Fuck you," retorted Jacob, with enough heat to make Adam take a step back. "I'm just getting started. I have to back off; if he runs this time, I can't resort to cuffs. He'd never trust me again."

"He'll trust you," Adam assured him. "Come on, I'll show you where that chocolate is."

Kurt attempted to recreate the vaulted, gelled hairstyle Luis had tried on him on Sunday. It felt only a little silly, and Kurt liked the way it looked in the mirror.  _Here in LA, it's ordinary; in Lima, it'll be trendsetting,_  he told himself firmly.

When he came out of the bathroom, the lights in the living room were turned down low and Jacob was seated beside Timothy, tucked under the quilt on the couch. His hand rested on Timothy's head for a few minutes before he stood up.

"I don't think he's moving until morning. We'd better get out of here if you're going to see Drake at all. He said he wouldn't be around much past midnight."

Kurt was startled as Adam placed the keys to the 'Stang-and-a-Half into his hands. "Drake? Drake Labry? Your ex?"

"Don't look at me like that. We're still friends. He's a lot happier with this breakup than I ever was. Well, until now." Adam smiled fondly at him. "Don't tell me  _now_  you're going to be jealous. Jacob and I will take my car, and you follow us to Avalon. This is going to be hopping with press, so watch what you say and to whom. Ordinary conversations have a way of finding themselves into the paper."

Jacob tucked what looked like a flyer into Kurt's hand. "Invitation," he said. "You didn't get it from Adam. Use Tommy as your cover, if you need it."

It felt more than a little impossible to be driving his dream car through Los Angeles, following Adam's Mustang into downtown. He seriously wondered if they would take one look at him at the door and toss him out. But no one questioned his invitation, or his reason for being there.

"Is that Reese Witherspoon?" Kurt whispered to Jacob in the coat room.

"This is the place to be tonight. I'll find you someone to sit with during dinner while Drake throws folks off the scent."

Kurt tried not to stare at the man sitting across from Adam, smiling and speaking in an undertone. He kept touching his leg under the table, ignoring the rest of the guests beside them. The dinner was good, but he barely paid attention to what he was eating. All he could think was  _maybe he'd actually rather be here with him._

When Kurt looked up again, however, Drake was sitting there at his table, smirking.

"Cute," he said. "And maybe a little young, but definitely Adam's type. A lot more than that kid with the mohawk was."

"Noah is Adam's," Kurt told him tightly.  _Don't you trash-talk my boyfriend, bitch. Our boyfriend._

But Drake laughed, eating a tomato off Kurt's salad plate. "I'm not standing in his way. He just spent the last half hour telling me how fucking happy he is. You and Noah, you've done the impossible. I tried to make him happy for over a year, and I never quite managed it."

"Well," said Kurt, tossing his head, but his gelled bangs stayed where he'd put them, "I'll tell you my secret."

Drake actually looked intrigued. "If you'll share it?"

Kurt leaned across the table toward him. "Adam needs to be needed. Actually needed, not shown off like a trophy."

When Drake stood, Kurt followed suit, but he was surprised when Drake motioned subtly for him to follow. Kurt wandered around the room a little before making his way to the same door where Drake paused, speaking with Jacob.

"He's in the back room," said Drake. "I'm going to stay out here and be loud and obnoxious while the two of you eat your dessert, but don't let anybody see you. Jacob tells me there are already press agents sniffing around you. You didn't talk to anyone, did you?"

"No." Kurt stared at Drake. "You're trying to help us? Why?"

Drake shrugged vaguely. "Maybe I want him to be happy, even if it's not with me. Is that so hard to believe?"

"Forgive me, but I've read most of the magazines with you and Adam getting back together and breaking up and getting back together again."

Jacob snorted, scanning the room. "Don't assume they've got it right, either. Everybody likes to tell that story, no matter what's really happening."

It made Kurt wonder, but it was so good to be able to smile at Adam again, and to sit beside him and eat with him, that he didn't question it too much.

"Drake was so helpful," he said, holding his hand and feeding him a bite of truffle cake.  _Noah would have done it better._  Adam interlaced their fingers together.

"He knows I'd rather be home with you than at this party. And speaking of that... I say we wrap this up. This is  _really_  our last night together, now, and there are so many other things I'd rather be doing than hiding from the press in the back of the Avalon Club." He kissed Kurt's fingers. "Come on, honey. I get to take you home one more time."

* * *

<http://www.eonline.com/news/162999/caught-adam-lambert-runs-into-former-flings>

[Wednesday, January 20, 2010](http://www.eonline.com/news/162999/caught-adam-lambert-runs-into-former-flings)

"[Drake and Adam] were sitting at a private table with friends, but the two of them could  _not_  keep their hands off of each other. Drake was stroking Adam's leg, and Adam could barely take his eyes off of him. They both seemed to be in a great mood and were keeping more to themselves instead of mingling with nearby friends. Adam had a few past flings in attendance. It was an interesting evening for all!"

* * *

Timothy didn't leave the couch Tuesday night. He was still there early Wednesday morning when Kurt and Adam were gathering up the last of Kurt's things. Adam didn't have much to say, but he made them eggs, and Timothy and Kurt sat side by side at the table eating them and watching Adam not sit down.

"He's kind of freaking out," Timothy observed, when Adam went into the other room for the fifth time. Kurt sighed.

"I don't think I can blame him," he said. He thought of the cuffs, safely packed in his suitcase, and Adam's functional-not-commitment collar, which he'd left behind. "This is all moving pretty fast."

"Tell me about it," Timothy said heavily, and Kurt smiled at him. He didn't look all that unhappy about it.

"You'll stay here," said Kurt. Timothy nodded. "And we'll see you at Tessera, for Valentine's Day?"

He shrugged. "If you don't, you'll know that things went to hell for us."

"I don't think that's likely." Kurt risked reaching for Timothy's free hand, and squeezed it once before letting him go. He wasn't going to hug him; Timothy would have hated it.

Adam made another whirlwind pass through the house, setting Kurt's suitcases by the door. When he opened it, Jacob was there, taking the bags without a word and loading them into the trunk of Adam's Mustang.

"Your car will be waiting for you," Adam said lightly, nodding at it as they climbed into the back seat together. "Maybe Timothy can drive her, so she doesn't pine for you?"

"I wouldn't want her to be lonely," Kurt agreed. He pulled the door shut and leaned against Adam, stifling his sigh as he watched the now-familiar parking lot and condo retreat behind them.

He managed not to cry until they were within view of the airport. Adam dug Kurt's own handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his eyes, kissing his cheeks.

"One month," he said. "Honey, please, it's not going to be so bad."

"No." Kurt blew his nose. "It's going to be  _worse._ "

"Skype. And you and Noah will call me every night, just as before. And we'll have so much more to talk about once you  _join the cheerleading squad."_  Adam raised both eyebrows, obviously baiting him.

"Maybe I will," Kurt retorted.

"That's my boy," he crowed. "Make a big noise, honey. You'd be the hottest cheerleader that squad's ever seen."

Jacob was the one to take Kurt by the hand and pry him out of the back seat. "If I leave this car, there will be pictures," Adam said. He looked significantly smaller and more uncertain sitting there by himself, but Kurt controlled himself and did not crawl back into the car for one more kiss. He took his second bag and smiled through his tears.

"I had - an amazing time," he said. "I don't think I had any idea how amazing it would be. We'll call you tonight."

Adam smiled back. "I'll look forward to it."

Jacob closed Adam inside the car, then hugged Kurt. "You're going to take care of him," Kurt demanded.

"As much as he'll let me." Jacob nodded. "I'll make him eat and take showers and stuff. I can't promise much more than that. Security's not a license to Top."

"I hope things with Timothy go okay."

That made Jacob's face harden. "Yeah, well, he can push it all he likes. We'll see how long I can resist spanking that crap out of him, but I'll stick around." He took Kurt's suitcase and led him up the ramp toward the terminal. "And I'm guessing I'll drag him kicking and screaming to Iowa in February."

Kurt waited until he was through security, his bags checked, before sending his dad, Finn, Noah and Adam identical texts.  _Boarding now. I love you._

_See u soon, baby,_  Finn sent back first, followed by his dad's  _Can't wait to hear all about your trip._  He wasn't surprised not to hear from Noah; he hated using the phone. Kurt wiped his eyes one more time before he could read Adam's reply:  _One month isn't so long. I love you too, honey._

The last text he sent before the flight attendant told him to put his phone away went to Mercedes.  _We're going to audition for the Cheerios, you and me. And we're going to get in, and we're going to be amazing._

_Space aliens took over Kurt Hummel's brain in LA,_  Mercedes replied.  _Film at eleven._

_It's just love, making me a better me,_  Kurt told her.  _I can't explain it any other way._


	27. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam feels lost; Jacob helps pull him out of his hole.

_Epilogue, twelve days later_

Jacob stood in the doorway, looking around at the travesty Adam's apartment had become. "He hasn't called yet," he guessed, arms crossed.

"He will," Adam snapped, hunched over the papers spread out before him on the coffee table. "They both will. Kurt has late Cheerios practice, and Noah's having dinner with his dad."

"Again?" He tried not to frown. Timothy had told him too many stories about Aaron Puckerman for him to feel good about that idea. "You really think he should be seeing -"

"I'm not going to interfere with family matters." Adam's tone was bitter. "It's not... my place."

"Does he belong to you or not, man?"

Adam sighed, resting his head in both hands. "It's not as simple as that."

"Okay, no, I get that." Jacob shut the door behind him and came over to sit on the arm of the couch, where he could see the papers were covered with scrawls and musical phrases. "You're writing a song?"

"Kind of. Not really. I don't know." He flinched a little as Jacob put a hand on his shoulder, and glanced up at him with hollow eyes. "He doesn't belong to  _only_  me. That means there's an order. Somebody's got to be - the top Top. When he was visiting me, he was mine, but... when he's at home, I don't get to have that."

"You really think so? I'm sure Kurt would negotiate that with you."

"Sure, Kurt would. But there's Finn, now, and... Noah's very happy." Adam shrank down even smaller. "Both of them are. Him, and Kurt. All three of them. There's no place for me in their life in Ohio."

 _Not another diva fit,_  Jacob sighed to himself, trying not to roll his eyes. But aloud, he only said, mildly, "You're going to see them in two and a half weeks. Sounds like a place to me."

"In  _Iowa."_  Adam sounded far too dismissive of Iowa, considering where they would be going there together. Jacob squeezed his shoulder and felt Adam relax a fraction. "But not in their lives, there. I'm the fantasy. Their reality is high school, their futures together. Each other. It's just the way it is."

"You really can't tell me you think they're going to just forget about you."

Adam smiled, shaking his head. "Connections like ours... I don't think they just fade away. But I can see it, Jacob. All weekend, I could see it. What we  _could_  have, if they weren't already committed someplace else."

He tightened his hand again. "Pretty sure it's not your place to try to cut them out of their previous relationships."

"I know," Adam moaned. "It's horrible. I would never suggest it to them. But... I can't stop myself thinking it. Imagining... what it could be. And trying to let go of that, it's..." He sniffed, reaching for a tissue. Jacob could see a pile of them on the floor next to the couch.

"Sucks," Jacob offered gently.

Adam flung himself back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. "I feel like I'm losing my mind. Every morning I wake up thinking, it can't be worse than yesterday, tomorrow's going to be better, and... it's  _worse."_  He turned red eyes on Jacob. "What if it gets so bad I can't handle it? The tour... and I've got business to resolve with 19E next week... Monte's already riding my ass about auditioning dancers, and I can't even eat breakfast."

Jacob considered the papers spread out on the table. "This... is this helping?"

"I think it might, if I could figure out the music part. You know I can't write music worth a damn. I mean, I think I know how it might go..." Adam reached for two of the sheets, humming to himself.

"You've written music before."

"With Monte's help," he corrected. "I don't want it to sound like I'm twelve. They deserve something  _good."_

"So who wrote your big hit?" Jacob prodded him in the shoulder. "Call Alecia. She knows about everything you're going through. I bet she'd help you sort through what you have so far and put it together." He surveyed the scrawls. "You've got a lot of material."

"Yeah, well... that's what happens when you can't stop thinking about somebody. It collects in your brain. Ferments.  _Congeals."_  Adam stared off into the mid-distance, his eyes going soft. Jacob sighed.

"Okay. Here's what we're going to do." He watched Adam focus on him, listening desperately. It was almost embarrassing, but Jacob wasn't going to leave his boss to...  _whine_  himself to death. "I'm going to put on some hot water and make tea. You're going to take a shower, because... really. Take a shower. While you're doing that, I'll spend five minutes doing your dishes, and then you're doing the rest. And then I'll sit with you while you tell me all the sappy stuff you want to about Noah and Kurt. I won't even make any jokes or anything." He pointed to the messy sheaf of papers. "You write it all down. Then you call Alecia, and set up some time with her to make sense out of it. Sound good?"

Adam was nodding, already pulling himself off the couch. "Yeah... okay. I can do that."

It wasn't as painful as Jacob expected it would be. He supposed part of that was because he'd come to know Noah and Kurt pretty well over the past five days, and he had a lot of fondness for them himself. The other part, well... maybe Adam wasn't the only one having a lot of strong feelings for somebody unexpected. More than once while Adam was waxing eloquent about Kurt's strength or Noah's obedience, he found himself drifting into daydreams of his own.

"I was in a lonely place when I met Noah," Adam said. "Things were already bad with Drake for months before we split, but we  _never_  had anything like this, not even at the beginning. Noah showed me something about myself I had barely considered.  Being in charge like that, it came so naturally when I saw him struggling."

Jacob took a sip of his tea. "Do you think you could do that with other guys? Meet somebody local? You already have connections in the scene."

"No, that's just it," he insisted. "I've  _done_  plenty of stuff. I've pretended at this. But he was the first one to make it feel like more than playing. He made me believe. He showed me how much I  _want_  it."

"So, he's not the only guy in the world you could do it with."

Adam sighed. "I suppose. Finding someone this way, making a connection like this, in the LA or Hollywood scene? Not likely? It's not the physical stuff I'm thirsty for. It's these two guys. Not a replacement."

"No, but it might be better than driving yourself crazy." Jacob took the empty cup out of Adam's hands. He already looked calmer - and cleaner - in his black robe, sitting there at the table. "Why don't you make that call?"

Talking to Alecia, he was much more animated, laughing as he described his situation. When he hung up, Jacob went to him and gave him a hug. He felt Adam cling to him for just a moment before letting go.

"Timmy's a lucky guy," he said, with a sheepish smile.

 _My boy,_  Jacob thought, grinning back. "It's mutual. Hey - about what I was saying about seeing other guys. It's not that I think Kurt and Noah aren't cool. You guys are great together. But I'm invested in your career, and keeping you sane. I don't think your boys would complain if you wanted somebody else to play with. Somebody you don't have to hide, maybe."

"Somebody else to take care of." Adam didn't look thrilled at the idea.

 _Or somebody to take care of you._  Jacob put an arm around his shoulder. "They're young. You've got time. Let them grow up, and see what happens. Maybe it'll settle down, seem less dire."

He gave Jacob a half-smile. "You think so?"

"Definitely," Jacob said. "How about we order some Indian? I'm starving."

* * *

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaBLRAM0APk>

_I was going blind_  
 _Almost lost my mind_  
 _Letting go what we could share_  
 _I love you always  
_ _Connections like ours are not made to fade_

_I thought I could find someone else to mind_  
 _Moving past these routine days_  
 _I love you always  
_ _Connections like ours are not made to fade_

_Just the way it is_  
 _Just a song now_  
 _Just the way it is now_  
 _Just the way it is_  
 _Just a song now  
_ _Just the way it is now_

_You were the first_  
 _Now I believe_  
 _You showed me my thirst_  
 _You let me lead_  
 _You had to grow  
_ _I had to go_

_Maybe if we lived just at night_  
 _There'd be no expectations_  
 _Shutting out real life_  
 _Walls of degradation  
_ _Just the way it is... now._

_I, I was going blind_  
 _I almost lost my mind_  
 _I'm letting go what we could share_  
 _Loving you always  
_ _Connections like ours are not made to fade away_

_\- Adam Lambert, "Just the Way It Is"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story continues in [chapter 9 of How Much You Pierce My Spirit](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2834744/chapters/6390074).
> 
> Feel free to throw Adam prompts at me on my tumblr, <http://nubianamy.tumblr.com/>. Thank you to everyone who's loved my special brand of Kadam! 
> 
> Thank you in particular to knittycat99 for the original prompt, flinchflower for collaborative support in dealing with Adam, supergreak for the Kradam, ceridwenflame for P!nk and Gaga, and penthea for unparalleled inspiration. Thank you, also, to all my readers for taking a chance on this crackship (and my OCs) and appreciating the real story behind it. 
> 
> -amy


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